Ethan watched him for a few seconds. He almost looked scared. With a nod, he gave the go-ahead, and Gael made quick work of getting the jeans off him along with his underwear. His cock strained, and he shivered.

  Gael kissed one knee, then the other, before mouthing his way up Ethan's thigh. When he reached his groin, he glanced at Ethan and licked him from root to tip. Ethan tilted his chin toward the ceiling with a moan and closed his eyes. Wet heat engulfed him, then Gael licked him like a lollipop before sucking him in deep.

  Ethan threaded his fingers through his hair. He did nothing to control Gael's motions, but he needed to hold on to something. The wet slides of his tongue had his legs shaking, and the need to thrust was overwhelming when Gael took him deep into his mouth.

  "Gael."

  Gael raised his head and said, "Will you fuck me?"

  Ethan forced his eyes open and looked at him. It wasn't often Gael bottomed. Unless things had changed. "Are you sure?"

  "Please." The stark hunger on his face had Ethan's heart rearrange itself.

  "I don't have any condoms." They hadn't used them when they'd been together, but as they'd established, Gael had been with other people since then.

  The way Gael's eyes widened made Ethan want to look away.

  "I have one in my wallet."

  Of course he did. Ethan's gaze skidded away from him on its own accord.

  "Ethan." Gael crawled up his body and wrapped his arms around him as best he could. "I'm sorry I hurt you." He kissed a trail along his neck toward his ear. "So, so sorry."

  * * * *

  Gael was an idiot. In more ways than one. He'd had Ethan right where he wanted him, but instead of riding it out, he'd made sure to remind him of how things had changed. How Gael had betrayed him.

  He kissed him and tried to pour all his longing and desperation into it. Begging was easy when you meant it, and Gael would crawl on the floor on bare knees if it was what Ethan wanted, but he feared he'd fucked everything up. Again.

  For several long moments, Ethan only kissed him mechanically, then he huffed into Gael's mouth and hugged him close. Gael could have cried.

  From now on, he'd keep his mouth shut.

  Sometime later, Ethan pushed at him. "Bedroom."

  Gael flew to his feet, ignoring Ethan's low chuckle. Ethan was off the couch the next second, his arms wrapping around Gael from behind, and he nuzzled his neck as he walked them forward toward an open door.

  The bedroom was small with built-in closets along one wall and a queen-sized bed in the corner. There was a vintage nightstand and a large painting Hazel had made in preschool. It was a jumble of colors, but it had hung in their bedroom back home. He was so preoccupied watching it, he didn't notice Ethan moving until he was pushed onto the bed.

  The nightstand drawer opened and he looked over his shoulder. Ethan held a bottle of lube in his hand, and Gael scrambled to get out of his pants. He flung them on the floor and held his arms open for Ethan. Then he remembered the condom and crawled to the edge of the bed and reached for his wallet in his pants. He got it out and handed it to Ethan.

  He was clean. Had never had unprotected sex with anyone but Ethan, but now was not the time to tell him. Keeping his mouth shut. That was key.

  Ethan plucked the condom from his fingers and put it on the nightstand, then he uncapped the lube. A shiver shot through Gael, and he laid back on the bed.

  He hadn't had anyone fuck him since Ethan did it last. He didn't mean to tense, but he did. Ethan cooed at him as he slid his slippery fingers over his hole. "Relax." He nipped at Gael's shoulder.

  But Gael couldn't. He was shaking all over.

  After a minute or two of Ethan caressing him, he stopped. "We don't have to. You don't have to prove anything."

  "It's not about proving anything...I...eh...it's been a few years."

  Ethan raised his eyebrows, and Gael huffed. "Seven or eight or so, you know. Since I bottomed." When Ethan didn't reply, Gael pushed on. "I only ever want to do that with you."

  Ethan's expression softened before he kissed him. Gael did his best to melt into the mattress, and when Ethan slipped a finger into him, he groaned. Ethan didn't comment, didn't stop kissing him, and didn't hurry things along. He moved so slowly; Gael was going insane. The slow pump of his finger had him clawing at Ethan. He broke free of the kiss. "More."

  Ethan pushed in with two fingers, and Gael trembled. Fucking hell. He was usually in control during sex. No one turned him into a quivering mess. Ethan found his prostate and rubbed. It didn't help the quivering mess at all. Gael moaned and whimpered and spread his legs wider.

  Ethan kissed and nipped at his lower lip, left wet trails on his neck, and sucked on his collarbone, and all the while he stretched and tortured Gael. Relentlessly, he rubbed his sweet spot until Gael didn't know where to go. He was melting. He was on fire. He was about to explode.

  "Ethan!"

  Ethan pushed in with a third finger, and Gael cursed a blue streak. "Fuck me already."

  "Mmm, soon."

  Gael clung to him, his toes digging into the mattress. "Ethan, baby. Please." Precome was trickling down his cock, and he feared he'd come from Ethan's fingers alone.

  Ethan didn't move other than stroking the same spot over and over again. A sob climbed Gael's throat, and he thrust into the air, unable to stop himself.

  Turning, Ethan snatched the condom off the nightstand and opened it with his teeth. He gently removed his fingers from within Gael and rolled it on. Gael was panting despite Ethan not touching him anymore. Grabbing the lube, he made sure he was nice and slick before he nudged Gael onto his side.

  Ethan crawled into place behind him, and Gael trembled when Ethan guided his cock to his opening. "Okay?" The whisper caressed his ear.

  "Ethan." He pushed against him, which earned him a chuckle. Bastard.

  The head of Ethan's cock stretched him, and he groaned. Ethan bit his shoulder and pushed in with one slow stroke. It stole Gael's breath. Fuck, he was so full. A shiver traveled his spine, and he rolled his hips, needing Ethan to move.

  He did, but slowly. So slowly Gael wanted to scream. He clawed at the bedding, tried to find leverage to fuck himself onto Ethan, but the hold on his hip kept him right where he was. Ethan filled him, pulled almost all the way out, and pushed in again agonizingly slowly. Heat built inside Gael, it reached every nook and cranny of his body and soul.

  "Ethan." Gael's voice cracked on the single word.

  "I've got you." Ethan reached around to fist his cock, and Gael sobbed. There was no other word for it. Or maybe he wailed, he wasn't sure. Everything inside him exploded. Pleasure and pain, love and regret.

  He dug his fingers into the bedding and met Ethan's motions as best he could. His body tensed; his muscles strained. Ethan's cock slid over the right spot over and over, and it set his mind on fire. Colors danced before his eyes as everything inside him shattered. He broke into a thousand tiny specks, not finding their way back into his form until Ethan cursed, pushed in as deep as he could go, and shuddered.

  Gael slowly became aware of his surroundings. Ethan was plastered against his back, his fingertips lazily stroking Gael's upper arm. Damn, his head was floaty. He couldn't remember ever coming so hard in his life.

  He turned his head, so he could watch Ethan. His eyelids were closed, but he looked relaxed. He must've sensed Gael watching him because he cracked his eyes open. "Okay?"

  Gael nodded. He might have lost his voice, but it had been worth it. And if he couldn't talk, he wouldn't say any stupid shit to scare Ethan away, so it was all good.

  Ethan reached between them and pulled out. Gael grimaced which made Ethan grin. Then he went to get rid of the condom. Gael didn't move while he listened to Ethan clean up in the bathroom. Soon after, he was back with a washcloth.

  Gael remained unmoving while Ethan wiped up the mess. It was as if his body had given up, and he wanted to soak up every moment of Ethan caring for him.

  Then the mattress dipped, and Ethan pulled him into his arms and wrapped the covers around them. Gael moaned. He was so tired. He hadn't slept properly in seven years, and now he was back where he belonged. He didn't know how long Ethan would allow him to stay, but right this moment, he was here, and he allowed himself to go lax.

  * * * *

  Chapter 12

  Ethan woke to a kiss on his temple. He groaned and hugged Gael tighter. Inhaling his scent made his heart ache, and he snapped his eyes open to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

  "Hey, I have to leave or I'll be too tired to drive home safely."

  Home. Ethan looked around the bedroom. It was dark, but moonlight spilled in through the window. "What time is it?"

  "A quarter past eleven."

  Shit, they'd already slept for a few hours. "What are you going to do at home?"

  He couldn't read the expression on Gael's face. It was dark, but he didn't think he'd been able to in daylight either.

  "I need clean clothes for work tomorrow, and you'll be getting up in a few hours. I don't think I'll be able to drive in the middle of the night once I've gone to sleep for real."

  Hadn't Gael slept? He'd been up most of the previous night too. He needed to sleep. If he got up now, got dressed, drove across town, and went to bed in his own apartment, it would take at least an hour for him to wind down enough to go to sleep.

  "Stay. I'll sneak out when the alarm goes off, and you can sleep. You can get clothes in the morning."

  Gael watched him for several seconds. "Are you sure?"

  "Of course." He tugged him close again.

  The next time he opened his eyes, it was to the sound of his alarm. Normally, he snoozed once or twice, but now he scrambled to shut the sound off to not wake Gael. Judging by his breathing, he hadn't woken.

  Carefully, Ethan rolled out of bed, went to take a quick shower since he'd only washed off in the sink when he'd thrown the condom away the day before, and got dressed. He tip-toed into the bedroom and put a key right next to Gael's phone on the nightstand. Part of him wanted to wake him to say goodbye, but he needed his sleep. He brushed his lips over his cheek and snuck out.

  The town was deserted, as per usual this time of night. When he reached the bakery, the lights were on, meaning Lisa had beat him there.

  The moment he greeted her, her eyes narrowed. "What happened?"

  "What? Nothing happened."

  She snorted. "I'll skin him alive."

  "You will not. It's my life, Lisa, and I do what I want with it."

  She pointed a spatula at him. "If he hurts you, if he makes you doubt yourself, your worth, your ability, your anything, I will kill him. I'll let you mourn him after, but I will make sure he can never get to you again."

  Ethan stared at her. She looked as if she meant it, and a wave of gratitude washed over him. "I love you, you know that, right? You're one of the most important people in my life, and I wouldn't want you to go to prison."

  She sighed. "I love you too. You'll come to visit, right? You won't allow me to rot in a cell without coming to see me. And there better be a cake with a saw in it, like in the cartoons, so I can escape."

  Ethan laughed.

  "I mean it. Not about the visits or the cake, but I will kill him if he hurts you."

  "You will not. I know full well it might go to shit again. I don't know if I can trust him, but Lisa..." The words stopped. He didn't know what to say. He rubbed his heart. "I'm only half without him."

  She shook her head. "You're not."

  "Yes, I am. I feel like I'm missing my soul. These last seven years have been horrible. Not everything. I have you and I have Hazel and David, and I'm grateful, but there is always a part missing."

  Lisa growled. "I don't believe in any soulmate crap."

  "I never said soulmate."

  "No, but you never look at anyone else. Seven fucking years, Ethan, and I haven't seen so much as a glimmer of interest for a single person, and it's not like we don't meet people." She gestured in the direction of the serving area. "They're falling over themselves flirting with you, and you never notice." She sighed dramatically. "He doesn't fucking deserve you."

  She brought out the bucket of flour. "So where is he now?"

  "In my bed."

  She huffed. "I knew it. Are you going to let Hazel have a crack at him?"

  "A crack?" He frowned at her, not understanding what she meant.

  Her grin was evil. "What will you tell her?"

  He hadn't given it any thought. A pit opened in his gut. What if Gael only had wanted a one-night stand?

  For hours, he replayed everything they'd said the day before. Turning every word around, twisting every sentence.

  By the time Gael stepped over the threshold, he was a mess. Gael gave him one look and rounded the counter. It wasn't anything he'd done before. "What's wrong?" He wrapped his arms around him, and Ethan let out a shuddering breath.

  "What do we tell Hazel?"

  Gael stared at him for several long seconds. "I think I need more context."

  "What do we do now?"

  Lisa walked out of the kitchen and almost collided with them. "Not here. There are customers."

  There were, and more than one had turned to look at them. He didn't think they'd heard what they'd said, but they sure had an audience. He pulled Gael through the swing door into the kitchen.

  Gael watched him with a small crease between his brows. "What has you freaking out?"

  "What do you want?"

  "You."

  Ethan stared at him. "Me?"

  "I believed I'd made that clear. I want you, and only you, till death do us part."

  Ethan wanted to believe him. His heart ached to believe him, but his brain was a little smarter. "You've promised me the same thing before and didn't keep it."

  "I know, but I also know it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm not saying I can't live without you."

  Ethan winced, and Gael cupped his cheek.

  "I've survived seven years. I know it's doable. I eat, I sleep, I work, but babe, it's mechanical. You and Hazel are what brings soul into my life, and I was an idiot not to realize it while we still were a family. I had everything, and I threw it away. I know you don't trust me, and I don't blame you, but if you give me a chance, I'll prove to you that I can learn from my mistakes. I'll never leave you, I will love you till the end of my days. I always have. Walking out didn't make me love you any less, but I didn't know how to deal. I feared the change Hazel moving out would bring, so I...fled. I'll never do that again, Ethan, and if you want me to talk to someone, I will."

  "Talk to someone?"

  "A therapist or something. Sort my shit out, but I'll never do the same mistake again. I promise."

  Ethan looked into his eyes. There was sincerity, but he didn't know if he could trust it. "She won't be pleased."

  Gael scrunched his nose. "I imagine not, but I can take it." He gave Ethan a small smile. "As long as she isn't mean to you."

  Ethan took a deep breath. "Want to come to dinner tonight? With Hazel and David."

  Gael kissed him, quick but soft. "I'd love to."

  * * * *

  Gael hesitated outside Ethan's door. Did he knock or walk in? He compromised and rapped his knuckle against the door before opening it.

  The first thing greeting him was the scent of food, the second was David, who gaped at him from where he was standing by the kitchen counter.

  "Hi."

  Ethan walked into the kitchen from the living room. He looked between the still-gaping David and Gael. "Hi." He moved closer, grabbed the bottle of wine Gael had brought and kissed him.

  "What the fuck!"

  Gael looked past David to Hazel who had followed Ethan into the room. She was tanned and her long black hair hung down her back. She looked great.

  "Hazel, Gael. Gael, Hazel." Ethan motioned between them. "I believe you've met."

  "You've got to be kidding me." Hazel threw her hands in the air. "Where the fuck is your self-respect?" She glared at Ethan.

  "Hey!" Gael's voice was like a whip. "Don't talk to him like that. If you're gonna be angry, be angry with me, but Ethan didn't do anything wrong."

  "Oh, I know. I was there, remember?"

  Ethan winced, and Gael pulled him closer, wanting to protect him from whatever would come out of her mouth next. She shook her head, her gaze jumping between him and Ethan.

  "I can't believe this. You're gonna give him the power to hurt you again? Don't you remember what it was like?"

  To Gael's horror, tears rose in her eyes. He let go of Ethan, hurried across the room, and gathered her in his arms. "I'm so sorry, baby girl."

  Tears rolled down her cheek as she thumped a fisted hand against his chest. "We needed you, and you fucking left."

  Gael hugged her so hard, he feared he'd hurt her. "I'm sorry." A lump in his throat blocked any other words from forming. He held her and slowly swayed her until she stopped shaking. "I never meant to hurt you."

  "Doesn't matter if you meant it or not, the result is the same, isn't it?" She spoke into his chest, and he had to strain to make the words out.

  "You're right, but be angry with me, not Ethan. If you want to yell, yell at me, not Ethan."

  "You fucking idiot."

  "Attagirl." He kissed her head and hugged her tighter again. What left her was something between a laugh and a sob. Gael didn't blame her; it summed up how he felt pretty well.

  "Okay, are you ready to eat?" Ethan put plates on the table, which jolted David out of his stupor, and he went to get cutlery from the drawer. Knowing exactly where they were, Gael noted. Ethan put a large roasting pan with lasagna on the table along with salad and bread.

  Gael kissed Hazel's hair one more time before walking off to open the bottle of wine he'd brought, glad he'd picked something fitting for lasagna.

  At first, things were a little tense, then David told them about a restaurant they'd gone to, and Ethan got all excited about flavors and spices and dishes and desserts. Gael watched him with a smile as he peppered David with questions, warmth glowing in his chest.

 

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