The Holiday Escape, page 29
It was such a relief to pass that responsibility on and to be honest, I was so tired, I probably wouldn’t have made a competent job of the recce, should I have had to do it myself. I should also have been feeling relieved that the hospital was keeping Dad in overnight, which meant I didn’t have to immediately look after him, but the fact that they were making him stay because they weren’t happy with his blood pressure was no comfort at all.
‘There’s no point doing that, Flora,’ I said, as she went to fill the kettle. ‘We’ve still got no power. And no phone line, either.’
‘Oh bugger,’ she muttered.
‘My thoughts exactly,’ I agreed.
I wished then that I’d thought to charge my phone at the hospital. The battery was low and without the landline, I was going to be relying on my mobile to check up on Dad.
‘Was the smokehouse all right?’ I asked Joe, just as he was about to set off and begin his inspection. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think to ask before.’
‘By some miracle,’ he said, sounding amazed, ‘it was completely untouched.’
Given its proximity to the beach, that was a marvel. Perhaps the storm gods had a fondness for smoked food and had granted the place a pardon.
‘Which is more than can be said for pretty much everywhere else we saw on the drive back,’ Flora said, as Joe kissed her again and then purposefully strode off. ‘I had no idea it was going to be so bad. I never would have left if I had.’
‘No one could have predicted what was really going to happen,’ I said, slumping down into a chair and shoving my hands into my hair, which I discovered was a total tangle. ‘The weather forecast gave us a clue, but what actually occurred was unprecedented.’
‘Noah knew,’ Flora reminded me, and I dredged up a smile. ‘So, what are we going to drink then?’ She asked, looking around the kitchen and opening and closing cupboards.
‘I’ve got some bottles of Coke,’ said Tara, appearing in the doorway, ‘and barbecued seafood skewers, burgers and salad. The power is off for literally miles, but Michael and Mary are cooking up a storm at the pub. No pun intended. They’re emptying their fridges to feed the masses and giving everything away.’
Tara’s sudden arrival set Kasuku squawking and she stuck her tongue out at him. But I felt a rush of affection for the old bird who, until then, hadn’t made the slightest fuss, even though he had been abandoned practically all day.
‘Tara,’ I said, feeling shaky as I stood up and went over to the cupboard where Kasuku’s treats were hidden, ‘you’re a lifesaver.’
‘I try my best,’ she beamed, ‘you should know that by now.’
Once I’d fed my feathered friend and Flora had filled the table with bread rolls, plates and cutlery, I positively fell on the food. My last square meal felt like days ago and by the time I’d wolfed down more than my share, Flora had filled Tara in on what had happened to Dad. Touchingly, the news seemed to have knocked the wind out of her sails.
‘Your poor Dad,’ she said, looking genuinely upset.
‘And poor me,’ I sniffed, while Flora cleared the plates and Tara opened more bottles. ‘This has made a total mockery of one of the things I’ve spent the last few years here trying to avoid.’
‘Which is?’ Tara asked, handing me a bottle.
I knew there was wine in the pantry and even though I felt more inclined to dive into that, rather than drink more Coke, I didn’t succumb, because I wouldn’t be able to drive to the hospital should I need to.
‘I’ve never outright told anyone this,’ I said, having swigged a mouthful and supressed a burp, ‘but one of my biggest reasons for staying here was to…’
‘Go on,’ Flora coaxed, as she sat back down.
‘To protect Dad,’ I quietly confessed as my cheeks turned pink. ‘After losing Mum, I foolishly thought that I could be his guardian angel and that if I was always on-hand to look out for him, then nothing bad could happen.’
‘Oh Ally,’ Flora sighed, and I wondered if she’d guessed.
‘But,’ I said emotionally, ‘as today has proved, I’m a crap guardian angel, as well as a crap daughter. I was practically standing next to him when he fell and I didn’t catch him.’
Had I not been so distracted by Logan’s presence, I might have reacted and averted the disaster, but I was too exhausted to bring up his untimely return. Having driven me home, he had dropped me at the cottage and then gone straight on to the courtyard, correctly sensing that I was in no fit state to talk.
‘I wasn’t here for Mum,’ I said, my bottom lip quivering, ‘and now I’ve let Dad down, too. For so long, I’ve been so scared of losing him in the same way I lost Mum, but this stupid accident has proved to me that even if I’m in his pocket, it won’t make any difference as far as keeping him safe is concerned.’
‘You can’t control everything, Ally,’ Flora said kindly. ‘The world and the universe aren’t set up that way.’
‘I know.’ I nodded. ‘I might just as well have been on the other side of the world, mightn’t I? Which reminds me,’ I swallowed, looking at them both, ‘Dad has given me his blessing to leave Kittiwake Cove.’
‘He’s what?’ Flora frowned as Tara’s eyes widened. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘It’s true.’ I nodded. ‘A couple of nights ago he told me that over the years, he’d had the odd suspicion that I wasn’t happy here and then someone confirmed it for him and he said I should go and find whatever it is that will make me happy.’
Flora looked more shocked with every word I uttered and I began to wonder if her blood pressure was any more stable than Dad’s.
‘He said the same thing as you, Flora,’ I carried on. ‘That we should take on a manager.’
‘I don’t believe it,’ she muttered.
‘And I’ve suggested a couple of things to do during the closed season, which will help offset the cost of having to pay someone more than the wages I draw,’ I further explained.
‘But how did he find out?’ Flora demanded. ‘He didn’t get the manager idea from me.’
Her face was flushed and I could tell from her tone how angry she was and how defensive she felt, but she needn’t have worried. I’d never for one second thought it had been her who had filled Dad in.
‘It was me,’ Tara said simply, after a beat. ‘I was the person who told your dad how you really feel. And if it’s any help, he said he has the best daughter in the world. Not a crap one, Ally, as you just said.’
‘What the hell were you thinking?’ I gasped, rounding on her. ‘What made you think you had the right to say a word to him about any of it?’
‘I said it,’ she said, looking directly at me, ‘because I believe you both deserve the right to be happy. I know you told me that you’d made up your mind to go when I first arrived here, but when Logan showed up…’
‘When Logan showed up what?’ Flora joined in.
‘He’d barely been here five minutes before Ally was wavering. I could tell you’d all but changed your mind about going after that first trip out with him,’ she said to me, ‘but I knew that you’d be settling if you stayed. Your dad deserves so much better than that. And so do you. You both deserve to live lives that make you happy.’
I put my hand over my mouth to supress the invective I could feel building.
‘So, you genuinely had Ally’s best interests at heart?’ Flora more calmly asked.
‘Of course I did,’ Tara responded.
‘You weren’t trying to drive a wedge between her and Geoff?’
‘No.’ Tara flushed. ‘What the hell?’
‘So,’ Flora turned to me, ‘you are going to leave?’
‘I always said I would.’ I shrugged, the words catching. ‘And having proved I’m no guardian angel, I might as well, mightn’t I?’
No one said anything else. Kasuku clucked over his food bowl and the clock on the wall carried on ticking, as I imagined Dad cooking at the stove and the courses carrying on at the cottage without me watching over them. They were painful images.
‘Oh my God, Ally,’ said Tara having interpreted the look of anguish on my face. ‘You really have changed your mind, haven’t you?’
Flora’s gaze darted between the pair of us.
‘Yes,’ I said, swallowing over the lump in my throat. ‘Yes, I have.’
‘But Geoff has said he’s happy for you to go,’ Tara reminded me. ‘That was the whole point of me telling him how miserable you are. He wants you to find your happy.’
‘But that’s the thing,’ I said, looking around. ‘I have. All the time I was committed to searching for an escape, meant I missed the moment when the cottage and the cove started to feel like home. I had been so convinced that this place would never be for me because of what I had felt for it in the past, that I didn’t notice when things started to change.’
It was Logan’s arrival that had properly opened my eyes. Though I realised now that I had experienced a slight shift on the journey back from Barcelona. On the drive into the cove, I had assumed my desire to arrive was to block out what I had done, but I could see it for what it really was now. A proper homecoming.
‘So, you’re not going then?’ Flora asked tentatively, looking confused.
‘I don’t want to,’ I told her. ‘I really don’t. So, no, I’m not.’
I had no idea how I was going to convince Dad that my change of heart was for all the right reasons and not a sop, but I was determined to find a way. At least with his leg in a boot or cast, he’d be a captive audience and would have to listen to what I had to say, once I’d worked out what that was…
‘Oh, Ally!’ Flora gasped, then raced around the table to give me another hug.
I knew she would have been happy for me to go had it been the right thing, but she was more ecstatic to see me stay. Tara watched us, but didn’t join in with the celebration.
‘Well, you can lead a horse to water,’ she said with a sigh. ‘This place really means something to you now, doesn’t it?’
‘It does,’ I confirmed. ‘The time I spent with Logan, coupled with getting more involved with the community and working out how I can still do the work I love, has helped everything click into place. Not to mention the torture I felt imagining someone else seeing through my new ideas, too.’
We all jumped as the lights came on, the cooker started to bleep and Kasuku screeched.
‘Let there be light!’ Flora commanded, throwing up her hands as though she was the one responsible for the timely reconnection.
‘Oh, thank goodness,’ I said happily. ‘I can have a shower.’
The one earlier had been purely to wash the mud away.
‘Good,’ said Flora, ‘because you stink.’
‘Hey,’ I protested. ‘It’s no wonder. I’ve had a really stressful day.’
‘I have to go,’ said Tara.
‘Because Ally stinks?’ Flora giggled.
‘No,’ she tutted. ‘Because there’s something I have to do.’
Flora sat on the bathroom floor while I had my shower.
‘What do you reckon Tara’s hasty exit was about?’ she asked, as I lathered my hair.
‘My lack of personal hygiene,’ I suggested.
Tara’s mood had taken the weirdest of turns once she’d realised I’d found my happy in the cove and she’d ended up leaving practically straightaway and looking rather anguished herself.
‘My pungent unwashed odour?’ I tried again, when Flora didn’t respond.
She didn’t laugh and when I looked around the screen, I found her deep in thought.
‘What are you thinking?’ I asked.
‘Probably nothing.’
I didn’t comment, knowing she wouldn’t be able to bear the silence for long.
‘Do you think she’s still in touch with Logan?’ she soon said, falling for my trick.
I hadn’t expected her to say that, though.
‘Did you notice which way she drove off?’ I asked.
‘What?’
‘Did she go down the drive or around to the courtyard?’
‘Down the drive.’
‘In that case,’ I said, reaching for the conditioner, ‘she probably isn’t in touch with him.’
‘How do you work that out?’
‘Because he’s back and if they were in touch, she would have most likely gone to see him in the garden apartment, wouldn’t she?’
‘He’s what?’ Flora gasped. ‘Since when?’
‘He arrived during the storm,’ I filled her in, ‘but I didn’t see him until this morning. You should see the state of his car.’
‘Bugger his car,’ she tutted. ‘I don’t believe it. Why didn’t you say anything before?’
‘Because I was a bit preoccupied with what happened to Dad.’
‘Fair enough,’ she conceded. ‘What did Logan say when you saw him? Did you give him a rocket for the radio silence?’
‘He said,’ I told her, ‘that he has something important he wants to tell me and Dad, but I’m not sure I want to hear it.’
Flora waited for me to fill the silence then.
‘But, I suppose, given that he forgave me for running out on him and heard me out when I explained why I had done it, I probably should.’
‘It’s very generous of you to give him a second chance.’
‘Well,’ I said, as I turned the shower off and reached for my towel, ‘I’m following your example, aren’t I? You gave Tara a second chance and look how well that’s worked out.’
Flora didn’t respond to that.
Chapter 28
The next few days were hectic, with numerous visits to see Dad, who was having a much longer than usual stay in the hospital because the staff still wanted to keep an eye on his blood pressure, which I had been informed was erratic. He seemed to have accepted the situation but wasn’t happy about it, whereas I felt relieved to know he was in the best hands and was feeling proud of myself for not having spun into a decline over the situation.
I supposed that could have been because the hospital staff were looking after him, rather than me, but I was so busy, splitting my time between hospital visits, the cottage and what to do about the next course, I didn’t have time to worry, dissect or think too deeply.
Listening to what Logan had to say was still on the backburner, as when I’d briefly seen him, he had insisted that he still wanted to talk to Dad and I together. I refused to have the risk of further destabilising Dad’s currently fluctuating blood pressure on my conscience and Logan was on board with that, even though it meant he was going to have to wait a bit longer to have his say.
Much to the tutor and attendees’ relief, I decided that the next course should go ahead. Due to the previous cancellation, there was little I needed to do by way of preparing the courtyard rooms. The lack of fresh flowers was more than justified given the state of the garden. However, what I was going to feed everyone on both days was still to be decided.
Dad’s homegrown fare was a wonderful selling point, so I emailed the guests explaining that what would usually be on offer wasn’t currently available. No one had grumbled, but I knew that could change when they were faced with my limited culinary skills. Something tinned on toast was a far cry from what we usually served up.
‘So,’ I said, when I arrived at the hospital the evening before Dad was due to be discharged, ‘how are you feeling today, Dad?’
‘I’m perfectly all right,’ he huffed, having clearly become more fed up about the situation since the last time I’d see him. ‘No idea what I’m still doing in here.’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘you’ll be home tomorrow, so don’t get worked up about it now. If you bugger your blood pressure again, the consultant will make you stay even longer.’
He sniffed at that.
‘The roof tiles were sorted today,’ I told him, trying to change the subject.
‘You mean, they’ve been off all this time?’ He frowned.
‘Not off,’ I reminded him, ‘just slipped a bit. Joe’s friend who righted them had lots of other locals to help first. People who came off a whole lot worse during the storm than we did.’
‘I can’t imagine there’s anyone who has lost more in their garden.’ Dad swallowed, looking heartbroken.
I knew his leg and the bruising, which was now in full bloom all over him, was paining him, but it was the loss of the garden that was the real root cause behind his mental anguish. The devastation had truly taken a toll and I needed to be watchful of that in case his already descending mood dipped further.
‘I know it all looked bad the morning after—’ I began to say, but he cut me off.
‘Can we talk about something else?’ he asked. ‘What have you decided to do about this weekend?’
I explained that the course was going ahead, but I wished he would let me talk about the garden because Freddie, Joe and a few others had been working tirelessly on the clear-up and they were convinced the polytunnel wasn’t as beyond repair as it had first looked.
‘I suppose it’s a blessing this happened while you were still here,’ Dad said mulishly. ‘Otherwise, I would have been in a right pickle, wouldn’t I?’
‘Now Dad, about that,’ I started to say, but an alarm further along the busy ward started blaring and it was impossible to carry on.
* * *
It was slow going the next day, getting Dad home and up the stairs. He had refused to acknowledge the replanted containers that flanked the front door and bypassed Kasuku and the kitchen in favour of his bed. He barely had a civil word for Flora either, who looked at me worriedly while Freddie helped him negotiate the stairs. I hadn’t seen him so low since Mum had died and it made me feel both sad and sick.
‘He doesn’t seem right, does he?’ Flora said to me.
‘I daresay he’s just tired,’ I said hopefully. ‘He’ll be fine now he’s back on his own turf and in his own bed. He’ll be himself again in no time.’
Thankfully, my hunch was right and after a couple of decent night’s sleep Dad was feeling much better, demanding breakfast in bed and a chaperone to help him down the stairs so he could hold court from an armchair Flora and I had moved into the kitchen. He was still eschewing talk of the garden, but I tried not to fret over that or force the issue.
