All Wrapped Up, page 23
‘I bet,’ I said, ‘if you put half as much energy into trying to find the words as you have into your matchmaking, you’ll have a speech prepared in a heartbeat.’
She did smile at that.
‘I daresay that’s true,’ she said. ‘Thanks, Clemmie. It’s been good to offload. I haven’t even told my mum how I’m really feeling.’
‘Well, you should,’ I told her. ‘Now, let’s have a coffee and you can have a minute to gather your thoughts before you head home and start putting this situation right.’
I gave Joanne a few minutes’ peace and once she’d left and I had congratulated myself on picking up on and addressing her discontent, I took my time arranging the rest of the flowers to my satisfaction. I then spent even more time photographing them. It didn’t matter where I put them, they looked perfect and I knew I’d be moving the arrangements around the entire time they were at their best.
As well as arranging Joanne’s floral apology and hoping that she would be able to both solve her own predicament and stick to her vow not to meddle, I also posted the soup recipe I’d mentioned to the woman I’d met at Skylark Farm because I’d forgotten about it before.
As I pottered about, I did my best not to become preoccupied thinking about the frostiness Ash had come back from Bakewell with and how I might be able to thaw it. I really did try not to dwell, but I can’t say I succeeded for the whole of the time, and what occurred the next day put him very firmly at the forefront of my mind again.
* * *
‘You’ll be seeing Will today, Pixie,’ said the cheerful receptionist in the vets when we arrived a few minutes ahead of the appointment time for Pixie’s vaccination and check-up on Tuesday afternoon.
‘Not Ash?’ I frowned. ‘I thought the appointment was scheduled so Pixie would see Ash.’
The receptionist checked her screen and shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘It’s definitely Will.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Right. I must have got it wrong, then.’ I knew I hadn’t, but there was nothing to be gained from arguing the point, even if I had hoped that with Pixie between us, we might have taken the opportunity to get back on an even keel. ‘I take it Will’s recovered?’
‘Yes,’ said the receptionist, without any hesitation which suggested his illness had been genuine. ‘He’s fighting fit now. Take a seat and he’ll call you through when he’s ready.’
I sat as instructed and shortly after, Will came out and introduced himself. Pixie, who had been rather cowed since we arrived at the practice – obviously having an idea of what she was in for – suddenly perked up no end and I liked Will as a result.
‘How’s she settling in?’ he asked, once the vaccination had been administered and Pixie had been weighed and given a general once over amid a lot of fussing.
‘Like she’s been with me forever,’ I was very happy to tell him. ‘She had a couple of melancholic moments when she first arrived, but she seems consistently happy now.’
‘Well,’ said Will, ruffling Pixie’s coat, ‘she’s certainly the picture of health. Though that said, you should never underestimate grief in animals or humans. It can come back—’
‘Yes,’ I cut in. ‘I know how grief operates.’ I hadn’t meant to sound so blunt. ‘And don’t worry,’ I added in a softer tone, ‘I’ll keep a close eye on her.’
‘Ash was very lucky to find you,’ he then smiled at me.
‘Was he?’ I swallowed.
I wasn’t sure either Ash or I would agree with those words now.
‘Yes,’ Will said, looking slightly pink as he gave a nod to my furry friend. ‘To take Pixie, I mean.’
‘Oh, yes,’ I agreed, as I lifted her off the treatment table. ‘I was perfect for taking Pixie.’
I couldn’t wait to get out of the building after that, but I wasn’t even halfway across the car park when I realised I’d have to go back in again because I’d forgotten Pixie’s prescription. I’d paid for her wormer but, in my haste to rush off, I’d left the bag on the counter.
‘Damn,’ I muttered, as I turned us around. ‘Come on, Pixie.’
‘You can come out now!’ I heard Will say loudly as I opened the door again. ‘She’s gone.’
He had his back to me and was flicking through a drawer of one of the filing cabinets behind the reception desk.
‘I forgot to take this,’ I said, feeling mortified as I snatched up the bag which was still on the counter. He could only have been talking about me and it was obvious who he must have been talking to. ‘I’m properly going now.’
Will spun around to look at me, just as a door at the far end of the practice opened. I didn’t hang around to see who came out of it and I didn’t look back as I strode out.
‘Bye,’ I stammered and rushed off again.
I didn’t think I could have felt more of a fool if I’d tried. Not only did it seem that Ash didn’t want to talk to me, he didn’t want to see me, either. I had no idea what it was that I’d done to provoke such a sudden and dramatic turnaround, but it didn’t bode well for our friendship and it wasn’t going to do much for us running the festival together, either!
Chapter 20
The next evening, the cloud cover was too dense to catch even a glimpse of the full moon, so I didn’t bother sitting out, but I did feel grateful that Molly, the so-called Wynthorpe Witch, had alerted me to the lunar cycle before I’d checked it myself and I hadn’t gone to the trouble of setting up Draconid meteor shower stargazing events as a result.
Even though the forecast predicted clear skies going forward, the brightness of the only just waning moon would have made it hard for attendees to spot much and with my friendship with Ash in ruins, a night out with him under the dimmed constellations trying to keep everyone entertained was the last thing I would have wanted. Assuming he turned up.
Before I’d taken Pixie to the vets I had felt resolved to clear the air between us, but the fact that he’d changed the appointment and then gone in to hiding to ensure he wouldn’t have to see me, spoke volumes and I began to realise I’d put my faith in the wrong friend.
Consequently, I spent some time coming up with excuses I could make and situations I could conjure to avoid running into him for the next few weeks. It would be easier once the festival was finished, as long as I remembered to book Pixie’s future appointments at the vets to specifically see Will, but in the meantime, I’d just have to remain in stealth mode and on guard whenever I thought it likely that our paths were going to cross.
Ash was the only person I’d talked to about Callum since my move to the Fens and, even though I hadn’t shared much, I regretted telling him that I was a widow and that I’d closed my heart to any prospect of love in the future. Ash hadn’t turned out to be the friend I’d hoped for and knowing that I’d shared such intimate details after knowing him for such a short time only served to make me feel even more of a fool.
‘Never again,’ I said vehemently, as I went around the cottage and pulled the curtains closed to shut out the night. ‘I’ll learn the lesson and never share that part of myself with anyone I don’t know again.’
They were harsh words, fiercely spoken, and, in that moment, they were most sincerely meant.
* * *
When I got up the following morning, there was a message on my phone sent from Amber at Skylark Farm, asking me if I might have the time that evening to walk around the nature trail and give my opinion on the lighting they’d installed and whether I thought a couple of autumnal moonlight walks might be a suitable addition to the festival schedule.
Personally, I thought the idea had the potential to be another health and safety nightmare for Jason to flag, and it was that concern which prompted me to say that yes, I would be happy to call in and take a quick tour. There were still some dates on the festival calendar that coincided with the next lunar cycle that might work out, so it was paramount that the idea was given careful public participation consideration. Not that I was going to be liable for any potential mishaps, such as trips over tree roots – that would be Jake and Amber’s responsibility – but I was nonetheless eager to eliminate any further grumblings from Jason.
‘Come on, Pixie,’ I said, as she wrestled with the pretty plaid coat I’d bundled her into. ‘Best feet forward and all that.’
The yarn bombers, now they’d finished decorating the square, were knitting a variety of autumn themed outfits for dogs with a view to having a ‘best dressed’ competition at some point. I had been rather taken with the pumpkin outfit and wanted to enter Pixie for judging wearing that, but if she objected this much to a bog-standard coat, then I didn’t reckon much for my chances of wrapping her up in an orange orb!
‘If you stop worrying at it,’ I told her as she gave me a martyred look, ‘you’ll soon forget you’re even wearing it.’
There were a couple of vehicles parked up when I arrived at the farm, but with Amber already waiting for me in the yard, I didn’t have a chance to work out if they belonged to the family or notice if Ash’s truck was amongst them.
‘Clemmie,’ she said warmly. ‘Thank you so much for turning out to do this tonight. We really appreciate it.’
‘I’m happy to,’ I told her. ‘It’s a wonderful idea and, as long as the path is safe to walk in the dark, it will be an interesting addition to the schedule.’
‘That’s what we thought, too,’ she smiled. ‘And with you having such a wonderful grasp of everything, we thought you’d be the best person to ask.’
‘That’s exactly what you said to me just five minutes ago, Amber,’ said a voice behind me and I spun around.
‘Ash,’ I gasped, as I felt my tummy tumble. ‘I didn’t know you were going to be here.’
‘Likewise,’ he responded and turned bright red.
Given his behaviour over Pixie’s appointment, I hoped he felt as mortified as he deserved to. I wasn’t sure how I felt.
‘As you’re both so involved with the festival,’ commented Jake who then joined us, ‘we thought we’d ask the pair of you to walk the trail.’
‘That’s fair enough,’ I breezily said, taking the high ground. ‘In the interests of the festival and the safety of its attendees, I think that’s a great idea.’
‘Me too,’ said Ash, but he didn’t sound as convinced as I did.
‘Right then, let’s go,’ I said, and tried to get Pixie to move, but she was still so preoccupied with tugging at her coat that she missed my cue for her to budge and I nearly tripped over her.
‘What on earth is she wearing?’ Ash frowned.
She then realised he was there and gave him a welcome that pierced my heart. I bet she wouldn’t have bothered with him had she known he’d hidden from the pair of us just the day before.
‘A coat,’ I bluntly said. ‘It’s cold.’
‘It is cold,’ Jake then said. ‘So, why don’t you two head straight off and then we’ll have a bite and something to drink when you’re done?’
I didn’t much like the thought of walking the trail with just Ash for company and I was certain he wasn’t going to want to be alone with me, either.
‘You two aren’t coming?’ he asked, with a nod to Amber and Jake, confirming that thought.
‘No,’ said Amber, ‘we need to check on the kids and if we come around, we might influence you. You need to experience it for yourselves, really.’
‘In that case,’ I said, ‘Ash needn’t come at all because he’s walked it already.’
‘Not in the dark,’ Jake pointed out.
‘Right,’ I tightly said. ‘Let’s go then.’
‘See you in a bit,’ said Amber as she and Jake headed over to the farmhouse and I followed Ash down the yard, through a gate a little way into a field and then to the start of the trail.
We didn’t speak until we were at the start, when it became obvious that you could take the path in either direction.
‘Right, I think I’ll go around this way,’ I pointed, when I could see he was going to head the other way. ‘We can meet back in the yard when we’re done.’
‘You don’t want to go around together?’ He frowned and I shook my head.
‘Given your behaviour in the vets, on the back of the frosty welcome I received in the pumpkin field, I hardly think you’re going to want us spending any more time together than we have to, are you?’ I huffed.
‘Oh god, Clemmie,’ he groaned. ‘I’m so sorry about what happened in the practice. You must think I’m a total idiot.’
‘To tell you the truth,’ I sniffed, ‘I’ve been far too busy feeling embarrassed for myself to consider what my thoughts are about you. Apart from the fact that I keep wishing that I hadn’t ever got to know you in the first place, of course.’
Apparently, my sharp tongue wasn’t exclusively reserved for challenging conversations with Joanne. Though I hoped, now she’d bared her soul and we’d got to the bottom of her frustrating behaviour, I’d had the last of those.
‘I suppose I deserved that.’ Ash swallowed and he looked so heartbreakingly upset that I almost forgave him. Almost. ‘Will you let me explain?’
‘Another time, perhaps—’
‘I wish you would,’ he pleaded. ‘Please walk with me, Clemmie, because I really want to tell you why I’ve been such an idiot.’
He began to walk away and my head told me it was time to cut my losses, apologise to Amber and Jake and head home. I could still see where my Land Rover was parked in the yard and it would be easy enough to leave, but my heart was having none of it. There was some internal conflict playing off inside me and it kept me rooted to the spot until my heart finally won out and I followed Ash on to the path.
We walked some of the way in silence, and in single file, each of us focused on keeping our feet, especially along the stretches that weren’t specifically lit and where the brightness of the moon didn’t pierce the tree canopy. It might have been autumn, but there were still plenty of leaves on the trees and I couldn’t help thinking that even though it was doubtless a beautiful walk, it wasn’t a particularly practical, or safe one in the dark.
‘There’s some seating among the trees about halfway round,’ Ash said, over his shoulder, ‘we can talk properly there.’
‘Rather than walk and talk?’
‘If you don’t mind.’
I didn’t reply and a short while later, the path opened out and we found ourselves in a clearing which was lit by fairy lights and looked to be the prettiest part of the trail so far. In the dark, anyway.
‘This is nice,’ I said, looking around.
‘The lights look great, don’t they? Jake said he was setting something up here.’
‘Really great.’
‘They’re not solar because it’s quite shady here, so I’m not sure how he’s running them.’
The small talk was fine, but my heart hadn’t won the battle with my head to discuss the aesthetics of outdoor illumination.
‘Ash—’
‘I know,’ he said, pulling off his hat and pushing a hand through his hair. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I thought I’d have worked out what to say by now, but I’m still not sure where to start.’
‘How about,’ I suggested, ‘you get straight to the point and tell me why you’ve suddenly turned from new friend and trusted confidante into someone who makes me feel awkward and embarrassed?’
‘I wish you hadn’t put it like that,’ he said hoarsely.
I risked a look at his face and could see his eyes were bright as if they were shining with tears, but that couldn’t possibly be the case, could it? Given that he was the one who had initiated the distance between us, first with his trip to Bakewell and then through his cold and odd behaviour since his return, I couldn’t imagine he was feeling that emotionally moved.
‘But it’s the truth.’ I shrugged, determined to be honest. If we were going to salvage anything, honesty had to be the way to go. ‘Awkward and embarrassed is exactly how you’ve made me feel. And regretful, too,’ I added, for good measure.
‘But those are the last emotions I want you to associate with me.’
I looked at him again.
‘How can I believe that when you’ve barely spoken to me since you’ve been back from your parents’ and you hid from me in your place of work. You actually hid, Ash. And you’ve obviously talked to the people you work with about whatever it is that I’ve done wrong, rather than talk to—’
‘You haven’t done anything wrong,’ he cut in, wringing his hat in his hands.
‘Well, forgive me for thinking I hadn’t done anything right!’ I laughed without humour as my annoyance with him began to properly prickle.
Pixie whined and I picked her up and kissed the top of her head.
‘You know, I think I should go,’ I said, the words catching. ‘The last thing I want is Pixie feeling upset, too.’
‘I don’t want either of you feeling upset.’
‘Well,’ I said, as I turned away, ‘you’ve got a funny way of showing it.’ I took a couple of steps back to where the path carried on. ‘Please make my apologies to Amber and Jake and tell them I’ll call them tomorrow.’
‘It was the Fenview Feast!’ Ash then blurted out and I turned around again. ‘It was what happened that night, when we were dancing. I—’
‘Nothing happened,’ I interrupted.
I had known that had been the start of it.
‘But it almost did,’ he said, then shouldered all of the responsibility for our not-quite post-dance kiss. ‘And I’ve hated myself for it ever since.’
As cross as I was with him, I couldn’t allow that.
‘Well, if you’re so keen to apportion blame, then you have to allow me a slice of it, too,’ I insisted, but Ash shook his head and wouldn’t hear of it. ‘I got just as almost carried away as you did,’ I reminded him.
‘No,’ he said. ‘No.’
‘But why not?’
‘Because I should have backed off sooner. Because you had told me that when your husband died, you had closed your heart and that you were never going to fall in love again and I therefore should have behaved better. That’s why I object to you being at fault.’
