An Alaskan Secret, page 14
“Do you have a favorite children’s book?”
Asher smiled. He already knew the answer. Tess had read her copy of The Boxcar Children until the pages fell out and the cover was worn away. When they were younger, he’d take it and hide it just to get her attention. Then she’d get so mad that she wouldn’t speak to him until she found her beloved book or he caved to her demands and gave it back.
They’d made so many incredible memories together over the years. She’d been his best friend. His confidante. When their friendship morphed into something more as teenagers, he’d fallen head over heels in love. Yes, they had made a poor choice that night when he’d visited her while he was home from college on break. They’d gone too far. And getting pregnant had devastated Tess.
But since he became a believer, he’d learned that their past mistakes didn’t condemn them forever. They could walk in freedom now. Cameron had a father and a mother, living in the same town. Standing here watching her lead story time with their son at her feet, hanging on her every word, Asher realized that he still loved her. More than anything, he wanted all of them to be out from under the burden of guilt and shame.
She had every right to be angry with him. It might take a long time for her to move past the deception once she learned the truth, but he clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, they could move forward. Together.
Tess dismissed the children and Asher moved to retrieve Cameron before he got distracted.
“Excuse me, please.” He scooted past two moms talking over their strollers parked side by side. “Cameron, come on, buddy.”
Cameron’s face fell. He glanced back at Tess. “But—”
“We’ve got to get going.” Asher angled his head toward the door. “You’ll see Miss Madden later.”
“Dad.” Cameron frowned. “I want Miss Test to come with us.”
Asher glanced at Tess. Was she listening? He couldn’t tell. Although Cameron’s voice was hard to miss in such a small space. She collected the books, her purse and a coffee cup, then turned toward them. When her eyes met his she tried for a smile, but she couldn’t hide the hurt. Or the purple spots under her eyes. Poor thing. She looked as stressed out as he felt.
“What do we have to do next?” Cameron grabbed Asher’s hand and tugged on it.
“We have to go to the store and get groceries for us and for Grammie. And I promised her I’d try to fix her garbage disposal because it’s broken.”
“That’s boring stuff. Miss Test, do you want to go to the café for lunch with us? We can see your sister.”
“Cameron, we’re not going to the café for lunch,” Asher said. “I just told you we have to help Grammie.”
“But we always have to help Grammie,” Cameron moaned. “I want to have lunch with Miss Test.”
“Thanks for the offer but I’m going to have to say no this time.” Tess shifted her books to her other arm. “Tonight’s the fall festival and I have some things I need to do first.”
“Oh, yeah, the festival.” Cameron’s expression immediately brightened. “Are we going?”
“We have to get all of our errands and our chores done, which is why we’d better get going.” He held out his hand toward Tess. “Can I carry anything for you?”
She shook her head. “No thanks. I’ll return these to Mrs. Fairweather on the way out.”
Asher nodded. An awkward silence blanketed them. “See you later.”
“Yep. See you.” She brushed past them and walked toward the front desk. Asher and Cameron trailed behind. This was so weird. Pretending like nothing had changed was harder than keeping a secret.
He watched her hand the books to the librarian, then she slung her purse strap over her shoulder and walked outside. Just like last night. And like last night, he wanted to go after her, pull her into a hug and tell her that they were going to figure this out. Somehow. But he didn’t have the right to offer her a gentle reassurance that this was all going to work out for the best, because he was the one who’d created this debacle. He didn’t have the luxury of offering her those hope-filled words because he’d crushed her last night. And when she found out she was Cameron’s mother, how would he ever prove himself trustworthy again?
Chapter Ten
Eliana was right. They should’ve skipped the festival this year. Tess rubbed her temple, where a headache throbbed, then plastered on a smile and awarded a new goldfish to a delighted little girl dressed in a pumpkin outfit.
“There you go, sweet pea. Enjoy.” Rylee waved. “Thanks for coming by.”
Tess gave her sister a thumbs-up. What would she have done without Rylee’s infectious enthusiasm? After the painful encounter with Asher outside Mia’s house last night, followed by their interaction at the library this morning, hurt and confusion had dogged her all day.
“Step right up.” Rylee cupped her hands around her mouth to form a megaphone. “The Maddens and the Hales invite you to Fish for Fun.”
While Rylee welcomed more customers to their fishing game, Tess surveyed the crowded high school gym. Volunteers had collapsed the bleachers and transformed the floor into a sea of carnival games. Laughter, conversation and the occasional squeal of a happy kid echoed off the walls. The familiar aroma of caramel apples and popcorn made Tess’s stomach growl. She’d stayed busy after story time, running errands and working out to avoid human interaction until the festival started. Then she’d chugged a smoothie and eaten a protein bar on the drive over to the high school.
She needed to tell her sisters that she’d kissed Asher. And soon. Because now more than ever, she craved their support. But part of her couldn’t bring herself to admit that she’d misread the whole situation. He’d held her hand. Walked her to her car. What was she supposed to—
“Tess?” Rylee’s voice tugged her back to the present. “Can you help our friends here get their fish, please?”
“Of course.” Tess carefully filled two clear plastic bags with water and goldfish, then handed them to their new owners. “There you go. Enjoy.”
The boys’ eyes widened as they accepted their prizes. “So cool!”
After the boys and their parents moved on, Tess and Rylee had a lull in the line at their booth. She tried to stay busy mopping up water she’d spilled with a hand towel and using bleach wipes to clean the handles on the plastic fishing poles. Anything to keep moving and keep her mind occupied. She sensed Rylee’s gaze on her as she brought the clean poles back to the table.
“Everything okay?” Rylee asked.
“Uh-huh.” Tess scanned the crowded gym for any sign of Asher or Cameron.
“You seem distracted.”
Tess shrugged and scraped her thumbnail at a stain on the table. Oh, she was terrible at hiding things, especially from Rylee. “Tired, I guess. People are serious about their fall carnival fun.”
“Eliana and Mia will be here soon to take over.” Rylee pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans. “She texted me a few minutes ago and said they’d be here by eight fifteen, so any minute now.”
“Good. I’m ready for a break and something to eat.”
“How was story time this morning?” Rylee retrieved her water bottle that she’d stashed underneath the table. “Anybody interesting show up?”
“Why do you ask?”
Rylee paused, then unscrewed the cap. “It’s just a question.”
“About twelve kids, mostly students from my school. The parents stayed and listened. Asher and Cameron came, too.” She tacked that last detail on quickly, as if it didn’t matter that they’d attended. “It was fun.”
She pushed up on tiptoe and craned her neck when she thought she spotted Cameron’s familiar red hoodie two booths down from theirs. So much for her grand plans to avoid Asher.
“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?” Rylee teased.
Tess met her sister’s inquisitive stare. “Looking for who?”
She was terrible at stalling, too.
“Don’t even try to pretend with me.” Rylee put her water bottle back down. “You’re looking for Asher. Or Cameron. Maybe both.”
Warmth climbed her neck. “Maybe.”
“If you want to go hang out with him I could probably handle this by myself. It’s not—”
Tess shook her head. “I’m not leaving you here by yourself.”
Or inviting myself to hang out with someone who doesn’t want me. She bit her lip to keep from blurting out the painful truth.
“All right.” Rylee gestured for a pack of tween girls lingering nearby to join them. “Step right up, ladies. It’s time to fish for fun.”
The girls exchanged nervous looks, then inched closer. They were a little old for this game targeted at younger children, but Mrs. Hale had ordered way too many goldfish, and Tess did not want to take them home. Or adopt them as her class pets.
Nearby a little boy let out an exuberant “Yes!” and Tess immediately whirled in the direction of the familiar voice. Cameron. He stood less than ten feet away, high-fiving Asher. Tess felt her mouth spread into a wide smile.
“Girl, you’ve got it bad,” Rylee murmured.
She wasn’t wrong.
Ever since story time, she couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to spend a Saturday running errands or puttering around the house. Too bad Asher had squashed that daydream when he’d abruptly ended their kiss. Still, as she watched him ruffle Cameron’s hair, a longing she couldn’t ignore settled deep inside.
Pull yourself together.
She turned away and pretended to check on their goldfish. Rekindling her romance with Asher was a ridiculous idea. She had no business thinking about a future as Asher’s wife and Cameron’s stepmother.
* * *
“Miss Test has fish.” Cameron yanked on Asher’s shirtsleeve and pointed to the booth. “Can I have one?”
Gross. He’d rather shovel three feet of snow every day for the rest of his life than own a goldfish. “How about we try the ring toss? Maybe you’ll win another stuffed animal.” Asher braced his hand on Cameron’s back and tried to steer him away from the Maddens’ booth. Far, far away.
Cameron stayed rooted in place, as if his sneakers were glued to the gym floor. “But this is Miss Test’s and Miss Rylee’s game. And Grammie helped with the booth, too. Why can’t I play?”
Asher glanced at the fishing booth again and caught Tess watching them from her post behind the table. Her expression made him pause. If he wasn’t mistaken, she looked almost happy to see him. But that didn’t make sense. Not after the way he’d treated her last night. He had to speak to her. He had to explain. Everything. Even if that meant standing in line to win a goldfish he didn’t want.
“All right.” He let Cameron tug him toward the booth.
While they waited, Cameron kept his eyes glued on Rylee. She entertained each child and offered encouraging words as she handed over the plastic fishing pole. Tess and Rylee had hung a shower curtain dotted with pink, purple and teal sea creatures on a clothesline suspended between two posts. When a child cast the line over the shower curtain, the magnet in the fishing pole caught the plastic fish out of the portable swimming pool hidden out of sight. For the younger customers, Tess disappeared behind the curtain. Asher smiled at her kindness. Probably assisting to make sure every child caught a fish. Genius. That way none of the Maddens had to care for the leftover goldfish. They went home with all the kids waiting in the line.
Every time Tess reappeared, Cameron laughed with delight.
A rivulet of unease shot from Asher’s spine to his toes. He felt like a monster. Cam was besotted with Tess. It wasn’t right, keeping a boy from knowing his mother.
“Dad, can you hold my new stuffy, please?” Cameron thrust the stuffed orca whale he’d just won into Asher’s arms. Asher opened his mouth to protest, then decided against it. He’d end up carrying the thing at some point, anyway.
The family in front of them collected their goldfish prizes, then stepped out of the way.
“Hey, guys.” Tess smiled. “Are you here to fish?”
“Yep.” Cameron did a goofy little happy dance that made Tess laugh.
This kid. Asher shook his head.
Mia and Eliana arrived at the booth. They exchanged hellos, then Asher and Cameron waited patiently while Rylee quickly explained how the game worked.
“Have you ever been fishing before, Cameron?” Tess handed him a blue plastic fishing pole. Asher winced. That was a detail a mother would probably know about her son, if she’d been a part of his life.
Tess’s smile was a little forced. Her voice a little higher than normal. He was proud of her for trying to pretend everything was fine, but her fingers trembled as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. This was hard for her, too.
“I fished once with my uncle, Justin,” Cameron said. “We didn’t catch anything.”
He held the pole with both hands and examined it. “Is this thing plastic?”
Tess nodded. “Your job is to cast it nice and easy over this bar here.” She turned and tapped on the pole suspending the shower curtain. “There’s a whole bunch of fish in that pool back there.”
“Real ones? Let me see.” Cameron ducked down and tried to peek under the table.
“No, no.” Asher chuckled and gently tugged on Cameron’s hoodie. “Don’t peek. That’s part of the fun.”
“Okay, but I really want to catch a goldfish.” Cameron straightened, his little brow puckered. “What if I catch two goldfish? Can we take them both home, Dad? And do goldfish get married?”
Tess’s eyes widened. Rylee, Eliana and Mia burst out laughing.
Asher coughed, then cleared his throat. “So many questions, pal. Try and catch a fish first, okay?”
Cameron followed Tess’s instructions and carefully cast his line over the bar and into the make-believe pond. Rylee ducked out of sight. Cameron’s pole jiggled.
“Hey, I think I got something,” Cameron squealed.
“Reel it in,” Tess said.
Cameron pulled his pole up and a yellow plastic fish hung from his magnetic lure.
“Look at that.” Tess clapped. “Great job.”
Her smile faltered and she glanced at Asher. “I’m assuming it’s okay if he gets a real fish?”
Asher blew out a long breath. “I don’t suppose you’ll let him live in your classroom?”
“Ha, nice try.” Tess shook her head. “No class pets right now.”
“Yay, a fish. I’m going to name him Nemo. Unless it’s a girl, then I should name her Dory. Except she’s not blue.” Cameron tipped his head back and giggled, his dark eyes gleaming. His infectious laughter drew a look from Tess that Asher could only describe as pure joy.
Man, he couldn’t stand keeping these two from each other. But what was he supposed to do? Just invite her into their lives? So maybe he wasn’t the greatest single dad in the world but he was getting the hang of it. Selfishly, he wasn’t ready to make any drastic changes.
A little boy needed his mother, though. And frankly, he’d been selfish long enough.
What would happen once he revealed that she was Cameron’s mother? They’d need to talk about next steps. Probably should hire an attorney. A legitimate one. They’d need a co-parenting plan, too. Alaska had laws about this sort of thing. Since the adoption papers were fraudulent, she was likely entitled to 50/50 custody.
It all made his head spin, but it was time to accept responsibility for the choices he’d made.
“Miss Test, can you come with us? We still have more to see,” Cameron asked.
Tess hesitated, avoiding Asher’s gaze while she secured the top of the plastic bag with the goldfish inside.
“Go ahead,” Mia and Eliana chimed in. “We got this.”
Tess bit her lip and shot him a questioning glance, silently asking for permission.
“Sure, come on.” Asher held out the stuffed orca. “I’ll need your help carrying this.”
“Fair enough.” After tying her sweatshirt around her waist, she swung her purse strap across her body, scooted around the end of the table and joined them.
“Hand over the whale.” Her fingers brushed his as she took the stuffed animal. A feeling of warmth zipped along his arm and he smiled. Her mouth lifted at the corners and their gazes locked. Parents and kids pushed passed them. Still they lingered, oblivious to the chaos swirling around the gym. He owed her an apology.
“Tess, about last night. I—”
“Cupcakes.” Cameron yanked on Asher’s arm again, jostling the goldfish and jarring Asher back to reality. At a table nearby, the cheerleaders were hosting a bake sale. A fundraiser for new uniforms, according to the poster taped to the table.
“How do we win those?” Cameron asked. “Is there a game?”
Asher frowned. Could he not read the sign? “You don’t win them. The cupcakes are for sale.”
“May I have one, please?”
“Sure, why not.” Asher and Tess trailed Cameron toward the line forming at the cheerleaders’ bake sale. They’d eaten beef stew and fresh fruit at his mother’s house after he’d finished repairing the garbage disposal. Not exactly an award-winning meal, but he didn’t feel quite so bad about letting him have a cupcake now.
Asher sneaked a glance at Tess. She fiddled with the strap on her purse, her expression pinched. Regret knifed at him. He hadn’t apologized. Not the way he wanted to. She deserved more than an abbreviated conversation in a crowded gym.
Not to mention the whole truth about Cameron.
But what if he’d waited too long? That incredible kiss only made a messy situation more tangled. If he’d told her the truth already, would tonight be the first of many outings? Oh, he wanted to believe it was possible. He really did. But he couldn’t forget her insistence that she’d never wanted to be a mother. Even though she was clearly an amazing teacher and kids loved her, spending time with other people’s children was so much different from being a parent.
