Where Faith Belongs, page 24
I wanted to tell August. Though I almost turned left toward his house, I couldn’t make myself spin the wheel. August had been distant after our kiss the day before. What if he didn’t want to see me? What if he brushed off what had happened to me this morning as I’d brushed off his experience?
God, guide me in all this. I’m so new. I know I’ll stumble. Help me.
I jerked the wheel right and started for home.
Once parked in the driveway of Orchard House, I ran inside, more grateful than ever to see Mom at her usual spot in the kitchen.
“Mom!”
She startled and removed her yellow dish gloves. “What is it? Is Aunt Pris okay? Is—”
I shook my head, enveloping her in a hard hug before pulling back. “I—I gave my life to God today.”
She blinked, mouth open, before giving a short gasp. “You—you did?”
I nodded vigorously. “I went to Abundant Life Church this morning—Miss Esther’s church. Remember that card on my nightstand? Well, it was the strangest thing, but I felt God calling me, you know? And it’s like I get it now. The Pharisee and the humble tax collector? I’m both, you know? But I want to be humble. I want to be close to God. I don’t want guilt to get in the way.” I was rambling. Rambling, and I couldn’t stop.
Mom laughed, shook her head, and squeezed my arms. “Amie, my dear girl, slow down. This is great news.”
“I’ve never known anything like this. I honestly don’t know what took me so long. But did you know that God actually loves me? Like, even my crazy ideas and even though I screw up all the time and—”
“I do know. Amie, I hope I never was an obstacle to you thinking God didn’t love you—”
I shook my head emphatically. “No, Mom. I—it was like I had blinders on. I couldn’t see, but now I do.” I continued rambling, telling her all the things I planned to do now that I understood God’s call on my life.
She smiled, shook her head. “Let’s go sit, okay?”
She led me to the back patio where the shade of an elm just reached the spot where two chairs sat beside a sturdy table. She clasped my hand.
“Honey, I am thrilled, and I’m going to be praising God for the rest of my days.”
I scrunched up my forehead. “Then why do I already feel a but coming on?”
She smiled. “I know how you tend to throw yourself behind what you’re passionate about, and I can’t wait to see what God’s going to continue to do in your life.” She grabbed for my hands. “But, it’s tempting to be so grateful for what He’s done that we forge ahead doing great things for God and leave Him behind. Remember, lean into His strength going forward. You don’t have to do anything—He’s already done the hardest work. Any good thing you do for God is simply a way to worship Him with your life, to show gratitude.”
Worship with my life.
I liked the sound of that. And best of all, I didn’t need to do it on my own.
Mom squeezed my hand. “Honey, you have so many talents and gifts. I’d hate to see you try to fit yourself inside some box of what you think it is to be a Christian. Listen to God, pray, seek His face. He’ll tell you where you’re meant to be and what He’s calling you to do. And it will likely be as unique as you are.”
My shoulders relaxed. “Thanks, Mom. That’s just what I needed to hear.”
She hugged me tight. “Faith is a journey. Please remember, no matter where life takes you, that you always belong—in our family, in this home, and most definitely in the arms of God.”
I blinked away the wetness in my eyes. “Will you pray for me, Mom? I’m scared I’m going to mess this up or that God’s going to leave me or that I’m still not going to know what to do with my life.”
“Amie, I’ve been praying for you since the moment I found out you were coming into this world. And I’m not going to stop now.” She slid her hand over the top of mine and bowed her head, words pouring from her mouth. Beautiful words. Words I’d likely heard her pray before but hadn’t given them any mind. I sank into her prayer, peace stirring my spirit along with a sense that, though I may not know all the future held for me, God knew.
My future had always been in His hands, but for the first time, I was actually trusting Him with it.
40
After a breakfast of blueberry pancakes and church with Tripp’s family, August drove back to his house. Grandpop and Aunt Pris’s house. Not for the first time, he wondered if he should make plans to move out. Then again, with both Pops and Amie’s aunt getting along in years, it might be handy to have a young, able-bodied guy around.
Amie hadn’t been in church. But he would not let the day go by without making a point to talk to her. About the kiss. About his doubts. About the role faith was beginning to play in his life. About everything.
No more beating around the bush. No more hiding. From here on out, he’d be open about all of it.
He’d just pulled into Grandpop’s driveway when his cell rang. His heart skipped a few beats when he saw Amie’s name flash on his screen. He put his truck in park before answering.
“Hey, Amie. I was just thinking about you.”
“You were?” Just hearing her voice soothed the raw corners of his heart. They’d figure this out. Tripp was right—they simply needed to talk.
He lowered his voice. “Yes. I was thinking about yesterday and—how I really think we should talk. Are you available today?”
“Yes. Actually, that’s why I called. I have something I want to tell you.”
Why did his pulse speed up at her words, as if anticipating something bad? As if he suffered some sort of PTSD when it came to Amie. Good things, followed by bad. Was that to be the way for them forever?
“Okay, great.” He forced surety into his voice. “I just got home. I need to check in with Pops but then I’m all yours.”
He wondered if his words made her blush. He hoped so.
“Do you want to meet somewhere?” she asked.
“Sure. Name the place.”
“How about Curtis Island Overlook?”
The place of their first date. Well, not first date. First date after he’d returned to Camden at the very beginning of the summer. “Perfect. Can you give me an hour?”
“Absolutely,” she said. “See you then.”
“Amie?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m really glad you called.”
He could only hope and pray they could talk things out this one last time.
They hung up and August grabbed his duffle bag from the passenger seat. He and Tripp had stayed up late the night before around an outdoor fire, talking about everything and anything under the sun. Remembering bits and pieces the other had forgotten about their parents, reminiscing about Pops in their growing up years, reliving school antics, and their time in the Martin home.
When the fire had died down, August had stared into the glowing embers. “Thank you, Tripp.”
“For what?”
“For everything. For being hard on me sometimes, for caring about me when no one else did or when Pops was too busy trying to figure out how to raise two boys. I’m not sure I ever thanked you.”
Tripp didn’t get sentimental often, but there was no doubt his brother choked back emotion. “For a long time when we were young, it felt like you were all I had. August, you’ve been with me the longest, and I’m so glad we’re not only brothers, but friends. You rock, little bro, and in case I haven’t told you lately, I’m proud of you.”
August had given his brother a bear hug. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he joked.
Now, August headed toward the house, but again his phone rang out. He glanced at the screen.
Liam Jeffries.
August’s blood ran cold, uncertain whether to answer. It had been a good two years since he’d spoken to Liam. Old college buddies, they’d spent more time in the casinos than classrooms. And while he didn’t share any hard feelings toward Liam, neither did he want to make a habit of spending time with him.
Not that he needed to be rude.
In one decided motion, August swiped right on his phone and raised it to his ear. “Liam, hey.”
“Colton! How’s it going, buddy? Where you been, anyway? I miss seeing you around the tables.”
August released a nervous laugh. “Yeah, trying to stay away from those, actually.”
“You? You’re kidding me, right? Tell me you’re kidding.” Though it was barely noon on a Sunday morning, it sounded as if Liam was two sheets to the wind. August remembered the time in his life when he would have been right beside his friend.
He chose to ignore Liam’s question. “Get any sleep last night, Liam?”
“Me? Naw, well, a couple hours maybe, if you want to call what me and Shanaya did sleeping.”
Shanaya? Didn’t ring a bell.
“So, what’s up?” August asked. He really didn’t have time for a trip down memory lane or to hear how wonderful the slot machines and roulette wheel had treated Liam. He had to check on Grandpop, make sure the scheduled nurse had come that morning, see if Aunt Pris needed anything. Then, his meeting with Amie.
“I’m over at Hollywood Casino. Hit it big last night, real big. You should have been there. The house had nothing on me. Blackjack, if you can believe it.”
August couldn’t summon up one word of congratulations for his friend. What was he supposed to say? It wasn’t as if he believed all gambling morally wrong, but he refused to get sucked back into it. Liam’s biggest win three years ago matched two months of honest work at Colton Contractors for August. Too bad he’d lost it all the next day in the same casino.
August cleared his throat. “Liam, I’m in the middle of something. Did you call for a reason?”
“Oh, man. Sorry, August. What have you been up to?”
“I’m back living with my grandfather, working the business.”
“In Camden? Thought you said you’d do anything to get away from that sinkhole.”
Yup. He had said that at one time. Even thought he’d meant it. Crazy what some time could do to a person’s perspective.
“It’s not so bad,” August said.
“Man. Well, hopefully you’re staying away from that girl who drove you crazy at least. Ali, Andrea . . . what was her name?”
“Amie.”
“Amie, that’s it. That one had you whipped. Couldn’t even have fun with the boys when you were trying to impress her.”
“Is there something you needed, Liam?” August repeated through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry, man. Was wondering if you wanted to come down and have some fun today. Looking for a partner. I’ve been hitting the poker tables big time, just need a little oomph.”
Oomph. Money.
Warning flags went off in August’s head.
“No,” he said.
“Colton, this is a sure thing. I’m on this crazy streak, man.”
Is this what August used to sound like?
“I’m not interested. All the best, Liam.”
He was about to hang up when his friend changed his tone. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have asked. I know you’re trying to keep your nose clean. I just thought—”
“You thought wrong. Really, I have to go.”
August heard Liam swallow thickly over the line. An uncharacteristic gesture for his friend, as far as he could remember.
“August, wait.”
August didn’t hang up, but neither did he invite Liam to continue.
“I’m in trouble.”
There it was. “What kind of trouble?”
“I was winning last night big time. But . . . I ended up losing it all. All of it, August.”
“I’m sorry, Liam.” And he was. He remembered the desperation behind the unpredictable games, the highs of winning, the lows of losing it all. And then, the desperation at the very bottom of that low. Desperation to steal from your own grandfather, or, in Liam’s case, to call a friend he hadn’t spoken to in years.
“I just need a little bit to get me through. I know I can get back up. This is my weekend, and poker’s my game.”
“I’m not giving you any money, Liam. I’ve worked hard for what I’ve earned, my grandfather even forgave me the money I took from him. I’m staying miles away from any casino—I can’t afford it.” Literally and figuratively. Though he thought he’d conquered his temptation, he wasn’t stupid enough to put it to the test. “What about Shanaya?”
“She—she left me last night.”
“After you lost.”
“Yeah, after I lost.”
August dragged in a deep sigh, lowered himself to the porch steps, placing his duffel bag on the step beside him. “Aren’t you tired of it all yet, man? Sure, winning’s fun, but you’ve been at this for what—three years? What do you have to show for it? A big fat goose egg. Dude, it’s all the proof you need that you got to stop.”
Silence. Then, “I’ve tried to get out, but I keep coming back. How’d you do it, man?”
“I was tired of losing.” At the tables, at life, at earning his grandfather and Tripp’s approval. “I’d had enough. When you’ve had enough, you’ll walk away, too.”
Liam inhaled a quivering breath. “I think I’ve had enough.”
“Good.”
“Hey, can I ask another favor?”
“You can ask,” August said warily.
“Can you give me a ride back to my folks’ house? Mom’s in New York City with the sister.”
Liam’s dad had died his senior year of high school, leaving him in a house full of women. But instead of stepping it up, he’d hid his grief in the throes of gambling. Not that August could fault him for it—only by the grace of God had he conquered his own addiction.
But had he conquered it? Was driving to Hollywood Casino to pick up Liam a wise way to ensure he stayed clean? And the casino was more than an hour away. The same casino where he’d wasted his grandfather’s twenty thousand dollars. Not to mention driving Liam to his own home west of Bangor and then driving back. So much for his day with Amie.
“I can’t, Liam. I’m sorry, I have plans.”
“August—please. I have no one else. I’ll be sleeping on the street tonight if I can’t get a ride.”
August groaned, and Liam must have sensed his weakening, for he continued. “I’m going to get help. Maybe you can give me some pointers. A couple months ago I looked into Gamblers Anonymous. Is that something you ever tried?”
His friend was serious, then. What kind of a person would he be to walk away from Liam now, when he was asking for help, when he was willing to try to turn his life around?
Did August deserve the grace his grandfather had shown him? The grace God had shown him? No. Well, this was his opportunity to spread a little help and love to a guy who very much needed it.
He exhaled. “I can be there in a couple hours. I’ll call you.”
“Man, you’re the best. I owe you big time.”
“Just get some help.”
“Will do, my friend.” He said it as if it were the easiest thing since rolling out Play-Doh in kindergarten. He prayed Liam would be able to see the journey through.
They hung up, and before August stood to go inside, he scrolled down to Amie’s number.
“Hey,” she said, her tone low and sultry.
His insides twisted with want. “Hey, yourself.” He cleared his throat. “Listen, something came up. Believe me when I tell you this is the last thing I want to do, but a friend’s in a bind. He just called me, and I have to go give him a hand.”
“Oh. Okay. Anything I can do to help?”
He could ask her to go for the ride with him, but he could imagine how well that might go over. Want to ride with me to the casino, Amie, while we talk about our past, present, and future?
Not going to happen.
“I’m sorry, Amie. There was nothing more I wanted to do than see you today.”
“I’m bringing Cragen over to your house later. Maybe you’ll be back by then?”
“I hope so. Can I call you?”
“Sure. I hope your friend’s okay.”
“He will be.”
They hung up and August hung his head, praying for Liam, for himself, and for the talk he wouldn’t have with Amie as soon as he liked.
41
By the time August pulled into the parking lot of Hollywood Casino, his head throbbed. Unless he counted his cup of coffee that morning, he hadn’t eaten anything all day. He’d driven without stopping, eager to get the good deed done and be home. Maybe he’d be back in time to throw a few hamburgers on the grill. Amie could come over. They could play Canasta or Mexican Train or some other old person game with Grandpop and Aunt Pris. The physical therapist said games were good for Grandpop, that they’d help both motor skills and language.
August put his truck in park and searched the recent calls for Liam’s number. He dialed. It rang several times before going to voice mail. He hung up, dialed again. This time, a breathless Liam came on the phone.
“Auggie!”
August stifled a rebuke at the hated nickname. “I’m here, Liam.”
Loud voices, none distinguishable, and then the unmistakable sound of slot machines. Call him crazy for thinking Liam might wait outside for him.
“Man, just give me a minute.” He lowered his voice. “I already got an ace in the hole, there’s no losing.”
“What? I thought you said you were out of money? Liam, get out of there now. I drove all this way.”
“T-ten more minutes,” his friend slurred.
August hung up, throwing his cell phone on the passenger’s seat and just barely stifling a curse. What had he expected? To come riding in on a white horse to save his stupid friend in distress? He was not waiting another minute. He’d already wasted ninety minutes of his time, not to mention the gas it took to drive here and the headache he earned from the highway miles.
He put the truck in drive and pressed the gas a little too hard. But before he pulled out of the lot, he’d changed his mind. In a burst of fury, he hit his steering wheel and allowed his head to fall back on the headrest, silently cursing Liam up a blue streak.
