Wild, Willing, and Wise, page 2
LESSONS FROM THE RIVER
Now that we have our initial relationship-to-the-river scores, let’s take a closer look at what the river really is.
There is nothing quite like a river that is over five million years old moving at fifteen thousand cubic feet per second to remind you who’s really boss. And to highlight the importance of getting your shit together for the ride.
Because the river doesn’t give a damn who you are or what you have done.
The river is also not out to get you; it is just doing its thing. So whenever you find yourself struggling or sinking, remember this:
Life is a river.
It is flowing, flowing, flowing.
There will be incredible beauty.
There will be rocks.
There will be eddies.
There will be tranquil waters.
There will be holy-Mother-of-God waves.
No matter your skill, sometimes you will capsize.
Others will capsize, too.
So the first thing for us to get straight is this:
Like the river, life has been flowing for a long-ass time and is bigger than all of us tiny humans. We can argue with this fact, try to control the river of life, or give up and spend our lives feeling like we are drowning.
Or we can put on our best adventure shoes, gather our courage, and learn to flow with it. Because, as the first lesson from the river states, the only way out is through.
THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.
The choice you have in this life is whether you are going to be in the adventure or spend your precious life-force energy paddling upstream or trying to scale impossible cliffs.
BEING AN EXPERT IS HELPFUL, BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU WON’TCAPSIZE
Nothing, apart from maybe parking yourself on the shore in a self-imposed coma (which will suck even if it seems safe), will prevent you from loss, emotions, or the messiness of life. And no amount of study, meditation, prayer, drugs, or good looks will helicopter you from the beginning to the end. See #1.
TAKE IT SLOW, LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING, MAKE A PLAN. SCOUT.
Let’s ditch the drama and instead look where we are going and learn the skills to get there. Gather your supplies for this life journey: clear maps, helpful guides, and nourishing food. Pull up periodically and scout the current territory. Slooooww dowwnnn. Make sure you are well fed and well rested and in this moment.
SURRENDER TO THE FLOW.
At a certain point, all the planning, thinking, scheming, and visioning must be released with open arms into the mystery. You can’t clutch your map as you go through life, yelling that it was wrong. Life doesn’t care. Put your arms up, look where you are going, and enjoy the ride. Put your faith in something larger that will guide you when you merge with what is.
WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
We all want love and safety and adventure. We want to be seen and appreciated, to have fabulous hair, and to have peace in our hearts. And while we are all in this life together, one truth to remember is that we each have a different type of boat, different skills, and a different history, each of which are helping to buoy us up or weigh us down (or sometimes both, and sometimes at the same time!). Everyone can learn more skills, but remember that we are all starting from different places and perspectives, so we want to bring compassion, patience, and understanding to our beloved cotravelers and to ourselves.
GOOD GUIDES MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.
Imagine if I had decided to go down the Grand Canyon in a boat by myself, with no support, guidance, or skills. Maybe I could have made it through, but it would not have been much fun, and I probably would have spent much of the time wet, hungry, paddling way too much, and missing the beauty of the side canyons and sunshine on the water. Let us always remember that others have traveled before us and we can learn from their wisdom.
DON’T JUMP OUT OF THE BOAT WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.
Sometimes when things seem the bleakest, scariest, and most unmanageable is when we are about to break through to the other side. Learn how to stay in the boat and paddle with the current even when you can’t see what’s next. Because the only way out is through.
RIDING THE RIVER OF LIFE
Now that you are a bit more familiar with the ways of the river of life, put a check mark next to any statement you can relate to in your own life.
The only way out is through.
____I’m going to spend my life avoiding discomfort, conflict, and emotional pain.
____I’m not signing up for this.
____It’s not worth the effort.
Being an expert is helpful, but it doesn’t mean you won’t capsize.
____If I just read all the books, I’ll understand everything.
____I can protect myself and others through my sheer willpower.
____My worry, anxiety, and worst-case-scenario thinking will save me and my beloveds.
Take it slow, look where you are going, make a plan. Scout.
____There is no time; everything must be done now.
____No one can help me. I’m all alone.
____Everyone else must help me; I have no power.
Surrender to the flow.
____It’s not supposed to be this way.
____Life is against me.
____Struggle is noble.
We are all in this together.
____They just don’t get it. I have to do everything myself.
____Other people are unreliable.
____Hey, it’s easy: Just hit the gas on your speedboat through the rapids and stop whining. What, you don’t have a speedboat? What is wrong with you?
Good guides make everything better.
____I know better than they do.
____I don’t trust anyone.
____If I don’t do it on my own, it doesn’t count.
Don’t jump out of the boat when the going gets tough.
____I don’t have what it takes.
____Get me off this ride now.
____There has got to be another way.
Go back through the statements you checked and pick the three that run through your mind the most often. Write them here:
1.__________________________________________
2.__________________________________________
3.__________________________________________
Now, play with making three new life-affirming statements for yourself. Here’s an example:
My three top statements (in no particular order):
They just don’t get it. I have to do everything myself.
I can protect myself and others through my sheer willpower.
There is no time; everything must be done now.
My new life-affirming statements:
We have so much to learn from each other.
I can look where I am going and flow with what is.
Paddle, rest. Paddle, rest.
Write your new life-affirming statements here (you can’t do it wrong!):
1.__________________________________________
2.__________________________________________
3.__________________________________________
FROM CONCEPT TO EMBODIMENT
Now all you have to do is live your life by those three new statements you just wrote and you will be ready to navigate anything that comes your way with grace, grit, and glee.
Right? Right?
We all wish it were that damn simple.
That’s like saying, “But I packed the boat with everything I needed. Why is the river not cooperating with me?”
Remember: life is complicated, unpredictable, and sometimes a real bitch.
And what can make it even harder is that many of the current motivational models of transformation are a wee bit of the masculine, patriarchal, over-the-top-judgmental flavor. Cue someone yelling at you: “JUST PADDLE! YOU ARE NOT PADDLING HARD ENOUGH! ONLY WIMPS DON’T KNOW HOW TO PADDLE!”
Often … the one doing the yelling is you. How’s that going?
Now imagine, what would a holistic, feminine-informed, deeply healing new paradigm look like?
How can you embody your three life-affirming statements instead of just thinking about them, punishing yourself for not embodying them, or blaming your parents for not raising you right so you could embody them?
Alas, the river is not going to stop.
So let’s call in our guides for this wild-ride journey.
YOUR THREE ENERGY GUIDES
The lessons from my river trip down the Grand Canyon continued to reverberate in my being long after the journey was over. As I integrated everything I learned, I realized that in life, like on a river, we need guides—three in particular.
Allow me to introduce you to your support team: Wild, Willing, and Wise.
WILD: our creativity, curiosity, adventurer energy … the aspect of us that is innocent and playful and believes that everything is possible.
Our Wild guide is the one who says, “Let’s keep going—that was amazing!” after the boat tips over or things get scary.
WILLING: our stabilizing, nourishing, and generative energy … the aspect of us that births and raises children, projects, businesses, and communities.
Our Willing guide is the one who keeps us going when the going gets tough and reminds us when to paddle and when to rest.
WISE: our visionary, intuitive, and patient energy … the aspect of us that listens deeply and holds the big picture.
Our Wise guide is the one who knows how to surrender and let go into what is, to merge with the river and ride the waves.
While we all carry the energies of Wild, Willing, and Wise within us, for many, they are out of balance. When we are deficient in one energy or relying excessively on one or more, we feel off-kilter, weighed down, uncertain, and unsteady. But when we have all three energies working together in the boat with us, we feel steady and prepared to flow with the river of life. When we can bring these three energies into balance, they are the best outfitted, experienced, and fun guides you could ever ask for.
MEET WILD
Your WILD guide is creative, curious, and adventurous. It is the part of you that’s ready to jump into the river and start flowing. It is your inner Wild child. With Wild energy comes a sense of delight and awe and wonder that is already inside each of us, that bone-deep joy of being alive. But often, especially as we flow through life, our Wild energy gets out of balance due to trauma, impetuousness, fear, or stagnation.
Signs you have too little Wild energy: You’d rather stay on the shore than experience the river of life. You find it hard to see the lighter side of situations. You feel pessimistic about the future.
Signs you have too much Wild energy: You jump into the river of life without an oar or even a life jacket. You make your decisions on impulse. You frequently make promises you don’t keep.
When our Wild energy flows naturally, we experience the joy of being alive. We see the world through new, curious eyes. We can bring that childlike wonder and delight in balance in our lives by removing anything that’s blocking its flow. And when our Wild tips toward impulsiveness and immaturity, we can gently guide ourselves back toward curious connection.
On the diagram, circle the words under each category that most relate to you. Write down the top three that best describe how you see yourself right now.
1.__________________________________________
2.__________________________________________
3.__________________________________________
Which side of Wild energy are you most aligned with: deficient, centered, or excess?___________________________________________
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How does Wild energy manifest in your life?________________________
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What do you think/feel/sense about Wild energy? Write without editing or thinking … Just see what comes out of your beautiful brain.
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Use your imagination to draw or describe what your inner Wild guide would look like for you at this time. You might be inspired by someone you know, a movie or fictionalized character, or even an animal!
MEET WILLING
Your WILLING guide is stabilizing, nourishing, and generative. It is the part of you that remembered to bring all the supplies to sustain and nourish you on your journey. It is what you can count on to keep you rowing down the river. Willing energy is most present in the phase of our life when we’re actively nurturing and nourishing ourselves and our projects: work, children, our art. While there is a mothering quality to this guide, it isn’t about gender or biological fertility. It is about offering our attention and care to ourselves and others.
Signs you have too little Willing energy: You are ready to jump out of the boat when the river of life gets choppy. You feel frustrated and powerless. You feel like the river just wants to flow against you, so why bother trying?
Signs you have too much Willing energy: You bring supplies for all the boats and are trying to row them all. You base your value on being of service to others. You feel resentful and exhausted because you’ve taken on too much.
When our Willing energy flows naturally, we are steady, strong, and mature—we take honest responsibility for our choices without blame or
When our Willing energy flows naturally, we are steady, strong, and mature—we take honest responsibility for our choices without blame or guilt. We can bring our willingness forward by doing the inner work to wash away insecurity, victimization, and anxiety. And when we release codependency and caretaking, we can discover sustainable nourishment and ease.
On the diagram, circle the words under each category that most relate to you. Write down the top three that best describe how you see yourself right now.
1.__________________________________________
2.__________________________________________
3.__________________________________________
Which side of Willing energy are you most aligned with: deficient, centered, or excess?___________________________________________
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How does Willing energy manifest in your life?_________________
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What do you think/feel/sense about Willing energy? Write without editing or thinking … Just see what comes out of your sweet heart.
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