Dirty Blood Boxed Set, Includes, page 119
“I’m coming home.”
“What? When? You can’t—”
“It’s important. You have to stay with him until then. Don’t let Steppe get to him. Or you. Okay?”
“Okay—”
“I mean it. Be careful, Ang. If you think Steppe is going to try something, get out of there. Take Alex with you.”
“What is this about? You’re acting crazy.”
“I can’t talk about it right now. I need to figure this out. I’ll call you when I know more.”
I hung up and powered the phone off before she could argue. I stayed where I was on the floor and folded my knees into my chest. Then I pressed my hands to my tear-stained cheeks and wished like hell the word ‘bond’ didn’t exist.
“You should maybe sound less determined when you voice your intention to your alpha boyfriend. At least make him think he gets a say in the matter.”
I whipped my head around. “George, you scared me.”
“Good. You need a healthy dose.”
George brushed past me, his back rigid. I scrambled to my feet and followed him into the living room. “Alex is awake,” I said.
“I know.”
“He seems all right.”
“I know.”
I lowered my voice and added, “Except that I felt him missing me.”
His voice dipped in a way that was more from anger than an attempt to keep the conversation quiet. “I know.”
I stopped. “Well?”
He threw his hands up. “Well, what, Tara? You want me to give you permission to leave the complete safety of our current location and march right back into the lion’s den to lay eyes on a boy you recently decided you love only slightly less than your current boyfriend, just to satisfy your own guilt over almost killing him?”
I blinked at him.
“Is that what you want from me right now? Because that’s what it sure as hell seems like and it’s not going to happen.”
“George, I …”
“Don’t try to lie to me, either. I’ve heard it all already.” He tapped his temple with one finger. “One too many times.”
I folded my arms across my chest, unable to help the stubbornness that rose to the surface—or the argument before it slipped out. “It’s not like I can be hurt. Their weapons are metal. I’m immune.” It was a weak argument at best, reckless at worst. But it was all I could think of. George’s words riled me: he could hear it? As in, hear my exact thoughts?
“And what about Wes? Is he immune too?”
“I … don’t know.” And I realized then I really didn’t know. After I’d learned about my immunity, I’d spoken to Wes about letting Astor test him as well but I’d never asked him if he’d done it or what the outcome had been. It wasn’t surprising I’d forgotten about it with everything else that’d happened afterward. Olivia, the hybrids, Alex. But why hadn’t Wes said anything?
“Maybe you should find out,” George said. “Because you’re crazy if you think he wouldn’t follow you wherever you run. Even straight into the fire. Especially then. And I’ve lived through your guilt over almost killing one person you care about. I don’t think you could handle it again.”
I hated so very much that George was right.
George gulped the milk from the carton and disappeared upstairs with the makings of cereal. He said something about checking on Emma but I barely heard him.
George was right. Wes would never agree to go back. Not for this. Not for the ‘other guy,’ and I knew no matter what I said, that’s how Wes viewed Alex. The competition. The other choice. It was a conversation we’d been avoiding, but if I brought this to him, there was no way we’d be able to shove it aside any longer.
But even knowing that, I couldn’t make myself stop wanting to find a way to get to Alex. I told myself it was because of the possibility of a bond. It sounded weak, even to me.
I paced the length of the hallway, back and forth between the entryway and living room, until Wes came down. His hair was in its usual disheveled state after waking and his lids were heavy. He smiled when he saw me and kissed my temple, his hand brushing my shoulder. Underneath his fingernails was a layer of dirt. There’d been no shovel so he’d dug the hole for Janie’s burial in his wolf form.
We hadn’t spoken of her since yesterday when we’d carried her blanket-clad body to the edge of the clearing and placed her in the ground. Emma had cried silent tears while George held her. I’d stood rigidly beside Wes and pictured ripping out Steppe’s throat until the urge to cry disappeared. It was too much, this loss of another pack member. The darkness was an intangible force, but Steppe was something solid. Something I could exact vengeance from. And I fully intended to.
“Morning,” Wes murmured against my ear, forcing me out of my runaway thoughts. “Coffee?”
“No, thanks,” I said.
He disappeared around the corner. George’s disapproval came through loud and clear. I did my best to mentally shove him out. Then I followed Wes into the kitchen.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Shoot.”
“Did you ever let Astor test you for the metal immunity?”
He blinked, looking a little surprised by my question. He didn’t answer until he’d turned his back to me and busied himself with the makings for coffee. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to know.”
“But that’s silly. If you can’t be hurt, then—”
He swiveled to face me and cut me off. “I could still be hurt, Tara. So can you. Just because the metal itself won’t hurt doesn’t mean the placement of a stake wouldn’t have the same effect. You’re not invincible.”
“I didn’t say I was, but the immunity makes it harder at least.”
“I don’t want to operate under the assumption I’m harder to kill. It would make me reckless.”
“I’m not reckless. I’m confident,” I said.
I watched as he poured himself a mug from the carafe and sipped slowly. “Why are you asking me about this now?”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. “Alex is awake.”
“That’s great. So, he’s going to be okay then?”
“I think so. Medically, anyway. But …”
“But?”
“I think I felt something from him.”
He stilled, the steaming mug halfway to his mouth and stared at me over the rim. “From him or for him?”
I pressed my lips together. “From him,” I said through closed teeth.
“What does that even mean? As in, you read his mind?”
“It means I felt an emotion that wasn’t my own while we were on the phone. I’m pretty sure it was his. And if so, that means we’re …”
“Bonded,” he finished.
“Maybe,” I squeaked.
“Maybe?”
“I don’t know. It was different than the others.”
He set the mug down and braced himself with his palms on the counter. “Can you feel him now?”
I searched my awareness but all I sensed was George—eavesdropper—and Emma. “No.”
“But you’re sure you did earlier?”
“No,” I admitted. “Not a hundred percent. And it worries me.”
“It worries you that you might not have a mental connection with him?”
“No, it lasted for the time we were on the phone and now it’s gone. I don’t know what that means, but I think it’s important. It’s the same thing that happened with the pack. Steppe took them away and the bond went with them and now I don’t feel them at all.”
“And are you sad and empty now that you can’t feel Alex?”
His words cut into me. I straightened, planting my feet. “No. I’m worried because he’s my friend. Because maybe whatever’s causing this means he isn’t actually medically okay. He did recently wake up from a coma.
“And I thought maybe, if we can figure out the bond thing, it will help me get the bond back with the pack so we can find them and save them. Which is the reason I asked if you’d let Astor test you for the metal immunity. If you had, we’d know whether we stood a chance against them by turning and facing them instead of running and hiding.”
“That’s it, then. That’s what this is all about. You want to leave.”
“We can’t hide forever.”
“You were fine with it until he woke up.”
“No, I was not fine! I’m still not fine,” I shot back. “I’m a mess. It’s like my brain has detached from my body and nothing makes sense. For days, I haven’t eaten or slept or been able to think through a decision. After what happened with Janie yesterday, it got worse. But right now, finally, I have a fight in me again. I thought you did too. Guess I was wrong.”
I turned to go but Wes was around the corner and blocking my path before I’d taken two steps. He rested a hand on either of my shoulders. “Tara, wait.” He sounded defeated. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t want to defend myself to you anymore. Not about him.”
His jaw tightened and his eyes flickered to some spot on the wall behind me for a moment before coming back to my face. “You don’t have to. I was wrong.”
Some part of me knew what it took for him to admit that, but I couldn’t appreciate it right now. I meant it when I’d said I was ready to fight, and he’d made himself the bad guy. I wasn’t backing down.
“It’s not about him, or not in the way you think. It’s about saving lives. If we’re the only ones who can, don’t we have a responsibility to try?”
“We are trying.”
“We’re just sitting here.”
“Sometimes, being a leader means sitting back and forming a plan, a strategy. It’s the difference between chess and whack-a-mole.”
I wrenched my shoulder free of his hand. “Whack-a-mole?”
“It’s a carnival game. A mole pops up and you have to hit it with this—”
“I know the game. That’s what you think I’m doing?”
“I think you’re reckless for wanting to leave. Leaders plan. And they don’t always get to be on the front lines. Sometimes you have to fall back and regroup.” His tone wasn’t even angry anymore. It was more condescending than anything. Like he knew better and wanted nothing more than to teach me the right way. Like a child coloring outside the lines. Inside the void in my chest, resentment flared.
“And what if I don’t want to be a leader?” I demanded.
“You already are. You’re just the last to see it.” I scowled. “Everyone’s already following you. You don’t notice because you’re too busy changing course.”
“I’m reacting to the circumstances.”
He went on like I hadn’t spoken. “A pack protects its leader. Why do you think you were sent to an invisible safe house?”
I didn’t answer. I refused to meet his eyes.
He threw up his hands and paced away from me. “Why do you think Steppe wants you in the first place? Same reason we all followed you into the woods after Olivia. And why Miles wanted you. And Leo before him.” I shuddered. “You’re a leader, Tara. You’ve always been a leader. You’ve never wanted to see it.”
Everything he said made sense, so much that I couldn’t bring myself to argue. But I couldn’t stand here either. My mind buzzed, full for the first time in days. But a different kind of full. This noise was all my own making and no amount of music would shut it out.
My wolf strained against my temper, caged. It wanted out.
“I need some air,” I said, whirling and heading for the door. I expected Wes to stop me or snap back with some retort but I heard nothing from behind me. I stomped the few steps to the back door, grabbed the knob, and twisted. It swung heavily on its hinges and slammed the wall, knocking a piece of framed artwork to the floor with a thud. I ignored it and kicked my foot out across the threshold—and stumbled back.
“What the …?” I rubbed my nose and stared through the open doorway. I could clearly see the porch on the other side with the few steps leading down to the grass. Beyond that, the forest encroached and led away into the shaded unknown.
“What is it?” Wes asked, a strange note in his voice.
I lifted my hand, palm out, and pressed against what looked like open air separating me from the outside. My fingertips hit something hard and smooth. I ran my hand down the length of the doorway.
“We’re trapped,” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
I gestured to whatever invisible force field blocked my way.
Wes came around me and took a tentative step forward. He held his hands up, palms out, like I’d done. He pressed lightly at first and then pulled back and hit hard enough there was an audible smack.
He stared through the doorway, entirely too calm. “I’ll be damned. We’re definitely trapped.”
I glared at him. “You don’t have to sound so happy about it.”
“What’s up?” George appeared with two empty bowls in hand.
“There’s some sort of barrier blocking the doorway. We can’t get out,” Wes told him.
“A barrier?” George set the dishes aside and came over. At Wes’s nod, he extended a hand. It stopped short halfway across the threshold. “What is it?”
“Not sure,” Wes said.
“We were outside yesterday,” I said. For Janie. George’s eyes flickered to me.
“Wonder what changed,” George said. “Is the front door the same way?”
I hurried to the front door and threw it open. Sunshine streamed in, warming my bare arms. I extended a hand until my fingertips bumped an invisible force.
“Ugh! It’s the same,” I called.
“I guess we’re stuck,” George said as both boys came up behind me.
I glared at them. Neither one seemed the least bit bothered. In fact, I could taste George’s relief mixing with my disappointment. I swallowed back a curse.
“Told you not to do it this way,” George muttered.
“Shut up,” Wes said.
My eyed narrowed. “Do what this way?”
Neither one answered. George shot Wes a look.
“Wes?” I prompted.
“Edie may have sealed the house,” he said.
“How?”
“The earthquake … wasn’t an earthquake.”
I stared at him while that sunk in. The earthquake—it hadn’t been the ground shaking. It’d been the house itself. Settling. Sealing. I shook my head. “But we were outside yesterday. For Janie.”
He looked at George. “Extenuating circumstances.”
“You know how to get out,” I said.
He shook his head. “Not anymore. I called Edie after what happened with Janie and she gave me the bypass phrase, but she said it would change after we used it. I don’t know it anymore.”
“Try it anyway,” I said.
He walked forward and laid his hand against the invisible barrier that blocked the doorway. “Exitus,” he muttered.
Nothing happened.
He stepped back. “I told you. She said she it’s set up to change every day and after every use.”
My arms shook with the effort to remain human. My wolf wanted a piece of whatever had caused my temper. “This is why Grandma sent us here,” I yelled. “Not because I’m a leader. They wanted to sideline us. And you helped her do it.”
“I didn’t help her.”
“Maybe not, but you knew about it.”
“Because I knew you’d react this way.”
“How else should I react? We’re trapped.”
“I think—” Wes began.
“I’m going to my room.” I didn’t want to hear what he thought. I was having a hard enough time knowing what George thought. I was trapped, no matter the reason.
The boys let me go without another word.
Upstairs, I flopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. Guilt pricked at me. I did my best to shove it aside. I wanted to hang on to my mad a little longer.
At some point, I’d apologize. Not yet. Right now, I wanted to seethe a little. I knew when I stopped being mad, I’d have to accept the fact that I was trapped and that Wes had known that.
Without my anger, I’d have to think about Janie. And the pack. And my possible bond with Alex. And the looming void. Again.
Being angry shoved all that to the side. It made my thoughts clearer. If I was going to be trapped here, I had to find a way to make it useful. To be ready to take action when I found a way out. And not go crazy in the meantime. If that took embracing my temper, so be it.
***
“Tara? You awake?”
I opened my eyes and blinked until I remembered where I was and why Wes looked so nervous to be hovering over me, bringing me back to consciousness.
“Hey,” I said, giving him a small smile.
He visibly relaxed and lowered himself to the edge of the bed.
Somewhere between my temper waning and promising I’d find a way out of the invisible barricade, I’d fallen asleep.
“How long was I asleep?” I asked, rubbing my eyes and propping myself on my elbows.
“You missed lunch. You okay?”
I took stock of my mental and emotional status. Emma was fed and fine. Still on two legs and sticking close to George. She was excited at having his attention. It did wonders to battle the grief she felt over Janie.
I started to sit up and paused. If I wasn’t mistaken, George was equally as thrilled at being with her.
Interesting. How had I missed this?
“Tara?” Wes prompted when I didn’t answer.
“Oh. I’m much better.” I rested my hand on his cheek and ran it slowly down his jaw, enjoying the rough stubble that’d grown in over the last few days. I rubbed at it as I looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”
He took my free hand in both of his. “I’m sorry too. Edie asked me not to say anything. I should’ve told you, but I knew how upset you’d be. She’s only trying to keep you safe.”
“If I had a dollar for every time someone went behind my back to make me safe, I’d be rich.”
