Damaged: A Black Diamond Novel, page 21
I groaned so hard I shook the sofa as he slipped the condom on his cock. “Just fuck me, please,” I whimpered.
Tiago smirked and reached for my phone, then handed it to me. “Go on, front view, pretty boy.”
My breath hitched and I looked at the screen. My face was in the foreground, but my lifted ass was in the center and Tiago, towering like a sculpture to what sex would be if it was a person, knelt behind me. When he reached for the bottle of lube, I protested. “Just spit,” I said. “Make me moan.”
He was taken back by the request, but he quickly smirked and spat on his hand, then rubbed himself a little before positioning the tip of his cock against my hole. “Relax, baby boy,” he purred and I obeyed.
His cock sank into me smoothly, but my eyes widened still and pain squeezed the requested moans right out my throat. I’d come prepared, obviously, and Tiago had done a lot with his fingers, but I still felt every fraction of an inch of me stretching wide.
He was so thick that he filled me to my first maximum within a few seconds, needing to pull back and make me grunt with pleasure. I cried out when he rocked us forward and thrust my ass back at him, taking more of his dick with each move.
Then, as we surrendered ourselves to one last foray, nothing held us back.
Tiago rammed me, rocking the sofa under us, and snatched the phone away after several minutes of expressions melting on my face, pain to pleasure and back to pain before euphoria took over me and I grinned like a fool with every thrust, begging him for more.
He filmed from above, each time his cock penetrated me, then up close whenever he pulled out to leave me gaping, whimpering into the seat of the sofa and begging him to put it back and fuck me harder. He did, every damn time I asked.
He liked me when I pleaded. He liked me when I begged.
Whenever he buried himself in me, the sensation spread and made me pulse.
Tiago tossed the phone on the sofa and left it to me to adjust the angle before he grabbed my arms and crossed them at my wrists on the small of my back. He held my wrists in one hand, and grabbed my shoulder, yanking me up and sliding his dick into me until his balls pressed against my taint.
I growled, feeling him penetrate me under this angle as I knelt straight up. He still held my wrists, but his other arm was wrapping around my arched torso.
“Show them,” Tiago growled into my ear. “Show them how you come on my dick without your hands.”
My cock throbbed immediately as he mercilessly pushed into me, massaging my prostate as precum flooded out of me. It dripped and dragged in a thick, silver string that dampened a large, round spot on the sofa, swinging as our bodies rocked back and forth.
He smashed against me, his groin slapping against my bare cheeks, and he fucked the cum out of me right when I managed to draw in a deep breath of air and moan out a plea for more. He did obey, for a few more seconds of glory, as cum shot over the seat of the sofa and splattered everything, including my phone.
Tiago pushed me away, sliding out of me, and slipped the condom off. “On your knees, boy,” he said and I fell to the floor, reaching for my dick to stroke myself a little more even though my orgasm had thundered through me by now.
My mouth gaped open and my face was as eager as I had ever managed to make it appear. It wasn’t acting. Not with him.
He turned the camera around to the back and filmed me patiently waiting with my mouth gaped open. One of my hands still stroked my cock, cum smearing over its length, while the other moved back to rub and sooth my wrecked hole.
Tiago was breathing quicker, hissing through his teeth as he jerked himself off above my face. And when he pushed himself to the tips of his toes and released a thin, high-pitched moan that lasted half a heartbeat, I knew he was coming.
The heat of his orgasm landed on my face, my hair, my eye. Most of it trickled into my mouth and I licked my lips, eyes closed, and felt his proximity. I opened wider and let him slide into my mouth while he was still throbbing, though he was already spent.
His hand clasped the back of my head and he buried himself in my throat for a while longer, neither of us moving or breathing.
Then, as a long groan left him, he slid out of me and waved the camera around, taking all angles of my fiery fall from grace.
I would have paid a higher price if I had to, just to be with him one more time.
“That’s a good, beautiful sub,” he was whispering to me, filming my stained face and smearing his cum over my lips, sliding his thumb into my mouth to suckle. He moved around, then filmed the mess on the sofa, before bringing the lens to my rear and showing off his grand achievement, the pulsing, clenching hole he had stretched with his thickness.
And when he was done, he threw the phone on the sofa, and lifted me to my feet. He wrapped me in his arms, held me, and soothed me with words in case I panicked now. Little chance of that; I was in heaven already.
“You were so good,” he whispered, running his fingers through my hair. “So fucking good, Matthew.”
He took my hand and the phone, then led the way upstairs to the bed, where he placed the phone on the nightstand and me over the sheet. He joined me and lay on his back, pulling me to rest my face on his chest. His heart pounded and I remembered this wasn’t just my reputation going down the drain. “You were amazing,” I told him. “You shattered my world.”
He hummed and scratched the back of my head, then down my spine. “We could do this for a living if we needed to.”
I chuckled at that. Minutes passed and I felt the weight of the video lower itself on my chest. “Do you want to post it?” I asked.
Tiago reached for the phone and we both sat up, backs against the headboard.
“Do you want to watch it?” Tiago asked.
“I trust you,” I said. I would have a lifetime of this video on permanent record. No doubt I would see it many times in the near future. For now, I just wanted to see something burn down.
I handled it all very quickly and methodically. For the first time in my life, I opened an account with a porn depository, and uploaded the video stating my full name in the title with a bunch of extra juicy words that made Tiago snicker. “I didn’t know you knew porn existed.”
I shot him a glance and a crooked smile. “How do you think I relaxed with my debilitating fear of sober sex for the past decade?” I asked.
“Fair enough,” Tiago said.
I uploaded the video in several other places before copying a link to the first one and sending it off to a reporter from The Scoop. He would drop off his chair, I was sure.
As the text message bubble with my link got delivered, I exhaled a breath of air I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“Did we just…save the human race?” Tiago asked.
I couldn’t breathe, so I just stared without panicking. “I think so.” There was no bringing the message back.
“Good,” Tiago said simply.
I blinked twice at him as if I forgot he was sitting here.
“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning in.
The thought of not being able to bring that video back made me start thinking about trying to do just that. Oh, I was panicking alright. My fingers trembled and I managed to draw the shallowest of breaths, just deep enough to keep me from shutting down.
“Dude, this was the right thing to do,” Tiago said, slapping my neck with his hand and giving a little squeeze. “And…” He suddenly appeared shy beyond words. His small smile was crooked as he scanned me. “If it’s any consolation, you look sweet as a pie in it. I made sure.”
I bit my lip. Oddly, that…helped. Maybe there was a trace of vanity still kicking in me.
I said nothing. Instead, I pressed my head against his shoulder, tucking it in the crook of his neck.
“We’re so hot in that shit,” Tiago said with pride.
I switched my phone to airplane mode and threw it over to my nightstand. “You think that’ll help us?”
He snorted. “Dunno. But it’ll score us some sympathy points with some crowd.”
“What if we just started a war?” I asked, horrified. I could see certain crowds getting protective of us, now. But I could also see Father going after us with all his might. He had millions of people who lost their minds over him. I would disgust some of them enough to scratch my father off the list. The fact his son stabbed him in the back would carry more weight than an embarrassing video with any more serious groups of people. And I might lose him enough popular support that the Feds decide to look into his records from the time he had spent as the Secretary of State. So far, it had always hovered on the horizon, but Father had been too powerful to touch. Too many people would have seen it as a call for war.
“If this country goes to war over two gay boys, Matthew, we live in a much better world than I was aware,” Tiago said whimsically.
That was neither comforting nor what I had meant, but I let it pass.
“He’ll never stop coming after us,” I whispered.
Tiago stiffened. “You’re telling me this now?” he demanded.
My mouth dropped open and I stared at him, shocked and welling with frightened regret. “I…” Did he not realize that?
But Tiago threw his head back and laughed the roof off the house. “Your face!” He was laughing so hard that I couldn’t hear my own voice as I cursed him to a thousand deaths by a thousand bee stings. “You’re so gullible,” he scolded playfully. “Turn around, boy. I’m going to spoon the fuck out of you.”
And he sure did.
Whatever was happening in the rest of the world would wait. I had no wish to witness it in real time. So, I tucked myself in his hold, melted into him, and drifted away while he held me.
Chills were kept at bay for another day.
Chapter Nineteen
TIAGO
The new day found us in bed, naked and without a care in the world. Matthew sprawled unashamedly, which tripled the size of my heart. His cock lay flat on his lower abdomen while mine throbbed with a morning erection.
I reached over and pulled Matthew closer, sliding him against the bed and squeezing a murmur out of him until he felt my body pressing against his. He moaned softly and smiled. “I feel that.”
“I should hope so,” I said, still sleepy.
He snorted and murmured something as he dived back into sleep.
I allowed myself to let go and drift away with him for a while longer. The end of the world was here. It wasn’t going anywhere.
As I drifted, I found myself on top of a very high building. I wasn’t sure if it was a real building that existed in the world. If so, I didn’t know its name. I stood on the very edge, nothing separating me from the open chasm.
I startled awake, my legs jerking. In an instant, my head was full of two realities taking place simultaneously. I was certain that our universe clashed with an alternative one for a moment. In one, I lost my footing and flew. In this one, I woke up with my fingers digging into Matthew’s ribcage and my heart pounding.
The universes disentangled as I took in my surroundings. Light was pouring into the house and I was in my bed. Safe. Holding onto him, a mattress keeping me in place.
I blinked myself to total awareness, then slipped out of the bed and sought underwear and shorts. Downstairs, I put coffee to brew and deliberately avoided turning on the TV or checking my phone.
Whatever had come off our tape could wait a while longer.
My curiosity disagreed, but I persisted.
Matthew, it seemed, had the same idea. Perhaps we were both so surprised that the world was still turning around and we didn’t want to jinx it.
Whatever the case, we decided to not mention it just yet.
I glanced at Matthew, catching his gaze, and wondered at the fountain of warmth in my chest. Hell, it was more akin to an erupting volcano. Lava was pouring through my chest and I wheezed in a breath of air. “I’ll head out,” I said in a low voice and took my mug of fresh coffee. “The beach if you…” It was a murmur that trailed off. Perhaps the world had ended and we lived in a new one. In this one, I wasn’t sure of my footing anywhere. Was it okay to invite Matthew to have coffee on the beach with me? Did I want him there, even?
I thought the answer to the last question was ‘yes,’ but it alerted guilt in me that I couldn’t shake off just like that.
Still, when I sat down in the sand on a lonely patch of the beach that was less flashy than the main one, and I flipped through a few pages of Good Omens, his shadow made me happy for an instant. It covered the pages as I shut the book and looked up at him.
Matthew wore a billowy cream shirt and a pair of knee-length shorts, his sleeves rolled up, showing thin forearms. Sweat was starting to break over his brow.
“How are you?” I asked as he sat in the sand next to me.
He slurped his coffee and exhaled. “Good.”
“Good?” I pressed. “You’re not exactly glowing.”
He shrugged. “It’s the…” Again, he shrugged.
It was the withdrawal.
We were silent for an endless while.
Sun was beginning to burn the ground and bake us on the sand. We gazed out at the ocean’s calm churning. The surface glimmered with the reflected rays of sunshine, flickering on the never-still water.
I paced inside my own head while sitting still and stiff. To speak or not to speak? What to tell him? To ask?
But Matthew cleared his throat, probably sick of my silence. “So…”
It wasn’t much, but it was something. Things we had left unsaid had a way of creeping up from behind. And the two of us were masters of leaving things unsaid. “Have you checked anything yet?”
“No,” Matthew said. Then, after a silence, he glanced at me. “I don’t need to. I know I have no family anymore.”
My heart murmured in pain. “Oh, Matthew,” I said darkly. “If they can’t accept you for who you are, they never deserved you. It’s their loss.”
“I never had one, you mean,” Matthew said with a cynical smile. “Right, because I didn’t.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat.
“I’m on my own now,” Matthew said flatly, then let the silence linger until it was almost unbearable. It was my turn to speak, but I didn’t dare. The shields were rising fast and I stared ahead. So, when he got nothing from me, he nudged. “Unless…”
I pressed my lips tighter together.
“I’ve given my life away with you. I’d like to know if…if there’s anything that I could look forward to.” His voice was raw and dry like it cost him everything to ask me this. “We’re, uh…we’re not that bad, eh?”
My eyes were grainy when I blinked. “Matthew, I…” My voice cracked.
He nodded hurriedly, like a rebuked child trying to keep their pride. But it was bothering him because he sighed and slouched. “It’s just, after yesterday, I thought, maybe…”
“I know,” I admitted, scooting to sit next to him. “I know. I thought the same.”
His head spun to face me. In the periphery of my vision, I could register his confused frown. “You thought so and yet you can’t?”
Tremors ran over my heart as I shook my head a little. “Yes.”
Matthew scoffed. His prickliness was something that he didn’t flaunt, but I knew its little edge. It was interesting. It made him a real person in the ocean of knock-offs. “Yes?” he demanded in tone if not in volume. “That’s all you have to say? You can’t just dangle it like that and not explain yourself, Tiago.” He drew his knees closer together and rested his chin on them. Shivers rocked him briefly and my heart sank. He was in withdrawal. Not long from now, he would be seeking to rekindle his friendship with Masha.
And what would I do? Watch him waste away? Let myself get attached and watch him perish? I’d done that. I was never doing that again.
Except my heart fractured and bled for him, sparking guilt in every cell where it had lay dormant all this time. “I can’t,” I whispered, strangled with the intensity of my own guilt. It had caught me blind and unprepared. I hadn’t wished to care again. “Matthew, you don’t…you don’t know everything about me. You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know how I feel around you,” Matthew said simply, looking away, scanning the horizon.
“How is that?” I asked, the edge in my voice sharpening. “Like getting high?”
“Pretty much,” Matthew muttered, unhappy now and not bothering to hide it. I appreciate his honesty. I appreciated the complexity of this situation and the fact that he wanted to face it, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I was too far gone, detaching more with every passing day. “You can’t say that to me, Tiago,” he said abruptly. “You can’t say I know nothing about you, when I know this. We’re alike.”
I nodded. “Yeah. And that’s not a plus, Matthew. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, least of all you. To be like me is hell.” I found it in me to turn my head and look into his eyes. “I’m not…free.” The admission was quiet and painful. I was a dead guy’s boyfriend, incapable of letting go. Sharp and sandy, the sensation in my eyes made blinking hard, so I didn’t.
“You’re what?” he asked, half-horrified.
“It’s not like that,” I whispered, my throat closing, cutting off the flow of air. I couldn’t inhale and I couldn’t speak. Something terrible was going to happen. I didn’t want it to happen here and now. Hush. Hush. But whispering to myself didn’t help one bit.
“You’re not free?” Matthew asked, horrified now. The betrayal.
Oh, the betrayal on every front. “It’s not…I…” I shook my head and clung to the book. “I can’t do this now.”
“Do what?” Matthew demanded. “Did you cheat on him with me, Tiago? Did you cheat?”
My eyebrows lowered, curving and contorting. My face was twisting as something welled in me and threatened to drag me to the ocean’s floor. “I can’t talk about it,” I said, my voice small and thinning.
“You owe me that much, dammit,” Matthew said desperately. “Weeks of orbiting you, feeling whole for once in my wretched life, and you drop this on me without an explanation. Tiago, you owe me the truth.”
