The Sandy Page Bookshop, page 18
Lucy
Best friends can be unicorns. It was the first thought Lucy had when she got Reya’s text the next morning. I got his number. Want me to text him for you?
Lucy was getting ready for work. She’d asked Leah for a half day so she could visit Ella at rehab in the afternoon. It had been only a few days, but it felt like ages since she’d seen her. Now Reya had Jep Parsons’s number.
She texted Reya back, thanking her and telling her exactly what to say to Jep. Got it. BRB when he answers, Reya replied.
Lucy was so nervous she could barely choke down her cereal at the kitchen table. She stole a look at her parents seated across from her. They’d been dead serious about staying away from Jep Parsons. The lawsuit had been filed. There could be no mistakes. But she had to know about that note. It was a clue about that night, and it might be a clue for helping Ella.
“Your sister will be happy to see you,” her mother said, as she sipped her coffee. “She’s making so many gains.”
“That’s great.” Lucy glanced surreptitiously at her phone to see if Reya had replied yet.
“The physiatrist took her to the pool yesterday and helped her walk back and forth in the shallow end,” her mother went on.
“You should see her! Walking almost all by herself,” her father said. Lucy couldn’t help but note it was the same pride he’d shown when Ella had been awarded her scholarship, only now it was over her ability to walk.
“Has she talked yet?” Lucy asked. Until the two of them could speak, it was like part of her sister was still gone.
“She’s trying,” her mother said, staring into her mug. So far Ella’s communications had been guttural, unintelligible to the family and frustrating for her. It was heartbreaking for Lucy to sit there and watch her struggle, never knowing what to say. “The good news is, she’s not giving up after a word or two, like before. I can tell there’s something she’s trying to say.”
Her phone vibrated in her lap. It was Reya. She snuck a peek under the table.
He replied. He wants to meet you.
Lucy glanced at the clock and excused herself from the table. Ask if he can meet this morning. At Lighthouse Beach.
I’m coming too.
Fine. Tell me what he says.
There was a long pause while Lucy waited, heart pitter-pattering. Then dots on her screen. He said yes! What time?
If she left now, she could be at Lighthouse Beach parking lot, just across the street from the Sandy Page, in twenty minutes.
20 minutes? She waited, thinking. It was probably too soon. Jep wouldn’t have time to get there. Was she willing to be late to work for this?
A minute later, Reya replied: He said ok. I’m leaving now. WAIT FOR ME!!!!!
Lucy laughed aloud, but her heart was now pounding.
Tell him the bottom of the steps. The overlook at Lighthouse Beach parking lot was set high above the beach. The steps down to the sand were steep and many, but she didn’t want to risk anyone she knew driving by and seeing them together.
Lucy ran back into the kitchen and grabbed the lunch bag her mother had left on the counter. “Leaving already?” her mom asked.
“I’m going to work early,” she lied. “Since I’m leaving to see Ella this afternoon.”
“Alright. Remember, I’m picking you up at twelve-thirty.”
“I know.” She kissed her mom’s cheek and ran out the door for her bike. Jep Parsons had agreed to meet. It was time to ask him about the note.
She pedaled so fast she made it to the lot five minutes early. Lucy left her bike against the guardrail at the edge of the lot and looked around. Neither Jep nor Reya was there yet. Across the way the Sandy Page Bookshop stood empty and still dark; there was no sign of Leah’s car parked along the curb yet. Chatham Harbor glittered cerulean blue beneath a matching sky, the narrow strip of North Beach Island casting its golden glow between the two. A few cars pulled in and Lucy squinted in the morning sun trying to recognize drivers. What was Jep driving these days since the accident? She recognized none of them. Resigned, she started down the steps to the beach below.
“Lucy!” It was Reya, coasting across the parking lot. She ditched her bike by Lucy’s and joined her, breathless. “He’s not here yet?” They scanned the lot together.
“What if he doesn’t come?” Lucy worried aloud.
“Oh, he’s coming,” Reya assured her.
A minivan full of kids parked nearby. Then a Jeep with kayaks strapped on top. Finally, a gray pickup pulled into the lot. Parsons’s Garage the lettering on the driver’s door read. “Great. Nothing like meeting in secret.”
“Relax,” Reya told her. “Go down to the beach. I’ll tell him you’re there.”
As Lucy descended the stairs, nervousness overtook her. What exactly did she expect to get out of this meeting? She’d already told Jep to leave her alone. What made her think he’d tell her anything about that night? She only had one thing for leverage: Ella. Jep seemed like he’d do about anything for access to Ella.
She kicked off her sneakers in the sand and waited at the bottom of the steps. That section of the beach was still in shadows, protected from the bluff above; the sand still cold from the night before. A middle-aged couple made their way down the stairs. Then a bunch of kids. Finally, Reya appeared with Jep Parsons right behind her.
Lucy crossed her arms, readying herself as if for battle.
Reya and Jep joined her and for a moment they stood together in an uncomfortable huddle, silent. Jep, in blue coveralls, looked like he was dressed for work at the garage. His eyes were clear and bright as he addressed her.
“Did you give her the note?”
“What did you mean by ‘Please don’t tell’?”
He ran his hands through his beautiful hair and walked a few yards off, exasperated. Just as quickly he walked back. “You read it?” he scoffed. “Of course you did. I don’t even care.”
Jep was angry at her? Well, Lucy had plenty of anger stored up, too. “You shove a note in my pocket for my poor sister that says ‘Please don’t tell’ and you really expect me to just hand it over to her?”
Jep was not budging. “Just give it to her. She needs to know.”
“Know what?” Lucy demanded.
Jep shut his mouth, staring at her as if trying to decide something.
“Do you even know how bad off she is?” Lucy asked. Jep had no idea what he was asking of her. It was her turn to make demands.
“I don’t know anything,” he said. “Because your family won’t let me near her!”
“Why would they? She could have died.”
“I tried to protect her,” he cried. “I’m still trying. You have to give her that note. She’ll know what it means.” Jep took in a raggedy breath. “It will help.”
He needed a reality check. “She can’t talk, Jep.”
“What?”
“I don’t think she can read, either. So forget about your stupid note.”
“What do you mean?” The shock on his face seemed genuine.
“She can’t walk, she can’t stand up on her own. She can’t even tell us what hurts.” Lucy’s voice cracked. It was the last thing she wanted, but standing on the sand between her best friend and her worst enemy she felt all the pieces she’d tried so hard to hold together crackle.
“I didn’t know!” Jep insisted.
“Ella isn’t going to Tufts, Jep. Ella can’t even say her own name.”
“Fuck.” Jep held his head in his hands, bending over like he might be sick. “My parents said she was getting better. That she left the hospital and was in rehab.” He straightened, looking at Lucy pleadingly. “They said she was better.”
“Ella may never get better.” And then without warning, Lucy’s eyes filled and she tasted salt. A sob erupted from her throat. Reya was on her, pulling her in tight.
“Just go!” Reya shouted at Jep. “Just leave her alone.”
Jep didn’t budge. “Please, Lucy. Let me see her. I need to see Ella.”
Lucy let go of Reya and turned to face him. “I can’t do that,” she said. “But if you tell me what it means, maybe I’ll read her the note.”
Jep shook his head adamantly. “Lucy, there are some things you can’t know. Believe me, it’s for her sake.”
There was something he was hiding for reasons he thought noble, but she had a right to know. Ella was hers, too.
“What are you asking Ella not to tell us?” she repeated. “If you really want to help her, tell me.”
“Just give her the note,” Jep said. He broke away, heading for the beach steps at a jog. She watched him take them two at a time until he disappeared at the top of the parking lot.
“That was intense. What are you going to do?” Reya asked, breathless.
Lucy felt all the wind of indignation leave her sails. Something about Jep’s desperation had hit a nerve. “I have no idea.”
When she arrived at Spaulding, Lucy found her sister’s bed empty. Trish, one of Ella’s nurses, sailed into the room and began stripping the bed.
“Oh hi, honey! Love the sneakers.”
Lucy glanced down at her pink Converse’s then at the empty bed. “Where’s Ella? Is she okay?”
“Better than okay!”
As much as she needed her escape at the Sandy Page, Lucy missed Ella. It was why she’d decided to ask Leah for the afternoon off. “Spend time with your sister,” her mother had urged when she dropped Lucy off that afternoon at Spaulding. “She needs you.”
Lucy knew her mom didn’t mean to make her feel bad, but the words did. That summer the whole focus had been on Ella—as well it should have been—but sometimes Lucy grew weary of the intense vigil. From the medical stuff and the legal stuff and all of the unknown fear that they went to sleep with night after night. Was it wrong of her to seek refuge in the pages of the books at the store? To pedal away from home each morning on her bike like her life depended on it? Everyone deserved a break. But as she watched her mother drive away, a fresh lump of guilt settled inside her. When did her mother ever get one?
“Where’s Ella now?” Lucy asked Trish. Today she would make up for her absence. She’d spend as much time as her sister wanted.
“She’s just finishing up at PT. You can go down to the gym and say hi. Danny won’t mind.”
Danny was the physical therapist, and almost as upbeat as Trish but a little firmer, like an athletic coach. The more time Ella spent at Spaulding the more Lucy began to feel like the staff there were becoming part of their family. Lucy had to wonder at the kind of people who worked there; they saw perfectly healthy teens and children come in with traumatic injuries. Devastated parents. Lives upended by a single senseless accident. And yet every member of the staff there seemed happy. Always smiling. Encouraging. Seizing upon the smallest sign of progress and feeding it back to their patients like nourishment. Lucy wondered if the staff there realized they were helping the family members as much as they were the patients.
She found Ella and Danny on the first floor, in what they called the gym. Lucy hovered in the doorway, watching. Danny had Ella standing between a set of parallel bars lowered to hip level. Lucy watched her sister, arms braced, hands on the bars as she moved slowly along. The look on her face was pure determination, all just to walk with balance.
“That’s it, nice and easy,” Danny said. “Let’s try to rely less on the bars. Can you straighten, just a little?”
Ella lifted one hand from the bar too quickly and her lower body swung hard out from under her. Lucy found herself leaping forward arms outstretched, though she was too far away to make any difference. Neither Danny nor Ella saw her: like a reflex, Danny tucked one arm around Ella’s waist to steady her, and then, to Lucy’s exasperation, let go again.
“Alright, let’s try once more.”
Lucy watched nervously as Danny positioned himself alongside Ella. Why didn’t he stand closer? What if she fell? What if she hit her head again?
Ella didn’t seem afraid, however. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her brow knit with focus. Lucy knew that look. She stepped closer, not wanting to interrupt, but drawn in nonetheless. As she did, she could hear Ella’s deep intakes of breath between steps. See the tremor in her thigh muscles. A stray strand of hair stuck to the side of her forehead. It was then Lucy realized Ella’s face was drenched in a sheen of sweat. A chorus of silent cheering swelled in her throat. You can do this, Ella. Keep going.
Ella made it to the end of the parallel bars and slumped against them. But her expression was all smiles as Danny cheered her on.
“Atta girl! That’s the grit I want to see.”
“You did it!” Lucy cried. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but she realized she had when both heads swiveled in her direction. As soon as Ella saw her, her expression shifted. Her knees sank beneath her and Danny reached around her to draw her upright.
“I think we’ve done enough today,” Danny said. “Let’s get you back to your room so you can visit with your sister.” He helped Ella back to her wheelchair. “Hey there, Lucy. What do you think of our superstar?”
“Hey, Danny,” Lucy said, but her eyes were on Ella. “I think she’s amazing.” She reached for Ella’s hand, but Ella slid it out of reach. Her expression of triumph had given way to embarrassment.
“Now, Ella, don’t think you’re getting out of tomorrow’s session just because you nailed it today,” Danny said, wheeling Ella to the door. “I think you’re ready for some steps.”
Lucy followed them back upstairs. When the elevator doors opened to the second floor, a little girl with a bandaged head was waiting outside them with her mother. “Hello, Princess Madeline!” Danny greeted her, as he wheeled Ella by. “I’ll be down to see you in just a minute.”
As she passed them Lucy smiled at the little girl, but kept her eyes averted from the mother’s. She felt bad, but she already knew what she’d see; she’d spent all summer feeling it herself.
She waited as Danny helped Ella rise from her chair, and position herself by the bed. “Sit first, then scoot,” he directed. Lucy tried not to stare as Ella strained to tuck her knees up and swing them over, her face puckered with effort. “Use those stomach muscles,” Danny encouraged, but he did not step in. It was agonizing to watch. Why couldn’t Danny just help her? Clearly she was exhausted. But when she eventually settled herself against the pillows, Lucy could see the reason why all over Ella’s face. “See? You’re going to put me out of work,” Danny joked. Ella was so tired she could only offer a weak smile.
Lucy excused herself and went to the bathroom. Only a few days ago she’d hid in there with the note from Jep. And here she was with it, again. It wasn’t clear to her why she’d brought it with her until she saw Ella in the PT room. Now she knew what she had to do.
Jep’s note was frayed from being carried around and read so many times. She still did not know what he’d meant. It didn’t matter. Jep had written only two lines on the page of notebook paper, with several spaces between.
I love you, Ella.
P.S. Please don’t tell.
Ever so carefully Lucy tore the page in half, splitting the message. She refolded the two pieces and shoved the one she wanted in her front pocket.
Back in Ella’s room, Lucy pulled up a chair. “You were amazing today,” she said. “You’re getting stronger and stronger.” Again, Ella looked pained by the praise. She didn’t want Lucy to see her struggle.
There would be no reading of Anne of Green Gables today. Instead, Lucy pulled the note out of her pocket and set it on the blanket across Ella’s lap.
At first Ella stared at the folded paper. Lucy watched her pick it up, her fingers shaky still. But the light that registered in her eyes when she saw the handwriting was instant.
“You know who that’s from?” Lucy asked.
Ella couldn’t tear her eyes from the note, still folded. She nodded.
“Would you like me to read it to you?”
With trembling fingers Ella opened it. When it lay open, Lucy watched Ella’s eyes travel across the message once, then twice. Then up at her.
Ella made a noise in her throat, her lips moving. Lucy couldn’t understand what she was saying. She tried to guess. “Jep came to see me. He wanted you to have it.”
Ella made another noise, still unintelligible.
“I was afraid to give it to you,” Lucy went on. “I didn’t want it to upset you. Is it okay that I did?”
Ella nodded her head. Without warning, her face crumpled, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Shit.” Lucy grabbed her sister’s hand and the note dropped on the bed between them. “It did upset you.” She never should’ve let Jep get to her; she should’ve listened to her gut. Lucy began to well up, too. “I’m sorry,” she cried, laying her head on Ella’s lap.
Ella’s hand went to Lucy’s hair, stroking it. It was what she’d done when they were little girls and Lucy would bring her hurt feelings to her big sister. When Lucy looked up, Ella was shaking her head back and forth, a smile so full and so beautiful spreading across her face. “You’re not upset?” Lucy managed.
Ella shook her head again, bringing the note to her chest. She pressed it there, tight against her heart, and finally Lucy understood.
When Ella opened her arms, Lucy surrendered. In one mercurial motion she slipped from her chair and onto the bed, spilling into Ella like water, all the punctures and hollows between them filling once more. Heads pressed together, the sisters wept, Jep Parsons’s note collecting their tears like raindrops.
Leah
High school reunions were like a small-town carnival: subpar food; clowns from your past; roller-coaster emotions. And, from the look of the former football players already saddled up at the bar, maybe some throwing up after. She was not exactly dying to be there, but she’d told Luke she would come. If she were honest, she was looking forward to seeing him. If she were brutally honest, a part of her was curious to see what everyone looked like seventeen years out of the high school cafeteria.
