Drawn to You, page 18
Even breathing hurt. Gabe’s entire body felt like a network of aches that set each other off with the slightest movement.
Brandon’s breath was warm on the back of his neck and conjured the memory of falling asleep with him on the couch the night before. It had felt so incredibly, intensely good. The mental hoops he’d had to jump through to leave after that instead of crawling into bed with Brandon were Olympic level. He needed to start listening to the voice in his gut when it was screaming like that.
“Has there ever been a stupider person alive than me?”
“Baby,” Brandon said, lighting that fire in Gabe’s chest that made him stay so late the night before. “You’re not stupid. You’re overworked and you’re stretched too thin. You’re not at fault for wanting to better your life while working the jobs that make it possible to survive.”
Brandon pressed a kiss right below his ear, and all Gabe wanted to do was turn around and catch Brandon’s lips with his own.
But the exhaustion was catching up to him.
Brandon woke him up to make him take his pain meds, texting Parker with the next time he’d need them as a fail-safe. Parker brought him some toast to eat with them and a glass of water, Otis slipping into the room after him. Parker sat on Gabe’s desk stool and watched to make sure he actually ate the toast—Duncan’s sourdough with salty butter.
Brandon had helped Gabe sit up at the edge of the bed and rubbed his back as Gabe sat there feeling like a rag doll. Otis climbed up into his lap carefully, like he knew something was wrong. Gabe scratched the top of his head, and he pressed into the touch. Actually, Gabe thought he’d be fine with however bad it felt to have Otis sleep on his chest. Wasn’t purring healing or something?
“Duncs and Mac are getting close to home, and they want to know what you want from the grocery store,” Parker asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, I’ll make them get ingredients for soup—if you don’t make a request, I’ll make lentil because that’s what I want. Some more ice packs so we can rotate through them. Bandages for the little cuts on your face.”
Gabe hadn’t looked in the mirror yet. He wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Lentil sounds good.”
They made their way downstairs to park Gabe on the couch for a while. He couldn’t watch TV with his minor concussion, so he watched Brandon do the dishes while Parker cleaned the counters and got the Dutch oven out, getting ready to make soup as soon as Duncan and Mac got back. Otis claimed the spot behind Gabe’s knees, and Gabe was convinced his cat was a genius.
“Should Otis go to Harvard for Cats?” he asked, just as Duncan and Mac came in through the back door with bags full of their grocery haul and the packs they took on their brief camping trip.
“Can you afford to send your son to an Ivy League?” Duncan asked, like Gabe had just asked a reasonable question. It always warmed his heart when people acknowledged he was Otis’ second dad.
“Probably not, but I assume he’d get a scholarship.”
“Oh, of course. Obviously. Maybe if he can go to online Harvard for Cats.”
“He’s always had more class than I do. He wears a tux all the time. It’s normal to want your stepchildren to achieve higher than you did, right?”
“I’ve always thought he was overdressed for this household, honestly,” Mac said. He was putting groceries away, and he pulled a quart of ice cream out of one bag and showed it to Gabe. Moose Tracks. His favorite.
“Thanks, buddy.”
“You’re going to get pretty smothered with attention here, just so you know.” Duncan tapped Gabe’s feet so he’d move them enough to let Duncan claim that spot on the couch. And to his surprise, he pulled Gabe’s feet into his lap and started rubbing them. It was sweet, the affection he could share with his housemates.
When Brandon was done with the dishes, Parker shooed him out of the kitchen so he and Mac could start the soup, and Brandon came to sit on the floor in front of the couch, right by Gabe’s head. Gabe dozed, and each time he woke up, Brandon was right there, close enough to kiss. He really wanted a kiss.
“I have to leave pretty soon,” Brandon whispered.
“Okay,” Gabe said, letting out an involuntary sigh.
“I don’t want to leave. If I didn’t have to, please know I wouldn’t.”
“I know. But you need to go make a good impression. Impress your coaches. Stay up here so you can keep hanging out with me.” He wanted more than just hanging out, but so far, Brandon hadn’t been ready for that, and Gabe wouldn’t push.
“After my game tonight, we get on an airplane and go straight to Florida.”
Gabe groaned. He had a good idea of what the AHL schedule was like, but he hadn’t brushed up on the NHL schedule yet. Brandon had just gotten called up yesterday.
“I’ll be back in four days. And I can come straight here if you want.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Okay. I’ll come straight here.”
Gabe smiled, reaching out his good hand to grab one of Brandon’s. He got another forehead kiss.
“I’m relieved to see you have an excellent care team,” Brandon said, gesturing around the living room and kitchen to his roommates. “If you didn’t, I’d have to quit my job.”
“Don’t joke about that. Fuck. I need to call my boss. Bosses. Time to spiral about school, too.”
“You have plenty of time to spiral. And someone else can call your bosses.”
“I will,” Duncan volunteered, holding a hand out for Gabe’s phone. He made two quick calls that Gabe would need to follow up with in a few days, but it bought him time.
Too soon, it was time for Brandon to leave.
“Call me constantly,” Gabe requested.
“You’re going to be so sick of me.”
“Can’t wait. We’re going to watch your game.”
“You’re not supposed to be looking at screens much.”
“I’ll close my eyes unless you’re on the ice.”
Brandon had a beautiful smile, and Gabe was grateful every time he got to see it. The urge to draw him was cut with the realization that he wouldn’t be drawing for a while.
He got one last forehead kiss, and then Brandon was gone, and Gabe wanted to cry. Brandon being there was the last thing keeping him together. He hated crying when he was lying on his side.
Parker brought him tissues.
“Wow,” Parker said, the soup on the stove bubbling along without him. Duncan put a par-baked loaf of bread in the oven, and this house felt so deeply like home. Nowhere else had ever felt like this to Gabe.
“Wow what?”
“That boy loves you.”
“He doesn’t.” Getting his hopes up now would break his heart, and he was in enough pain as it was.
“I was with Lucas for over a year, and he never looked at me like that one single time.”
“Don’t say that name in this house,” Mac called from the kitchen.
“I stayed so late last night because I fell asleep on the couch with him, right on his chest. And it felt so good that maybe I died right there? And this is all just…hell?”
“Is Otis really going to Harvard for Cats in hell?” Duncan asked. He’d moved from the couch to the kitchen table at some point, the puzzle for the week spread out across it as he picked at pieces. Otis was warm behind Gabe’s knees. He was in a lot of pain, but yeah. Parker probably wouldn’t be making him soup in hell.
Gabe sighed and took another tissue.
TWENTY-FOUR
BRANDON
The Florida sun blinded Brandon after spending so much time in the upper Midwest. The hotel they were at was on the beach, and the beach was their expected activity.
“Just get in the water,” Gabe said, voice in Brandon’s ear as he looked out his hotel window. His eyesight wasn’t good enough to pick out all of his teammates, but Matty had a full back piece, and he could make educated guesses about the other guys around him as they played like puppies in the water.
“I don’t want to hang up on you,” Brandon complained. By now, everyone knew what had happened to Gabe, and Brandon’s teammates were being kind to him. Gabe said Ryan and Jackson sent him flowers.
“I’ve been told Wyatt is taking me to the mall to get me out of the house, so I have to go.” After a consult with an orthopedist, Gabe hadn’t been casted. He just got a custom-fitted splint.
“Are you going to be okay in a car?”
“As long as I’m not driving it, I think I’ll be fine.” Gabe’s voice didn’t sound confident. Brandon had been in a car accident as a teenager, in the back seat of a car driven by a teammate that got T-boned by a drunk driver. He escaped without injury, but his teammates both took some time to heal from theirs. Getting back into a car for a while after that was not fun. “Gotta do it sometime. Wyatt drives a Volvo, and they’re really safe.”
“I want to wrap you up in Bubble Wrap and never let you out of my sight. The part of my brain that is always waiting for a call about Ashley is now always waiting for a call about you.”
“I promise I’ll be safe. I’ll text you when I get there and when I get home.”
“Okay,” Brandon agreed reluctantly. It was out of his control regardless. “Make him get you a Cinnabon.”
Gabe laughed that bright, beautiful smile. All Brandon could picture were the little cuts he’d gotten on his face.
“I can tell you’ve never had Duncan’s cinnamon rolls or you wouldn’t be suggesting that, but yeah, that does sound good.”
They hung up, and Brandon sent him a couple hundred bucks for whatever he wanted at the mall. Then he went to see if Jackson was still in his hotel room. He’d gotten sunburned on the beach the day before and had mentioned taking it easy.
Jackson opened his hotel room door with his laptop open in his hand.
“It’s Rando,” Jackson announced.
“Hi, Brandon,” Ryan’s voice said, coming out of the laptop speakers.
“What’s up?” Jackson asked.
“Looking for advice, I guess.”
“Okay. Hey, Ry, I gotta go.”
“No, uh, actually both of you could be helpful, I think.”
Jackson waved him into the room and pointed at the neat side of his king bed, then climbed into the messy side. He balanced Ryan on a pillow facing the two of them.
“What’s up?” Ryan asked. He was also stretched out in bed, resting against their headboard. Lola was cuddled on his chest. “I texted Gabe earlier today to see if he needed anything, and he apparently has an entire army of caretakers. Tell him I’m here, though, if anything comes up. Even if he just wants to see Lola.”
“I’ll tell him. His cat has been doing a good job of being a nurse, it sounds like.” Brandon wasn’t sure how Ryan got Gabe’s phone number, but he was resourceful. “Uh, I need to fess up about something.”
“Okay...” Jackson said, older-brother concern oozing out of him.
“Gabe and I…um…are not dating.”
“I don’t know what that means. Like, a situationship? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?” Ryan asked.
“We host young players so Ryan can learn all the new slang,” Jackson said, rolling his eyes.
“It’s weirder than that. When I came out to you, I told you I had a boyfriend because it felt easier than just saying ‘I’m gay.’ Like I had a reason to come out.”
“Being gay is enough of a reason,” Jackson said.
“I get it,” Ryan said. He hadn’t come out publicly until he and Jackson were married. “Sometimes it feels like too much of a ‘you’ thing otherwise. Like, why would people care?”
“Exactly. So I told you I had a boyfriend. And then you invited Gabe to the gala, and I asked him if he’d be my fake boyfriend.”
Jackson nodded along, not weirded out yet.
“And he said yes because he’s a sweetheart. And maybe also because at that point I had started…uh…paying for things for him.”
“Like…”
“I bought him an iPad. For art stuff. And the meal subscription, because I couldn’t keep knowing that he was eating ramen and peanut butter for all his shift meals at the grocery store he works at. And I paid his tuition for this semester. So maybe he felt obligated?”
“Like a sugar daddy,” Jackson said.
“Maybe? I want to say it’s complicated, but I’m not sure it is.”
“He’s your sugar baby-slash-fake boyfriend,” Jackson clarified. Ryan was quiet.
“Yeah. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s complicated,” Brandon decided.
“You said he visited you in Iowa?”
“And I compensated him for the time he was missing at work for it. And paid his way down. And…bought him some other stuff.”
“I don’t want to shatter your sugar daddy dreams or anything, but that’s pretty normal behavior. If you talked to half of your teammates, they’d report the same fucking behavior when they were trying to lock down their partners,” Jackson said.
“Really?”
“You’re young and hot and have a bunch of money. What else are you supposed to do with it?”
“Get some investments going,” Ryan said. “I’m going to have our financial guy call you.”
Brandon laughed. He didn’t exactly have “a bunch of money” yet, but the NHL money was starting to pad his bank account that he’d been draining at a faster-than-normal pace. “Okay. Well, we’re still not together.”
“Then ask him,” Ryan said.
“He’s convinced that I only like him because he’s the only gay person I know.”
“You know us. And Burnsie,” Jackson said.
“Yeah, I know. He thinks that I only feel like this about him because he’s the first person I came out to and the first person I’ve talked to about any of this stuff.”
“He seems pretty into you.”
“But what if it’s only for the money?”
“Does it feel that way?”
“No.” It didn’t feel that way at all. In fact, if Brandon stopped sending Gabe money, he would survive. He knew Gabe appreciated the money, but Brandon wouldn’t infantilize him by pretending he needed Brandon in order to get by.
“The best advice I can give to you, as a person with a history of being a fucking idiot about this stuff,” Ryan said, “is to have a conversation with him. When you get home, bring him flowers, get him a bag of cat treats or something, and tell him how you feel. You want to be serious. You already are serious about him, if anything I’ve seen from you is halfway true.”
“Okay,” Brandon said. “And what if he says no?”
“Then you’ll know,” Jackson said. “If you want to be friends, you can give that a shot. And if you don’t, you can both move on.”
Brandon let out the breath he’d been holding. These were things he didn’t want to look at, didn’t want to worry about. But pushing them to the side wasn’t doing him any favors.
“You being an idiot about this stuff…it wasn’t about Jackson, right?”
“It was absolutely about Jack. I hate telling this story because it makes us both look like we didn’t have even one brain cell to share, but we used to think hooking up was just…good luck?”
Jackson covered his face with his hands and Brandon laughed hard enough for Jackson’s laptop to slide off the pillow he’d balanced it on.
“You can sleep well tonight knowing that your fumbles have made me feel better about my own.”
“And tell Gabe, when he agrees he wants to be your real boyfriend, that we want to meet his cat,” Ryan said.
Brandon loved playing hockey. The ice, the puck, the stick in his hands, the feeling of control, the battle, the victory, the hope, the challenge. The game had his heart, for better or for worse. But aside from actually playing hockey, he loved being on a team. He loved this group of guys. Few had the same trajectory into the NHL, but most understood the process of bouncing up and down from the AHL, and they immediately made Brandon feel like one of them.
“Gabe updates?” Matty Alexander asked, sitting in the stall next to Brandon. He’d stayed with Ryan when he’d been called up too, back when Jackson was also staying with Ryan “temporarily.” Now a veteran, Brandon thought of him as the person in the room in charge of fun. His playlist was currently pumping him up before the game, and he already had a hip bar picked out for their post-game, no matter the outcome.
“His roommate took him to the Mall of America today. They went to the aquarium. His roommate bought him a Build-a-Bear.” He smiled, thinking of the photo Gabe sent him of him sitting on his couch with Otis and a stuffed frog on his lap with the caption my sons. His roommates had signed his splint in silver Sharpie, and Brandon felt a sharp stab of jealousy at it. “He didn’t need surgery.”
Barely an hour before, he’d given Ashley the same update. She felt terrible that Brandon had ended up visiting the ER again. Even though he was worried sick about Gabe, he was grateful Ashley was feeling stable lately.
“Glad to hear it. My wife went into labor early when we were on the road. That was miserable.”
“Fuck.”
“Thankfully, they let me go home early. I still missed it, though.”
“Imagine if they made you play,” Brandon said, thinking about how hard it was to get on the ice the day of Gabe’s accident.
“I would have been a liability. I think they understand that to a point. But you still have to compartmentalize. There’s nothing you could do for him at home. The best thing you can do is play well and stay up here. Stay close to him. Make that NHL salary.”
On a two-way contract like Brandon’s, he got paid a much lower rate for the AHL games he was playing than when he played NHL games. He was grateful Gabe hadn’t had to have surgery, but there was still a lot of money he was planning on spending on that boy.
“Focus on your face-offs, remember to back check. We’re all out there together, yeah?”
