In Doubt, page 26
“Giorgie,” he says, squeezing me tighter and I don’t argue with him. I let him hold me as I cry into his chest, his shirt soon a wet mess.
“I want to leave,” I tell him when I have no more tears to shed.
“Let me find the others. Wait here, OK?”
I nod, hugging my arms around me. Dusk is falling, the tents all lit up like light bulbs around me, the roof of the temple scarlet in the fading sun. The air is still and warm and stale with too many scents. Further away the sinister hiss of the night insects begins.
“Giorgie?” I turn and see Carl picking his way towards me in the fading light. “Is that you? I thought you’d gone home?”
I shake my head, fearing any words that stream from my mouth right now will be bitter and regrettable ones.
“Are you doing OK?” he asks, bending a little closer to peer into my eyes. The closeness makes me slightly cross eyed.
He’s wearing his usual powerful cologne, the type marketed to beta’s as smelling like alpha scent. It’s nothing like it. Too chemical and synthetic, and I have to lean slightly away before it gives me a headache.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” He rests his hand on my forearm. “You know if you ever need to talk …”
I rest my hand on top of his. It’s a generous offer and one I know comes from a place of kindness, but right now I want to lick my wounds with the pack. I have a funny feeling that they are the only ones who will make me feel better about this situation. If I hadn't pushed them away like I did at the villa, if I'd let the alphas in to care for me as they wanted, would all the shit I went through afterwards alone in that bedroom never have happened?
Carl captures my hand in his and squeezes my fingers and then before I know what’s happening, he’s backing me up against the wall of a tent, and leaning down to …
“Carl, no!” I screech, snatching my hand away and pushing hard against his chest, catching the whiff of beer on his breath.
He blinks open his eyes, surprise painting his features. His mouth remains frozen in its puckered state.
I swallow, trying to avoid breathing in that disgusting cologne. His face sways a little in front of mine. Where is Jake?
“I’m sorry Carl, but I’m not interested in you in that way.”
“Why? Because I’m not an alpha, Giorgie. I can give you everything an alpha can.” He leans in, resting his palms either side of my head, preventing my escape.
“No,” I say, wondering what the hell he can mean by that. He’s a beta. There is a lot he can’t give me. “You’re my friend and I’m not into you in that way.”
“Exactly, we’re friends. Very good friends. The perfect foundation for a relationship. We’d make a great couple, Giorgie. Don’t I always look out for you?”
Does he? I screw up my face, feeling way too exhausted for this conversation.
“I’m sorry, Carl. I just don’t see you in that way.”
“And who do you see that way? Jake fucking Grantham?” His top lip curls in disgust. “After what he did to you?”
“He didn’t do anything to me, Carl.”
He laughs bitterly. “That’s obviously not true, Giorgie. One minute you’re running off to his villa, the next you’re cutting short your trip and your brother’s come to fetch you home.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about and it’s none of your business.” I see how it may look that way from the outside but he’s wrong. How many other rumours about the pack have been based on twisted distortions of the truth and propagated by people like Carl?
I remember Sia’s warning. Carl’s jealous. I remember all the times Carl has poured poison about Jake into my ear over the last year.
“I’m trying to watch out for you. Men like him will take advantage of an omega like you. Fuck, he already has.” He scowls at me and his eyes turn lecherous as they swim down my body. “He’s already had his dirty alpha paws all over you.”
I plant both my palms on his chest and push with all my might. He doesn’t budge. He’s stronger than me. Instead, he presses his body against mine, trapping me more firmly.
“Carl,” I say, trying to keep my voice even, not betraying the fear that’s seeping through my body or the way my skin crawls with his proximity. “Let me go.”
“And what if I don’t want to?”
His hand comes to grip my jaw, twisting my face up towards his.
“Let me go,” I hiss. His lips curl into a bitter smile and his eyes seem so dark, there’s no longer any colour to them.
“You heard the woman,” a voice thunders from behind him. “Let go of her.”
Carl holds my face forward, but I flick my gaze to the side as I peer towards that voice.
Aiden.
“This is none of your business, pal. Piss off,” Carl spits and I’m guessing he must have had a drink. Squaring up to an alpha is a suicidal thing to do.
“It is my business. You’ve got your dirty hands all over our pack omega and if you don’t release her in the next second, I’m going to break that arm of yours and every bone in your hand.”
If my jaw was free to move, my mouth would be falling open.
Pack omega? Am I?
We've been so busy, caught up in the whirlwind of the dig and the find, we haven't talked about what all this means. I wasn't sure if their work to dig up the trench was about helping Jake with his research, or whether it was to do with me?
Do they want me for their pack?
Carl takes a step back, turning to face Aiden front on, his hand sliding to my throat. My hands spring up to grip his wrist, and I attempt to tug him away.
“I know you,” he says and I can hear the alcohol clearly in his voice, his syllables slurring together. “You’re one of those alpha dogs from Jake’s pack.”
Aiden takes a menacing stride forward. The strands of his hair catch a beam of light from the tent, blood red and rusty brown crowning his head. His face is bathed in shadow but I can make out the stern set of his jaw, the tight pull of muscles on his brow and around his eyes. He growls and the noise seems to rumble in the open space, making my knees twitch in a bid to buckle.
Carl’s fingers loosen. With the fierce alpha in front of him, he seems less sure of himself, more afraid.
Aiden has a foot on his height easily, and while Carl is no weed, he looks puny in comparison to a forward from the university’s rugby team.
Carl opens his mouth to speak but before a word leaves his lips, Aiden speeds forward and his hands squeeze around Carl’s throat as he pushes him back into the tent, the fingers around my neck slipping free.
There had been no real pressure there, but I gasp for air anyway.
The world darkens and I feel that tug, that tug towards the blackness. Soon my body will be shaking uncontrollably, my heart racing, my lungs rasping for air as I’m whisked down to that pit, that pit where those memories are buried away, where they can scratch at me, taunt me, hurt me.
Another hand around my throat. Another man with his threats. Another man with cruel eyes. I gasp for air.
“Giorgie?” I blink, my gaze focussing on warm brown eyes, a steadying hand on my waist. “Giorgie, just breathe. It’s OK, it’s OK. You’re safe. You’re completely safe.”
Beneath his honey voice, I hear the soft purr in his chest.
He takes my clammy hand and rests it over his heart and I feel the vibration of that purr, the steady beat of his heart, racing up my arm and into my body.
I breathe, the darkness fading gradually as I’m pulled back to reality, pulled back by those eyes that never leave me.
“OK?” he whispers.
I manage a nod. “Thank you.”
We stand like that for several more long seconds. His scent is like bread pulled straight from the oven. A reminder of home. Of safety. Of a full belly and laughter and protective arms.
I wonder what all this can mean, but my thoughts are interrupted.
“I thought you were different, Giorgie. Intelligent, clever. Not another omega whore.”
Carl still lurks against the other tent. Blood trickles from his nostrils and he glares at me with hatred. For a moment, I’d forgotten he was there.
Something inside me snaps. I’m no longer afraid. I’m pissed off. So fed up with this bullshit. So over it.
“And you are just another arsehole who spews a whole load of crap he knows nothing about. I thought you were my friend.”
Aiden takes a menacing step towards him, but I hang on to his hand, holding him back.
I’m not wasting another breath on this knob. I can’t believe I never saw him for who he truly was before.
I tug on Aiden’s arm, attempting to pull us both away, but he won’t budge.
“Stay away from our omega,” he says to Carl, his voice full to brimming with disgust. “Don’t even look her way. If you do, I will fucking kill you.”
Aiden takes my hand in his and we walk away, leaving Carl to his shadows.
I’ve had this all wrong. The whole time. All these months.
Safe and comfortable turns out to be a ruse. An arsehole lurking behind the reasonable mask.
The stars begin to twinkle above me and I think of another starry night. Of another man.
A man who seemed like an arsehole but isn’t. Grumpy maybe. Arrogant, definitely. But kind, caring and good.
I draw my gaze down from the sky, to Aiden. All my doubts vanish as he meets my gaze with his warm brown eyes.
32
Giorgie
The night has now fallen completely and we sit outside the villa bathed in glittering starlight, mulling over our situation.
“I know fuck all about archeology, but your evidence seemed pretty convincing,” Dylan says. “And aren’t there more tests and research you can do to prove you’re right?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mutter. “My theory isn’t palatable to the people who count. The professor told us to drop the whole thing.” My stomach churns and I feel like I might vomit.
“But I thought Weaver was radical and progressive? Why would she care what others think?”
“It seems she’s only radical when it’s safe to be. Giorgie’s theory stands in direct opposition to one of the most high profile archaeologist’s in the world. Weaver’s not prepared to put her neck on the line.”
“What does this mean?” Aiden asks, dropping into the seat beside us.
“That I don’t want to work for her,” I spit with venom. “Fuck, I’m not sure I even want to work in this field any more.”
“Me neither.”
Everyone is silent and the anger and hurt come crashing through my body again. I don’t know whether I want to scream or cry. The people I thought I could rely on, who I trusted and respected, have let me down. Professor Weaver. Carl.
“You shouldn’t give up so easily,” Aiden says quietly and I lift my gaze away from the rippling swimming pool to meet his. He’s leaning over his knees, fingers laced together, brow drawn.
“What other choice do I have? I’m not prepared to forget about this theory. To just work on some other project. And none of the other researchers will be any better than Weaver. There won’t be anyone who’s prepared to let me study this – not if it puts them in the path of Lichenstein’s wrath.”
“But your theory is right, Giorgie. You know it and Jake knows it.” My gaze flicks to him, standing behind Levi, his arm hooked around his packmate’s. “I’m so fucking tired of people telling us how alphas and omegas work. Telling us it’s been that way since the dawn of time. One meek little omega bowing and submitting to her all powerful alpha. I’m sick of being told living in a pack is wrong. That sharing an omega is wrong. That loving my packmate the way I do is wrong. I want you to publish your theory, your evidence and show the world you’re right.”
I stare back at him. I want that too. I want the world to know that omegas have a say. They have a choice. And they always have done.
Jake is right. We’ve never been despised and abused by alphas – not the majority anyway. Alphas have always worshipped us as we have them. As equals. With respect. With love.
But I don’t see a way I can publish my theory.
“He’s right,” Jake says beside me.
“But without an academic institution funding me–”
“Aren’t there private investors?” Dylan asks.
“I don’t know … I never …”
“I have money,” Jake says. I twist around to stare at him.
“What?”
“I have money.”
“He has fuck loads actually,” Aiden confirms.
“I’ll fund you.”
“It … you can’t … it would be a lot of money …”
I stare at him in disbelief. Is he serious? He looks it, his jaw set in that determined way.
“I have a lot. One advantage of having parents who are too busy with their new lives to care about me: they thrust a fuck load of money my way to alleviate their guilt.” He laughs bitterly.
“I couldn’t let you do that, though.”
He takes my hand in both of his. “You could, because there would be a condition.”
“What?” I ask him with a sudden dread.
“I’d want to work with you.” My mouth falls open, but he continues, my heart lifting. “I’m interested in this work too, you know I am. It aligns closely with my own interests.”
“And,” Levi says with a teasing grin, “you two work well together.”
“We don’t,” I say, rolling my eyes. “We argue all the time.”
“We do work well together,” Jake says, dragging my attention back to him, and stroking his fingers over mine. “We discovered this stuff together, Giorgie. And,” he smiles, one dimple forming in his cheek, “you’re the cleverest girl I know. The person who challenges me. The person who spears me on to work harder, be better. I’ve been trying to impress you this whole time. I’ve certainly never worked so hard in a class before. And I think I challenge you too.”
I stare down at our hands, at how his large ones engulf mine and that feeling of safety, of trusting him, blossoms through my chest once more. I don’t just trust him with my body. Or my heart. I trust him with my work too. I trust that he’ll tell me when I’m wrong. I trust that he’ll encourage me when I’m right. I trust that together our work will be more than the sum of its parts.
“Yes,” I say, laughing. “I’ve been trying to impress you too.”
“So it’s a deal, then?” Levi asks, leaning his head against Dylan’s chest. “You’re doing this?”
I want to show the world the truth and I know Jake Grantham is the man to help me do it.
“It’s a deal.” I tell them.
Levi is pretty adamant we have to toast the arrangement properly, not taking no for an answer and after several minutes discussion on the best beverage to toast with, Levi and Dylan disappear in search of champagne.
Aiden and Jake sit listening to me as I wheel through suggestions, proposals, and plans for our future research, Jake offering his own ideas, and finally kissing my shoulder and laughing.
“Slow down, Giorgie. There’s going to be plenty of time to work this all out.”
“I know,” I beam at him. “I’m just super excited.”
I bet my eyes are sparkling with it because his seem to do the same in response. Then he glances at his packmate and stands up, squeezing my shoulder this time.
“I’m going to see if Levi and Dylan got distracted.” He pats Aiden’s shoulder as he walks past and then it’s the two of us.
“I think this arrangement is better,” Aiden says. “Better than only one of you winning that spot.”
I lean back, my hands sinking into the cushion behind me. The stars in the blanket above us are like glittering diamonds.
“Hmmm,” I say, knowing he is right. The thought of being separated from Jake pulls at something in my heart. The something has taken root in my heart, growing stronger every moment. And I trust that this time it is real.
“He would’ve given up his spot for you.”
“He said that?” I ask, hoping it means something similar is blossoming in Jake’s heart too.
“Yes. He’s crazy about you Giorgie.” He pauses, wetting his lip with his tongue. “We all are, actually.”
My heart leaps a little in my chest. These last few days have been such a collision of emotions and I’m still untangling them all, trying to work out what each one means. Some of those feelings are definitely connected to the members of this pack, to each alpha. These men are certainly drawing me in. It’s my choice if I let them.
Aiden stands up and comes to sit in the spot Jake’s vacated. He takes my hand in his and I let him. I sense he needs to say something to me and I wait.
“You know I speak my mind.” He runs the pad of his thumb over the backs of my knuckles.
“I had noticed,” I tease.
He chuckles. “I have to ask you this, Giorgie, before we’re swamped by the others again and everything becomes ten times as complicated …”
My brows tug together at his words. “What do you need to ask me?”
“We want to make you ours, Giorgie. We want you to join the pack.”
My heart does a somersault and for one long second I can hardly breathe, certainly can't speak.
“I’m … I …”
“I know you’re scared about that. I know you have your reasons for holding back.”
I shake my head. I'm not. I'm not frightened anymore.
“I can see with my own two eyes the strength of the pull between you and Jake, the growing pull between you and Levi, you and Dylan." His words make me grin like a cheshire cat, lighting up every space in my heart. “This is going to happen. It’s inevitable.”
I nod, feeling right in the centre of my heart the truth of his words.
“And then there’s me,” he says, his walnut gaze falling to our entwined fingers. Already I miss the warmth of his gaze.
“You,” I whisper.
“I won’t stand in the way–”
“You don’t want me!” I gasp, wondering how he can tell me how much I belong to this pack in one breath, and then crush that possibility in the next.
