Redcoat's Rifle, page 10
I shook my head, “You are right, but for the last couple of years I have dreamed about coming home and about my son throwing his arms around me and calling me dad.” I sighed, “I have been fooling myself.”
“Listen, Jack, we speak of you constantly but he is a baby yet. He can’t speak in sentences and I am not sure how much he understands but the older he gets the more he will understand. Your father was not happy about the way you preferred Trooper to him. It hurt him. Being a father is not easy and your circumstances, well they would test anyone. Let us enjoy this leave, eh, Jack? You are right, you are the head of the family now and, trust me, it is not an easy job.” She kissed me on the cheek, “It is good to have you home, son.”
I smoked a last pipe and watched the fire fade before lying on the settee and trying to get some sleep. It was hard. When I was at the barracks or on campaign then life was easy, I knew what I had to do. Orders were given and I obeyed. I told men what to do and they did it. Family, that was harder.
After a fry-up breakfast, which I thoroughly enjoyed as there was black pudding, sausages and fried bread, the family dressed up for it was Sunday. We all walked down to church and Griff took my hand and his nan’s. It was a start. When the church service had finished then Billy went for his young lady and my sisters headed to the bus station to meet their beaus. While mother and Aunt Sarah prepared the vegetables for the Sunday dinner I played with Griff. He liked to play hide and seek. He was not very good at it and went to the same place but he giggled and squealed when I caught him.
“Come on, I have put the meat in on a low light and the potatoes will be ready to roast when we get back.” Aunt Sarah would have made a good sergeant major. She was very organised.
We closed the front door and I asked, “Where are we meeting them?”
“At the bandstand.”
Mother and I swung Griff between us as we walked and he laughed and screamed as we did so. It made the journey even shorter than it was. The park was packed for this was Sunday and the only day when people could, in the main, guarantee to be off work. Everyone was dressed in their best. Men wore suits and smart hats. Some still wore the flat working man’s cap but there were many fine hats on show. The ladies all wore a hat and had not only their best dresses and shoes but also a parasol. There was little sun but it was a fashion accessory. In Mother’s capacious bag she also had a bottle of juice and pieces of fruit for Griff. He was a grazer. Aunt Sarah had the bag of stale bread for the ducks. I was one of the few soldiers and I had made sure that my boots and buttons gleamed while my hat was at a jaunty angle. Annie had loved it when I made an effort on our Sundays. Thinking back there were precious few of them.
Griff could not say much and he tended to point when he wanted something but he had learned the word ‘ducks’ and when we came to the path that led to the ducks he squealed, “Ducks!”
His nan said, calmly, “When we have met up with your aunts and uncle. The ducks will wait.”
He seemed satisfied with the answer. Had I said anything then he might have pouted. I had to be careful in all that I said and did with my young son. I was desperate for him to like me.
I spied the three couples in the distance. Billy saw me and waved back. My red uniform was easy to pick out. The three of them headed towards us. Billy was clearly the eldest of the three young men but the other two were smartly dressed in polished shoes, brilliantined hair and the inevitable moustache. I was the only one who was clean-shaven. The moustaches were like the parasol, a fashion accessory.
They stopped before us and Billy did the introductions, “This is my brother Jack, Sergeant Jack. This is my fiancée, Elizabeth.”
I stood to attention and saluted, “My pleasure, I am sure.”
She squealed with delight making Aunt Sarah’s eyes roll.
“This is Geoffrey, Alice’s young man.”
I held out my hand for the flaxen-haired young man to shake, “My pleasure, Sergeant.”
I firmly shook the hand and said, “It will be good to become acquainted.”
“And this is Archibald, Archie, Sarah’s young man.”
Archie was the youngest and with fiery red hair, he put out his hand and said, “I am so pleased to meet a hero of Rorke’s Drift, Sergeant. I have been looking forward to this more than you can know.”
He gripped my hand tightly and I smiled, “A fine handshake, Archie, and I, too, look forward to getting to know you too. Now shall we get to the ducks for my son is desperate to feed them?” Aunt Sarah turned to scrutinise the three couples as they walked behind us to the ducks. She was happy to allow Billy to hold hands for he was engaged but the other two had to make do with mere proximity rather than actual contact. I suddenly felt guilty for Annie had linked me from the first moment we had walked out.
I heard Elizabeth behind us. She was trying to be quiet but I heard every word. “Your brother is so handsome and dashing in his uniform, Bill. You did not tell me he was so good-looking.”
Billy was a confident young man, “As people say we look alike, Bet, I take that as a compliment.”
The problem with feeding the ducks was preventing Griff from going headfirst into the water. Aunt Sarah grumbled, “I knew we should have brought the reins.”
I laughed, “If he goes in it is shallow enough for me to fetch him out.”
“How does this compare with that crocodile lake you were talking about, Jack?”
“That was more like a small sea and the water was so murky that even though it was barely four feet deep you couldn’t see anything.”
Archie said, “Crocodiles? Little ones?”
I shook my head, “The little ones were fifteen feet long but I saw one beasty, more than twenty feet from snout to tail, take a horse that was drinking.”
Mother said, “Our Jack! The bairn is listening.”
“Sorry.”
It was a very pleasant hour that we spent. We headed back to the house only when Griff began to yawn. He even allowed me to pick him up and he was asleep before we had even left the park. I happily carried him, his head nestling into my neck. I wondered how we would all fit around Aunt Sarah’s tiny table but my unspoken question was answered when Archie said, “It is a shame that we cannot all stay this afternoon for I should love to hear more of your stories, Sergeant.”
“It is Jack and I thought you would be dining with us.”
Aunt Sarah snorted, “How big a piece of meat did you think I bought, Jack? Archie and Geoff will escort the young ladies and their bags back to their lodgings. They have work in the morning.”
Archie nodded, “I live in the next street and Geoff is not too far away.”
While my mother and Aunt Sarah prepared the Sunday lunch, I said goodbye to my sisters and their boyfriends. I shook their hands and as Alice kissed me on the cheek she whispered in my ear, “Well, what do think?”
I whispered back, “I think they are two charming young men and I look forward to seeing them again next weekend.”
Her smile made my heart melt, “Oh, Jack, you are the best of brothers.”
Back in the house, I sat with Griff on my knee but it was Elizabeth who amused him. I could see that Billy had found a good one. She liked Griff and was a natural with him. Where I was awkward and uncomfortable, she was at her ease. She was also funny and had a natural wit. Many young women in her position would have put on a face for her prospective in-laws but not Elizabeth. She had no guard up and laughed and giggled as though she had not a care in the world.
“Do you work, Elizabeth?”
She nodded, “I am a typist. I work in Billy’s office. It is where I met him.”
“Do you like the work?”
She shrugged, “It is noisy but at least it is clean in the office. I know I was lucky. My parents paid for me to go to college so that I could learn a useful skill. They have a small shop and they work long hours. My mum said that a typist gets regular hours and will never be out of work. I find it easy if a little dull. I am paid well and even after paying for board and lodging at home, I have enough to put into the Building Society. We will both be paying for the house we buy.”
I looked over at Billy and I envied him. He was going to marry a sensible girl and the two of them were embarking on a journey that they would take together. If I had not made Annie pregnant, would we have had a life together? I would never know. You cannot go back and change the past as much as you might want to. But, as I jiggled Griff on my knee, I knew that Griff would not have been born but for that accident. Even though he had yet to warm to me I knew I loved him more than life itself.
Griff ate in a highchair. I smiled when he began to throw food around but the scowl from Auntie Sarah and the admonishment from mother made me adopt a more serious face. My son took the criticism well and it was a sign, to me at least, of the man he would become. He could take punishment when he had done wrong. As soon as we had finished the food, there had been an apple crumble to finish then Griff, after having his nappy changed, was put down for a nap. I insisted on doing the dishes and Billy aided me. The three ladies, with Griff asleep in his cot, sat and enjoyed a cup of tea. It gave Bill and me the chance to talk.
“She is a lovely girl, Billy, you have been lucky.”
He nodded, “Mother said that Annie was lovely too. When she told us I was sorry. I never got to meet her.”
“Griff has her looks. She was a lovely young woman.” I shook my head, “You can’t live in the past. What is done is done. Make sure you give me plenty of notice of the nuptials. I will have to apply for leave.”
“You still like the army then?”
I shrugged, “I am not clever like you. I don’t have much education. If I came out, what would I do, labour? Work at Pilks?”
“The money would be better.”
“It isn’t about the money, or at least it wasn’t. Your words have made me realise I need to think about the future and when Griff grows up. I want him to have an education.”
“Every child now gets schooling from the ages of five until ten.”
“I want more than that. I am not sure what but…,” I had washed the last dish and I pulled the plug from the sink, “I have met officers and they are no cleverer than you. I know I am not stupid and Griff won’t be. I want him to have choices when he grows up.” I wiped the dishcloth around the sink, “The trouble is I don’t know how to give him those choices.”
“Listen, Jack, I know you have chosen the army and that means you are likely to be away more than you are at home. I promise that I will keep an eye on Griff. If I can help it, he will want for nothing. I am well thought of at work and there is no limit to where I can go.”
“And I appreciate that Bill, but one day you will have your own family and they will be your priority. That is as it should be. I will wrestle with this problem.” As Billy put the last dish in the cupboard I laughed, “Until I came home, I didn’t even know that it was a problem. I have a fortnight to get to know my son and then when I am back in Shrewsbury, I can tackle the problem of my future.”
The couple left before dark for Billy to walk her home. Griff had woken up and did so in somewhat of a bad mood. He cried when Bet, as he called her, left. It told me much; Billy was the one who called her Bet and if my son was emulating his uncle then Billy had as much influence as my mother.
Over the next week, I spent as much time with Griff as I could. I played with him while Mother did her chores. Aunt Sarah still worked. I did get closer to him and I learned how to make him laugh. He was tickly and if I put my hand down his back beneath his top he would squeal and laugh. He liked to be bounced on my knee as I sang, ‘Half a pound of tuppeny rice.’ When I came to the end and dropped him between my knees he laughed and screamed with delight. He had some wooden building blocks and we played with those too. By the time Friday came and my sisters returned, I was allowed to take him up the stairs to bed and he would happily kiss and hug me. It was still Nan who put him to bed but I settled for that.
The second weekend at home was harder than the first for I had to share Griff with his aunts as well as Elizabeth. I found myself resenting them. They would see my son far more than I would. I would be leaving on the following Saturday and my leave would be over. I put on a brave face. With more faces to amuse him, Griff seemed to forget his father. My mother saw my reaction and came over, ostensibly to give me a cup of tea but in reality, to give me sage advice, “Our Jack, I can see by your face that you are not happy. Now listen to me. Your son has more love than any other child I know. Why, Queen Victoria has so many children that I am not certain she knows all their names. Everyone in this house loves little Griff. Would you rather he only looked for you?”
She had cut me to the quick and she was right. I was being petty and I had to get over it. “You are right, Mother and I am sorry.”
She shook her head, “No, I am sorry. I thought we had done the best for you but that wasn’t true. Your father wanted you to be like him and that meant a factory and when Trooper came and filled your head with stories of glory then there was bound to be a problem.” She sighed, “Billy and the girls have the best of it. Your father put all his effort into making you like him. I know you want to go back in time and change the way things were, well so do I but we can’t and we make the best of what we have. You are a good father. I have seen that this week and in a perfect world you would be up here and Griff would see you every day but if you were then you would be at work for ten hours and when you came home you would be too exhausted to play. This is a compromise, Jack, and that is what life is all about. You make compromises.”
For the first time, I wondered why she had married my father. Had that been a compromise? He had been a good earner. What had been the other choices she might have made? Captain Philips had made a choice. He had chosen the regiment over a life of his own. I now had a life and a son. How our lives turned out would depend largely on me. I would not let life happen to me. I would make decisions to change my life. Colour Sergeant Bourne had become an officer, why could I not emulate him? The following week, as I bade a tearful goodbye to the whole family and Griff hugged me so tightly that I thought I might choke, I determined to make a new start and begin a life that would see us all better off.
Chapter 8
When I returned to Shrewsbury there were more men who filled the ranks of those invalided out after illness and wounds. I was thrown into the training. A month after our return there was a parade and those of us who had served in Egypt were given two medals: the Khedive Star, a medal awarded by the Khedive of Egypt and the Egypt Medal. Neither was for gallantry or heroism but merely marked our presence there. Still, they looked smart on my tunic. Billy and Elizabeth were keen to be wed and when the date for the wedding arrived the colonel granted my request for four days’ compassionate leave. I took every advantage of that and took a five a.m. milk train to speed up the journey. With my new medal ribbons sewn onto my best tunic, I hurried north to be with my family.
I went with Bill to the pub the night before the wedding. Neither of us was what you might call a big drinker and Mother warned me not to get him drunk. We had just two pints and I treated Billy and myself to a double whisky which we slowly sipped.
Billy was in a good mood as one might expect, “We have the house. It is tiny, just like the one we lived in on Central Street but it is ours. I have good prospects and we are both savers. Bet doesn’t need fancy clothes and doesn’t want them. She wants bairns. She adores Griff and can’t wait to have her own.”
“That means you won’t have as much coming in.” When a woman had a baby, she lost her job.
He nodded, “Aye, but the thing is that there are people who need documents to be typed. Writers and the like. Not everyone has masses of typists. We have a plan. We are going to invest in a typewriter, not yet but when she falls pregnant. That way she can work from home and still earn a few bob.”
I laughed, “I can see that you got all the brains, Bill. That is a cracking idea.”
“No, Jack, what I got was common sense. You are far cleverer than me but I am the lucky one. I got to make my own choices.”
I was not sure he was right. “I am not sure that I will be able to get home when Alice and Sarah decide that they are to wed. It will be you who walks them down the aisle, Bill.”
I saw that he had not considered that, “But you can get another leave, surely.”
“I may not be in the country. Regiments get sent to the West Indies, India, not to mention Africa and Canada. The odds are in favour that we will be abroad. Queen Victoria has a vast Empire and we are her soldiers, we get to defend it for her.”
He shook his head, “And we reap the benefit. Trade is good and so is business. Work might be hard in factories but it brings in money. Folks are lucky that there are soldiers like you, Jack. Cheers.”
The wedding was lovely. Mother and the rest of the family had been denied my wedding and they made the most of Billy’s. They had fine dresses and new hats. They had sewn an outfit for Griff to wear as page boy and my sisters were bridesmaids. I was proud and guilty at the same time. My marriage had been a hurried affair. Annie would have loved the day that Elizabeth enjoyed.
I had less time to spend with Griff but in the time that had elapsed since my first visit, he had grown. He was out of nappies and no longer had a nap in the afternoon. Even better was that he could now speak and I was Dad. I had wondered if he would call me father as we had done to ours but I was happy with Dad. It made me feel special. The parting was a hard one but I left Griff with some lead soldiers I had bought in Shrewsbury. They were redcoats marching with rifles and I had picked the set with a sergeant. I hoped he would see the sergeant and think of me.
