Hard Truth: Hard to love series: book two, page 9
“Who’s calling me an asshole?”
“It’s more like who’s not,” Nicole says. “And I’m kidding. No one has ever come up to me and said ‘hey, your brother’s a real dick’ but you have walls, Alex. This is the first time in a long time that I haven’t seen them up. I like it.”
“Thanks.”
“I need to get that kid home and bathed before Cal’s parents come over for dinner. Thanks for inviting him over. I’m sure he had fun hanging out with you and the twins.”
“He did.”
Nicole gets up and hugs me. “Don’t let a what-if be a regret.”
“I won’t,” I tell her, aware that I’ve lived a life of few regrets. I’ve validated my reason for every bad choice I made. But not telling Harper that I want more…nothing will validate that.
* * *
“Hey,” Harper’s voice comes through the phone, sending a jolt of warmth right through me. “How are you?”
“Good. And you? Things went okay?”
“Yeah. My dad walked us into my apartment and now we’re at his place. Let me…” I hear rustling over the phone. “Hang on a second.”
I can hear Harper walking and then the distinct sound of a door opening and closing.
“Okay, I’m headed out now. We’re at his house. I just said that, didn’t I?”
“You did, and I’m glad you’re there. How’d the girls handle the news that their dad is back?”
“They were oddly uninterested, which was nice, but I feel like this is the calm before the storm.”
“It probably is. Once they see him, I imagine they’ll have a lot of questions.”
“I think so too,” she agrees. “Thanks again for taking them out. They’re still talking about how much fun they had.”
“I had fun too, and I really mean it. Some kids can be little assholes but yours aren’t.”
“Well, good,” she laughs.
“Did you have any more issues with the stalker?” I ask. It took some coaxing before I got Harper to call the police station. She didn’t think they’d take her seriously, and I hate that she feels that way. No one’s safety should be questioned like that.
“We saw him when we were leaving, but he didn’t approach me since I wasn’t alone.”
“That’s even creepier, you know.”
“Oh, trust me, I do.”
“Have you taken any sort of self-defense class?”
“I have not. I ain’t got time for that. But it’s a good idea,” she says.
“I had a sensei who used to teach a class for free because he thought it was so important for women to learn it.
“You had a sensei?”
“I did. I don’t want to brag—okay, I do—but I am rather good at martial arts.”
“Because of your sensei.”
“Yeah.”
She lets out a snort of laughter. “After you saw your sensei, did you go to your beet farm and watch Battlestar Galactica?”
“Are you calling me Dwight from The Office?”
“I am. I so am,” she says seriously, and I laugh.
“At least let me be the world’s best boss.”
“You are so far from Michael Scott.”
“Oh, and who are you? Kelly? Angela?”
“Jan,” she laughs. “Totally Jan.”
We both laugh, and I stand from the couch and go to the balcony off the living room. It’s that time of early night when most of the sunlight has gone, yet the city hasn’t been cast in dark shadow just yet.
“You’re going to be at your dad’s the rest of the weekend?”
“Yeah,” she answers. “He wants me to tell you that you were right. I can’t keep living in the ghetto.”
I open my mouth to tell her she can stay here, but stop myself.
“So, I’m going to start looking for new apartments. Something closer to work and Briar Prep would be nice. We might have to do a one-bedroom for a while, but if I can walk through the hall and not see a dirty needle or a used condom, I’ll be happy.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Tell me about it. A few weeks ago, I saw a dog eating said used condom. Ugh—I can’t even think about it or I’ll start gagging. But tomorrow my dad is pretty much forcing me to go out and take a look at a few apartments in better areas.”
“I hope you find something.” Just tell her she can stay here. I want her here. I want the girls running around. Hell, I even want the mess that comes with two young children.
But I can’t, because I’m scared she’ll say no. And then what? We go back to our tension-filled relationship from before? The one where she does everything she can to avoid me.
“You have that work meeting Monday,” she starts. “But then what are you doing?”
“Probably going to the gym and then coming back here to read over client proposals.”
“Would you want to maybe go out when we get back?”
“Yeah, I’d really like that.” I let my eyes fall shut as a breeze sweeps across the balcony.
“I think we’ll be home around four or five at the very latest. We’re leaving our house around nine for a lunch picnic that shouldn’t—ugh! These little swarming gnat things in the air are driving me crazy. I need to go inside.”
“I think I know what you’re talking about and they’re annoying as fuck.”
“Right? I’m going back in. And Monday, I might have the girls with me. We’ll be at my dad’s, but I don’t know when he’ll get off work.”
“I really don’t mind, Harper. If I did, I’d tell you. Actually…” I take in a deep breath. I hear the door shut behind me. This is it. I’m going to tell her how much last night meant to me.
“Girls, what the heck is this mess?” she says, voice farther away now. “Ughhh. I need to go. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll text you later. Thank you again, Alex. Have a good night.”
Going back inside, I set my phone on the coffee table. I didn’t get the chance to tell Harper how I felt tonight, and I hate that I’m starting to look at it as if it’s a sign.
A sign that things aren’t going to work between us. Figures, right? I finally fall in love with a woman who’s not available.
12
Harper
I grip the steering wheel and slow to a stop, turning down the music as I look at the address on the GPS. We’re less than a tenth of a mile away from Michael’s house. My heart is thumping, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The drive in wasn’t bad at all, just like Michael said. We got stuck in a bit of traffic, but it let up in twenty minutes, which is nothing considering that I’ve been stuck for hours before.
“We’re almost there.”
“I know, Mom,” Penny sasses. “You just told us that.”
I purse my lips and look at the GPS again before pressing on the gas. I’m nervous as fuck but don’t want to tell the girls that. I’m sure they can sense it. I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions and don’t think it’s good to hide all the bad from children anyway. I shelter them as much as I can, but they know Mom gets stressed and tired and sad.
But this…this is big. Dad was right in saying they needed a while to let the information sink in, and right at bedtime they had a million questions. Strategically planned, no doubt. We ended up going over to Dad’s for the weekend since it didn’t make sense for him to have to go home just to feed Skittles the cat and come back.
We stayed busy yesterday, and all went to the park together. Alex and I have been texting back and forth, and his concern and patience melts my heart more and more every time we talk.
And the fact that the girls won’t shut up about him…
“That’s your dad’s house.” I swallow the lump in my throat and put on my turn signal. An old truck rattles past and then I turn into Michael’s driveway. He lives in the downtown section of Eastwood, well, if you can consider it a “downtown” at all.
It’s a quintessential small town, that’s for sure. It’s cute and quaint and I can already see all the basic white-girl photos I could take in the fall here, walking down this tree-lined street.
And I can also see the girls learning how to ride bikes here. They’d have a sidewalk…and I probably don’t have to worry about getting shot here. I mean, it can happen anywhere, I know, but I’m sure the crime stats here are drastically lower than those of the south side of Chicago.
The screen door opens and snaps shut as I’m getting the girls out of the car. Michael comes out, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Two large yellow labs come running out after him, and head right toward the car. I tense and start to shut the door to keep them away from the girls.
“Luke! Leia! Get over here.” Michael calls in a stern voice, and the dogs listen.
“Impressive,” I tell him and go back to getting the girls out of the car. Michael puts the dogs back in the house and comes down to the driveway.
“Harper,” he says when he gets to me, stopping just a foot in front of my face. His eyes light up and he slowly looks me over. “Should I hug you? Shake your hand? I feel like we’re past that but at the same time we’re not.”
“Um…I’m not really much of a hugger.”
“Good. Me neither.”
“That’s a relief.” I help Penny out of the car and then hold out my hand for Violet. “Girls, this is Michael,” I say slowly.
“Is he our dad?” Violet asks.
Michael crouches down to their level and looks at the girls, eyes getting misty. “They are so beautiful.”
“Hey,” Penny reaches out and touches a mole on Michael’s neck. “We have a bumpy freckle too.”
“Yeah, you do.” Michael smiles. “It’s a Cooper thing. My mom has it. My sister does too. My brother did as well.”
The first family tie was noticed fast. I wasn’t quite ready for that, but it’s not causing me to panic or anything just yet.
“My name is Michael, and you’re right. I am your dad.”
“Where have you been?” Violet asks.
“Do you know what a solider is?” he starts.
“Like a vet-tren?” Penny steps back closer to me. “We learned about them in preschool.”
“Yeah, like a veteran. I was on the whole other side of the world as a special kind of solider called a Marine and couldn’t come back for a while.” He flicks his eyes to me, making sure this is okay. I nod encouragingly. “So when your mom tried to find me to tell me I was going to be a dad, I was gone and she had no way of talking to me. But, now I’m back and found out I have two beautiful daughters.” He smiles and blinks away his emotions. “Which one of you is Penny?”
“I am.” Penny raises her hand. “And this is Bi-o-let.”
“Vvvviolet,” I repeat, really going hard on that V sound. I didn’t realize how kids have a difficult time with that name until way after I named my girls.
“You look exactly alike.”
“Well, duh,” Violet says. “We’re twins.”
Michael laughs. “Penny is wearing a blue shirt and yellow shorts and Violet is wearing pink and black. I will remember that.”
“You’ll learn to tell them apart,” I promise him. “They look alike but are quite different, aren’t you, girls?”
“Do you want to go inside?” Michael stands. “We have some time before we have to go to my mom’s, and I thought this would be a good time for us to…us to be together as a family.”
As a family.
That’s what we are. Biologically, at least.
“The dogs are friendly,” he adds, turning toward the house. “They’re only a year and a half so they’re still really hyper, though.”
“You’re a Star Wars fan?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Not really. I’ve seen the movies and enjoyed them, but I’m more of a Disney Princess and Harry Potter kind of girl.”
“Makes sense.” He smiles and looks at the girls again. I decide not to mention that the Disney obsession started way before I had kids. We go up the sidewalk to the cutest craftsman-style home that looks like it was built in the 1930s. The landscaping could use some weeding, but the yard is freshly mowed. It’s picture perfect.
Michael goes inside first, holding the dogs back as we come in. Both girls are a little scared of the dogs and pause in the small foyer. There’s a staircase in front of us, and a cute little living room to the side.
“They’ve never really been around big dogs,” I tell Michael, letting Penny cling to me as the dogs pant and scramble after us.
“I’ll put them out back.” Michael takes them through the house, giving me a few seconds to look around. Everything is neat and tidy, there’s minimal decor, but it’s fully furnished and looks really nice.
Much nicer than where we live.
“All right,” Michael says as he comes back into the room. “They’ll be entertained out there.” He stops in front of us again and looks at the girls.
“So, girls,” I start. “Do you have any questions for Michael?” I take a few steps in toward the living room.
Penny’s still holding my hand and turns, burying her face against me. She gets shy like this every once in a while. I hope she outgrows it because it’s hard being shy.
“Are you really our dad?” Violet asks. She’s quiet too, much quieter than normal.
Michael takes in a breath. “I am your dad.” His eyes widen after he says it.
“Sounds weird to say it out loud, doesn’t it?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It sounds weird, but it doesn’t feel weird. Does that make sense?”
“I don’t know.” I look down at my girls.
“Do I have to call you Dad?” Violet lets go of my hand and inches forward.
“If you’d like to,” Michael tells her. “You can call me Michael too.”
“Dad,” Violet tests and Michael smiles. “Daddy. Dad.” She nods. “I think Dad works.”
“I don’t want to call him Dad,” Penny whispers and she presses herself against me.
“Then don’t, sweetie,” I say. “But he is your father.”
“You told me you didn’t know where he was.”
“I did say that, but now I know where he is,” I remind her, and have to remind myself to be extra patient with them. We’ve been over this all a few times, but it’s such a change she’s probably not thinking straight. I barely am. “Michael—or Dad, whatever is fine—was away working.”
“Heather’s dad works, and she sees him every night.”
“Well,” I start, feeling like I’m floundering already. “Your dad didn’t know you were born and he was working really far away.” I internally wince. “Remember what we talked about? I didn’t even know you were in my belly until after your dad went away for work. Now he’s back and is so excited to meet you.”
“I am.” Michael turns and picks up two gift bags from behind the couch. “And I got you something.”
“Presents!” Violet exclaims and reaches for Penny. “Sis, we got presents!”
“I hope that’s okay,” Michael says, looking at me.
“Oh, it’s fine.” I give Penny a little nudge, encouraging her to break away and go to the coffee table to open her present. Violet is already tearing into hers.
“A Barbie!” she exclaims and puts the doll down and immediately goes back to looking in the bag. “And an LOL! Sis, look!”
“I asked a buddy who has a first-grader what girls this age like,” Michael starts. “I have no idea if it’s, uh, what your girls—our girls—like, though.”
“It is.” I smile at my girls, feeling the knot in my chest loosen a bit. “You can’t go wrong with dolls. Barbies, those LOLs, and American Girls…they love them.”
“Good to know. When is their birthday? I feel like I should have asked before. Sorry?” He makes a face and shrugs. “I’m still trying to figure this dad-thing out.”
“Nearly six years and I’m still trying to figure the mom-thing out. The trick to being a parent is having no idea what you’re doing but not letting the kids know.” I smile again. “And November twenty-seventh.”
“Right around Thanksgiving.”
I nod. “Their birthday will fall on Thanksgiving eventually.”
“What should I pretend like I know what I’m doing next?”
“Um…open the dolls and play with them? They love having an adult play with them right now.”
“This is going to bring back memories of when Marie used to force me to play Barbies with her,” Michael chuckles. “Though I haven’t admitted this to too many people, but I used to enjoy playing with the dolls. And helping her set up a Barbie clothing store.”
“They love setting up stores. It’s a good thing you have experience.”
We go and sit on the couch. Michael is close enough that his leg brushes against mine, and I get a flash of that night, of flesh on flesh, his lips on mine.
Tears ran down my face and he kissed them away. It was so raw, so emotional and personal. We found beauty in the chaos of grief that night, taking solace in each other if only for a fleeting moment. Saying we came together and formed new life sounds lame, but that’s exactly what happened, and now that I’m sitting here on this couch next to Michael, watching our girls play…it’s all a little surreal. I don’t know what is more striking, the fact that we’re all here together or that it feels much more natural than I thought.
I lean back, allowing Michael to take the lead and open the toys for the girls. I can tell he hasn’t had much experience around children, which is fine, and I find his awkwardness around them kind of cute.
They play for about fifteen minutes, and then it’s time to go to Michael’s mom’s house.
“Girls, do you need to go potty before we leave?” I ask. “You should try, actually. You haven’t gone since we left Papa’s house.”
“I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” Michael gets up and leads the girls into a hallway. I gather up the wrappers and packaging from the coffee table, putting them in a pile. I put the dolls into the bags for easy carrying, and then go down the hall to find the girls. I need to use the bathroom too.
