I’ve been banned from going to the Bunny Mansion. Murder’s worried I’ll cause problems due to Rosie and he’d be right.

  I can’t see her with another man.

  I’ll kill the poor bastard.

  Tried to do the right thing. Went home to a woman I didn’t love. Didn’t want to be with. Gave her all I could but in the end it wasn’t enough. Fucked up the whole being a good man gig.

  I don’t care what it says about me that I want Rosie even knowing she’s been spreading her legs for other men.

  I plan on being the last, but I’m giving her some space and allowing my daughter to grieve her mother before I go trying to introduce a new woman into her life.

  I can’t afford to be selfish, though all I want is to put Rosie over my shoulder and drag her home with me for good, like a fucking caveman. Not taking no for an answer. With her history, not sure that would go over. Last thing I want is to treat her like the men who abused her.

  Still, my focus has to be on Letti and getting her enrolled in school. Doing all the shit Alisha normally would handle. I’m new to this. Kills me to admit that I haven’t been much of a father other than being a financial provider.

  If Alisha could see me now, I bet she’d laugh her ass off. I can’t cook for shit. Have no fucking clue how to braid hair or curl it.

  I’m terrible at everything.

  But I’m trying.

  Fuck am I trying to do right by my kid.

  “The fuck did you do to these noodles, man? Did you even boil them?” Benicio drops his fork onto the table. “Good thing I told Hazel to grab a pizza. Shit. Know what I’m getting you for your birthday.”

  “A housekeeper?”

  “A cookbook.”

  Letti giggles.

  “He good at making anything?”

  My kid looks at me, her cheeks tinged pink, shaking her head.

  “Traitor. No dessert for you.”

  “Hey,” she whines.

  “You make any friends at your new school?”

  She nods. “Michael said he likes my shoes. His favorite color is red like mine.” Hazel took her school shopping. Not that she needs new clothes, but thought it’d help get her excited for her first day.

  I don’t know what I’d do without my brother and his wife stepping in to fill the gaps where I fail miserably.

  “What’s this? You made friends with a stinky boy.”

  “He said he thinks my taste in music is cool.”

  “Hell. You better start cleaning your gun. It’s starting,” he says as Hazel comes through the back door.

  “Did someone order pizza?”

  “Me!” Letti jumps up and goes in for a hug. Hazel hands the pizza box off to her man.

  I start dumping my pathetic attempt at spaghetti in the trash.

  “I made a new friend. He thinks I’m cool.”

  I roll my eyes. On the inside, I’m glad she’s making friends. Even if her first one happens to be a boy.

  “You should let Letti come home with me. You guys go out and have a beer or something. Hit up a bar,” Hazel says.

  Never knew any woman wanting her man to go out on a Friday night. I know what she’s doing, though. She’s hoping I’ll meet someone. Move on. Get my mind off losing Alisha and fucking up with Rosie. Probably hoping I’ll meet someone who can cook so she won’t be worried Letti will starve or get food poisoning.

  Her and my girl have grown close. She’s going to be a great mom someday.

  “You heard the woman. We’re going out.” My brother slaps me on the back.

  “You be good for Hazel, you hear?”

  “I will, Dad.”

  Holy and I came to the clubhouse because I was afraid Rosie would be dancing at the Kitty Kat tonight. Hazel doesn’t mind my brother looking. She’s secure enough to know he won’t ever touch.

  The past month, I’ve discovered my brother fared little better than me growing up. Like me, he went into foster care. Those lying assholes told him they deported me to Mexico.

  One home they placed him in is where he first met Hazel. Life is funny like that sometimes. Things always work out in the way they were meant to, eventually.

  Maybe there’s hope for me yet.

  I take another pull off my beer and wait for my brother to line up his shot. I’m about to light up a blunt when I hear her. Rosie. Laughing at something Hallow is whispering in her ear.

  Her eye catches mine briefly.

  My heart leaps to my damn throat, choking me.

  The sight of her nearly undoes me.

  She’s got on these jeans that hug her hips and this tight cropped black tee that exposes her midriff. Looks like she’s got new ink. I want to go over there and yank her ponytail out while I claim those pretty pink lips.

  “Your shot,” Holy says, whacking a stick to my chest.

  I take the cue, not remembering if I got solids or stripes. Can barely focus on the balls at all with Rosie in my peripheral vision hanging on Hallow’s every word. It’s like she’s trying to piss me off.

  I miss my shot when I witness his palm curving to her ass and giving her a squeeze.

  Heat shoots across the back of my neck and over my cheeks.

  Jealousy is an ugly beast.

  Fuck me, I want to rip his hands off to keep him from touching her.

  She’s not mine, nor does she want to be, apparently.

  He should be in Nashville, where he belongs. Not here fucking our women.

  “I need to get some air.” Outside at the back of the clubhouse, I light up my blunt, taking a heavy toke, hoping it’ll calm my ass down and keep me from doing some stupid shit that will be a mark against me.

  A few hits later, the back door swings open. Hallow and Rosie come stumbling into the dark of the night.

  “What’d you want to show me,” she coos, hanging off his neck.

  “My dick,” he answers with a chuckle.

  They either don’t see me or don’t mind my watching. The second I hear a zipper, I lose it, seeing nothing but red.

  Next thing I know, I’m ramming my fist in his face as Rosie screams for me to stop.

  “Are you fucking stupid? You need votes if you want to patch in. I know you got a sweet spot for her, but she’s a whore.”

  “Don’t talk about her like that,” I snap.

  “Not saying anything that isn’t true. The girl you met… that ain’t her. Not anymore. Not since you left the first time.”

  My jaw ticks. I know my brother is right, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

  Rosie’s not the same broken beauty I met over a year ago.

  “There will be other women.”

  Yeah. He’s right about that, too.

  But they won’t be her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  February

  “You wanted to see me?” I walk into Murder’s office, unsure what he wants with me.

  “Have a seat.”

  “Okay….” I hedge, sitting in the chair across from him. It’s not often he calls any of us girls to his office. Unless we did something wrong, or he has a special assignment for us. Sometimes he wants us to get a guy at the strip club talking or work at a private party.

  I’ve been keeping clear of the clubhouse since Static is back in the picture and the crap he pulled the last time we were in the same room. Being around him is all too tempting, but I can’t allow myself to go there. He’ll only hurt me again. I don’t fuck with cheaters.

  I’m sure there is more to his situation. He could have been real with me from the start. An omission of truth might as well be a lie. I can’t trust him.

  Murder offers me a drink and a cigarette, but I decline both. He doesn’t strike me as the type of man who does social calls.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Fine.”

  “Are you happy?”

  “What’s this about?”

  He scrubs a palm over his face. “I’ve got a situation.”

  “I’m not following.”

  “My wife likes you.”

  I stare at him, unsure how to respond. What does he mean she likes me? Is he trying to proposition me for a threesome? Sure, Murder is hot, and his wife is gorgeous, but I’m not into chicks. “Um.”

  “She considers you one of her girls, and she’s not happy.” I relax at the first half of his sentence but tense back up at the rest of it.

  “Have I upset her?”

  “She wants to see you settled with a good man. The ol’ ladies care about you.”

  “That’s sweet and all, but I’m not sure what’s going on here.”

  “As I said. I’ve got a situation. My wife has claimed you into her fold, but my men enjoy your talents.”

  “I still don’t follow.”

  “I don’t know what to do with you. I like my wife happy and try to take care of my men. Can’t have one of the brothers going around fighting anyone who fucks you. A happy wife means a happy life. Feel me.”

  “So I’m fired?”

  “Afraid so.”

  “Can I prospect?”

  He grunts like he may choke on his own spit.

  “Didn’t think so,” I mutter.

  “Not that I don’t think you could hack it, babe. Not many women I’d pay that compliment to, but you’ve fucked half my men. No disrespect meant. It’s just the truth. Would keep you on at the Kitty Kat, but again, there’s my wife wanting better for you and there’s Static. He’s a bit of dick, but he’s Holy’s brother and he likes you.”

  My cheeks flame and I wonder if this is really about Alexa wanting to paint my toenails or if this is because Static can’t hack knowing I’ve fucked his newfound club brothers.

  “I’ll be out by morning.”

  He nods and I start to get up when he stops me.

  “For your trouble.” He slips me an envelope.

  “Thanks.”

  “Least I can do, but I do need a favor.”

  Of course he does. I wait for him to lay it out before agreeing to anything.

  I’m pissed, but this is his club and I know I have no say.

  “Got a private party tonight at the mansion.”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “Good. Party starts late. I’ll send one of the guys for ya when they’re ready for you.”

  I can’t believe that asshole got Murder to fire me. I empty my clothes out of my dresser drawers and closet, stuffing them into my duffel bag. I’ll get one of the guys to help me take them down to my car in the morning. Guess it’s time for me to return to Wilmington. Go home and face my demons. I’ve hidden away here long enough. Tonight though, I’m going to party and go out with a damn bang. I hope Static is here because if he is, I’m going to make him wish he’d never met me.

  I don’t care if it’s petty.

  I’m dressed to break hearts, wearing nothing but a pale pink corset with a lace overlay paired with a denim miniskirt that leaves little to the imagination. My hair fluffed out big. My makeup is sultry. Smoky eyes and pale pink wet gloss on my lips. I don’t bother with shoes.

  There’s a knock at my door. I do a dab of perfume on my wrists and behind my ears.

  Throwing the door back, I see Link, Pam’s man. “Fuck, sweetheart. Came to tell you that the party just got started.” he whistles and grins.

  I know his wife would rip his balls off if he attempted to flirt with me. He’s simply being nice.

  “What’s the big deal with this party, anyway?”

  “Not sure.”

  I glare at him, and he chuckles.

  “Was told to get you to the sweetheart suite.”

  The sweetheart room seems like a weird choice for a biker party, but then again, it’s not my party. The room is red and pink with a heart-shaped bed that fucking vibrates and spins on a platform. It’s a total porno shooting room. Some of the girls do cam stuff and have Only Fan accounts. The club hasn’t gotten into making porn flicks. At least not yet, but I’m guessing it’s coming. No pun intended.

  I do draw the line at that.

  Mama Jean would crawl out of her grave and whoop my ass. Hell, she would if she knew half the shit I’ve been doing. Sleeping with different men. “No. Baby girl, I’d be telling you to get yours and get it good,” her voice rings in my head and I catch myself from letting out a giggle and having Link wondering what’s wrong with me.

  “Go on in,” he tells me when we reach the door.

  “You’re not staying?”

  “It’s a private party.”

  “Thrown by who?” I ask, but he’s already halfway down the hall, walking at a brisk pace, like the building is on fire.

  Weird, but whatever.

  Entering the room, I’m not sure what to expect. If it’s Murder and Alexa legit trying to get me into a threesome, I’m going to die here on the spot. She doesn’t give off any vibes, but one never knows. Maybe they are trying to spice up their marriage or something. I’m not against people being kinky. It’s just not one of my yums.

  “Hello,” I call out, hoping someone isn’t about to jump out of the closet and scare me or some shit. Some of the men who come here have some weird ass fetishes and fantasies they pay good money to act out. I can’t handle the men who are into ravishing. Rape fantasy. Not after what I went through.

  Shiloh is heavy into that scene. She says I should try to work through my trauma.

  I do just fine with my good friend Jim Beam. I could really use him right now to calm my damn nerves.

  The door opens and I immediately start to bolt.

  “I just want to talk.” Static stares me down and I return the favor.

  There seems to be a magnetic pull that keeps us tethered. I don’t know if I want to run away or run to him.

  “I don’t think there is anything left to say.”

  “Got plenty to say. You don’t. That’s cool. I can do all the talking.”

  “I waited for you.” The words come out before I can stop them. “I told myself not to fall or hope, but I did. I wanted you to live up to your promise of you. Wanted it more than air. I can’t trust you not to hurt me again.”

  “I know I hurt you. I fucked everything up, but I was trying to do the right thing. When I left here, I had every intention of filing for a divorce. When I got there, Alisha told me she was pregnant. She needed me, and so did my daughter. I made a choice. Was it the wrong one? Yeah. I should have ended it then, but she lost the baby and fell into a dark place. One I thought I could pull her back out of. We had a history. I thought I was doing what was best. I don’t know if that first baby was mine, but the second one was. I thought she was clean again and doing good. I went back to work, trying to provide, and she reverted to old habits.”

  He moves to the bed and sits on the edge, hanging his head in his hands.

  “I tried to love her, but you were always in the back of my mind. The moment I saw you, I fell in love. I know how this sounds, but it’s true. I wanted you. Wanted you so much, I think maybe I wished Alisha dead. Wanted her gone from my life. It eats at me. Wondering if I pushed her too far. If I’m the reason she started using again. If I’m why my daughter no longer has a mother.”

  “Whatever she did was her choice. You didn’t force her. You can’t take that on yourself. You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

  I sit next to him. The scent of his cologne hits me and my insides warm. I don’t want to feel bad for him, but I do. I hate that his wife killed herself and their child. I hate that his daughter lost her mother. I hate knowing that the only reason he came back is because she died. He can say he came for me all he wants. Doesn’t make it true. No matter how deeply I wish it were. Would make things easier to swallow. Easier to forgive.

  I have secrets of my own. Things I’ve not told him. If he knew what I did, would he still be sitting here? Would he love that darkest part of me? Am I any better than his wife?

  How will he see me through his eyes once he knows?

  Maybe that’s why I can’t let go and move past my choice.

  Because I need him to know and tell me he hates me so I can stop punishing myself.

  “You should know. After you left, I found out I was pregnant.”

  His head lifts, gaze cutting to me razor sharp. The muscle in his jaw ticks as he stares at me, hard and unforgiving. He looks at me how I imagined he would. Like he hates me.

  “Fuck me. Did you lose it… did you lose the baby because of me?”

  “What? No. I wasn’t sure who the father would be, and I made the choice to end the pregnancy.”

  “Must have been hard to make that choice. Good you had Karma at your side.”

  “She wasn’t. I mean, I didn’t tell anyone. You’re the first.”

  “Shit,” he mutters, his face softening. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Had I known…” he lets the conversation hang.

  “You’d what? Tell me to have the baby, knowing you weren’t going to be around or have to choose whose hand you were going to hold. Mine or your wife’s. That’s no choice, honey.”

  “It’s not, but I’d made it.”

  I nod because what can I say to that? I don’t want to know what he thinks he would have done. Either answer would be too painful to revisit for both of us.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Rosie sits next to me, looking like every wet dream I’ve ever had.

  Her dark hair framing her shoulders. Her soft lips, pink and so damn kissable. Wearing nothing but pink lace and denim. I want nothing more than to make her mine. To ask her to stay.

  I have no right, but I want her all the same.

  “Will you give me another shot?”

  “You don’t hate me?”

  “Why the fuck would I hate you?”

  “Because of what I did. What I’ve been doing.”

  “You did the best you could for yourself in a rough situation. But to answer your question, babe. No. I don’t hate you. Couldn’t if I tried. Does it kill me that you’ve been with other men since I met you? Fuck yeah, it burns me to the bone. I’m no angel. Far from being a good man. Would be real hypocritical of me to hold it against you.”

 

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