A Song I Used to Know, page 8
“He goes out of town for work sometimes. For the bank.”
“Get together, girls!” Nancy reappears with her phone. We stand together. “You’re so grown up!” She wipes a tear from her cheek. “My baby is dating! I can’t believe this. I’m so old! Stand closer. Perfect. You girls want me to take pictures with your phones?”
“Your camera is better than mine,” Merrin says. “Just text them to me. And Stevie hasn’t replaced her phone yet.”
“Actually,” I start, holding up my finger. I run to my backpack, pulling out my new phone. When I unlock it, I find an unread text message. Mason. He must have programmed his number in before he gave it to me.
There’s a picture of Danny in his costume.
He’s been wearing it all day, “practicing,” he says. Have fun tonight.
I take a moment to swallow down my smile and the flush in my cheeks before opening the camera function and passing my phone to Nancy.
“I’d love a picture,” I say. “Thanks.”
“When did you get a new phone?” Merrin’s hand is over her heart, a very clutch-my-pearls look about her. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
“Shh! It happened kind of suddenly. I’ll tell you about it later. Just look happy for the picture.” She glares a moment, then cooperates.
Nancy gets us at a few different angles before the doorbell rings. Merrin squeals and shimmies before rushing past her mom toward the front door.
“Keep an eye on my baby girl,” Nancy pleads with me.
“Promise.” I hug her—it feels like the natural thing to do. “Do you want me to text you updates?” I wave my phone in front of her. “What’s your number?”
“No, no.” She wipes a finger under her eye. “I’m being silly. She’s eighteen. It’s not like I didn’t know this was coming.”
I hug her again, and she laughs.
“Bless you, Stevie. I’m so glad she has you. You two just have fun.”
I pull back, promising, “I’ll get her home safe.”
She mouths thank you before I join Merrin at the door.
The boys stand on the front porch, Luke holding a solitary yellow rose, and the one I assume is Derek stands behind him. Merrin and Luke both blush as she accepts the rose. It’s so annoying it’s almost cute. Or is it the other way around?
Merrin takes a long whiff before she sets the flower on a small console table, then we step outside.
“Hi, Stevie.” Derek extends his hand. I shake it. “I’m Derek, and I did not bring you a rose. I hope you’ll still come out with me.”
“I’ll give you a chance,” I say. “But I expect a giant box of candy at the movies in lieu of flowers.”
“Dang,” he sighs. “An elaborate bouquet would have been cheaper.”
“Choices, Derek. Life is about choices.” He smirks and escorts me to the car.
Derek is easy to talk to—easy on the eyes as well—and charming, but I’m still pretty certain when all is said and done, I’ll never see him again outside of class.
He has blemish-free skin, pale-blue eyes, and strawberry-blonde hair secured with the appropriate amount of product. His smile reveals teeth so white, I swear they sparkle. He’s cute, but he just doesn’t quite do it for me. I attempt to make the best of it anyway, smiling, chatting, feigning interest even when I’m bored.
Meanwhile, it’s obvious Luke and Merrin are each other’s type, and they’re aching to be alone together. The tension is palpable; it’s awkward standing too close to them. I think Merrin has forgotten how to breathe a few times; she’s so giddy.
We get to the theater with a little time to spare, so Derek and I send Luke and Merrin to find seats while we collect snacks. It’ll give them a few minutes to speak freely to each other, but not long enough I’ll feel guilty for letting her out of my sight when I promised Nancy I wouldn’t.
“So, you like scary movies?” Derek makes bland conversation while we wait in line.
“No, actually. I hate jump scares, and I can’t stand gore.”
He pinches his brow. “Then why did you agree to come?”
“Because Merrin asked me to.”
He locks eyes with me, a smirk tucked in the corner of his mouth. “So, it had nothing to do with me? Not my striking good looks or delightful personality?”
It’s the first sign of a legitimate sense of humor. I decide to test it further.
“Honestly, Derek, I didn’t know who you were until tonight.”
He claps a hand to his chest. “Well, ouch.”
I shrug. “Don’t take it too personally.”
“Kind of hard not to. I notice you every class. You’re pretty much all I notice.”
A cheap, dim thrill flickers inside me. The way this guy is looking at me, the gravel in his voice—he’s coming onto me. I’m just not sure I want it. I’m less sure I can trust it.
“I’m glad you came anyway,” he says, brushing a stray hair off my cheek. His fingers linger, and I’m surprisingly disinclined to back away.
Another spark of excitement in my belly drives me one step closer to him. It’s small and unintentional, but there’s no denying that I’m leaning into this—whatever this is. He slants further down. He’s going to kiss me. Am I about to let him? I think I am. Do I even like this guy? How could I possibly know? He’s a legitimate stranger.
My internal debate is interrupted when the concession clerk loudly clears his throat.
“What can I get you?” he asks.
Any anticipation left inside me fizzles, relief swooping in to take its place. I’m not ready for this. Not here. Not now.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I announce before bolting out of the lobby, leaving Derek to get snacks by himself.
The end-of-the-date walk to the door has a knot forming in my stomach. He could kiss me. I could let him.
We stroll ahead of Luke and Merrin, leaving them to “chat” in the car for a minute. “I’m glad you came tonight,” Derek says. “Despite the lack of roses and everything.”
“Well, you at least followed through with the snacks. I’m a sucker for Skittles.”
He laughs. “So you had a good time?”
I spend too long debating how to answer this, and he clutches his chest for the second time tonight.
“You’re killin’ me here, Stevie.”
I turn to face him. “I’ll make an appearance at your funeral. But without flowers. Because fair is fair.”
He shakes his head. “Maybe I’ll bring flowers next time,” he says.
“Very bold to assume there’ll be a next time.”
I can’t tell if I’m flirting or trying to let him down gently. Maybe it’s a very thin line.
His smile softens, and he tilts his head toward mine.
After a loud gulp, I manage a quiet, “Goodnight, Derek.” I turn on my heel and walk through the front door, closing it behind me.
Monday morning speech class brings on a resurgence of nervous knots in my stomach. Three days ago, I didn’t even know Derek existed. Saturday, between a mediocre dinner and a bad movie, he touched my face in public, leaned in close to kiss me, and was almost successful. He would have kissed me on Merrin’s front porch if I’d let him.
Why didn’t I let him? He’s cute enough, can hold a decent conversation, and it wasn’t like he was inappropriate or anything. Sure, he was a little full of himself, but he was…nice? Not to mention, I haven’t been kissed since high school. Though not all of those kisses were sweet. Some I’ve locked away. Maybe that’s why I’m hesitant to let anyone kiss me again. Or maybe it’s just that as cute as Derek is, he sets off a red flag in my head. It’s subtle but says, don’t go there, Stevie.
I feel Derek’s eyes on me during class but refuse to turn around. Those knots in my stomach want me to. Hey, let’s have a little fun, they say. So what if he’s not the guy? He’s a guy, and he’s cute. But I take slow and steady breaths, attempting to internally talk down my hormones. Merrin, on the other hand, glances back at Luke every other minute. They exchanged approximately three thousand texts over the weekend. Her cheeks have been a constant flush, and the only noises to escape her ever-smiling lips have been giggles and sighs.
It's insufferable.
When the professor dismisses class, Merrin gathers her things and gives me a giddy smile that says, I like you but he’s a boy so I’ll see you later, and makes a beeline for Luke. I bolt toward the women’s bathroom, unwilling to tempt those less sensible voices in my head. I’m about an inch shy of the door when warm fingers catch my wrist.
“Where’s the fire, Stevie?” Those ridiculous knots inside burn. That’s where the fire is, in my stupid stomach. Derek turns me toward him. “Not running away from me, are you?”
“Don’t give yourself so much credit,” I say, overcome by an unfamiliar compulsion to flirt, to be coy. Derek’s hand around my wrist isn’t helping.
“So you’re not running away from me?”
“None of your business.” His hand slides up to my elbow as we come toe to toe. “We’re in the way, you know.” I gesture to the bathroom door.
His smile grows mischievous. “Then we should move.” He winks. “Walk you to your next class?”
I narrow my gaze, debating the right move. “It’s in another building.”
“Perfect. More time to visit. Discuss a possible second date.”
“Wow. I can’t tell if I find your confidence admirable or cringey.”
He does this subtle jerk with his head. “Come on. We’ll hit up a vending machine on the way. I hear you’re a sucker for snacks.”
That little red flag fades and blurs as I surrender a smile. “Be still my heart. And they say chivalry is dead.”
Leaning into our banter, he offers up his elbow—very debonair. I surprise myself by slipping my arm through his and falling into step beside him.
“Well,” he says, “I knew after last time I’d need to come armed with more than good looks to impress you.”
“I don’t need to be impressed, Derek.”
“Then what do you want, Stevie?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. What are you offering?”
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” He flashes a grin so charming, my brain glitches. I stare longer than I intend to, all the while that voice in my head repeats I haven’t been kissed since high school.
Before I know it, we’re turning down an unfamiliar hallway instead of making our way toward the exit.
“Um, wrong way,” I say, hooking my thumb over my shoulder. When I try to backstep, he shifts, taking me by the wrist again. He quickens his pace and leads me further into unknown territory.
And just like that, Derek is opening a door, guiding me into a small room with a compact, upright piano and a couple of music stands. The walls are covered in soundproofing materials.
Those flutters of excitement turn to stone and drag me down. I think I might vomit.
“I don’t want to be in here,” I say.
Derek backs me against the door, his fingers trailing my cheek, then my neck. He follows the collar of my shirt down my chest. My heart is racing in all the wrong ways.
“Please don’t,” I whisper. “Please don’t touch me.”
He moves his hand away from my chest but doesn’t withdraw it completely. He has his other hand braced against the door behind me. Discomfort escalates to panic as memories come in waves. Hot breath on my neck. Hands on my thighs. Lips attacking mine.
“I won’t hurt you,” Derek says. But that’s what that bastard Todd said all those years ago, and it wasn’t true then. I doubt it’s true now.
Derek keeps leaning in, his lips searching for mine. They land softly on the corner of my mouth, and I tell myself this is different. Derek isn’t Todd. Derek is genuinely interested in me, and it’s just a kiss, and everything is okay, and I don’t need to hyperventilate.
I haven’t kissed back yet, but Derek is still moving his lips against mine. His hand slides from my shoulder down to my waist, under the hem of my shirt. I draw a sharp inhale and flinch as his fingers inch toward my ribcage.
Snapping out of panic mode, I shove both hands against his chest, and he stumbles backward.
“Don’t touch me,” I say again, louder.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s the matter?” He steps closer, hands and lips coming for me. “We were having fun, weren’t we?”
“This isn’t fun for me. Back off.”
He tilts his head, raising a brow. “You didn’t say please.”
These words ignite a different kind of fire in my belly. I throat whack him with a straight and firm hand, then knee him in the groin. He makes choking noises as he doubles over.
“Please,” I say, my hands pressed flat against my stomach. Before I grab my backpack, I take a long, deep breath. As I find the doorknob, he speaks—more like croaks—through a sharp gasp.
“What the…? Why?”
“I said no, douchebag.”
I speed walk to my next class, which I’m already late for, and sit in the back of the classroom, where I retain none of the lesson. It’s impossible to hear anything over the thumping inside my head.
It’s been five years since I’ve had to shove someone off of me. I’m grateful I remembered how.
My upbringing was unorthodox and came with a slew of disadvantages. But the bonus to being raised by that grumpy old man was that he never once instilled in me to look pretty for the boys. He didn’t spew garbage like if a boy teases you and hurts your feelings, it’s just because he likes you. One thing he’d been right about when he got sick—he had been hard on me, but it did make me tough.
You don’t take no crap from nobody, Stevie.
When Todd came onto me in the music room after school, and I said no, he didn’t listen. Only, he was more aggressive about it than Derek was. I had to fight Todd off me. I was still crying when Gene came home from work hours later. Technically, because nothing happened, we couldn’t press charges. Well, we could have, but the police said we’d need a good lawyer, which we couldn’t afford. Todd wasn’t allowed back on campus, though, and Gene made sure from that moment on, I carried pepper spray and knew how to handle myself.
Little did he know he was preparing me for a not-so-distant future: living alone as a single woman. Maybe in that regard, Todd was the best worst thing that could have happened to me, even if it had spoiled me for the piano. And sandalwood. Maybe it’s broken me completely. I’m not sure. All I know is being in that tiny, dark room with a piano and a guy who didn’t take no for an answer has put me over the edge, and I’m free-falling.
Two classes and a bike ride to Bright Beginnings later, I’m still shaking. The drumming in my head is subsiding, but I’m too jittery to lock up my bike; I can’t get the combination knobs to cooperate.
When a hand lands on my shoulder, I jump about three feet and gasp.
“Girl, it’s me. Calm down.” Scarlett is smiling, laughing. Then, she sees my face and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Come on,” she says, pulling me close.
Inside a small, quiet, unoccupied office, Scarlett guides me into a chair and sits across from me.
“What happened?” she asks.
“We’re late. I should get clocked in.”
“We’re fine. Just take a breath. Tell me what happened.”
“Nothing. Nothing happened.”
“Babe, you’re shaking. Something happened.”
“No. Something could have happened. But I stuck my knee between his legs and left.”
Scarlett’s eyes bulge. “I’m getting Marge.” She stands and heads for the door. “We’re calling campus security.”
“No, don’t.” I put my hand up, waving her back to her seat. “It’s not like that. He just…he tried to kiss me when I said no.”
She arches a brow.
“I know, I know. That’s still not okay. Which is why I clotheslined him and kneed him…you know.”
She lets out a low whistle. “Damn, girl. You don’t fool around.”
“I’m a single woman who lives alone. I can’t afford to.” She nods, concurring. “It just rattled me.” I rub my shaky hands together, focusing on my breathing.
She sits there a moment, not saying anything. Just…existing in the same space with a look of support and understanding. It’s enough. “I’ll go tell Marge you just need a minute for a family matter or something,” she says, then holds my hand in hers and squeezes it. “For the record, I’m really proud of you.”
I squeeze back. “Thanks. I’m a little proud of me, too.”
When I’m alone, I pull out my phone to text Merrin.
Before you hear otherwise, Derek is a sleaze and I am not a psycho.
Merrin
?????
I’ll call you after I get Danny to bed tonight. Please don’t be alone with Luke until we’ve talked. I need to know he’s better than his friend.
Merrin
Stevie, what the H happened?
You know you can swear with me, right? I’m not your mom or dad.
Merrin
Ha! If you were, I’d have said what the heck or what in the world. I wouldn’t have left it open to interpretation.
Fair point. Talk tonight. ❤️
After my shift, I’m mostly pulled together. The two-mile ride to Mason and Daniel’s helps. Fresh air. Exercise. Deep breaths.
I’ve already cried in front of Mason. Twice. I’ve snapped at him. Honestly, it’s a miracle he hasn’t fired me. Time to conceal all my crazy; I need this job.
I roll my neck, ring my hands, and knock. Daniel swings the door open for me and jumps into my arms.
“My Stevie!” he cries.
I close the door behind me and head toward the living room. “How are you today, munchkin?”
“I ate too much candy when Daddy told me not to and I got a tummy ache but den I had a big poop and now I feel better!”
Bless this kid. “Good to know,” I say at the same time Mason comes into view. He’s standing at the stove, dragging his hands down his face.
