Shepherds on the Hills of Eternity, page 1
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Title Page
Shepherds on the Hills of Eternity
Modern Sorcery Excerpt
Newsletter
SHEPHERDS ON THE HILLS OF ETERNITY
Gary Jonas
Originally published in Quick Shots by Gary Jonas, Sky Warrior Books 2011
Back in 1993, I killed a man.
For the longest time I blamed Diana because she introduced me to Benjamin. Later, I blamed Benjamin for making me do it. Now, I understand the truth.
Diana had just moved to Tulsa from Manhattan to attend a Bible College. I met her when she got a job at Daniel's Diner where I worked. Things clicked between us, but my life went to hell when Diana insisted that I go to her strange little church, Dimensions Above.
The church held services in a small building with a tiled floor, low ceiling with regular plaster, none of those swooping arcs or giant crossbeams. Clear windows instead of stained glass. Rows of folding chairs lined the floor before a dais with a long table and a small lectern perched atop it. If not for the banners hung on the wall saying how much God loved everyone, the place could have been an auction hall.
Dimensions Above had a casual atmosphere. I'd been afraid that I'd underdressed for the occasion, but Diana said not to worry about it. Sure there were plenty of people in their Sunday best, but there were also people in jeans and Stryper T-shirts.
Diana looked radiant in her nice, if high collared, dress and I felt proud to be next to her. Her auburn hair fell around her shoulders and when she leaned toward me, I caught its fresh clean scent. “Brother Benjamin is preaching today, Steve,” she said. “You'll love him.”
I nodded and looked around. A four-piece band warmed up in one corner. I was surprised to see a guitarist, a bass player, and a drummer. I'd expected an organist, although I'd thought he'd be sitting at an oak Kimball, not standing in front of a portable Yamaha.
The service began with a reggae religious song, the lyrics of which were flashed on the walls by a projector at the back of the room. When the song ended, they began praying in tongues.
This bothered me on several levels. I wasn't in a corner, so my atheistic tendencies were sleeping. My doubts sent my mind reeling down other tangents about their prayers. There was no interpreter to tell what, if anything, was being said. I told myself it was all a bunch of nonsense, but it gave me an eerie feeling. Were they speaking in the tongues of angels—or demons? Who'd know the difference? A chill raced down my spine and I looked around the room. People waved back and forth, their hands in the air as if they were in a trance. Diana moved and spoke with them. “...rama alkatore sardagadaba...”
I wanted to run and never look back. I started to get up, but then a man walked down the center aisle. Walked isn't the right word. He drifted—moved with a fluid grace. He would have looked at home in robes, but he wore chinos and a button-down white shirt. His dark brown hair grayed at the temples and his eyes shone with the wisdom of the ages.
I couldn't take my eyes off him.
He motioned for silence and the prayers stopped. He smiled, waved, and nodded at everyone and then plucked the microphone from its stand and moved around to sit on the table, one foot on the floor and one leg swinging back and forth like a metronome.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hello,” everyone said, myself included.
“The Lord has brought us here tonight in the name of love. We all live together in harmony. Jesus is in all our hearts, filling us with inner joy and peace.” He smiled and the world brightened. “Join hands.”
Diana slipped her hand into mine as did the elderly woman on my other side. Everyone began chanting and, after a moment's hesitation, I joined in. The room pulsed with energy. We swayed back and forth in time to the swinging of Benjamin's leg. He seemed to guide us in our motion, sending out thoughts of love, peace and harmony.
I could have sworn I felt the presence of God in that church. My unbelief was cast into the dark corners of my mind, all but forgotten.
And I was loved. Accepted. I was part of something larger than myself. I could feel the energy flow out of all of us to join with some more powerful source.
After the service, I felt drained, but also at peace. The old woman gave me a hug. “God loves you,” she said.
“And you.” I didn't feel like a hypocrite.
I turned and Diana took me in her arms. There was no sexual desire in her embrace, but there was caring. “What do you think of Brother Benjamin?”
“I don't know”“. He's different from any preacher I've ever seen.” It was then I realized there'd been no collection plate passed around.
“Would you like to meet him?”
Without waiting for a reply, Diana took my hand and led me down to the stage. Benjamin was embracing people, blessing them. As we approached, he turned and his eyes locked onto mine. “Hello,” he said and clasped my hand with a firm, but not intense handshake. “I don't believe we've met.”
“I'm Steve.”
“Pleased to meet you, Steve.” He smiled and leaned over to hug me. I would have beaten the hell out of any other guy who tried that, but I surprised myself by returning the embrace and when he released me, I felt as if I'd lost something. I wanted him to tuck me under his wing and protect me from the evils of the world.
“Diana,” he said embracing her. “I missed you Friday.”
“I'm sorry,” she said. “I had to work.”
“Nonsense. You don't have to work there. You can always join my staff.” He glanced at me, then back at her. “But then, I suppose you're doing well, leading more people to Christ. And what of you, Steve? Will you be back?”
“I think so,” I said. “Yes.”
“God loves and protects you, my son.”
A part of my cynicism surfaced, but I forced it down before I said anything. My unbelief had no place in this church. I was ashamed to doubt any of it. Benjamin was so full of energy and love for his fellow man that I felt myself to be evil standing next to him.
Soon after I left the church, the feelings faded and my doubts about God and religion were still intact. I tried to explain it to Diana, but she couldn't understand.
I kept seeing her over the next several months, but I made sure I always had to work on Sundays and Wednesdays; there was something I didn't want to face in that church.
***
The power level in the convention center flared. Most rock concerts have high energy, but this was Metallica. They were loud and wild to begin with, and to top it off, they were filming a video so the crowd went crazy. Girls sat atop their boyfriends' shoulders waving fists and screaming. A few flashed the cameramen, hoping to get on film. I'd come alone, and the sight of all the girls made me wish for Diana. She liked bands like Barren Cross, Petra and Stryper. Christian heavy metal seemed to me like a contradiction in terms.
There was something strange about the flow of energy in the place. As Metallica slammed through “Holier Than Thou” I turned and saw an older man standing at one of the exits. He met my eyes from thirty yards away and I felt a familiar intensity. People passed between us and I lost sight of him. Then a few songs later, I saw him again.
At first I thought he was an undercover cop looking for drugs, but he didn't do anything to a guy taking a hit right next to him. I left my seat to get closer and I realized it was Benjamin. What was he doing at a metal concert? He tipped his head back and seemed to be soaking it up. He made a sudden turn and faced me with a smile that made me wonder if God had lost a minion to Satan.
He nodded to me, his eyes wild. His mouth moved, but I couldn't hear him over the thrashing guitars. He motioned for me to come closer. I felt strange being near a preacher at a rock show. That's what I told myself anyway, but that wasn’t what made it so strange. No, it was the way all the energy seemed to swirl toward him. When I walked up to him, I could feel a river of power sweeping around me like a current around a large stone to reach him. It was as if Benjamin pulled it all to him and drank it up.
He grabbed me and led me out of the convention center. Outside, with my ears still ringing and the thrum of the music still audible, I leaned against the wall beside him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I love shows like this,” he said.
“Funny, I pictured you as more of an Amy Grant fan.”
“No, she doesn't put out the power, the vibrant energy that feeds and strengthens. This was a great night. I haven't felt so much raw power since I went to one of the first Zeppelin concerts in England.”
“So you don’t think rock music is evil?”
Benjamin smiled. “Energy is energy, Steve. How you use it is up to you. You can take power intended for destruction and rechannel it to more constructive uses.”
I nodded. “Man creates his own good and evil.”
“I wouldn't put it that way in church, but you’re closer to the truth than you realize.”
“Are you saying you don't believe in God?”
Benjamin laughed. “God is power, energy. I definitely believe in that.”
“But you don't believe that God is some benevolent old man in the sky telling us not to sin?”
“Again, not the way I'd put it in church, but you're catching on. Why don't you stop by the church Wednesday night? After the service, I'd like to show you something.”
***
Wednesday's service felt different to me. I sensed the energy, but also noticed how it was directed. Benjamin c
After the service, we approached Benjamin. He glowed with vitality. “Ah, Steve. Glad you could make it.” He turned to Diana. “I need to talk to Steve alone. You don't mind, do you? I think he's ready to join us.”
She beamed. “That's wonderful.” She hugged me.
As much as I liked holding her, this felt wrong. False pretenses or something. I left her and followed Benjamin through a door to the rooms where he lived.
His front room held decent furniture. Reproductions of Rubens and El Greco hung on the walls. He seemed to enjoy paintings of the crucifixion. The Bible on the table was open to the book of Revelation. That seemed appropriate.
“So what did you want to show me?”
“Don't act stupid. I get enough of that already.”
He led me to another room. I thought I'd stepped into Aleister Crowley's abode. Candles jutted out of holders everywhere, their flickering light giving the place an unnatural ambiance. Old books lined the bookshelf on one wall. I wandered over and scanned the titles. Sitting side by side with books about various religions were volumes like The Black Arts, Magick and Realism, and several with the titles flaked off. There were books about the Golden Dawn and the Masons. Witchcraft and Demonology.
Several decks of Tarot cards were arranged on one shelf. I recognized the Rider-Waite and the Thoth decks. The others looked centuries old. The only thing missing was a pentagram on the floor.
“Interesting place,” I said. There was a rug in the middle of the floor and when Benjamin's back was turned, I raised it a bit with my toe. No pentagram there either. How fortunate.
“You're one of the few people I've allowed to see this room,” Benjamin said. “I thought you might be able to appreciate it.”
“It's certainly not what I expected.”
“Nothing is ever what we expect. Why do you think I'm showing you this place?”
“I couldn't even guess.”
“Think. You're a good thinker. What possible reason could I have for showing you my living quarters?”
“You're looking for understanding?”
Benjamin grinned. “Don't be stupid, boy. I could care less if anyone understands me. Think again.”
“Uh, you want something?” I asked, although I couldn't imagine what I'd have that he couldn't get.
“Very good.”
“And what might that be?”
“People like you.” He tapped a finger to his temple. “People who think.” He smiled. “I don't preach for money.”
“You don't even have a collection plate.”
“People already give me more than I can spend.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I need you to bring me new people. My followers are losing their essence. Their thought processes have slowed. They're simple parrots incapable of original thought.”
“You want me to bring you people to brainwash?”
“You know I don't brainwash them. I thrive on their memories, their emotions, and their thoughts. In return I give them love and acceptance. A feeling that there's someone looking out for them. I give them happiness.”
“What they perceive as happiness,” I said.
“Same thing.”
“You could travel around, hold revival meetings.”
“I used to do that,” he said, his eyes seeming to look back across the years. Then he snapped back to the present. “But that means going for days at a time without feeding. Here I can hold meetings every day. I don’t like to travel; I'm too used to the constant flow of energy.”
“And it's getting harder to get that fresh flow,” I said. “Like being trapped in a room filling with water—the air is running out.”
He nodded. “That's why I want people like you to branch out—build the flock. I'd like to have a main church to which all members make a pilgrimage like Moslems to Mecca. But instead of a single journey in a lifetime, it would be an annual journey—keep that fresh flow of energy so we can feed without killing. And through the feeding we stay young.”
“You make yourself sound immortal.”
“I'm as mortal as you. I was born to human parents, raised, married. If I cut myself, I bleed. I get hit, I feel pain. I'm a simple man, but I have the proper mental state to maintain my health. I've found ways to siphon energy and virtually stop the aging process.
“And you'll teach me if I help with your expansion?”
“That’s right.” He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Are you interested?”
My heart beat faster. Could he steal my life right now? There had to be rules--couldn't he overload on the lifeforce and burn himself out? He'd just drank his fill from the congregation. Or had he? Maybe he'd saved enough hunger to finish me off should I prove unwilling.
I raised my arms inside his grip and spread them, making him release me. “Can I have a trial run?” It seemed the safest way to handle the situation.
Benjamin laughed. “Be here Sunday morning. You can feed off the people and then make your decision.”
***
The turn out for Sunday morning's eight o'clock service was impressive. Benjamin coached me on how to draw the energy. “It's best to start small, especially at first. You'll be able to sense the energy loose in the room. Just mentally pull it to you. I'll help you get started; it's difficult the first time.”
I wasn't even sure I wanted to try this. It seemed wrong to steal people's vitality.
Benjamin led the services as if nothing unusual were happening. To him it was situation normal. I sat in an orange plastic chair beside the girl who led the singing. Benjamin introduced me as a new believer and had me approach the podium. The congregation cheered.
Benjamin laid hands on my shoulders and I felt something open inside me on a mental level. Sensations rushed in. Emotions, energy, power. It began as a trickle that set my whole body tingling. I arched my back and willed it to come faster. More power poured in. I felt exhilarated. For that moment, I was God and I was free to drink from the collective soul of the world. The emotions filled me--love, fear, adoration, guilt. The last was my own; this felt so good it had to be wrong. The feelings increased. They grew until I thought I'd explode. I tried to close the floodgates, but I didn't know how.
I panicked. Staggering back, I swung my arms in wild sweeps, trying to physically sever the link, but it did no good. My head throbbed. My brain burned, felt like it would boil out through my eyes. My hair stood on end and I saw sparks flying in front of my face. The world glowed white and I fell.
***
Pain.
I opened my eyes. They ached and everything was tinged red. I closed them, tried to will tears to come forth to soothe the agony. “Got any Advil?”
“You don't need it,” Benjamin said. He pried my eyes open one at a time and dripped Visine into them. It put out the fire and I relaxed. The pain faded.
“Did you like the rush?”
“Yes,” I said. Too much. I wanted more already and I hadn't even come down yet.
“So you'll join me? Learn my technique and begin an operation elsewhere--help build my flock?”
“I don't know. I think I could start the flow now whenever I want.”
“I'm sure you could.” Benjamin smiled. “But you'd be dead in minutes, boy. You haven't learned the factor of control. You can't shut it off.”
Well, at least I'd guessed correctly. Burn out was possible. How close had I come to death earlier?
“So teach me,” I said.
“I'd like to do that. I really would. But first, I'm afraid I'll have to test your loyalty.”
I sat up and the rush to my head made me regret it. “What do you mean?”
“I need you to ... drain someone for me.”
“Drain?” I asked. “You mean kill?”
He winced. “I don't like that word. It sounds too...”
“True?” I suggested.
“Yes. I told you, I value life.”
“So do I. There's no way I could kill anyone. I don't have the stomach for it.”
“Sure you do. You want the power; it's more addictive than any drug you can buy. And it's free. Take a little bit here, a little bit there and you're never in danger. No one will even notice.”
