Queens of Wonderland, page 8
“But he is not dead.”
“Are you certain? There is a foul odor coming from him.”
She resisted the urge to laugh as she heard Michael get to his feet. After a second, she composed herself. “That was rather rude, Tort.”
The mock turtle suddenly looked horrified. “Oh my, it was rude, wasn’t it? You have my sincerest apologies for that. I can’t believe what I did. How can I make it up to you?”
“You could tell us if you’ve heard of someone like I’ve described to you.”
“Hmm, let me think. I do not know if any pirate ghosts have come into this land, but I spend most of my time on this rock, so unless they pass by here . . .” It shrugged, which looked truly odd for a turtle with a cow’s head. “I have many acquaintances who are better informed than I am. I could ask one of them if they have heard anything.”
“That would be much appreciated. May we go with you while you do?”
“I suppose so. It is the least I could do after being so rude.”
Slowly, Tort stood up and walked off the rock. The hooves should have made it clumsier, but instead, they had the opposite effect. The mock turtle looked more like a satyr than an awkward half cow half turtle, dancing from step to step before thudding on the ground. It motioned for them to follow. In spite of its grace, it moved exactly as fast as one would expect a turtle to go.
“Over here,” someone whispered.
Vanessa looked around. A man was peering at them from behind a rock. He had sandy brown hair that looked like it had never been combed, and she caught a faint whiff of tea. She couldn’t see the rest of the man’s body, but on top of his head sat a tall hat made of some purple fabric. It had a wide brim and a card reading, “In this style 10/6.” He waved at her, and she stopped. Tort didn’t notice Vanessa stop, but the other Knights did. They stopped and stared. Michael saw the hatter almost immediately and pointed him out to Will.
“Come here,” the hatter whispered.
She looked to Tort who had progressed only a few feet, though the mock turtle hadn’t noticed the hatter. She thought of the lessons she had learned from the Lady, not just the magical ones but the ones on the nature of reality as well. In Wonderland more than most worlds, it was dangerous to avoid such things. She crept toward the man, motioning for the others to do the same. As soon as she got close enough, he grabbed Vanessa and pulled her behind the rock. Will and Michael rushed forward, each with a sword drawn. They held their weapons to the man. The hatter, however, seemed not to notice them. Instead, he stared at Vanessa, his long face twisted with fear.
“You must be careful. You are in grave danger.”
“Danger?” Vanessa asked. She motioned and the two men put away their weapons, though Michael kept his hand on the hilt. She rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the hatter. “Tort doesn’t strike me as a particularly dangerous being.”
“That’s why it’s so dangerous. You can’t trust it.”
“Why?”
“Because it is a creature of the Queen of Hearts. It is completely loyal to her. It’s one of her lieutenants.”
“What could it possibly do for the Queen of Hearts?” Vanessa asked. “It doesn’t seem terribly useful.”
“It’s a watchman.” Will glanced back toward the mock turtle, who was still walking. “The queen must know someone could come into the world here.”
“Exactly so,” the hatter said. “She lacked the power to close off this entry, so she sent someone to watch it.”
“A mock turtle as a guard?”
“Would you ever suspect something like it?”
Vanessa and her friends exchanged glances. “No, I suppose not.”
“No one would. He no doubt intends to lead you to the queen.”
“Would that really be so bad?” Michael asked. “I mean if she’s in charge around here, she might be able to tell us what we need to know. That’s what my vision indicated anyway.”
The hatter plopped down on the ground and rubbed his chin. “You know, she might, provided she’s in a good mood, and all her roses are red, and she’s had her tea, and you give her a good unbirthday present.”
“Unbirthday?” Michael asked.
“Yes, of course, provided, that today is her unbirthday. I’m not really sure.”
“No,” Michael said, “I mean what is an unbirthday?”
The hatter was so shocked that his hat fell off. As if it had somehow been restraining his hair, it bounced up. The hatter scooped up his hat and put it on. Sand had gotten into it and spilled over him. He sneezed, and some of the sand blew into Vanessa’s face. She brushed the grainy substance away.
“You don’t know what an unbirthday is?” the hatter asked.
Michael rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”
“Why any day that’s not your birthday is your unbirthday.”
“So today is her unbirthday unless, by chance, it happens to be her birthday.”
“Yes, of course. It’s quite a risk to take.”
Michael laughed. “I don’t think so. I mean it’s my unbirthday today, too. For that matter, it’s all of my companions’ unbirthdays.”
“Really? Mine too!” Suddenly, he looked worried. “What are the chances that it would be four people’s unbirthday? Surely, we won’t find another. Why the odds of that would be astronomical!”
“Astronomical?” Michael asked. “Are you serious?”
“Oh no,” the hatter said. “Never. You never want to be serious here. There are grave consequences if you are.”
“He does have a point,” Vanessa said. “This isn’t a place for rational people.”
“How are we supposed to find Hook, then?” Michael asked.
“What’s the difference?” Will asked. “I mean it’s just like Neverland, isn’t it? They both seem to be playgrounds for children.”
“A playground with pirates and monsters,” Michael said.
“A dangerous playground, certainly,” Vanessa said, “but a playground nonetheless. Wonderland is different. It is a land of madness.”
“Would you say the Lady is mad?” Michael asked with a smirk.
“I think she understands it. I’m not sure you can make it through Wonderland without doing that much, any more than you can make it through Neverland without understanding what it means to be a child.”
“What about me?” Michael asked.
“You have to learn.”
“I don’t think that’ll be an easy thing to learn.”
“You have to bend sometime,” Vanessa said. “I’m afraid this land will break you if you don’t.”
“Oh yes,” said the hatter. “I was like him when I came to this land. I refused to understand it, and so I became what I am now.” He took off his hat and bowed. His hair was still full of sand, and a hermit crab was crawling around on his head. “Now, where were we? Ah yes. The queen. She will chop off your head, you know, and that’s almost always fatal.”
“Almost always?” Michael asked.
“Yes, of course. Do you have any idea how serious cutting off a head is? Very few people can survive that.”
“Who do you think could survive that?”
“A household,” the hatter said. “It would be hurt, certainly, but it could survive. I don’t think you’re a household, though.”
Michael stared at the hatter for several seconds before throwing up his hands in frustration.
“Hello?” Tort’s voice sounded from the other side of the rock.
The hatter’s face twisted in terror. The hermit crab, which was still on his head, clung to his hair for a second before falling to the beach. The hatter started to run, but Vanessa grabbed him before he had taken a single step. He tried to pull free, but he was remarkably weak.
“Please,” he whispered. His face had gone pale. “Please, we have to go. If it sees us, it’ll capture us, and then we’re done for.”
“Then we shouldn’t attract its attention. Be quiet.” Vanessa turned to Will. “Can you lead it away?”
“The mock turtle?” Michael asked. “Are you serious? We could fight him off without breaking a sweat.”
“I’m not being serious,” Vanessa said. “I’ve tried to explain this to you. This isn’t the place for being serious. I think we’ll get more from listening to the hatter, which is why Will is going to lead the mock turtle away.”
Michael rolled his eyes at her, but Will nodded. He stood and listened for a few seconds before disappearing around the rock. She thought she heard the mock turtle’s footsteps stop.
“Is that you? Oh come now, you’re being awfully rude. Wait for me.”
There was the shuffling of footsteps as Tort moved away from them.
“He won’t be long,” Vanessa said. “I gather Tort isn’t especially fast.”
“Do you know any mock turtle that is fast?” the hatter asked.
“No, I don’t suppose I do,” said Vanessa, “but if we don’t trust what the mock turtle said, we need to find help elsewhere. I don’t suppose you know where to find a dead pirate.”
“In the sea, obviously,” the hatter said. “That’s where dead pirates normally end up.” He put a hand over his right eye and began walking stiffly. “Arrr, walk the plank.”
He took a few steps and vanished, falling into the sand. Only his hat remained on the surface. Before Vanessa had a chance to do anything, his head popped up again, and she resisted the urge to laugh. “Yes, I imagine you could find quite a few pirates there, but the one we’re looking for is somewhat more mobile than those. He’s a ghost.”
“The seas also hold a number of ghost ships. Why I heard of one piloted by a Dutchman—”
Michael clenched his teeth and looked on the verge of screaming, but Vanessa gave him a stern look. He let out a breath and nodded once. Vanessa returned her attention to the hatter, who was pulling himself out of the ground.
“Yes, I met him once. That’s not the kind of ghost we’re talking about. This one moves around on land and has a hook for a hand.”
Once again, the hatter plopped down on the ground and rubbed his chin. “I can’t say that I have heard of such a being, but I know of someone who has.”
“That’s exactly what the mock turtle said,” Michael said. “Why should we trust you more than we trust him?”
“Why, because I am telling the truth, of course.”
“That’s an easy thing to say.”
“It is not. Do you have any idea of what must go on in the brain to control the tongue, the mouth, and the lungs? Why, it staggers the mind to know even a fraction of it. It’s a wonder anyone can say anything at all.”
“You know of such things?” Vanessa asked.
“Why, of course. I am a hatter. I am familiar with all things that happen in the head.”
“Never mind about that,” Vanessa said. “Who do you know that might help us?”
“The dormouse.”
“A mouse?”
“Not just a mouse,” the hatter said. “A dormouse. I assume this ghost of yours came into this world at some point.”
“Well, yes.”
“The dormouse knows many things. It’s always the one who told us stories, every one of them true. More than that, it is familiar with doors and with those who pass through them.”
“It knows everyone who comes into this world?”
“No, of course not. Only the ones who pass through the doors. It wouldn’t know of you, for instance.”
“The room we saw,” Vanessa said. “At the bottom of the hole.”
“It was blocked,” Michael said.
“But something has to have blocked it,” Vanessa said. “It makes sense that Hook would have gone through it if he had known to block the access.”
Just then, Will stepped around the rock. He wore a wide smile.
“Tort?” Vanessa asked.
“I convinced it we were walking into the sea. It followed.”
“How did you manage that?” Michael asked.
Will laughed. “Let’s just say its mind is just as fast as its feet. It wasn’t hard to trick.”
“We have a lead,” Vanessa told him. She turned to the hatter and asked, “What is your name?”
He cocked his head. “Why, I don’t believe I have one. I have always simply been the hatter.”
“‘Hatter’ it is, then,” Vanessa said. “Lead us to your dormouse.”
14
The moment they stepped off the beach, they found themselves in a forest. Vanessa turned around, but she didn’t see so much as a grain of sand. She walked back a few steps, but the beach was gone. The others were looking at her, and she motioned for the hatter to continue. The forest grew dark, and cobwebs stretched across the path. They passed a number of forks in the road, but the hatter pranced down one and then another. Vanessa thought she heard him singing something about an unbirthday, but she doubted she heard every third word. Eventually, they came to a signpost. The signs—“Here,” “There,” “Away,” “Far,” and “Dormouse”—each had an arrow pointing in a different direction. The hatter examined them for what felt like forever before picking a path not indicated by a sign.
“Wait a second,” Vanessa said.
The hatter paused for an instant before continuing. Vanessa sighed. “Shouldn’t we follow the sign that says ‘Dormouse’?”
The hatter laughed. “Why would we do that? The dormouse is an enemy of the Queen of Hearts. It wouldn’t stay where a sign was pointing in its direction.”
“Finally, something that makes sense,” Michael said.
They continued down the dark path until it opened on a clearing. There was a table long enough to seat at least two dozen people. Each one had a place set, as if for tea. Three teapots steamed in the middle of the table, and the smell of the biscuits made Vanessa’s mouth water. They hadn’t had the time for a proper meal since this whole journey started, and the hunger was catching up with her. The hatter sat down and began cutting bread. He moved with the speed of one who had done this often. In a few seconds, each plate had a slice. He then began pouring tea until steam rose from each cup.
“Sit, please sit.”
Vanessa sat next to him, but Michael groaned. “We don’t really have time for tea.”
“I doubt you have ever even met Time,” the hatter said. “No wonder you don’t have it.”
“Time isn’t a person,” Will said, then looked at Vanessa and Michael. “Is it?”
“To the Greeks and a few others,” Vanessa said. “It wouldn’t really surprise me to learn it exists in Wonderland in one form or another.”
“That’s not the point,” Michael said. Then he sighed and sat across from the hatter.
Vanessa took a sip of tea. It tasted of mint but was too hot. The hatter brought the teacup to his mouth and drank it all in one gulp. He took a nibble of cake.
Then he exclaimed, “Change time!”
He got up and moved to Vanessa. Though he was a small man, and Vanessa was well used to combat, the hatter effortlessly pushed her out of her chair. Somewhat amused, Will and Michael got up and moved over one chair. Vanessa picked herself up and moved to sit in what was apparently her new seat, but there was a small mouse curled up in the center, sleeping soundly. Its tail was wrapped around its body, and it was snoring softly.
“What’s this?” Vanessa asked.
The hatter huffed. “The dormouse forgot to switch places.”
“What?” The word drifted up from the animal, though as far as Vanessa could tell, it hadn’t actually woken.
Michael got up and ran around the table. He stared at the dormouse for a second as if he didn’t know what to do about it. Then he prodded it with one finger. It stirred but didn’t wake up. He looked up to Vanessa, who shrugged. She poured a little tea on a plate and blew on it for a few seconds. Then, she overturned it on the mouse. It coughed a little as the tea soaked into its fur. It opened its sleepy eyes. It saw the hatter.
“Oh no. Did I forget to move seats again?” it asked.
“Yes, I’m rather cross with you.”
“I’m sorry, dear friend.” It spoke slowly, its eyes closing a little with every word. “Perhaps I can make it up to you in some way.”
“Well, I suppose you could tell us a story. You tell such delightful stories.”
“No, we don’t want a story.” Michael banged his fist on the table, rattling the dishes.
“Of course we do,” Vanessa said. “Can you tell us the story of the pirate who became a ghost?”
The mouse slumped. “I don’t think I know that story. You will have to ask the queen.”
“The mock turtle tried to lead us to the queen. The hatter said she would kill us.”
The mouse closed its eyes and laid its head down. “No, not that queen.”
“What do you mean ‘not that queen’?” Vanessa asked. “This is Wonderland. Isn’t it ruled by the Queen of Hearts?”
The dormouse perked up. “There are many queens in this world. The Queen of Hearts is certainly the most vile, but there are other queens in this land.”
“Really?”
“Of course. In fact, there are four queens that are of Wonderland.” The mouse’s tail moved, forming each shape as he spoke them. “The Queens of Hearts, Spades, Diamonds, and Clubs. Each rule a different area.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Vanessa said. “In fact, we probably should have guessed it would be the case.”
The hatter buttered a slice of bread. He cut it into the shape of a heart and handed it to her. He gave her such a sad look that she felt obligated to take a bite. The butter tasted faintly of honey, which she enjoyed.
“We are currently in the lands of Hearts,” the hatter said, “but the other queens are near as well.”
“So it’s one of the other three queens that we need to see?”
“Three? What makes you think there are only three others in Wonderland?” the mouse asked.
“Didn’t you just say there were three?”
“I said there were many queens, not three.”
“But you said there were three others in Wonderland.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Vanessa scowled. “Yes, you did.”
“No, I said there were three others of Wonderland. That’s not the same thing at all. There are six queens in Wonderland at this time.”
