Wishful Thinking, page 7
“No, I’m not. I’m usually very pleasant to be around, but I’m tired…and hungry. But most of all, I’m still trying to figure out what you’re still doing here after you clearly stated you wanted nothing to do with me or Ben.” I sneer at him. I’ve been too nice compared to how I’ve wanted to truly react and it’s time I unleash my own dragon.
For the briefest of moments, he remains blank, and then the curve of his lip rises as if mocking me. My hands slowly clench into fists, wanting nothing more than to punch the expression from his face, but I force myself to keep calm and not follow through.
He slightly tilts his head in the direction of the doors. “He’s going to be in there for another hour, right?” he asks, sounding more like a confirmation than a question.
“Why do you care?” I cannot help but snap back at him for asking.
“Because I do,” he voices in a demand.
I’m taken aback. “Yeah,” I confirm.
Glancing back towards the door where Ben is currently receiving his treatment, he says, “All right,” and nothing else as he turns to retreat down the hall.
“Where are you going?” I demand, but instead of a verbal response, his hand comes up to flicker a wave goodbye back at me. I’m left perplexed as I watch him walk away, wondering just how brainless rock stars can be due to his responses. Most of the time he does not make any sense. At least with him gone maybe it will allow my mind to finally relax.
As predicted, an hour later the department doors open and my breath unwillingly catches remembering Mr. Rock Star has left. Thankfully, the sight of Ben peacefully sleeping as they wheel him closer allows me to breathe again. The sound of heavy footsteps approaching behind me draws my attention. I turn to find myself facing Mr. Rock Star once more, a large cup of coffee in one hand, a cafeteria container in the other. I practically light up from head to toe from seeing him return.
Only because of Ben.
Peering to our side, he lets out a contented breath. “Oh, good. I thought I wouldn’t make it back in time,” he says, sounding relieved when he notes it.
He smiles at Mrs. Bennet as she walks with Ben at his bedside and we both watch them continue on back to his room. I’m about to take my first step to follow when he holds out a coffee container for me to take. “Sorry, it may be cold,” he relays, sounding apologetic. “Someone recognized me and I sort of got mobbed downstairs in the cafeteria.”
Bewildered, I stare down at the cup as he urges the coffee forward, insisting I take it. Doing as requested, I have to ask, “You went and got me coffee?”
“And food,” he states, holding out the container in his other hand. “I didn’t know how you liked your coffee, so I left it black,” he says then reaches into the pocket of his jacket to retrieve creamer containers and sugar packets. He places them on top of the container he’d handed to me.
“I hope you’re not a vegetarian, because I got you a turkey sandwich.”
I’m finding it quite difficult to not gape at his offering.
“I figured it may help with your mood,” he teases, and just as swiftly the positive notions he had given me evaporate in a mere second.
Startling him when I shove the items back at him, I quip, “I don’t want anything from you.”
He shoves them back at me, crossing his arms over his chest in refusal to take them back. I’m prepared to argue I don’t want his food when my traitorous stomach lets out a massive growl.
“You do know most of the shit that comes out of your mouth is contradictory,” he points out then gives me a mischievous smile.
Letting out a frustrated growl, I step around him to stomp away. I’m aware it’s childish, yet it’s my only defense if I don’t want to risk making a scene by going off on him.
The sound of his laughter behind me makes me want to chuck the damn coffee back at him, but my weary mind is rationally keeping me from following through, knowing I need the caffeine. My stomach also reminds me the food is as well a necessity at this point. Surprisingly, his footsteps are not too far behind me, reminding me I will not be slipping away from him anytime soon. Why can’t this simply be a nightmare and any moment I will find myself awakening from it? At least then I will be left with the satisfaction of knowing I would no longer be forced to deal with Mr. Rock Star. Unfortunately, my luck isn’t as fortunate today and I’ll just have to deal with him instead.
“I still can’t believe you’re here,” Ben breathlessly voices over to Kaleb standing off to one corner of the room.
His presence has not gone unnoticed by the entire hospital and security had to be called to keep any unauthorized visitors from coming into the wing. When we mentioned to Ben that Kaleb would need to leave, he became upset again, insisting he still hadn’t gotten the chance to visit with the legendary rock star. Against all of Mrs. Bennet’s protest, Ben won, leaving me no choice than to sequester Mr. Rock Star in a corner of Ben’s room because we didn’t want to risk disappointing him now that he was in such high spirits.
Kaleb is about to respond to the comment when Ben lets out a pained groan, grabbing his abdomen in warning his cramps are increasing.
This is one of the main reasons why Ben refused radiation. Although it’s an effective treatment, the aftereffects are brutal to a child. The stomach cramps are painful enough to an adult. For a child who has yet to learn how to tolerate pain so easily, it can be vicious.
“Is he alright?” Kaleb’s concern over fills the room.
“I’m going to inform Dr. Sorenson,” Mrs. Bennet states, already reading my mind.
Ben has curled himself into a fetal position, his groans intensifying with every second.
“Your mom is already going to ask for some pain meds. Just keep breathing, Ben.
“I doubt breathing is going to help the kid,” Kaleb snickers from his corner of his room.
Glaring straight at him, I bark, “You’re not making the situation any better. Either shut up or leave.” The brief moment I remain peering at him, I watch his jaw tighten as he becomes silent. Ben’s groans continue for the next several minutes until Angela makes her appearance with his muscle relaxers. Thankfully, because they’re pushed through his IV they don’t take long to become effective.
Leave it up to Kaleb to be the first to point out the change in Ben. “No longer feel like an alien is growing in you?” I’m gawking at Kaleb for his choice of words as Ben’s eyes grow wide.
“Can that actually happen?” his innocent mind has him asking.
Kaleb lifts his shoulder when responding, “Anything is possible.”
Ben is skeptically looking at him. “Good thing I’m getting radiation after all. It would zap dead the sucker if there was.”
“Or it can make it grow,” Ben’s grandmother comments with a chuckle, making them laugh.
Ben throws his head back to laugh out loud. “Can you imagine?”
Mrs. Bennet is the only other person besides me who has held back from laughing. I’m looking around the room as if everyone has lost their mind as they continue with their scenario of aliens. All thanks to Kaleb’s non-sense thinking.
“You’re brave, little man,” Kaleb proclaims to Ben as their conversation comes to an end.
Responding with a small shrug, Ben says, “It’s not so bad. You get used to it.”
I want to clarify how badly Ben is taking it, but bite my tongue instead. It’s clear Ben is masking his true reaction to his radiology for his idol and the last thing I want is to upset him now that I’ve managed to return to his cordial side.
“I guess there was a positive to today. You’re not even old enough to drive yet, but you’re already tatted up.” Kaleb points with his chin down to Ben’s chest.
His little hands come up to pull the collared hem of his hospital gown down to display the most recent tattoos he received this morning. “They’re only going to fade like the last ones.” His little mouth pouts before looking back up to Kaleb with excited eyes. “Can I see your dragon? I’ve only ever seen it in videos.”
Kaleb stiffens for a moment. He appears hesitant as he takes in the visitors in the room. Eight pairs of eyes may be waiting for his next move, but it’s I who is just as intrigued as Ben with Kaleb’s tattoo. I’ve only ever paid any attention to it from a distance. When we were close in proximity the first night we met I had no time to ogle him. I had a purpose to be there. Thinking back to the night, my animosity slowly begins to rise as I replay his rejection in my memory.
It’s just as quickly pushed aside as Kaleb begins stepping forward in my direction. I’m already standing on one side of Ben’s bed and it’s exactly where he chooses to stand—mere inches in front of me. He’s close enough for Ben to have a perfect view of his chest, yet also close enough for my body to begin to ignite with a spark that quickly travels through my blood. Slowly, he lifts his white tee up, displaying his bare chest and the intricate design painted into his skin, beginning near his peck and curving down his ribcage. My hands begin to itch with wanting to touch it, all while a tingle has overcome my entire body. I’m nervous to breathe in fear that it will come out in a pant. His unique smell has already overtaken the small space he left between us.
Ben’s fingers reach out to touch the dragon, while I grow jealous he gets the privilege. “How cool.” Ben’s voice has me shaking my head to bring me from my erotic stupor I’d lost myself in. A second later, Ben’s hand retreats and Kaleb lowers his shirt before stepping away.
The air from my lungs comes whooshing out, making me aware I was holding it hostage. Kaleb returns to his previous position in the corner of the room. Chancing a quick glance in his direction, I catch his lips curve up to one side before they fall back down into a frown when Ben asks, “Is it too soon to ask why you’re not recording your next record after all?”
From the grimace on his face, he looks as if he would rather not disclose the reason, but surprisingly he answers, “Something came up and it’s putting a dent in the schedule.”
“It’s just a dent, though. It doesn’t mean you can’t record later,” Ben is quick to respond.
“Sometimes there isn’t always ‘a later,’ little man,” he justifies.
This has Ben frowning. The sound of the room’s curtain being pulled aside distracts us all. Several minutes later, Ben’s eyes grow heavy, a side effect of the most recent dosage he was administered.
“Looks like you’re ready for a nap.”
Refusing to succumb, Ben fights. “I’m fine.”
“Ben you need your rest,” his mother scolds. Ben is quick to grow disappointed until Kaleb comments, “I’ll make sure to come visit again.”
“Cool,” Ben slurs, still trying to fight the battle of sleep, but still managing to look to Mr. Rock Star with a smile. “It was really cool meeting you, Kaleb.”
“Right back at you, little man,” he conveys, holding a fist out for Ben to bump. “You hang in there and kick this cancer’s ass,” he laughs out when their fists meet.
“Thanks for giving him a chance after all, Lexie,” Ben says, his gaze peering from me then back to Mr. Rock Star.
From the corner of my eye I can see the subject of our conversation grinning at me. Do I dare clarify to Ben I haven’t actually done so, yet?
No.
“I’ll come check up on you later tonight when my shift starts,” I relay, ruffling his hair. He doesn’t have enough strength to jerk his head as he usually does, but I do get the pleasure of seeing his smile remain when he surrenders to sleep.
Before exiting the room, his mother stops me near the door. “Thank you, Lexie,” she beams. “It feels like ages since I’ve seen him smile this long. I’ve missed it.”
“But I didn’t do anything, Mrs. Bennet.” I hate to admit.
Her eyes look in Kaleb’s direction, who is patiently waiting near the exit of the room. “He said it was you who asked him to come visit Ben,” she whispers to me. “He’s the same man that Ben obsesses over in the videos, isn’t he?”
I don’t dare look to Kaleb for a reaction. If I do, I risk seeing the smugness I’ve been trying to avoid all morning. “Yes, he is,” I verify. It’s she who is smiling at Kaleb in return. “I’m glad he came,” she says loud enough for him to hear. I follow her gaze and as expected, he’s pleasantly smiling back at both of us. This time I do roll my eyes at his reaction.
“I’m going to go get some rest while I can. I’ll see you both tonight,” I relay to Mrs. Bennet, giving me the chance to escape.
On the way out of the room, I walk as fast as my legs can take me to put distance between Mr. Rock Star and I, but the heavy footsteps of his boots are not too far behind me.
“I take it you’re still pissed at me?” he questions several feet before we reach the elevator at the end of the wing. “At least tell me why you still despise me even after I showed up.”
This is not how I would have liked to confront him, but it’s best I get it over with.
Spinning fast to face him, he’s questionably waiting for a response. “You want to know the true reason why I despise you so much? Because you’re nothing but a hypocrite,” I quietly seethe, yet wanting to scream it from the top of my lungs.
“You’re right,” he shamefully admits.
I’m shocked from his admission. I hadn’t expected him to agree.
“I always told myself I would never come near someone like you ever again, yet I find myself drawn to you like a moth to the flame,” he confesses before adding, “I also vowed to never step into another hospital, even if my life depended on it.”
“Why?”
His lips turn down into a deep frown. “Everyone has their secrets, pixie, including you,” he states without disclosing any more information.
“Forget I asked,” I mutter, whirling to resume my steps towards the elevator.
I’m forced to ride down with him, but thankfully not alone. However, when we reach the lobby and near the exit, outside waiting is a small crowd who has obviously been lingering around for him to make his appearance. Without a backwards glance, I keep walking past them, not caring what is to become of him and the bystanders. He can use the same cocky attitude he once used on me to get out of his current situation. I just hope I never have to deal with him ever again.
The loud thud of the door slamming shut vibrates through the front walls of my house. Stomping my way over to the living room, four pairs of eyes are shockingly staring back at me as they wait in my living room. All my fellow band members have comfortably made themselves at home with drinks in their hands.
“I take it you’re pissed about something,” Dillon jokes, yet fully waiting for me to explain my mood as he takes a sip of his beer.
“What the fuck are you guys doing here?” I bark, taking my pent up frustration out on them. It’s had time to build since I’ve left the hospital.
“We thought we’d pay you a little visit,” Chris casually replies.
Their presence shouldn’t take me by surprise since we’ve always been able to come and go from each other’s homes, but normally we give one another a heads up before arriving.
“I’m not in the mood for company,” I warn them.
“We can see that, but we’re not leaving,” Dillon says.
“If this is about the album, don’t bother. That’s your problem now since I’m no longer part of the band,” I declare, making my way over to the small bar to pour myself a drink.
Ignoring my comment, Chris says, “Just let us know when you’ve changed your mind and feel like coming back.”
“I’m not,” I avow.
How many times is it going to take telling them I’m done before they get it through their thick skulls? To them this is all a joke.
“Obviously you need more time to think rationally,” he disputes.
I’m ready to argue that I am thinking rationally, but Dillon cuts in, “Originally we did come over to change your mind, but now we’re curious to know what’s got you all riled up?”
Ignoring him, I begin pouring myself the dark liquid I know will help calm my frustration.
“Does this have anything to do with that nurse from last week?” Vinny asks.
The glass I was lifting to my mouth is brought to a pause for a brief second.
“Why are you asking?”
“We heard about the little crowd outside the hospital. Same place she happens to work at,” Vinny points out.
Instead of taking a small sip from the glass as I had planned, I find myself gulping down the two fingers worth in one straight shot.
Vinny’s curiosity has been an annoyance for the past week. It was because of him I decided to go in search of her and see if it wasn’t too late to grant her request. I just hadn’t notified anyone of my plans.
His smug smile joins a wag of his brows. “Found her?”
“Yeah,” I admit while pouring myself another round.
The asshole has given me away to the rest of the band and everyone begins to question him for details. “He’s been PMSing since the night he sent her ass packing,” he explains.
“Shut it, Vinny!” I utter, as I usually have to do. The fucker has me declaring the words at least ten times a day when he’s around.
Ignoring my declaration, he explains, “He asked about her the other day because the stubborn ass refused to look at her badge and needed to know where she worked. Thankfully, I paid attention for once,” he mocks. “Guess the girl in black caught his eyes after all,” he finishes, referring to the color of scrubs she was wearing that night.
Her choice of color is what had me doing a double take when I’d seen her backstage during the show. Normally I’m used to seeing them in a light blue—a color I’ve despised since childhood—but the rebel color had me fearing for my life. For a split second, I believed she was the Grim Reaper coming for my soul.
“So what happened?” Vinny pushes to know.
“I did what she asked me to do. I visited the little boy.”
For the first time in ages, I receive complete silence from my band mates.
