Touched by Oblivion (The Fourth Pack Series Book 1), page 28
Our Nexus pack is small, hidden away in a sleepy town on the east coast of England. The humans have no idea we live among them, go to their schools, and do everything they do. Our pack lives around the town, all fifty families, and until the mating ceremony, I was hidden here. I never attended the bigger pack celebrations, never left the town at all because it was too risky. But every wolf has to give their blood to the Wolf God priests at fourteen so they can see the Nexus bonds throughout the world. At fifteen, if a bond is found, we are invited to the local temple to accept our mating bond and share blood with our Nexus mates. Only, I won’t be accepting mine. I’m rejecting the bonds before I can meet my mates. “It can’t be let out, Gwen. Remember that today.”
It. The monster under my skin, my Nexus. My wolf. It. I push down the unnatural feeling bubbling in my chest and the horrible memories that come with it. I was five the first time my wolf came out to play, and when I got it under control, I was sitting in piles of bodies and pure death. That wasn’t even the worst time it escaped. I got better at controlling it as I aged, forcing my body to lock it in a cage and never let it escape.
No, my wolf can’t have its mates. It can’t be let out and free, not when I know what it wants now. It won’t stop, it won’t be sated, and it wants to burn the world to dust. It only knows destruction, and the longer I pretend I’m normal, the more chance there is of it taking over.
I blink at the mirror by the door, seeing my reflection. My long red silk cloak falls over my head and hits the floor at my feet. Underneath, I have my normal choice of clothing: leggings and a crop top. All chosen to be ideal for running in. My eyes, one blue and one grey, flash back at me like a giant joke. The monster lurks in one of my eyes, and since I was ten, I haven’t been able to change the colour back from grey. “I know, mother. I know the plan, but it feels wrong.”
“That’s your Nexus talking. Honestly, five mates?” She huffs to herself, looking for a second at the suitcases by the door, her short blonde hair bobbing around her chin. “The biggest group in our recorded history had four Nexus shifters bound, and you know what happened to them,” she carefully warns. Everyone knows what happened, and I gulp. “Rejection is the only way you will survive.” Is it though? “We will be ready with the car the moment you say the words, and then we can leave the Nexus world once and for all like we have planned out. It was too risky to take you before we had the money from your grandparents and your father bought us dozens of fake identities to keep us hidden. We have done everything to hide your…Nexus.” Disgust rolls off her tongue with the word. “Now go and do not embarrass us.”
She shoves her small hand into my back, and I stumble to the front door, my legs feeling like jelly. I turn the handle and slip out into the dark night, blinking at the dozens of firelight lanterns that line the street towards the temple on the hill. The humans believe we celebrate a religious ceremony on this night every year, and I was picked on more than once for being in a cult by other kids at school. I don’t blame them—we are sort of like a cult. If they knew we all shift into animals and have supernatural powers that rival the Avengers, they might not have picked on us to begin with. Hell, they’d call us witches and run in the opposite direction.
I hear my favourite Taylor Swift song playing from a house nearby as I walk through the town, joining Annie and Rochelle as I get close to the hill. The lanterns are huge, and there are hundreds of them leading up the winding path to the top of the hill and the small temple there. Annie glances at me, her blonde hair falling out of her red cloak. She lives on the other side of town, and we went to school together…but she isn’t my friend. I’m not allowed those. “Are you nervous?”
I shake my head. Lying isn’t my favourite thing to do, but once you get good at it, it’s addictive. Lying means that I don’t have to tell anyone how I really feel. I don’t have to be raw and open and ripped apart. “No. The Wolf Gods chose our mates, and our Nexus will be happy.”
She ducks her gaze and carries on ahead of me, talking quietly with Rochelle, another beautiful, flawless blonde. Rochelle hates me and has done since the first year of high school, when we both got picked for an award, but I got the prize and she didn’t. I didn’t care about the shitty chocolate and book vouchers, but she did and made my life hell in the years after. If only she knew she was winding up a monster who likes to play sick games.
That monster is the reason today is going to be a nightmare.
The stone steps are covered in ivy. The endless nearly dead-looking vines are wrapped around the several stone half walls and tall matching pillars that line the outside of the tall temple. It’s hidden well in the oak trees that are now empty of any leaves and thickly covered in frost. It hasn’t snowed this year, but it is still pretty, the way the branches shine from the frost as the moonlight trickles through the clouds. The thick, dead bushes and hedges surround the temple, yet there isn’t a weed here, nothing out of place. It smells like vanilla, likely from the hundreds of candles inside the temple. It’s extremely well looked after and beautiful. A place of peace and the beginning of thousands of mates’ love stories.
But for me, it will be the beginning of a horror show. A nightmare.
It’s so easy for us to walk up, even when the temple is completely off limits to humans who try to sneak in to see what we are doing up here. One of the Wolf God priests uses their incredible powers to make sure no human sees anything but forest if they do come close. They never sense the true power of the Nexus lurking in these temples dotted all around the world.
I glance up at the beautiful wolf statue right in the centre above the doors. The strongest of our Gods. There are five Nexus Gods and I’m always forgetting their names, but these two, the leaders of the Gods, stick with me no matter what. Crimson and Darkness. The twins. They are the most powerful Gods known. One black wolf and one white wolf. It looks like they’re running in circles, eternally chasing around each other in stone, and right in the centre is a star for the Nexus they created first. A beautiful bright star, like what is said to be cherished in each of our souls.
Some believe the Gods were fallen stars, all five of them, and they didn’t know what to do with the humans they found here on earth. Crimson and Darkness took lovers, and their children were born with fresh starlight in their souls. Nexus. Something of beauty, apparently. Mine is not beautiful or anything like the stars above. A dark, evil star, maybe.
I glance at the centre of the star above me, the symbol for our kind, an N with an arrow spiked right through the middle of it. Woven into the stone are dozens of different animals, leading all the way round the edges, but I know that they continue far and wide. Inside the temple looks warm, bright, and inviting as the big oak doors slide open and two priests patiently wait. “Annie Donovan.”
I watch as Annie goes in first, the door slamming shut behind her and echoing the noise throughout the trees. I’m next. I remember the list of names pinned to our community board, in the order we are expected to come here. The older Nexus who finally found mates are invited first and then the younger ones.
My hands are shaking uncontrollably as the wind blows my cloak around my legs, sticking to them. “I heard you were given five Nexus mates by the Gods.” Rochelle huffs. “They wanted to make you a whore, not a shocker there.”
Bitch. My eyes flicker over to her. “And you got one who is likely going to be a boring asshole. Five sounds like more fun.”
Even if I’m going to reject them all. She just looks away from me, rolling her eyes and muttering something under her breath that I miss because I’m not focused on her. I straighten my shoulders, like it might make me feel braver and not like the crumbling mess I truly am. Every second I wait feels like torture. I just want to get this over with and leave.
When the doors finally open, my heart races so loudly it’s hard to focus on moving my feet forward a few steps so the bright light falls on my feet. “Gwenieve Patience Autumn.” They say my name to the wind and for the Gods to hear from the skies, my full, ridiculously long name. I was named after several of my grandparents who died in the war years ago. I never met them, but they were one of the many thousands who died, making our community safe from the Vian. They would be ashamed of me right now.
I blow out a breath and walk forward, glancing at the two priests on each side of the door. They keep themselves fully covered in black from head to toe, so they all look the same. Black cloaks, gloves, masks, and I bet even their boxers are black, too. I know that underneath their cloaks hides what tells them apart. Their weapon choice. They are nearly the most dangerous of our kind, apart from the rangers. Everyone here trains after our ceremony, though. Only the best become rangers or priests. We become good at fighting and self-defence so that the Vian, even in their small numbers, can’t easily kill us. We learn to work together in teams to keep ourselves safe. But not me. I will have to train myself with my parents. I will have to do it all alone to ensure my monster is kept well within.
I wonder if these priests, these virtuous, honourable people, can see straight into my soul and the monster playing about in there. I wonder, if they could really see what I am, would they slit my throat before letting me come into this holy place? They should.
Inside, the temple is kept relatively simple. Rows of pews that lead to a raised stone altar at the back, with a basin that resembles the bird water table in my garden. Except this one is made of pure diamond, and it radiates magic in the air like a bee buzzing. A priest waits behind, all in black, but something about him makes me pause, nearly stumbling over my own feet. Not uncommon for me, but I have to tug my eyes away from this priest. A cloak covers his face completely like the ones who walk at my side anyway, so I can’t possibly know him. I’d guess he was a male from the full, thick shoulders I can make out. My red cloak flutters across the stone as I walk closer and look down at the basin. There’s blood in the shimmering water, and the buzzing of the magic is like a headache this close.
The priest’s gravelly, deep male voice washes over me. He has a friendly voice that makes me want to listen to him. “Welcome, Gwenieve. Today is your mating ceremony. When you cut your palm and give yourself to the Gods, they will fortify your bond between you and the five others that have been chosen as your Nexus mates. Your starlight will be mixed eternally, and where you go, they will follow. Only the Gods themselves will ever be able to part you.”
He clears his throat and I look up, wishing I could see who he is under the mask. Priests don’t ever take their masks off or let an inch of them be seen. Not even among their mates. Doing so breaks all the rules of being a priest, and I’ve heard the punishments are barbaric. He moves slightly and I spot a blade clipped to his leg, a shiny purple Nex dagger. “Your power will mix with your mates’ powers, and you will become a conduit for all five of their powers as you grow closer, and you will use the powers you gain to protect the people of the Nexus.”
My hand shakes and I clamp it down at my side. I swear he looks right at my hand, and I feel him frowning. I won’t be getting their powers, because to do that, I’d need to accept the Nexus mate bond. Let it, that horrible monster, get more powers?
Hell fucking no.
I’m doing the right thing. I’m doing the only thing I can. Even if it breaks my heart into pieces. The priest is still talking, unaware of the battle going on in my heart. “Since the dawn of our people, we have come here and offered our blood to the Gods. Your mates have all given their blood. It is already in this water.” I look down at the water filled with blood. This is the closest I’m ever going to get to them. It’s the closest I can ever let myself come to them. “Do you accept your Nexus mate bond, Gwenieve?”
Every part of my heart wants to scream yes, wants to meet them, wants to know who the Gods chose for me. But those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth. I remember the horror in my father’s face as he picked me up, surrounded by all those bodies time and time again, and covered for me. My parents sacrificed everything to protect me, and I only have to do this one thing. Just this one thing.
My heart breaks completely as the words leave my mouth. “I reject the bond.”
The moment the words come out of my mouth, I feel sharp pain spike through my chest as it, the monster, feels the rejection. It reels in my soul, thrashing and snapping at me. It hates me as much as I hate it right back. The priest goes deadly still, as does the room, like the world pauses in horror. His words are raspy, and he steps forward. “Are you certain? This cannot be undone.”
“I know my fate and I have made my choice.” I turn before he can say another word, and run. Tears stream down my face as my heart actually hurts in my chest, but I keep my feet moving. I run straight back out through the door I came through, the doors opening for me like they want me gone too. As I pass Rochelle, her mouth is gaping open as she watches me run. I throw off the stupid red cloak, letting it fall away in the wind. I don’t dare stop until I get into my parents’ car. They drive off through the empty roads as I cry in the back seat, unable to even breathe through the pain.
I swear, just as we leave the border of the pack, I hear a wolf howling in the distance. A howl full of pain, of anguish, and of a cruel promise of revenge.
Bonus Read of Starlight Mates by G. Bailey
There’s a wolf watching me from the tree line.
I can spot him in the corner of my eye, even with his mud brown fur almost the same shade as the bark of the surrounding trees. I wait, seeing whether he’ll pounce first. He usually does. He always attacks my left side, never the right. Clearly, he has a preference, but he’s always too slow. Just as he jumps at me, I easily step to the side, missing his claw, making him skid across the ground. Hard dirt kicks around me as I grin, turning around to face the wolf. I’m on him in a second. Two steps, my glowing dagger pressed an inch away from his eye, and the wolf freezes.
He whines slightly as I pull my Nex dagger back, tilting my head to the side, my long hair falling down around my waist. I should have braided it back this morning, but I was being a bit lazy and enjoying a lie-in instead. The wolf’s body shimmers, like looking through cloudy glass for a second. It always amazes me what a Nexus shift looks like. I can just about make out his features spilling from wolf to man before Harry is kneeling in front of me—completely naked. He’s good-looking, muscular in all the right places… I have to admit it sometimes.
While he’s on his knees for me, we stare at each other, and I wonder if crossing the line is a good idea. It’s almost tempting to return the feelings that he has made no effort to hide from the moment we met. Just to know what it’s like to kiss someone. Just to know what it’s like to escape in pleasure, like the books I’ve read. I’m almost tempted.
But there are five reasons why I won’t.
I turn away first and wait for him to grab his clothes he left out earlier before he used his Nexus to shift into a wolf. He runs a hand through his blond hair as he turns me around, resting his hand on my shoulder with a grin that shows off his dimples and white teeth. His eyes are the same shade as his wolf, and when I look into them, I can see his wolf staring right back. His Nexus likes me too. Which is odd because most of them can sense what I am and immediately hate me. “You’re so fast, Gwen. Am I ever going to beat you?”
“No.” I arch an eyebrow. “Where would the fun in that be? Let’s go home, I’m hungry.”
“Good thing I went shopping with dad this morning while you were still snoring.” He bumps my shoulder, and I stick my tongue out at him. His eyes linger on my lips for a heartbeat before he meets my eyes. Doll-like eyes, as my mother used to say. Too big, too knowing. Harry is a year older than me, and he is a good person. Rare in this world. Especially for Nexus. He shouldn’t be my friend, but he is. I got lucky with him and his family.
We live in a nearly deserted town in the middle of Spain. It’s quiet here, and no one comes this way. Perfect for a monster like me to hide from the world. After what happened two years ago, I desperately needed somewhere to hide. Harry’s dad knew my father before he died, and my father always told me to come here if anything happened. That it would be safe. After I lost my parents, I turned up on their doorstep injured, covered in blood, and with at least ten bones broken. Harry’s mum screamed.
My heart drops to my stomach as I let myself think of the day I lost my parents, knowing absolutely that I don’t want to think about it again. I can’t go back there. There are two memories I don’t let myself dwell on—the rejection and my parents’ death.
Harry’s house is right on the outskirts of the pack, nestled within a human village in Spain. Most of the humans speak Spanish and don’t like the English, and they stay well away from us, which works out pretty well for me.
Harry’s parents took a massive risk taking me in, and I owe them a debt. But not enough to have a relationship with their son, like I think his dad is hoping will happen. Harry never found a Nexus mate bond, and while it’s rare, it happens. Some just don’t. He has already had bad luck, and I know I should run away and not be selfish. I’m selfish because I need to be around him, be around someone. Because when I’m left alone…when it’s just me and it—the monster—that’s when I go mad. That’s when I really believe I’m going to completely lose my mind and be the villain forever.
Harry picks up a tiny orange lizard off a tree, holding it in his hands as I take several steps away. I really, really don’t like bugs or things that crawl. He shakes his head at me and puts it down. “There’s been some Vian spotted near the pack yesterday.” My lungs freeze in fear. He pulls me to him, completely unaware of the struggle in my mind right now. The struggle to hold it back when it knows enemies are nearby. “It’s okay, I’ll keep you—”
