Persephone's Wolves, page 21
He sighs as he steps back, making it possible for me to breathe again. I watch as he goes to the window and just stands there for a second, taunting me with the fact that I’ve spent more weeks locked in this room, trapped with my mind, dreams, and that window that shows nothing of the world outside. “Put the dress on, brush your hair, and then knock on the door. You’ll be escorted to the ceremony.”
My hands shake, and I clamp them down on the edge of the bedside unit. “I told you, I’m not mating with you.”
He turns around, his eyes frosting over into a luminous green, his tall frame towering over me like I’m a bug. “I will kill everybody that is close to you, slowly in front of you, if you dare show me up today. You will be my mate, you will accept everything I give you with a smile in public or face consequences that will have you begging for my forgiveness. You’ve always been stubborn, Irin, and once I thought I loved that about you. I thought you felt the same, but—”
“But you turned out to be a monster who couldn’t take no for an answer. How could I ever, ever love you?”
“You will!” he roars into my face. “You will be my mate!”
“Never,” I sneer. His jaw pops before he punches me hard across my face, and I slam into the mattress, seeing stars.
“Look what you’ve made me do! I didn’t want you bruised today when the pack is watching.”
I don’t answer him as he rants on and I struggle to get my eyesight fully back. I roll onto my back, my face aching as I stare at the ceiling. Every snarky word is lost from my lips, because he has someone I would sacrifice myself for. Jesper. I know exactly who he means when he threatens to kill someone I love. Because I do love Jesper, and he is just a child. There’s only one person in this pack that particularly means something to me. Maybe two if Mike is here. He’s missing. If what Daniel said is true, he’s been missing for a long time; he could be dead already. Part of me wants him to stay hidden, well away from the dangers here.
Thankfully, Alpha Sylvester walks to the door, pausing. “At least take a shower. You smell like mountains and forbidden magic. It’s repulsive.”
“I scent like them.”
His growl fills the room, even as the thought makes me smile. He slams the door, the whole wall vibrating with the force of it, and I collapse to my knees, tears streaming down my face. I’ve tried to hold them in for so long when he is here, because I know crying and screaming does nothing but show him weakness that he can use against me. I won’t show him that. He’s not getting any satisfaction from me. The bells never stop ringing as I weep, and they won’t do until the mating is over. I only heard about the bells in stories. The sacred bells to mark the alpha mating, only touched and rung by the priestesses.
The ceremony, the mating itself, will destroy me. Fear trickles into my body enough to get my heart pounding, enough for me to force myself to my feet. I’ve decided what I’m doing, and I have decided that I’m not mating with him. Sitting here crying is not going to get me any closer to that balcony, and if I scream my frustration out, knowing my luck, Alpha Sylvester might come in and force me to dress and escort me by carrying me to the mating. I need to be able to walk. I need a second to jump or do something or grab a dagger or anything.
I jump into the hot shower and only leave when the water is cold, when it’s clear I need to. I brush through my wet hair, not bothering to dry it as it dries pretty quickly anyway, before sliding my dress on. The laces take me at least half an hour to tie them one by one, making the corset tighter until I feel it’s the only thing holding me up. This might be the last dress I wear. It has to be.
I turn and look at my reflection, staring for longer than I usually do. I’ve decided I never want to wear white again or green, for that matter, despite it being my favourite colour. Now it will just remind me of this dress, the green leaves woven into layers of white lace chiffon and white silk flowing around my feet. It’s tight, tying at the top of my neck and falling into a low neckline that leaves nothing to the imagination. The curves I do have seem more enhanced than ever in this dress. The back is completely exposed from my shoulders up, and part of me wants to put my hair up so everyone in this pack can see my forbidden god moon marks on my neck and back, how they go down between my shoulders. To show them the god I worship and always will.
This mating ceremony will never happen because I don’t worship the moon goddess anymore. In my mind, she barely exists. Just dregs of her magic left in this pack that has been twisted and corrupted to benefit only male wolves over time. I wonder if this is what she wanted, this much pain, this much destruction of people’s souls over nothing other than her words. Her rules. Her magic.
Were the gods this cruel?
Whatever it was that the moon goddess believed in, I like to think that this isn’t what she wanted, because why make a pack to only let it destroy itself? Who could enjoy that much suffering? I know nothing much about the gods, other than when Phim clearly stated that I’m meant to be a reborn goddess, Persephone. But I don’t look like a goddess, I have no powers. I’m sure if I were a goddess like they claim, I could escape this hellhole, but I can’t. I can’t even shift into a wolf. I can’t do anything other than this one thing: I can choose to leave this world, to make sure the alpha doesn’t get his precious mate.
My rebellion. The name I was once given now following me here to death. I see their faces in front of me, so clearly in the glass reflection, like they’re here when they’re not.
My four alphas.
I want to believe more than anything else that they’re going to come for me and save me from today. My alpha wolves are the people I’m closest to, despite all the lies, despite how mad I am at them. I want to believe they will come to save me in the end, like they promised. That they haven’t left me to this fate.
But a deeper, darker part of me knows the angels must have killed them. I can’t see how or why they would have left them alive, and if they would have been able to escape, they never would leave their pack to be slaughtered. I know that for certain. I’ve gone over every option, a million different scenarios in my head, to try and work out a way that they could come here to save me. But none of them came true, and I’m here alone. If they are gone, then at least I’ll get to see them in the afterlife. At least I get to run with them as wolves, something I’ve always wanted to do since I met them. Be a real pack. Be a real wolf. Tears stream down my face as I stare at myself. I almost want to laugh at my reflection as I watch the tears fall down my pale cheeks, my damp hair falling around my shoulders, and my too perfect mating dress made of material too nice to be real. The wolf who can’t shift, crying alone before leaving this world. What would my alphas say if they saw me here? One laugh escapes my lips before my laugh turns into a sobbing chuckle until I freeze.
The made-up image of them, their faces, disappears like mist in the breeze until it’s just glass and they were never really here. As much as they’re stuck in my mind forever, they’re not here. They’re just gone, but I can imagine they are with me for this last part. I walk to the door, my hands shaking, and knock twice. The door opens, and I’m not surprised to see Beta Cenwyn on the other side. I step out of the room, looking back once, realising I will never have to see this room again, before smiling.
My bare feet barely feel the cold marble as I pause in front of Cenwyn.
“Dresses suit you, Mairin,” he says, and I don’t respond to him, keeping silent. I don’t need to give him any excuse to pause, to see what’s going on in my head. It is going to be bad enough that he’s going to be blamed for my death, blamed for letting me jump. But I can’t care what will happen to him right now. He is a powerful male wolf. He will survive whatever punishment he will get. I will not survive the mating ceremony, not without losing my mind and soul.
I would be broken once more, beyond repair. And without them, my true family, I wouldn’t be able to recover from it. They saved me, fixed the parts of my soul I felt were destroyed and taught me how to live.
Without them, it isn’t living.
My body naturally tenses up, and he starts leading the way, a frown on his pretty face and a look in his eyes that speaks volumes about how he feels doing this. He might be a magnificent wolf if he weren’t such a coward. When I see where we are going leads to the balcony, my heart starts thunderously pounding away so loudly that I wonder if Cenwyn can hear it. Every step I take makes the ringing in my ears slowly build until it feels like an orchestra is playing in my head. My body feels clammy and my hands stickier with every step, while my vision blurs with pure dread for what comes next.
I struggle to put one foot in front of the other as we get to the door that leads out to the balcony.
I have to do this.
I have to do this.
I repeat the same thing over and over in my head, trying to convince myself this is what I want when I know it isn’t. I just don’t have a choice anymore.
When I step onto the balcony, my stomach drops.
Phim leans against the balcony edge, watching me carefully with no smug smile to be seen. She doesn’t have a dress on, but she is dressed how she normally does, leather and weapons, reminding me of our real pack. The one she betrayed so easily.
And she is in the way.
No.
Usually, Phim looks at me with something akin to resigned indifference, but this time, I see nothing but sympathy and something else that I can’t read. If I weren’t so fearful of what I’m going to do next, I might think it was hope.
My eyes flicker to the balcony edge before going back to Phim. Very slowly, almost unseen, she shakes her head. No, she is telling me not to jump, because she would be forced to stop me. I wonder how she knew I wanted to jump. I don’t know how she did, but she knew I was going to. The last tiny bit of hope I had is gone. It’s all gone.
I have to go to the mating. The thought nearly makes me pass out, and I have no idea how my legs hold me up. The world is spinning in my mind as Cenwyn leads me through the castle, all of it a blur until we come outside and my feet sink into soft grass, savouring the small little joy of being out.
How long has it been since I was outside? Really outside like this. I might not be free, I might be walking to a forced mating, but I try to focus on the little things so I don’t break down completely. The sun is high in the skies, dark clouds in the distance like looming ravens about to swoop down on us. Several birds fly across the sky in formations, swirling around each other on the current of the wind. Other than the sound of the wind, I hear the heavy beat of the nearby river’s fast currents, which are not far behind the gardens on this side.
The gardens themselves have never once changed over the years, always perfectly set out for a mating ceremony. There’s a massive archway in the middle made of old gold stone, a moon goddess statue on either side of the archway, her hands reaching up like she could cup the moon. The gold stone looks like the goddess painted real gold dust all over the place. A little leaf of orange blossom flies right past my face in the wind, the sweet scent distracting me for a simple second. I arch my neck to look up at the four massive blossom trees spraying beautiful orange blossoms in the wind.
And all of it turns my stomach. I just want out. I just want to run away, fight, do anything.
I have to do something, but my mind is so panicked I have no idea what just yet.
Feeling eyes on me, I look back to see every balcony, archway, and window is filled with faces and wolves watching the ceremony, watching this cruelty with glee. Their faces are happy and gleeful for this magical mating of their alpha. None of them see the fear in my eyes, in my scent, and if they do, they choose to ignore it. Which, in my opinion, makes them as bad as the alpha himself. No wonder they all adore him. He feeds their need for pain, coldness, and lack of humanity.
Unaware that I’ve frozen to the spot, Cenwyn carefully puts his hand on my back and guides me forward with a slight nudge, reminding me to keep walking to the archway.
Where he is.
My fated mate. The man I hate and fear in equal amounts. He’s shirtless, wearing only furs around his waist, a traditional thing that wolves wear to this kind of ceremony so they can easily shift.
I suppose I will be able to shift and then run. If that’s even possible.
No, I need another plan. Anything. Something. There must be something.
I look at the river about five feet behind the gardens, only a small wooden fence between me and that river if I threw myself in it. The currents are deep and dark, perfect for me, and hopefully it would make it impossible for me to get out. That’s what I’ve got to do.
That’s my plan B.
I tell myself it won’t take long to break away and run if I punch the alpha, using my training Silas taught me. The five hits he taught me to bring any man down.
Hopefully, they work on an alpha. I just have to pick my best moment for it. My legs feel like they’re about to collapse by the time I get in front of the alpha, and Beta Cenwyn stands back, pity shining in his eyes. I barely look at him, and I don’t look at the alpha, not giving him the satisfaction.
Instead, I stare at the gold-dusted stone under my bare feet, letting it ground me.
“You look positively ravishing, Irin,” Alpha Sylvester purrs, his breath blowing over me. The jingle of the melodic bells attached to the priestesses runs through the gardens, and an unusual tension builds in the surrounding space.
It takes me a second to realise it’s excitement, and their excitement builds nothing but fear in my stomach. Once, when I was thirteen, Mike took me to the sunrising ceremony held once a year to celebrate the moon goddess. The priestesses dance on boats on the river, holding lanterns in their hands. It was magic, pure and simple, and I felt like it was the first time I saw the beauty in the moon goddess. Even if I thought the idea of the priestess wearing bells was as funny as a cat wearing them to stop them hunting birds. But now the bells seem almost melancholic, haunting as they sing their beautiful sound. If it’s the last piece of music I will ever hear, I’m lucky in at least that.
Just as the priestess gets to us, bowing her head, her face hidden under her long cloak, there’s a loud explosion far away but close enough to shake the ground under my feet. Wolves’ howls echo around us from a distance, and terrified growls echo with them.
My eyes only drift to Alpha Sylvester for a second, seeing him distracted with whatever is happening, before I take the chance I’ve been given and run. I take off out of the archway and onto the grass just before massive arms wrap around me from behind, picking me up. I scream and curse, fighting my way out of his grip in a panic until I feel a cold blade pressed into the side of my neck.
“I will never let you go, Irin. You’re mine.”
“I will never, ever be yours,” I growl back, and in the distance, four gigantic black wolves jump out of the river, landing with a thud on the grass, shocking me to my core.
Their combined growl raises the hair on the back of my neck as their red eyes lock onto me.
Each of them stares my way, and there is no doubt in my mind.
The alphas of Fall Mountain have come for me.
Thirty
“Well, well, well. Seems like you weren’t all killed after all. The angels’ commander must be getting sloppy.”
The angels’ commander. Does he mean the man claiming to be my father? It doesn’t surprise me he is a commander of some sort as I recall the way they both spoke about another man; he follows some leader they both fear. I remember hearing it in their voices.
One of the wolves shifts back instantly, that vibrant red shifter energy as beautiful as I remember it to be.
Alpha Sylvester whispers in my ear, his lips too close, his scent surrounding me like a toxic cloud. “You must have been good in bed for them to come this far. That’s why you scent like them. That’s why they will die in front of you for daring to come into my pack.”
My breath hitches, my mind almost seeing my four alpha wolves’ bodies on the ground beneath my feet. Until I look at him. Ragnar crouches in a mist of red shifter energy, his eyes locking onto mine, an unexpected warmth sinking into my stomach. Naked, completely naked, he owns the space around us. He is a real alpha wolf. His dominance, his possessiveness, dominates everything. I almost forget who is holding a blade to my neck as a tear falls down my cheek. I’ve missed him. I know without a doubt Alpha Sylvester will take my life rather than let me run to them. Let me go home.
Not surprisingly, he presses the blade harder against my neck, nipping my skin, the scent of my blood filling the air. I hardly feel the pain as hope builds and dies in my soul.
Ragnar’s eyes narrow, rage building in them. “I believe you have someone who belongs to us. Let her go. Now.”
“I don’t think so,” Alpha Sylvester taunts, leaning his face down next to mine. I flinch as he presses a poisonous kiss to my cheek. “This is my fated mate and—”
“You rejected her, and I don’t give a fuck if you regret your actions. She is not yours anymore. She is ours.”
The alphas of Fall Mountain snarl and growl in agreement with him.
One of the wolves snaps his teeth, drawing a paw forward on the grass, looking ready to pounce. Silas. His eyes burn into mine, telling me to fight my way out of this.
“I’ve told you once before, and I will say it one more time,” I state, my voice strong and bolder than I thought it would be. “I am not yours, Sylvester. You will never own me or my soul.”
Using the skills Silas taught me, I slam my fist into Sylvester’s groin at the same time I slam my head back, hearing a sickening crack of his nose. His hand slips enough for me to slide out of his grip, and before he can even blink, I punch him hard in the front of his neck. Shock coats his eyes as he gasps, green shifter energy blasting around him as he stumbles.
