Red Rowan Berry, page 28
"I'll get dressed and come down and rid you of him."
In a very few minutes she came down to the kitchen to the scandalisation of the cook and went into the area where she dismissed her swain in a few crisp sentences.
"Away home and get your breakfast for you'll get none here."
Cook measuring out the meal for the porridge heard this with relief.
"A fine Alfred you'll make tonight, croaking away with the cold like a frog in a puddle."
Benenden attempted a protestation of devotion but was stopped ruthlessly.
"This is all haivers and you know it. You've fallen in love with every leading lady you ever had, so they tell me. Now home with you."
He went off, rather downcast, while she watched to make sure that he left. A clatter of hooves drew her attention and a cab came up the terrace at a canter. The door swung open before it came to a halt and a tall figure leaped nimbly down and handed the driver a coin, waving the offer of change loftily away. The new arrival turned about to survey the house and at once saw Janet staring in disbelief from the area. Before she could retreat he came down the area steps three at a time and seized her in a rib-cracking embrace.
"Alive!" he exclaimed, "Alive and more beautiful than ever. I could not believe it!"
Janet struggled free.
"Please stop it," she protested. "Where on earth did you arrive from?”
Pelham-Villiers released her reluctantly, conscious of two faces behind the barred kitchen window. Cook and O'Malley had never spent a more entertaining morning.
"From London by the night train," he told her. "I came the very instant I heard you were found. I asked the cabbie if he knew where your father lived and he did and here I am."
Janet regarded him with a kind of resigned despair.
"This promises to be a memorable day," she said. "You'd better come in. I can't leave you on the doorstep after a night journey, much as I would like to."
She led him into the kitchen where he endeared himself to his audience by bidding them a cheerful good morning. Janet was less cheerful.
"Please show Captain Pelham-Villiers to the breakfast parlour," she requested. "And I don't doubt he'd like some breakfast."
Cook sighed but not deeply. As she said herself, she did like a proper gentleman.
The uninvited guest was immured in that apartment and Janet escaped upstairs to finish dressing. O'Malley had just taken the captain a preliminary cup of tea out of the cook's own pot, "For sure, isn't he a fine man and isn't it a cold morning and him all the road from London!" when all three of them were startled by the peremptory jangling of the front door bell. Cook dropped the bellows with which she was quickening the fire with a view to preparing a dish of bacon and eggs and rushed to the area window where by dint of inserting her head between the bars and peering upwards she could see a pair of legs. This pair was stamping about impatiently and was clad in trousers very much too short and too wide."
Lord Staindrop had had to find a replacement for his ruined garment. He had not deemed it suitable to conduct such an interview as he anticipated with an erring wife either tightly buttoned into a fur-lined overcoat or displaying a hole as large as his fist in a strategic area. He had intended to make the purchase at his leisure when the shops opened for business, but the sight of a familiar and much-hated figure hailing a cab had jabbed him into more precipitate action. He had taken the next one and ordered the driver to take him at once to the nearest tailor's where he had hammered on the door until the owner came down, unshaven and indignant, from his breakfast and was constrained to supply him with a pair of trousers.
It was a little unfortunate that the tailor's clientele seemed to be drawn from a circle which made up in girth what they lacked in height. In desperation Staindrop had seized upon the pair which most nearly fitted him, though they were far from satisfactory. He paid exorbitantly for them because the tailor protested vehemently that he was bound to deliver them that very day and to a very good customer. Staindrop put them on and refused to remove them and left the tailor clutching three sovereigns.
O’Malley heard the bell as she came out of the breakfast parlour in giggling disorder. Jasper's reunion with the love of his life had not impaired his lively appreciation of other females. She also heard an impatient hammering on the panels of the door. Straightening her cap in the hall looking-glass she opened the' door, a lengthy process for there were bolts, bars and chains enough upon it to protect the Bank of Scotland, and was nearly pushed over by Staindrop's entrance.
"Where is my wife?" he demanded. "Tell her I will see her at once!"
O'Malley, simply gaped. This was a morning she would remember for some time.
Staindrop made an exasperated sound and removed his overcoat. Looking about he saw a light in the breakfast parlour. Thrusting open the door he went in to find Pelham-Villiers at ease by a bright fire sipping tea as if he had been a guest of long standing, To Staindrop, conscious of an unshaven chin, his spruce- ness was an affront.
"You! I knew it!" said his lordship with concentrated loathing. "I said all along that you were at the bottom of it. I should have expected to find you here."
"I say," enquired the captain, fascinated, "did you know you had got on some other fellow's trousers?"
"Never mind my damned trousers!"
O'Malley had recollected herself sufficiently to close the front door, much to the fury of the cabdriver who was about to make an entrance in search of his fare. At Staindrop's bellow of anger she decided that someone must be told of this invasion so she lifted up her print skirts and fairly scuttled up the staircase. She knew Janet was up and dressed and able to come quickly and she was none too sure what the mistress would have to say to this early morning visitation, so she ran up the second flight-to Janet's room.
"It's your man, mistress and him and the other gentleman at it, hammer and tongs!"
Janet followed her downstairs with a sinking heart to face what she knew would be a difficult interview and one she had hoped to avoid by writing a letter. She found that matters had reached a crisis.
Staindrop and Pelham-Villiers were shouting at one another in the parlour, the front door bell was pealing away as if the latest caller were swinging on the end of the bell-pull. Cook and O'Malley had roused young Luke to answer it because they were unwilling to run the gauntlet of the hall, and after the morning's events the blessed saints alone knew who might be at the door this time.
"You're a philandering villain," bawled Staindrop, "you ought to be cashiered!"
"You're impugning the honour of your own wife!" Jasper returned in ringing tones. "You are the villain, sir!"
"Honour!" spluttered Staindrop, "Honour! What honour has she left to her, the trollop!"
"I say you shan't miscall her!" roared Jasper. "I'll defend her good name with my life ... sword or pistol or fists ... name your weapon, sir, name it! I will prove you wrong!"
"I'll call her what I please," declared Staindrop. "Any woman who would run off to live under your protection is a whore and a trollop even to consider such a loose living scoundrel!"
For answer to this he got Jasper's fist in his face. It was not a considered blow, merely a swipe born of exasperation, but it sent him staggering back through the parlour door into the hall where he cannoned into Luke trying to cross unobserved to the front door. They both came down in a heap just as the door swung back against the wall with a crash. O'Malley, in her haste to inform Janet, had forgotten to lock it. The cabman came stamping into the hall, describing his passenger in terms which could only have been understood by a fellow-Glaswegian, to discover the defaulter on his back on the hall carpet with a large mustachioed figure standing over him in a pugilistic attitude. A slim youngster sketchily dressed in breeches, shirt and his stocking-soles was attempting to extract himself from this perilous situation. The cabbie's flow of abuse dried up and he gaped. Behind him through the open door strode Benenden, who had returned at the sight of two gentlemen arriving at the house in evident haste, to discover what these early arrivals portended and to assure Janet of his support through any emergency, which he did over all the com- motion in tones calculated to reach the gallery of the largest theatre in Glasgow. At the head of the kitchen stairs stood O'Malley who was in hysterics and cook, clutching a frying pan in which the eggs still spat and frizzled, reiterating that this was not what she had been used to in a gentleman's establishment and were all these people staying to their breakfasts.
Janet, bemused, regarded the scene from halfway down the first flight. She sank back on to the step behind. There was a movement behind her and she turned to see Simon, who had turned out to see what all the commotion was about. Behind him on the half-landing were grouped the rest of the household in various stages of disarray, huddled behind Laidlaw who was clad in trousers and nightshirt and clutching the brass poker from the drawing room.
The situation might be said to be getting out of hand.
CHAPTER 18
AFTER AN HOUR or so the company had been called to order. Hannah had taken Staindrop away to offer him a much-needed shave and a pair of her husband's trousers, which, if they were a trifle too long, made him appear less like a clown in a circus than his hasty purchase. She also gave him a substantial breakfast in her own sitting room and listened sympathetically to the tale of his woes. The cabdriver had gone, together with a large tip, and a story which would earn him free drinks for a month. Janet had convinced Benenden that neither her life nor her virtue was endangered and despatched him to the theatre to say that though she must miss the morning rehearsal (she was playing Bianca to Jess's magnificently aggressive Katharina in the Taming of the Shrew) she would be in the theatre for the evening performance. Simon, with a resigned and amused glance at Janet, had undertaken to entertain Jasper, who was superbly impervious to any hint that his presence was superfluous and even to Laidlaw's blunt request that he should leave. Over an equally substantial breakfast he had confided to Simon his innermost feelings and even asked whether Simon, as a man of the world, considered that Lady Staindrop might contemplate accepting his protection.
"It would be a bond more sacred to me than any marriage tie," he assured Simon through a mouthful of bap.
Simon who had become familiar with the gallant captain's reputation, reflected that there were a number of husbands who would vouch for this. Thus, when the company foregathered in the dining saloon 'to settle the matter' Jasper was also present, though nobody really knew why. By that time, too, the atmosphere was comparatively calm. The company seated themselves around the dining table and immediately took on the aspect of a board meeting with Laidlaw in the chair ... which was, perhaps, not unintentional.
Laidlaw began the discussion himself by declaring that they had met to discuss the situation which had arisen following Janet's reappearance. No one, he said, could but rejoice that she was safe and sound and was acclaimed for this sentiment by a hearty 'Hear! Rear!' from Jasper" who, baulked of the seat next to Janet by Simon's superior tactics, had taken one opposite and was exasperating Staindrop by gazing ardently at her. However, Laidlaw continued, there could be no doubt that there was a certain awkwardness attached to this happy reunion ... certain difficulties were bound to arise ...
At this point Simon interrupted.
"The situation is perfectly clear," he said in his best courtroom manner. "All that will be necessary is for his lordship to intimate to his fiancee that their marriage cannot now take place.
"But things cannot just be left as they are," protested Hannah. "For all our sakes the situation must be regularised. It is really most unsatisfactory."
This was greeted with a loud 'Hear! hear!' from Staindrop slumped sulkily beside her.
"Lord Staindrop has also said to me that he would be quite willing for Janet to return to him as his wife and would not contradict any ... er ... explanation we might put about to cover her prolonged absence."
There was a rumble of protest from Jasper which culminated in the word 'Never!' Hannah ignored him.
"I think," she said, "it would be best for all concerned if she were to do this."
She paused and looked about the table to see how this suggestion was received: Jasper looked incredulous, Laidlaw doubtful and Simon expressed no emotion at all.
"We would need," Laidlaw said heavily, "to have some assurances about her treatment ... it would seem not to have been very satisfactory in the past ... "
"Hah!" snorted Jasper significantly and glared along the table at Staindrop.
"I am sure," Hannah said, "these little misunderstandings can be smoothed over."
Jasper gave vent to another 'Hah!'
"Such minor contretemps do arise from time to time in early married life," Hannah continued, "and I feel that ... "
Jasper rose to his full height and twirled his moustache.
"I do not call what occurred at Drumore a minor contretemps," he declared and pointed a minatory finger at Hannah, who looked down her nose.
"You were not present, ma'am, on this occasion. Your step-daughter was forced against her will to go for a walk on a cold dark evening with her husband ... with what purpose I can only conjecture ... and I discovered her some ten minutes later, her gown torn and stained, her arms bruised and scratched and her face … "
He swelled with emotion.
" … her pretty face swollen, bruised and cut." He paused and pointed at Staindrop.
"Someone ... I have no proof of whom ... someone had given her a severe beating."
He looked contemptuously around the table.
"You may call this a minor contretemps if you choose," he said, "you may even accept Janet's explanation that she had a severe fall ... Hah!"
He glared at Staindrop.
"She was shaking with terror when I found her ... trembling like a leaf. Something had frightened her and I am convinced that 'thing' ... "
He packed the syllable with a wealth of distaste and pointed again at Staindrop.
" ... was none other than her husband."
There was a prolonged pause and the company looked at one another.
"You will agree, sir, that your daughter is not easily frightened?" Jasper enquired of Laidlaw whose face was grim.
"Aye," said Laidlaw.
"And are you prepared to hand your daughter back to a man who would do that to her?"
"No," said Laidlaw. "No."
Simon spoke suddenly, the words forced out of him by a sudden surge of anger. This was the first time he had had any but Janet's much-modified version of the events which had driven her to run away.
"Oh, that's excellent hearing!" he said bitterly. "But is no one going to ask Janet herself what she wishes in this?"
Everyone looked at her and she coloured under their gaze.
"I'll not go back," she said quietly. "It's not because of what happened. I thought Philip a monster at the time, but ... "
Jasper snorted.
"And you were right!"
Staindrop half rose from his seat and Janet quickly intervened in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.
"One thing I have learned in the theatre and that is that men do strange things when they are jealous ... and I suppose Staindrop had reason to think ... "
Jasper snorted again and leaned forward.
"That isn't why he attacked you. He knew there was nothing in it whatever he may have said. I'll tell you why he attacked you ... "
He blurted out the story of Angus's recipe for getting a son. It was received in bemused silence by Janet and the men, though Hannah gave an exclamation of distaste and hid her face. Janet looked at her husband.
"If he'd explained what he wanted and why, I'd have laughed at him and he knew it. So he didn't try and I thought he'd run mad and was trying to kill me because of him."
She nodded at Jasper.
"I could wish, my dear, that he had had reason."
Janet took no notice of this gallantry.
"I never dreamed that was what he intended ... "
Hannah recovered her composure.
"If you now understand why this unfortunate affair occurred will you not now consider returning?" she suggested. "It would be, by far the most satisfactory ending to the business,"
Janet shook her head.
"No, I won't go back. Not because of what occurred but because he dislikes me as much as I dislike him, because he has a foul tongue and I have a bitter one and because this disagreement would be bound to end in violence again. It would be my fault as much as his."
There was a short silence.
"Very well," said Laidlaw, "we'd best leave it at that."
"Oh, no, we will not!" said Staindrop: and sat forward, "Everyone's had his say and now you can listen to mine. I married because I wanted an heir. Do you suppose I'd have taken a trollop out of a Scotch farm-yard for any other reason?"
Simon and Jasper both came to their feet at this but Laidlaw waved them to their seats again.
"Hear him out," he said grimly, "you'll have your say later."
"It's true anyway," added Janet. "Nor is it the first time he has told me so."
"I still have no heir," said Staindrop. "Now it seems I can't have a wife. Well, I tell you I won't have my brother's ill- conditioned brat in my shoes. I'm a young man still and I'll have an heir one way or the other. If you won't come back and do what is no more than your duty … "
He glowered at Janet.
" … I'll rid myself of you and marry someone who will."
There was a fraught silence.
"I can do it," he assured them. "If Janet is obstinate I will divorce her in the courts for criminal conversation with both of these ... "
He pointed at Simon and Jasper.
"You will have to resign your commission," he said, "your regiment has turned a blind eye to your philandering to date ... "
This was not quite accurate; Jasper's fellow-officers regarded his amatory exploits much as they regarded the mess trophies, as proof of communal prowess.
" ... but they'll not stand for an open and public scandal. As for you, you provincial pup .. ,"
