Scripted, page 13
Jade flapped the bottom of her T-shirt to air herself, still trying to catch her breath.
‘Nightmare, nightmare morning. The headlines are: I never want kids and my sister is a gigantic bitch.’
Sophie put the plywood down on the ground. ‘Come here, mate. You need a hug.’
Jade stepped back. ‘I’m so sweaty, Soph, but I’m grateful for the sentiment. Where’s Colin?’
‘Last time I saw him he was in the stockroom shouting at some suppliers down the phone.’
‘OK. Here we go.’ Jade prepared herself for one of two possible outcomes. If Colin was in one of his good moods, he would potentially make a snide remark about young people today and move on. If he was in a bad mood, he would go very, very quiet. Jade was not sure she had the bandwidth for either. She exhaled deeply, pulled her shoulders back and wiped the sweat off her top lip. Pulling her mouth into a forced smile, she approached her boss.
‘Colin, I’m so sorry I’m late. Typical, it’s the day you’re in early. I’m literally the most punctual person on the planet. I just had a disastrous morning with a punctured tyre on my bike. It will not happen again.’ Jade mimed riding a bike as she spoke and instantly regretted it. Colin turned around slowly and locked eyes with Jade.
‘I’m not happy, Jade.’
‘I know, I know. It won’t happen again.’
Colin looked away and started surveying the shelves of the stockroom. ‘I can’t run a business with a team that’s not willing to put the effort in.’ He spoke quietly, a cold edge to his words.
‘Oh, I always put maximum effort in. This was a one-off mishap.’
‘You’re all easily replaceable.’ Colin occupied himself putting sheets of card into neat piles.
‘I love my job so much. This won’t happen again,’ Jade pleaded, trying to sound assertive, but her voice wobbled in spite of herself.
Colin remained static, without a verbal or physical reaction to Jade’s words. After an uncomfortable pause he said, ‘Don’t forget the wife’s birthday gift at lunchtime. I need it bought and wrapped by tomorrow.’
‘I, er, the thing is, Colin, I’ve been thinking about this.’ Jade nervously twisted the silver ring on her index finger. ‘I don’t believe it’s appropriate for me to be buying your wife’s … knickers. It seems, er, a little too intimate.’ Jade looked away, eyes flitting anywhere but in the direction of her boss. He turned slowly.
‘Don’t be daft. She won’t mind. Remember, saucy red ones,’ he said, sounding much more jovial now.
‘I … I feel uncomfortable with this arrangement.’
‘You’ll get over it. Penny will leave my work credit card on my desk.’
‘Isn’t this something Penny could do, as she’s your PA?’
‘Course not. She’s far too busy for things like that. Right, I’m off for a lunch with some of the honchos at Sky. Remember, I need it wrapped too.’
He walked with purpose, leaving Jade little opportunity to argue any further. Stress mounted in her head, a pressure that bore down on her temples. Shuffling back into the main warehouse, she joined Sophie leaning over a long trestle table, and rested on her elbows. Sophie mouthed, ‘What’s going on?’
Jade shrugged her shoulders and tried not to think about the red knickers.
19
Jade glugged water from a pint glass in the back room. Her whole body felt dehydrated. She wondered when she had last drunk anything at all. She hadn’t even had a coffee yet.
A new commission occupied conversation in the warehouse: a kids’ TV arts and crafts show that started filming in two months. The brief was to create a multicoloured set complete with giant scissors and paint palette. Weaving through paint pots that scattered the floor, Jade walked over to Sophie and quietly sighed. ‘Want to work with me on the palette, babe?’ Sophie asked. Jade nodded and looked for instruction. It was now a matter of hours before she would face Lily, and a whirlpool of dread laced with excitement spun in her belly. She ran over the words in her head from the script she had found at Kew Gardens. Since her sister’s extended hen party and lies, it all made so much more sense. The time had come. She couldn’t sit in the shadows convivially nodding Yes but really meaning No any more.
Sophie leaned into Jade so their shoulders were touching. Jade could smell the smoke and paint on Sophie’s T-shirt. ‘I’ll get this out of the way as I know you’re having a shit one today, but the gig was a banger. I swear Caleb looked directly into my eyes at one point. Oh, and my flowers. Mate, you’re the sweetest.’ She squeezed Jade’s arm. Jade smiled, feeling the relief of thinking about something other than her sister. ‘Anyway, what’s going on with you?’ Sophie talked in hushed tones so Lethabo and Jackson wouldn’t hear. Jade picked up a bucket of plaster and began using her hands to make giant swirls to create the effect of paint around the edge of the three-metre-long palette.
‘My sister is unreal. I literally have no words,’ she said, matching Sophie’s hushed tones.
Lethabo turned the speakers up so Self Esteem’s voice filled the huge space, and sang along, his voice booming without inhibition, bouncing off the breeze-block walls.
‘Why, babe? What now? Is she still pretending to be an interior designer?’
‘Oh yes, course she is, but the latest drama isn’t related to any of that. I had my nieces this weekend and she was supposed to pick them up Sunday lunchtime, but she didn’t. I have been calling and texting and she isn’t responding.’
Sophie’s mouth was slowly parting to an open-mouthed gawp. ‘Aren’t you worried about her? Might something have happened?’
‘Oh no. Definitely not. Last night at 11pm she was posting photos of herself sat in a bloody lotus position. Then I checked her mate’s Instagram account, and they were all pissed up, caressing oiled strippers. I’m incandescent with rage.’
‘Shit. Why would she ignore your calls? Also, strippers? That’s not very Lily.’
‘I know. It’s all bonkers. She’s ignoring me because she is incredibly entitled. She believes her life is much more important than my tiny existence. I’m so sick of it. I actually found another script this weekend too.’ She lowered her voice to an even quieter whisper, so she was almost inaudible.
‘And …?’ Sophie leaned in even closer so Jade could hear her breathing, desperate to hear more.
‘It was a strange sort of argument between me and Lily. At the time I didn’t understand it as I had no idea she would be late and ignore my calls. It was along the lines of me telling her I felt she had no regard for my life.’
‘Well, that’s good.’
‘Yeah, although the script did not include me telling her that she is utterly clueless and entitled and has been her entire life. I wanna let loose and say exactly how I am feeling.’
‘Right. Get the Tippex out, babe. It’s going to work this time – I can feel it.’ Sophie clicked a finger to the sky.
‘Soph, in the chaos of this morning, I’ve bloody left it at the flat.’
‘Shit.’
‘I’ll do it when I get home later. Do you really think it’s worth trying again?’
‘Yes,’ Sophie hissed. ‘You have to. You know what they say: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again – so your sister stops taking the piss.’ Sophie’s light eyebrows rose as she continued, ‘Remember what I said on the phone, Jadey: you have to believe in yourself. Believe that you deserve better and believe that you have the right to create boundaries with people. Especially people like Lily who will try and cross any boundary you set.’ Sophie’s eyes were fixed on Jade’s. ‘I know I sound like a budget version of Oprah Winfrey, but it’s true. You can do it, Jadey. Set that boundary firmly.’
‘I know, Soph. I feel it. Today I actually do feel I deserve better than this. To be ignored after looking after her kids all weekend while she farted around on a yoga mat and necked tequila really is the final straw. I just need the confidence to say how I feel when I see her. My throat almost constricts when I’m in her presence.’
‘Do you know when that will be?’
‘No, she’s still not texted. I have no clue if she’s even picking up the girls from school later. It’s a total joke.’
‘She sounds pretty irresponsible to me.’
‘She is, but she masks it with this light, breezy air that most people fall for. If she walked in here now she would be so lovely to everyone. She’d flit around this warehouse like a shiny-haired fairy, and everyone would fall for her charms, but if she wanted something from you – that’s when she switches. She is ruthless when it comes to getting what she wants.’
‘Right. While we’re working today, you need to really hone in on that feeling of deserving better. Remember how marvellous you are, my friend. Then dash home after work, take the Tippex with you, and rewrite that script.’
Jade nodded and carried on swirling the plaster in big loops on the wooden surface.
Lethabo changed the music and put on a nineties pop mix. ‘Right, we need to lift the mood, you two. Stop bloody whispering and let’s get vibey.’
Jackson remained statue-still behind them, delicately painting the handles of a giant pair of scissors.
‘I will never not love All Saints,’ Lethabo shouted above the music.
‘Hey, have you got a tooth gem, Thabs?’ Sophie stood up for closer inspection.
‘Yup. They’re back, babe.’ He grinned widely, curling his top lip up to reveal the gem perched on his incisor.
‘That is the most nineties accessory I’ve ever seen. You’ll be wearing jelly shoes next.’
Lethabo grimaced. ‘That’s a step too far, Soph. Even for me.’
The morning passed accompanied by nineties music and Lethabo’s commentary on each track, as they worked together on painting a giant plywood can of spray paint. Eventually Jackson stood up from the base of the giant can and stretched out his wiry frame, his spindly arms unfurling from his black clothing like an octopus. Jade looked at the clock on the warehouse wall and felt a jolt of panic. She dashed to her backpack and pulled out her phone, googling Saffron and Jemima’s school and pick-up time, and noticed she had four missed calls from Lily. She clenched her teeth and then pressed call to ring her back. Lily answered after two rings.
‘Oh, now you’re picking up, Birdy. I’ve tried calling four times in the last hour,’ Lily said with force.
Jade stumbled backwards and tried to find a response. ‘Lily, I’m at work. I have an actual job. I’m not sat by my phone all day. AND – where the hell have you been?’ Jade’s hand holding the phone started to shake, her cheeks burning hot.
‘What do you mean, where have I been? How are the girls? I miss my babies.’ Lily’s cadence was steady and confident. Jade paused in total confusion.
‘Wait, what? You were meant to pick them up on Sunday.’
‘No, no, we said Monday, Birds. Anyway, I’m just in the car on the way home. The weekend was such a dream. I feel cleansed, physically, emotionally and spiritually. James is going to collect the girls from school, and I’ll come to yours and get their bags. Five o’clock OK?’
Jade swallowed. Her throat was burning. She gritted her teeth. ‘Can it be five-thirty? I don’t finish until five.’
‘Well, it’s not ideal but I guess I can make that work. See you then, Birdy!’ Lily sang her goodbye gleefully then promptly hung up.
‘Arrrgh.’ Jade shook her arms out as if they were on fire.
She had experienced this feeling so many times over the years. A feeling of being completely squashed by Lily until she barely existed; a single splodge of pulp where there should be a whole juicy piece of fruit. An image flashed up in her head of her eleven-year-old self playing Connect 4 with her godmother in Dorset. She had been shipped out to stay with Belinda and Don the weekend after Lily had been expelled. Belinda was the most calming presence imaginable – but Jade felt rattled that she hadn’t been told what was going on.
She was regularly sent to her godmother’s so that her mum could be one-on-one with Lily. Sue would pack Jade an overnight backpack and a cloth bag with her pens and sketchbooks, and Belinda would valiantly drive all the way from Wool to London to collect Jade and let her listen to pop songs on a CD on their drive back. Now, as an adult, she could appreciate how much Belinda had put into the friendship with her mother. They had met working at a department store on Sloane Square as teens in the seventies, when Sue would get the bus from her parents’ house in Battersea, and Belinda would do the same from Clapham. Sue had loved Fleetwood Mac, whereas Belinda was more into the ethereal Pink Floyd, but despite their musical differences they had fallen into a deep friendship and stomped the King’s Road in bell-bottom flares and velvet plunging tops. They had been side by side ever since, navigating marriage, parenthood and life’s unexpected twists and turns, only geography now causing a distance in their friendship.
Jade thought back to her own teenage years and the weekends in Dorset, where Belinda had settled after her marriage to Don. How nobody had really asked how she was doing amid all the disruption of her childhood. The focus was always on Lily: how she was, pre-empting another explosive moment or act of rebellion. At the time, Jade had felt sorry for Lily, and found great comfort in her weekends with Belinda – but as the years passed without much change, Jade started to understand that her sister would perhaps never have self-awareness or be accountable for her part in it all. All these years later, Jade had huge empathy for Lily the teenager, who perhaps lacked wisdom and life experience. But Lily in her mid-thirties acting in the same way seemed tiresome and just plain rude. Of course, Lily had never asked Jade how their childhood had affected her – she was simply used to being the one that mattered.
Sophie marched over to Jade, who was frozen to the spot.
‘What? Was that your sister?’
‘She is Satan. Honestly, she has no limits. She just completely ignored my questions about where she’d been, papered over it and then lied. I could scream.’
‘Right. You need to get home and work on that rewrite of the script, quick. You’ve got to try again – but really mean it this time.’ Sophie shook Jade’s shoulders.
‘She said she’s going to come and get the girls’ bags at five-thirty. It’s cutting it fine.’
‘Well, you’ll need to cycle like you’re in the Tour de France and beat her to your flat.’
Jade burst through the flat door at 5:25pm, her thighs pulsating from the speed at which she made it home. Adam was lying on his side on the sofa watching Ozark, a beer in hand.
‘Oh, you’re back.’ Jade froze, taking in the scene.
‘Yeah, been in Soho all day sourcing fabric, I’m pretty whacked.’ Adam didn’t bother to look up at Jade.
‘You’re whacked?’
‘Yeah, I am,’ he said without looking away from the TV.
‘Lily’s coming over in a minute, so I just need to sort something out quickly.’ The words raced from her mouth.
Adam didn’t respond. Jade rushed into the bedroom and to her bedside cupboard where she had stashed the latest script. The sweat on her face felt suffocating. She stumbled to her knees and pulled out the script.
‘Shit, shit, Tippex.’ She stuffed the script back and sprinted into the hallway to retrieve it from her backpack.
‘You alright, Usain Bolt?’ Adam said from his reclined position on the sofa, a casual sarcasm drenching each word.
‘Yes, I just need to do something quickly.’
Sliding onto her knees and gaining a small carpet burn in the process, Jade flung open the bedside cupboard for a second time. Flattening out the rolled-up script and rolling it in a counter direction, she attempted to lay it out on the floor. She needed to replace the timid scripted wording with something punchy. She recalled the anger she had felt earlier: the image of her sister’s glistening hair and yoga leggings stretched over her svelte crossed legs on Instagram; Colin reprimanding her; racing around town on the bus. In the stress of it all she had completely forgotten to get Colin’s wife’s birthday underwear. She threw her head back and breathed deeply. She would deal with the fallout from that tomorrow.
She looked at the page and wondered which words could hold all that rage. The new dialogue had to be enough to stop Lily from treating her like this again. She wanted to usher in a new Jade, the Jade with boundaries and confidence and words that left her mouth clearly and without her neck burning red. She would tell her sister that her behaviour was entitled and that she had no empathy for others. She would tell her that she was unable to have the girls during Lily’s honeymoon and that if she were going to ask for favours, she needed to be respectful of other people’s time. The delivery would be calm, yet confident and laced with conviction. There would be no pauses, no wobbles in her voice, or gaps for the blame or guilt to creep in. It would be watertight. She held up the Tippex wand like she was about to cast a spell, ready to change this future conversation for the better.
The intercom interjected, the shrill buzz of it making her body jolt.
‘Oh, no, no, no,’ Jade wailed like a baby. ‘Ads, don’t answer the door, I’m not ready,’ she shouted.
‘I’ve already buzzed her up. Why do you need to get ready?’ Adam said nonchalantly while walking to the front door to let her in.
Jade paused, Tippex wand a centimetre above the page. She considered rushing out a new sentence to replace the current one, but feared that could make the situation worse without proper thought. Her brain buffered like a stalling computer.
‘Hi, Adam?’ she heard Lily say from the hallway, her drawn-out annunciation already expressing a lack of remorse or urgency. ‘How was Los Angeles?’
Jade squirmed at hearing Lily pronounce Los Angeles with an American lilt.
‘Yeah, very productive. Got loads done. I’m really excited about the next collection. Made some great contacts too.’
Jade rolled her eyes from the bedroom. She surrendered, put the Tippex lid back on and slowly walked to her fate in the hallway. Her sister was standing, neck craned to the ceiling; a cashmere black tracksuit encased her tiny frame.
