Four-Letter Words, page 9
part #8 of Haven Series
“Yes, Thane, I give you everything I was, am, and will be.”
“Thank you.” Dipping his head, Thane brushed their lips together in a gentle caress. His next words were mumbled in a language Zasha didn’t recognize, but it sounded beautiful, nonetheless.
Warmth trickled over his skin as Thane spoke, and when he was finished, sealing his claim with another kiss, the sun itself exploded within Zasha’s chest. Intellectually, he knew that wasn’t possible, but it was the only way he could think to describe the intense heat and raging energy that ricocheted inside him.
“Just ride it out,” Thane encouraged. “It’ll pass in a minute.”
Sure enough, the sensations ebbed away within seconds, leaving Zasha feeling a little woozy, but otherwise unchanged. There was no miraculous recovery of supposed memories, though. Thane looked so happy, his smile stretching from ear to ear, Zasha didn’t want to disappoint him, not yet anyway.
“Are you ready for that shower now?”
“Sure.” The radiance never dimmed, and Thane bounded out of bed like a little boy on Christmas morning. “Don’t worry. You’ll remember.”
Zasha wished he could be as confident, but he didn’t even know what he was supposed to be remembering. Instead of arguing, however, he grinned and rolled off the mattress to join his mate. It was too hard to fight against Thane’s optimism. Besides, if what he’d experienced was the surfacing of repressed memories, it was a lot less terrifying than the idea he was losing his damn mind.
“I hope you’re right, Thane.” Everything he stood to lose flashed before him on a speed reel, and an involuntary shudder seized him. “I really hope you’re right.”
Chapter Eight
“Reliable sources have verified that the circle we’re looking for is currently hiding out in Nevada.” Torren tapped his finger on the map spread over the desk. “It’s a large circle, and we’re seriously outnumbered. We’re stronger, but even with all of us, it’ll be dangerous.”
“Absolutely not.”
Thane closed his eyes and groaned at Zasha’s interruption. He should have expected it, but he’d hoped they were past all of this unnecessary worry. In the three days since he’d claimed his mate, however, nothing had changed.
Zasha was still getting flashes of memories from their past life together, but unfortunately, the poor guy thought he was going crazy. For some unknown reason, he could see these pieces of time, but he didn’t recall them as memories. From what Zasha described, they were more like hallucinations brought on by PTSD. The events were very real to him, but each one was a new experience in his present world, not recollections of days gone by.
“I’m not fond of the idea, either,” October agreed as he placed a hand on Raith’s thigh. “We can’t ignore this threat, though.”
Taking his mate’s hand, Thane brought it to his lips and kissed the knuckles. “You know I love you.” He didn’t think he imagined the slight wince at the declaration, but he decided to ignore it. “My body still needs a bit of work, but my magic is firing on all cylinders.” He paused, knowing his next words wouldn’t win him his lover’s favor. “I’m going, Zash. I’m going to help my family.”
To his utter surprise, a cunning smile stretched across Zasha’s face, and he bobbed his head slowly. “Yeah, I figured that’s what you’d say. That’s why I’m going with you.”
“We all are,” October corrected, indicating himself, Zasha, and Lynk’s mate, Kieran. “Kaito is going to spend some quality time with his cousin until we return.”
Thane wrinkled his nose and arched both eyebrows. “That’s great. Did you miss the part where we’re going to the desert? Last time I checked, there’s a lot of sun associated with the desert.”
“Then I suppose it’s good news that your brother is a Council member and can get us a vampire-friendly private jet.” Leaning back in his chair, Zasha folded his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side. “Surely you don’t plan to go hunting witches in the middle of the day.”
“I don’t see why not.” He wasn’t sure if Zasha was trying to pick a fight with him, but Thane definitely felt his blood pressure rising at the taunting tone and self-satisfied smirk. Gods, he didn’t know why they couldn’t get through one goddamn day without all the bullshit. “People are naturally more cautious at night. They expect bad things to happen. It actually makes more sense for us to go during the daylight hours.”
Thane had nothing against Zasha joining them on this assignment. Naturally, he worried about his mate’s safety, but Zasha wasn’t a child. He was strong and capable and could handle himself in a fight. Plus, Thane would be right there with him if anything went wrong.
However, he also wasn’t stupid. Zasha’s desire to accompany him on this journey echoed with all of their previous arguments. Though he hadn’t come right out and said it, the implication that his dear mate felt Thane needed a protector came across loud and clear.
“Actually,” Torren began with a sympathetic nod in Thane’s direction, “we stand a better chance if we attack at night.”
“Yeah, I know.” Sighing into his hands, Thane scrubbed both palms over his face and then pushed his fingers through his hair in frustration. “The witching hour.” The witching hour—the sixty minutes after midnight—was when their magic was most powerful.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lynk asked. He was the smallest man in the room, even smaller than Zasha, and yet, no one felt the need to convince him to sit this one out. “Yes, we’ll be stronger, but so will the witches we’re up against.”
“True.” Torren bobbed his head with a thoughtful frown on his lips. “I still think it’s our best option. We’re already outnumbered. We need to be at our strongest magically.”
“Even if these fuckers are a bit stronger during the witching hour,” Raith added, “with our full, combined power, we should be able to crush them like ants.”
“Overconfidence will get you killed,” October reprimanded with a stern glare that gave a hard edge to his features.
The disapproval in his voice made Thane chuckle, but he quickly turned it into a cough when his brother glared at him. He’d never known anyone to speak to Raith like that and get away with it, and it humored him that the asshole had finally met his match.
“Great!” Zasha clapped his hands together and rose from his seat. “Then it’s settled. When do we leave?”
“At sunset tomorrow night,” Torren answered at once. “I’ll run the plan through the appropriate channels and get approval for a Council jet. October, I think Aslan had some questions for you about Kaito.” He waited for October’s nod of understanding before turning to the werewolf, Kieran. “I hate to take Enforcers away from Haven right now, but we could use all the help we can get. I know your brothers aren’t big Braddock fans, but can you talk to them? See if they’ll help?”
Kieran stroked Lynk’s hair absently, and his brow furrowed to form a shallow V. “Don’t sweat it. I’ll make sure they’re here tomorrow night.”
“A larger coven comes with larger enemies and more people to defend.” Bracing his hands on the arms of his chair, October levered himself out of his seat. “However, I can loan three of my men to Haven temporarily.”
Once all the small details were settled, everyone began filing out of the room, talking in low voices about their to-do lists and what affairs they needed to get in order before they left. Thane rose to follow Zasha out of the office, but he made it only a couple of steps before Torren called him back.
“Thane, could I have a word?”
A twinge of guilt made him wince because he was actually grateful for a reason to postpone the argument he knew was coming once he and Zasha were alone. “What’s up?”
“A couple of things, but first, what the hell is going on with you and Zasha?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say that everything was fine and leave it at that. Things weren’t fine, though, and he could use some advice. “He’s getting his memories back, but he doesn’t know they’re memories. Does that make sense?”
“You claimed him?”
Thane shrugged at his brother’s arched eyebrow. “Yes, but that’s really not the point. He thinks he’s going crazy. These memories just kind of warp around whatever he’s doing at the moment, so he can’t distinguish what’s reality and what isn’t. I don’t know how to help him.”
“Have you explained about your shared souls and told him who you really are?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think he believes me.” It was a stressful situation, and they were both on edge. Everything would work itself out, though. He and Zasha were meant to be together. Fate had deemed it so, and Thane trusted that mystical design.
“Thane, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Zasha is not the same person you knew and loved however many years ago. Sure, he’s your Infinity. Soon, all of those memories will make sense to him. Even when he remembers, though, that won’t change who he is now.” Torren rounded the desk and propped one hip against the gleaming wood. “Are you the same person you were before?”
“Well, yeah, for the most part.” The memories began to surface at the age of twenty-one—his age at the time he’d been cursed—and he could recall all three of his former lives. For the most part, he couldn’t see that he’d changed very much from one reincarnation to the next. Maybe Torren had a point, though. “Do you really think that’s it?”
“You tell me. Is he the same person?”
Thane was damned ashamed of himself to admit that was exactly the case. There were pieces of Zasha’s personality that were the same, but a larger part of him was foreign, a mystery to unravel.
Where the Zasha he’d once known had been almost reckless in his desire to give, this new Zasha was cautious, wary, and slow to trust. He was also organized, obsessed about the smallest details, and a little bit of a control freak. In his past life, however, he’d been the epitome of disorganization, always running late, and the poor guy had possessed the memory of a gnat.
“I get it.” There were many other differences, some subtle and some so obvious they should have clubbed him over the head. So intent on recapturing what he’d lost, Thane had chosen to ignore all of those signs, hoping the old Zasha would resurface with the emergence of his lost memories.
“Good.” Torren’s eyes narrowed at the corners, and he stood tall with his hands resting on his hips, presenting a rather imposing sight. “Now fix it. We can’t afford distractions, Thane.” His posture relaxed, and he resumed leaning against the desk. “There’s something else I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I didn’t want to bring it up in front of Zasha.”
“You want to know about your mate and that coven in the mountains.” Thane had been expecting the question, and he was actually shocked it had taken Torren so long to ask him. “Yeah, I’m the one who dragged him out of Purgatory.”
Most of the time he’d spent with that coven was a huge blur, one event melting into the next. One of the few clear memories he had was of Torren’s mate, Aslan, chained to a wall, his head hanging limply on his shoulders while blood seeped from a wound in his neck. Of course, at the time, he hadn’t known the guy’s name, and he couldn’t have guessed he would turn out to be the Infinity of a Braddock.
Thane just knew that the sight broke his heart. While his magic wasn’t good for much else because of all the sedatives his captors gave him, he could do something to help. It had taken longer than he’d have liked to channel his remaining energy, but it had been well worth the trouble. He still remembered the sense of relief that flooded him when he’d found Aslan in that cold, desolate land.
“They moved me before he woke up, and it wasn’t ideal conditions for an introduction. I’m just glad he made it out alive.”
“Me, too,” Torren whispered, his voice tight with restrained emotion. Then he sniffed twice and coughed to clear his throat. “Well, he wants to thank you, but he wasn’t sure if he should bring it up.”
“I appreciate his concern, but it’s not necessary.” He really wished people would stop thinking they needed to handle him so carefully. “He can thank me if he wants, but that’s not necessary, either. Like I said, I’m just glad he’s okay.”
“I’ll let him know.”
Thinking the conversation was over, Thane dipped his head and turned to leave the room. He made it to the door this time before Torren called him back again.
“Thane?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
He knew the feeling well. If he didn’t start making some changes, he was going to learn firsthand just how it felt to lose the most important person in his life. “I hope you never have to find out.”
Then he ducked out of the room before his brother could detain him again. He had a mate to find, and a lot of changes to make if he ever wanted to secure his happy-ever-after.
* * * *
Zasha didn’t know why Thane had gotten all butt-hurt about him joining the witch hunt, and he really wasn’t looking forward to another argument. Every disagreement inevitably led to more of those horrible hallucinations, and if something didn’t start making sense soon, Zasha was going to lose his ever-loving mind.
No, he didn’t like the idea of Thane marching into a volatile situation, especially not one where the odds were stacked against him. When he’d found out that Leader Tuesday was of the same mind, they’d pulled Kieran aside, and the three of them had decided the Braddock brothers would accept their help whether they liked it or not.
Naturally, Zasha’s mate was the only one who’d made a big deal about it, and he couldn’t understand why. If the hurried footsteps marching in his direction were any indication, however, he was about to get his answers.
Easing down onto the cushions of the sofa, he began mentally preparing himself for the explosion. When the door to their suite burst open, he didn’t move, didn’t react in any way, but on the inside, he was vibrating with nervous energy.
So when Thane practically ran to him and dropped to his knees, Zasha wasn’t sure what to make of the behavior. Long arms surrounded his waist as Thane embraced him, pressing his face into Zasha’s stomach while he shook from head to toe.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. I didn’t mean to treat you like the old you and not the new you, but it’s hard when I just missed you so much. I get it now, though. I understand I can still love you like the old you, but in a new way for the new you.”
All Zasha could do was blink stupidly. He’d understood the apology part, and he was pretty sure Thane felt he was wrong about something. After that, things had kind of descended into convoluted rambling. Hell, he would have understood just as much if Thane had been speaking in Aramaic.
“Thane, you’re not making any sense, and to be honest, you’re scaring me a little. Slow down and say that first part again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yes, I got that. Keep going. Why are you sorry?”
“I was wrong,” Thane mumbled as he pushed closer. “I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and kept coming up with four.”
Well, they were getting closer. At least Zasha mostly understood that last analogy. “I’m going to go out on a limb here. Are you trying to say that you’ve been a stubborn, uncompromising asshole?”
Thane nodded quickly. “Yeah, that one.”
“Can I ask what brought on this sudden revelation?”
Thane sounded sincere, but his turnabout in attitude was so abrupt Zasha was reluctant to get his hopes up that things were finally beginning to sway in the right direction for them. Not twenty minutes had passed since their last disagreement, and he couldn’t fathom that anything so extraordinary had happened in that short amount of time.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Thane murmured as he inched lower, rubbing his cheek over Zasha’s trapped cock. “I think I always knew I was screwing up, but I wanted everything to go back to the way it was so much that I deluded myself into believing it would.” Rolling his head to the side, he peeked up at Zasha through his long, dark lashes. “I can’t hold on to the past anymore if I want to start building a future with the man I love.”
There was that damned L word again. He was caught off guard every time Thane said it, and the guy had been using it with increasing frequency during the last few days. Each time he uttered the simple statement, Zasha felt his muscles tense and his eyes tighten at the corners. The reaction was involuntary, and while he didn’t necessarily believe in the confines of love, he wasn’t trying to go out of his way to hurt Thane.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I care about you. I’m committed to making this relationship work, and you’ll never find anyone more loyal.” Keeping quiet on the subject was no longer an option, and if he truly wanted to spare Thane any future heartbreak, he had to be honest, had to lay all his cards on the table right then. “If you say we shared a life together before, I believe you, but I don’t remember it. I do think it’s safe to say that I’m not the same person you remember, though.”
Gods, the whole mess was one big, confusing clusterfuck. At that point, there was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make him sound like the uncompromising asshole he’d just accused his partner of being. On the other hand, he couldn’t let things stand as they were. It would be cruel to give Thane false hope that one day Zasha might miraculously fall into an emotion he didn’t comprehend.
“You do remember it,” Thane argued, but his tone was soft and gentle like he was leading a spooked horse to the watering trough. “You’re not going crazy, Zash. These hallucinations you think you’re having are just memories.”
They sure as hell didn’t feel like memories, and with each new episode, his grasp on reality slipped another notch on the proverbial rope. It wasn’t like a dream where he was completely immersed in the fantasy, either. His hallucinations melded into everyday life, and more times than not, he wouldn’t realize what had happened until afterwards.
