Somewhere Between Falling, page 11
“How hard was that?” Tobias whispered teasingly into my ear, and it sent shivers down my spine. I elbowed him in return.
“Down the hall, take the elevator to the third floor. The waiting room is the first door on your right.”
It didn’t take us long to find the waiting room. I sent Dad a quick text letting him know I was there, and he appeared around the corner within a few minutes.
“Are you ready to meet your brother?” Dad asked, unable to contain his excitement. He looked younger than he had in years.
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Everything happened so quickly! Seven pounds four ounces, and he has red hair.”
“Aw, um—wait,” I said turning back toward Tobias. “You don’t have to wait for me. Dad can drive me back to campus later.”
“I don’t mind. Besides, I’m well equipped to handle the wait,” he said, holding up one of the old books he must have grabbed from his backseat. “I have plenty to keep myself occupied.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive, now go on,” he said, sitting down in one of the orange waiting room chairs. “Go meet your baby brother.”
“Okay,” I said before turning to my dad. “Lead the way.”
Dad glanced uncertainly at Tobias, and I wondered if he recognized him from Parkhurst. Before he could ask me about him, I asked, “How’s, um, Blair?”
“Blair did wonderfully.” Dad beamed as he led me down the hall toward her room. “He’s perfect.”
Blair was cuddling her new baby when we entered her room. She smiled sleepily when we walked in. “Hi, Tamsin.”
“Hi.” I returned her greeting.
Henry was wrapped—swaddled, I guess—in a white blanket with pink and blue footprints all over it. Blair had to hate the cheesiness of it, and I regretted not getting the Aztec blanket when I saw it.
She pulled back the blanket a little to reveal his cute, cherub face and the wisps of red hair Dad was so thrilled about. It was redder than mine, but mine used to be a lot lighter when I was a baby, so maybe his would darken as he got older too.
“He’s perfect,” I said, feeling a strange warmth spread across my chest.
“Would you like to hold him?” she asked.
I nodded, and she gingerly handed him to me. I took a seat beside her and stared at my baby brother. “Hi, Henry,” I whispered to him. “I’m your big sister.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I lost track of the time, sitting there holding my new brother. After a while, the nurse came to take Henry back to the nursery, and as I watched my dad say goodbye to his new baby, I realized just how happy he was. At the same time, I knew that his happiness came at the expense of my mom’s, which made it hard to be completely happy for him. Perhaps that was unfair, but I supposed there was nothing in life that was truly fair.
“I should go,” I said softly. “Thank you for letting me meet him.”
“Thank you for being here.” Dad hugged me tightly. “It really meant a lot. To both of us.” He gestured to Blair, and she smiled in agreement. “I’ll walk you out.”
“Okay.”
“So how’s everything going? Finals go okay?”
“Yeah, they were good. I passed everything. No complaints …” I trailed off, thinking back on the semester.
“But?” he asked knowingly.
I bit my lip, and after a moment of contemplation decided to fill him in on the study abroad program.
“It sounds like a great opportunity. You’ve always wanted to visit Europe,” he said supportively.
“Mom won’t like it.”
“How do you know?” he asked. I just looked at him pointedly in response, which caused him to chuckle. “Okay, but just because she doesn’t like it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it if you want to do it.”
“I just don’t want to disappoint her. She went to all the trouble of arranging an internship for me, and I just know how she is whenever I want to do something that isn’t a part of her plan.”
He gave me a knowing look. “Well, now, I may understand that a bit more than you think. But, honey, I know that my choices hurt you, and believe me, I never meant for them to. It’s just that one day I woke up and realized that life is too short to not do what makes you happy. You only get one go around. Might as well make it the best life. And Blair makes me happier than I have ever been.”
“Sorry for not being supportive before. I am happy for you, you know?”
“Thank you, sweetie,” he said with a beaming smile.
I hugged him for the first time in a long time, and he must have realized that too because he held on tighter than I remembered as if to compensate for the last few months.
“Bye, Dad,” I said, squeezing him one last time. “I’ll come visit soon.”
“I’d like that,” he said, kissing the top of my forehead before returning to Blair and his new baby.
My baby brother.
Now that I had met Henry, I knew that I wanted to be part of his life. I was sure my mom would be hurt, but I hoped she would eventually understand.
I made my way back down to the waiting room, where Tobias was still reading quite contentedly. There was a styrofoam cup of coffee beside him as well as an empty granola bar wrapper.
“Hey,” I said to get his attention.
“Are you ready?” he asked as he put his bookmark into place and closed the heavy hardback.
“Yep.”
“How was it?” he asked, getting up from what looked like an extremely uncomfortable chair. I couldn’t believe he was willing to stay. I mean, I guess I could because he was, well, Tobias. But it still amazed me that he would do it for me.
“It was good. I’m glad I came. He’s pretty cute. He has red hair like me.”
“Good. It was good you were here.”
“Thank you for bringing me,” I said, reaching out for his hand.
“Are you in a hurry to get back for anything?” he asked as we walked out of the hospital.
“Nope.”
“Good. I think we should talk.”
I nodded. “Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
He took us to The Lost Cajun, and we ordered a plate of beignets and two café au laits, just like that first day.
I took a sip of my coffee, trying to stall as long as possible.
He’s the one who finally broke the silence. “When does your internship start?”
“Well, there’s been a change of plans,” I told him, realizing that I had made the decision after talking to my dad. There really was no other choice. “I’m actually going to London.”
“Really?” He smiled as I nodded.
“I haven’t told my mom yet. I know she might not approve, but I really don’t want to go to law school and I’m tired of not doing what I want because I’m too worried about what others will think.”
“So what do you want to do?” he asked, and I could hear the double meaning. He wasn’t just asking me what I wanted to do with my life; he wanted to know where we stood now.
“That’s the thing. I don’t know yet. But I know that I’m never going to figure it out doing what others tell me to do,” I said. Before he could ask me to delve deeper into that, I asked him, “What about you? Any big summer plans?”
“Interviewing for jobs.”
That surprised me. “I thought you were staying at Parkhurst?”
“I’ve been exploring a few options,” he said nonchalantly.
“Anything close?” I asked, curious.
“Mmhmm,” he mumbled. “One that I’m particularly interested in is only thirty minutes away.”
I tore off a piece of a beignet and chewed on it carefully, thinking about what that meant. If he wasn’t at Parkhurst, that opened up possibilities that I didn’t want to let myself consider just yet.
After we finished our coffee, neither one of us was ready to leave yet, so we went for a walk. It was a warm evening; the inky sky was clear and full of stars. We didn’t talk much, just walked around aimlessly trying to soak in as much time together as possible because things could all be very different in a month.
Somehow, we ended up at the bench where we met for the first time. That day seemed so long ago, when really it had only been a few months. So much had changed since that cold December day.
We sat down, then he put his arm around me and I rested my head on his chest. It didn’t matter if anyone who saw us recognized us anymore. We sat in silence while I tried to compose my thoughts because I knew it was time for an explanation. I owed him that.
“I feel like I need to explain myself to you,” I said, turning to face him the best I could. “I know I have been difficult.”
“Somewhat,” he said pointedly.
“And you’ve been very patient with me.”
“Very much so,” he said, this time cracking a smile.
I returned his grin with a small smile of my own before taking a deep breath. “The thing is, I am jaded. I know that. But there is a reason.” Where do I start? I paused as I tried to figure out what I wanted to say. “You know when you are a kid, how easy it is to believe in happily ever afters? Because it’s literally all you see in movies and books. And even as you get older it’s still rare to find a movie or a book that doesn’t end in a happily ever after.”
“Daisy Miller,” he said, recognition falling over his face. “That first day we met, you were reading Daisy Miller and you said it was one of your favorites because it didn’t have the standard ending.”
I wasn’t surprised at all that he remembered that small detail, and it made me smile.
“Exactly. Most stories follow the standard boy meets girl, they fall in love, then something terrible happens to make it seem like it’s over, but at the end, everything always works out okay. So it tricks you into being brave and risking everything because you know it’s going to be fine in the end. Except … that’s not real life. And when you realize that the formula isn’t real …”
But he continued for me, “Like when you see firsthand a love that crumbles to dust right before your eyes.”
“It’s a lot harder to want to be brave and put yourself out there,” I finished.
“Tamsin, do you know why there are so many stories out there with happily ever afters? Because sometimes they do exist. Love is the beginning and ending of everything.”
“It doesn’t make it any less scary.”
“I get that. I’m scared, too. But I’m not willing to let that fear stop me from loving you because I think loving you is probably the best thing in this world, and that’s something worth being brave for.”
He reached out and gently wiped away a tear from my cheek before softly tracing my jawline down to my chin. The world around us seemed to fade away. His lips met my own, gentle at first, but then growing with intensity as if we both knew this may be our last kiss.
Of course, I didn’t want it to be the end. If I had learned anything these last few months, it’s that despite everything, I did want that ever-elusive happily ever after. But how could I possibly place my heart in the palm of someone else’s hands without knowing with one hundred percent certainty that it was the right one? I was sure at some point my mom thought my dad was the one for her, and look how that ended. Sure, he had eventually found his soulmate, but what about her? She was left with nothing but the fragmented pieces of her former life. No wonder she tried to control every aspect of my own.
“What if it doesn’t work out?” I asked, finally pulling away, my voice barely a whisper.
“But what if it does?” he responded with a crooked smile, his whiskey-colored eyes warm with hope. “What do you say? Want to be brave with me?”
“I think … I need some time,” I said nervously, unsure how he would take my reluctance.
At this point I wouldn’t blame him if he walked away from me forever. It might not be what he wanted to hear but I knew in my heart it was what I needed. I needed time to think on my own, free from distractions. Time to figure out myself and what I truly wanted.
As much as I wanted him, I knew I needed time to work my crap out before I deserved him.
“I can do that,” he said, ever patiently. I let out a sigh of relief and wondered what I ever did to warrant his love.
“What if everything changes while I’m gone?” My voice cracked as I tried holding back tears.
“Change isn’t always a bad thing,” he said reassuringly. “It could be something better.”
“But what if it isn’t?”
“Then we will look back on this time fondly, and I’ll never be able to eat spumoni ice cream or watch sparkly vampires on TV again.”
I laughed as I wiped away my tears.
Maybe it didn’t have to be over.
Maybe our paper airplane nosedived a little, but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t pick it back up and try again someday.
Epilogue
My month in London was better than I ever imagined it could be. Arriving at the airport that rainy day in May, alone, might have been the single most terrifying experience of my life, but forcing myself to be brave and step into the unknown was the best decision I had ever made.
It wasn’t exactly an easy conversation with my mom when I told her I was going, and it was an even more awkward conversation when I told her I wasn’t going to take the LSAT. I finally told her that I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I wanted to be a literary agent, and my time in London just confirmed that. I guess I really did need the time away to think about what it was that I really wanted. After that, everything just sort of fell into place. It was an easy decision to make once I stopped caring about what other people—even my mother—thought. And honestly, she took it better than I thought she would.
I didn’t tell him when my flight landed. I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn’t really know what made me think I would find him here.
Maybe because this spot had sort of become our spot in my head and a part of me hoped he felt the same way—that the bench in the park held the same sort of mystical power over him as it did me. A place of serenity. Peace. The first and last memory we held of each other.
Even still, my breath caught in my chest as I saw him from a distance. My skin prickled with goosebumps and nerves, but even though I was scared, I was also validated. See? I told myself, He hasn’t forgotten. I felt a warmth fall over me like the clouds had finally passed by, freeing the sun at last. I approached him quietly, though it took all of my self-control not to run to him, and with each torturous step I wondered what I would say when I finally reached him.
He was so invested in the thick book opened on his lap he didn’t even look up as my shadow crossed the pages. My lips twitched into a half smile. Such concentration.
“Harry Potter?” I asked.
He didn’t look up right away, but a hint of a smile played on his lips.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Erica Cope lives in the Midwest with her husband, three children, and their ever-growing zoo of pets. She has an unhealthy addiction to coffee and a bad habit of binge-watching shows on Netflix and eating pretzel M&Ms for breakfast.
When Erica isn't writing, you can find her coaching her cheerleading team, reading, or baking something delicious.
Acknowledgements
First I want to thank Komal Kant for reading this so many times I’m sure she has it completely memorized by now. Your feedback is always so helpful, and I love you to pieces.
I also want to thank the following “beta readers”: Heather Woodward, Sara Marion, and Nicole Bunyan.
Also, a huge shoutout to Three Owls Editing (Sarah) for always making sure I don’t forget my commas.
And finally to my family for putting up with me spending all my free time locked away in my room with my laptop, snacks, and cats. I love you all to the moon and to Saturn.
BOOKS BY ERICA COPE
Lark
In the Shadows (Lark #2)
Like the Dawn (Lark #3)
Nightingale
Sea Swept
Riptide (Sea Swept #0.5)
Pieces of Me
Forget Me Not (a short story)
Paper Flowers
These Broken Dreams
Somewhere Between Falling
Unfamiliar (co-written with Komal Kant)
Steering the Stars (co-written with Autumn Doughton)
The Bright Effect (co-written with Autumn Doughton)
Chasing Polaris (co-written with Autumn Doughton)
And now a preview of:
Paper Flowers
ERICA COPE
CHAPTER ONE
“Why is it that when a guy is a tease or a player it’s somehow considered hot, but when a girl happens to enjoy flirting, she’s a slut?” I asked my best friend, Oliver Wallace, as we made our way through the parking lot, weaving in between our classmates who were all chattering away like long lost friends reunited as if they didn’t spend the entire summer together.
It was the first day of school junior year, and summer had slipped by too fast. Days spent at the pool had been my happy place. I wish I could’ve laid there forever, soaking up the sun with the smells of salt, coconut, and a hint of chlorine drifting in the air.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” He rolled his eyes, gripping a strap of his backpack with a hand as he shook his head at me.
Oliver had changed a lot this summer. He still had the same shaggy brown hair and steel gray eyes, but everything else about him was different. He used to be this scrawny boy with braces, but over the summer he’d traded his skateboard in for a hard hat. He had been helping out at his uncle’s construction company since June and I had to admit that working that jackhammer did wonders for his physique.
“Yeah, I mean, the hypocrisy of it all astounds me,” I continued my rant as we entered the red brick building. “You would think that in this day and age there wouldn’t be such double standards. You’re smart. Why do you think that is?”
