Instruments of Mortals, page 10
I couldn’t help but squeak when his hand tentatively wrapped around mine, stopping me in the middle of wrapping the bandage. Without thinking, I locked eyes with him. He sat in my shadow as I stood between him and the fireplace, but his eyes still shone brilliantly. Emeralds in the dark, glittering up at me, as if begging me to be honest, to tell him that I understood everything he was saying and that I felt it, too.
Like he was begging me not to let him be left alone. Like he was begging me to not let us both be left alone.
"You’re right," I whispered, my hands shaking just a little when he let mine go so I could finish bandaging him. "It… it hurts, knowing that the people you love can’t love you enough to keep you safe. When… when they’re the ones you’re afraid of being hurt by. The loneliness… it’s indescribable."
"Why do you think I put such importance on finding my intended?" He asked softly.
His hands— so large, so warm — startled me when they came to rest softly on my hips. From palm to fingertip, he completely encircled my waist. He held all the heat of coal plucked from the hearth; I could feel him even through my clothes. I couldn’t look away from those imploring, dazzling eyes of his.
"You want someone you can trust and love," I whispered. "Because you’ve never had that before."
I would know. It was the same thing I wanted, had wanted for so long I couldn’t remember the first time I had thought to want it.
"Not since my father went missing,” he murmured, and I startled myself when I reached over to brush my fingers against his cheek. He brought his hand to press mine fully against his face, and he leaned heavily into my hand. “Don’t you want that, too?" He asked, his voice matching mine in volume.
I didn’t resist when I felt him gently pull me closer, to slot myself between his parted legs as he sat on the edge of my bed. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me— he’d already had plenty of opportunities. The heat from the hearth was nothing compared to the warmth that radiated from him. Like a moth to a flame, I drifted closer of my own free will… and like a moth, I reached out to touch that scorching, brilliant ember.
Even though the bandages, I could feel the warm power that thrummed beneath the surface, could feel the way his pulse raced under my fingertips. It was thrilling in some unfamiliar, frightening way, but all it did was draw me closer.
Didn’t I want that, too?
"Yes," I whispered like I was at confession.
I hadn’t even realized how close I had been leaning down toward him— there was so little space between us I could see the little gold flecks in his green irises, little constellations of light within the forest of those wild eyes of his. I mapped them out with care, until I couldn’t anymore— my eyelids had fallen in time with his, and—
I felt him pull away from me suddenly, and I gasped at the way he suddenly sat upright, ramrod straight, head turned toward the door. He removed his hands from my waist, and already I felt cold without him.
"What—" I tried to ask before he shook his head to quiet me.
"Someone’s coming," he hissed.
I was about to ask how he knew that, but then I faintly heard footsteps approaching from down the hallway, rapidly growing closer. The louder they became, the more I realized that whoever was coming was stomping their way toward the door.
The Queen didn’t even bother knocking before throwing open the door, eyes blazing with rage.
"You would dare—" she snarled, and even with her hand still gripping the doorknob, I could see her tremble with anger.
"She did nothing, Mother," Jaden spoke up before I could even think to form a response.
"She struck you, to hear the guard tell it!" The Queen roared.
I shrunk in fear, wondering who had seen it, considering Jaden had ordered the guards away.
"She was confused, Mother. It’s the Vampires we need to worry about," Jaden replied. He stood. "They used their mist to trick her— she thought I was one of them, trying to attack her."
"Impossible," the Queen hissed. "They do not know where the village is!"
"They do!" Jaden cut her off curtly. "They knew how to lure her away, and used their trickery to map out the path she took. None of what happened was her fault."
That… that wasn’t true, though— at least, not the initial part of his tale. I had struck him because I had wanted to leave. I chose that. Why would he cover for me?
"If you yet doubt me, look." He gestured to the bandages wound around his torso. "Raven was the one to clean and tend to my wounds. I did not ask her to do this: she chose to care for me, Mother."
The Queen’s eyes widened in horror as Jaden’s words sunk in. I watched as her face went deathly pale.
"If it is as you say, then...then we are outmatched," she whispered. She leaned against the wall beside the door, her eyes drifting about the room as if in search of someone or something who might answer for this.
"We will prevail. We need only move forward with care," Jaden said in a soft voice, almost as if he were attempting to soothe her. He moved closer to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.
"I… I will rally the guard. Patrols need to be doubled, the scouts need to be put on high alert." She was speaking to herself, half muttering, and just as quickly as she had come in, she left, closing the door quietly behind her.
In the few moments where silence hung heavy between us, I struggled to find my voice.
"You lied to her," I whispered. Remembering that she wasn’t in the room anymore, I moved closer to him. He met me halfway and stood in front of the bed, beside me again.
He looked at me curiously, then. I couldn’t quite place his expression.
"In part," he replied.
"Wh— why? For me? What—?"
"It’s like I said; I want someone I can love and trust. I have forgotten what that’s like." He moved over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Because I wasn’t entirely lying: there is someone among us that told the Vampires. There is someone in the village— in the castle— that gave us away to them. I just don’t know who."
CHAPTER 26
Jaden
Wounds or no, I spoke truthfully to Raven: there was a traitor in our midst, and I was on the hunt.
At least, I would be, were I not still recovering from my wounds. They were healing rapidly, though the skin had not entirely mended itself shut. Much as I wanted nothing more than to continue on to investigate who had betrayed us so thoroughly, it would not be wise to rush out and confront an unknown enemy when I was not at my best.
If nothing else, it was excuse enough to be close to Raven for longer. Tucked away in her room with her, it felt as though this attack was a blessing in disguise, carving out a small piece of sanctuary for us where there might not have otherwise been one.
She was comfortable enough with me to sit at my side upon her bed, though only once she had fussed over me and ushered me to sit against the headboard. Propped up with every pillow on her bed, we were both more comfortable together than I had anticipated us being, and certainly closer than I could have dreamed as she had been here so briefly.
"I’m wondering something…" I mused aloud. She turned to look at me. "You were so desperate to leave— with me being as injured as I am, you could have gotten away, and yet, here you here." I gestured toward her. "You came back."
Even Raven seemed surprised by the revelation, her eyes widening slightly.
"I…" She began to reply, though trailed off as she frowned in thought. As she mulled the idea over in her mind, she tapped her finger softly against the mattress. "I… don’t really know why I didn’t run." She paused a moment, shrugging her shoulders self consciously. "I didn’t really think about it. I was more worried about you."
I couldn’t stop the way my heart thrilled to hear that. There she had been, freedom within her grasp, and she chose the kinder path to make sure I was alright, walked back into the den of wolves that had hounded her and chose to take care of me. I was humbled and enamored by her all at once, in awe of her quiet strength. There was so much more to her than even I had thought, and all I wanted to do was explore every inch of her soul, to know her as well as I know myself. The more she showed me of herself, the more I felt that permeating warmth sink into my very bones.
"As much as I appreciate that, I would have been alright, I think," I said, looking up at the canopy of her bed.
"But it was still my fault you were hurt in the first place," she whispered. She wrung her hands nervously in front of her.
I fought to keep my heart rate steady as she leaned closer to my uninjured side. She felt cool against my heated skin, soothing the fever that seemed to claim my every nerve ending. "I feel responsible. Taking care of you is the least I can do."
"And here you were about to kiss it all better," I said before I could stop myself.
Raven’s cheeks were instantly aflame, her blush deep and red like a rose. She hid her face in her hands and sputtered.
"Oh my god, I can’t believe we almost — and I’ve never — I don’t really even know you!" She exclaimed, peering out from between her fingers at me, clearly mortified.
"Would it be so horrible, to love me?" I asked curiously, as I leaned closer teasingly.
"I— I don’t—!" She stammered and hid most of her face in one of the pillows. "It’s… that’s not what I meant. I just…" Her eyes widened, and though she had been flushed to the tips of her ears only moments ago, I watched with concern as the color drained from her face. "I… I have a boyfriend. Back where I was living. Or at least— I had one." She frowned. "Ethan. I thought I loved him— and I thought he would always protect me."
I had thought as much; we had been watching her, after all, so the knowledge that she had been dating someone wasn’t new to me, at least. I knew very little about this "Ethan," however. He hadn’t been a concern, apart from keeping her untouched.
"Did he love you?" I asked, reaching out to offer my hand for her to hold.
"I… thought he did." I watched her heave a heavy, tired sigh. She set her pillow down and after a moment of thought, she reached over and laced her fingers with mine. "When I was planning on breaking out of my aunt’s, he was there every step of the way to help me plan it, but when it came time for us to meet up…" Her frown deepened. "He had fallen asleep. I was sitting in the car, waiting for him, scared out of my wits, and he wanted to do it another day. Because he didn’t want to miss his favorite television show." She sniffed. "I was risking my life to escape, and his show was more important."
"And you feel guilty for moving on from that?" I snarled before I could stop myself.
She seemed startled, but whether it was at my words or my tone, I wasn’t sure. After a moment, her expression turned thoughtful as she tilted her head.
"I guess I do. More than anything… I just wish I could tell someone I’m alright." She sighed. "I know better than to ask, but I wish for it anyway."
"Does this mean that you want to stay?" I ask her, fighting down the hope that she has decided to love me and make this into her home, too.
I was fighting a losing battle, but the kind of hope she inspired in me was simply too strong to resist. To keep myself at least a little distracted, I ran my thumb gently back and forth against her hand. She looked down at our joined hands as she pondered. I couldn’t see her face, even when I leaned down a bit to take a look at her.
"...At least until your wounds are better," Raven said with great reluctance. She squeezed my hand. "I want to make sure you’re alright."
I could tell, though, that she was battling with herself, too. That deep down, she wanted to stay but was denying herself her own truth. I couldn’t necessarily blame her; with how she got here and how she has been kept here, I would be a fool to expect that one moment of bonding would be enough to make this home. Enough to make me home.
My runaway heart, rarely one to heed my commands, hoped for more anyway.
CHAPTER 27
Raven
Even if my wounds weren’t nearly as substantial as Jaden’s, my body healed much slower than his did; I found myself aching, lethargic, my energy having apparently been spent on treating his wounds. Even as the two of us spoke, I found myself growing more and more tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.
Not that it mattered much to the Queen and Andrew; before I had even thought to consider Jaden’s words more deeply— or my own feelings about staying here— the two of them came barging through the door, insisting that I be monitored with guards at all times. The Queen had even made the suggestion that I have guards inside my room while I slept. Jaden rose from the bed slowly, and I scrambled to follow suit; even if all we had done was sit there and talk, I couldn’t help but feel like we had been caught doing something we shouldn’t have been.
"You will remember that she is to be my bride," Jaden spoke up, his voice low and authoritative as he drew himself to his full height. "It would be improper for anyone to be in her chambers while she slept."
"We still can’t trust she won’t attempt to escape again!" The Queen insisted with a gesture in my direction, though she didn’t even bother looking at me as she did.
"And with the Vampires knowing where we are, she isn’t safe, besides," Andrew spoke up, a hand over his heart, "I would be willing to keep watch over her, brother—"
"I would not be willing to let you, brother," Jaden spat, his glare fiery.
As much as I wanted to step in and speak for myself… past experience told me that it would only end in more trouble than it was worth, and wouldn’t accomplish anything besides.
Jaden surprised me again, reaching over and lacing our fingers together. I looked down at our entwined hands, and I couldn’t help but marvel at how large his was, completely engulfing mine with no effort at all.
I should have been afraid. I should have been trembling like a leaf in the wind, horrified at what could become of me. And to some extent, I was; the way Andrew leered at me was only making that feeling worse, and try as I might to put on a brave face, I couldn’t help avoiding his unblinking stare. Why was he looking at me like that? Did he think I was the one that had told the Vampires or something? I couldn’t understand it at all.
Something shifted in the room and the air became very cold. I shivered. The Queen glanced back and forth between her two sons, who continued to stare one another down. After what felt like an eternity, Andrew let out a snort and looked away.
"Sure, if you want to leave her at risk," he grumbled and physically shied as a sign of backing down.
"So long as she is here, there shouldn’t be a risk at all," Jaden replied tersely, arms crossed, his poise daunting and uncompromising. "Unless you know something you aren’t telling me?"
Andrew remained silent.
"Such posturing gets us nowhere." The Queen stepped between the two brothers, her dignified poise not slipping even once. "Jaden is the Alpha. If he decides there is to be no guard, then there is to be no guard." She tipped her chin toward the door. "Come, Andrew."
He spared one more dark, lingering stare at the two of us, but ultimately followed his mother out of the room. Though he didn’t slam the door shut behind him, the sound of the door closing seemed loud to my ears. I jumped a little at it.
When the door closed and we were alone again, Jaden let out a breath I hadn’t realized he had been holding. Without conscious thought, I gave his hand a squeeze in the hopes it would calm him. He spared me a sidelong smile.
"Thank you— and I’m sorry you had to see that." He spoke so softly to me, his voice a soothing rumble. His thumb stroked my hand again. "But they’re wrong about one thing: I’m not going to leave you without protection. I want you to feel safe always, even if I’m not directly beside you." He let go of my hand after giving it another reassuring squeeze to bolster me— and perhaps himself, too. "Wait here a moment."
I sat back on the bed as he stood and left the room. I wasn’t sure how long I was waiting, but I felt my eyelids growing heavier again. The brief interlude of Andrew and the Queen coming in and winding me with tension wasn’t enough to dispel the exhaustion that pulled at every fiber of my body. By the time there was another knock on the door, I was gently swaying in place as I fought to stay awake.
"I know you must be exhausted," Jaden said and stepped out of the way of his companion that now came into the room. "And as much as I would love nothing more than to stay by your side, it wouldn’t be appropriate while we were not married. So to keep you safe, Delilah will stay here and keep watch."
He wrinkled his nose in displeasure when he noticed the bloodied basin of water and the soiled cloths still strewn about the floor. I couldn’t even muster the energy to be embarrassed about it; I’d been helping him.
"I, uhh, I can clean this up—" Even through the drowsiness, I stammered. I tried to stand, though I swayed on my feet. I felt lightheaded, and I wasn’t sure if that was from the exhaustion or the lingering scent of blood in the room.
"No need," Delilah said, hands gesturing for me to stay seated on the bed. She peered out from the door and called to one of the other maids. In the span of what felt like only a few moments, my room was a flurry of activity; All the maids that had dressed me to be presented to Jaden my first night here, scuttled about, mopping up the bloody water and gathering all the discarded cloths.
"Ohh, so the Alpha did like you!" One of them tittered as she laid out sleeping clothes for me on the bed.
"Sooo lucky!" another giggled as she gathered all the soiled cloths and tattered shirt in her arms and scuttled out the door to have them cleaned or discarded.
