Rescuing Carmen, page 37
Transfixed by what’s left of Rafe’s leg. It simply—stops a few inches below his knee. I reach out, fluttering my fingers over the scarred and mangled flesh.
“I want to hear more about the explosion. How did you not…?”
“Die?”
“Yes. I can’t imagine.”
“That’s a story for another time.” Rafe grabs my fingers and lifts them to his lips. “Will you help me roll this all the way down?”
A thrill rushes through me. I know this is hard for him. The fact he tried to hide it from me speaks volumes, but I love that he doesn’t shy away from including me now.
I want to spend the rest of my days learning everything I can about Rafe. Some of that begins now, with the most vulnerable piece of him. Together, we roll down the cotton sheath, exposing the stump. Under the cotton sleeve, the skin’s angry and red, working toward a bruise.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not unless I’m running through the jungle with you on my back with a twisted prosthetic.”
“What happens now?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long will it take to get another one made? Will you be on crutches? A wheelchair?”
He huffs a laugh and pulls me close. “I always carry a spare in my gear.”
That’s when I realize the prosthetic he pulled off isn’t the same twisted metal I saw earlier.
“I wish you hadn’t kept this from me.”
“I couldn’t bear losing you.”
“I wouldn’t have left.”
“But you might have run off screaming from the mangled monster.”
“I’m going to say this now, and as many times as you need to hear it, but you’re no monster. Those other women have no idea what they missed when they ran. They, and their opinions, mean nothing.”
“All I care about is what you think and how this changes things.” There’s that hesitancy again. For such a strong man, there’s vulnerability beneath his steely exterior.
“I guess that depends on two things.” I glance up at him with a smile.
“What?”
“Never hide something like this from me again. Don’t lie to me. I deserve better.”
“There will be some things…”
“I know.” I hold up a hand, forestalling him. “I get there will be work things that you can’t share, and I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about this.” I point to the stump. “For better, or for worse, we can’t hide the pieces of ourselves we’re worried about because we fear how the other person will react. Promise me this will never happen again.”
“I’m sorry, luv. I shouldn’t have been afraid to tell you. I promise not to do it again.”
“Then that’s all I need.”
“You said two things?” He’s curious, and I love that about him. “What’s the other?”
“I want you to make love to me without the prosthetic.”
“But…” He glances around the lavatory, then his eyes widen. “Like now?” Some of that insecurity returns, but it quickly dies in the banked heat of his desire flaring to life.
“No time like the present.”
“And how’s that going to work? It’s hard to hold you against the wall when I’m shy a leg.”
“I thought we’d start with one of your fantasies and work from there.” I lick my lips, sending a very specific message.
“Bloody hell…” Low and throaty, he’s definitely on board.
“If you can’t stand…” I move toward him and unfasten his pants. “Have a seat, and let’s see what happens.”
With all the sex we’ve had, I’ve yet to take him in my mouth. Truthfully, the fear of gagging holds me back, but this is one thing we can do that won’t bring the lack of a leg into the mix.
Half expecting him to hesitate, Rafe yanks his pants down his thighs and sits on the closed toilette seat. I kneel in front of him, loving the way his breathing hitches, and help him out of his pants. Leaning down, I kiss first his good knee and then the one on the damaged side.
His entire body stills as I explore the scarred and puckered skin with my hands, learning to love his flaws and the things that make him great. Slowly, very slowly, Rafe relaxes to my touch. I start with a soft touch, then massage the angry tissue. It’s abraded and raw, something I attribute to the mission because I can’t bear to think he lives his life in such constant pain.
When Rafe tips his head back and sighs with my massage of the stump, I lift up and attend to another needy part of his anatomy. If I gag, I’ll gag, and he’ll have to love that about me. But I don’t gag as I slowly take him in my mouth.
Forty-Seven
Carmen
The seven-hour flight from Nicaragua to California lasts forever, but I keep busy between Rafe and his stump and the women we rescued. Officially a member of the Mile High Club, I don’t even care about the stupid bet Zeb and Alec placed on what happened, or not, in that lavatory.
As for that magic Skye mentioned, the women Guardian HRS rescued pull together in an amazing show of survival and support. They cling to each other. Encourage each other. Some talk about their families. Most are eager to get home, but terrified of the reception they’ll receive.
Every single one of them takes Guardian HRS up on their offer to take a pause on life and rest and recuperate at The Facility. Over the next week, I help them with that transition.
Somehow, I’ve become the spokesperson of the group. While plenty of staff at The Facility are fluent in Spanish, the women vote me as their unofficial go-between.
Rafe and his team do whatever it is Guardians do between missions, while I spend my days at The Facility helping the women navigate this next phase of their lives.
Rest. Recuperation. Recovery.
Those are the 3-Rs of the initial phase of their journey. Psychological help is part of that. Training in self-defense is another part, meant to instill confidence and restore their perceived sense of power over controlling what happens to them. They love that I train with them. Somehow, I’ve become their beacon of hope.
Those who want their families contacted give permission for The Facility to reach out. None of the women opt to go home. None of them want their families brought here to reunite. None take advantage of the video calls that are offered.
This is something I don’t understand but is what The Facility personnel anticipate. The road to recovery is long and convoluted, with many setbacks as the women work through the trauma of what they endured. As for me, working at The Facility keeps my mind busy and helps me not to obsess over Rosalie.
Except times like now.
Toward the end of the day, when I wait for Rafe to pick me up and take me home, I come to the cliff’s edge and stare out over the ocean. It’s a quiet time of contemplative meditation, where my prayers turn to Rosalie.
It’s another beautiful day, with another stunning sunset over the Pacific. A storm brews on the horizon. Dark, menacing clouds build, and lightning flashes offshore. That storm blows in toward the coast.
Toward me.
But there’s still time to enjoy the sunset. For now, the blue sky overhead turns into vibrant swaths of crimson and ochre stretching overhead. A light breeze ruffles my hair. Gusts blow off the ocean. The waves surge back and forth, with the wind kicking up froth on the crests of waves.
The birds don’t run from the impending storm. They soar overhead without a care in the world, diving into the gray waters in search of their evening meal.
The soft tread of footsteps sounds behind me. It’s Rafe. Every day since we arrived, he drops me off at The Facility and picks me up at day’s end. We spend each evening here, at this quiet place on the cliff’s edge, staring out at the ocean as the sun slips beneath the waves.
“How was your day?” Rafe sits beside me, knocking my shoulder playfully.
“It was great. I can’t believe what they do here.”
“I’m glad you’re volunteering. I hear rumors they may not want to let you go?”
“Those rumors are true. They offered me a job.” I should be excited by the offer but find myself melancholic.
“That’s great.” Rafe wraps his arm around me and gives a squeeze for good measure. “Have you thought about whether you’re interested?”
My response is an unenthusiastic shrug.
That question comes with a host of things we need to discuss
“Talk to me, babe. What’s on your mind?”
“It feels wrong to think about my future when Rosalie…” My voice catches. “Until I know more about Rosalie, I don’t feel like I can move forward.” I don’t think I should.
It feels like abandoning my friend.
Less than a day after we landed in California, Brady and Booker made their way out of Nicaragua without Hayes and Rosalie.
“It’s been a week since the raid.”
“Have faith.” He holds me tight.
“I don’t know if I have any faith left.”
“Hayes is a survivalist. Like a mega-survivalist. If there’s anyone who can keep Rosalie safe, it’s Hayes.” Rafe has said the same thing every evening since we left Nicaragua. “Brady and Booker were very clear in their report. They separated Matias from Rosalie and took off into the jungle. When your father’s forces pursued, they drew off the men. Hayes and Rosalie are safe.”
“How do you know?” I shake my head because if that was the case, wouldn’t I know? Wouldn’t I feel it?
Each night as I lay my head down to sleep, terror courses through my veins thinking about Rosalie. Where is she? Is she safe? Is she wounded? Or dead? Lost somewhere in the jungles of my home?
After we make love at night, Rafe holds me while I tremble and worry. I spend my nights drifting between wakefulness and sleep, with guilt gnawing at me.
“I can’t think about what I’m going to do until I know whether they’re alive, dead, safe, or captured.”
“I understand, and that’s why I love you as much as I do. Your compassion for others is a gift beyond measure. I consider myself incredibly lucky you chose to jump on me.”
That’s the joke. I jumped on him.
And it’s a beautiful beginning to our story.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“About what?”
“Not being able to give you an answer.”
He asks about my plans. What I want to do with my life, while obliquely wondering if he might be included in those plans. He never asks outright. Rafe would never demand such an answer.
But he asked me about moving out of the dormitory. About moving in with him.
The thing is, I’m not sure.
On one hand, I can’t imagine living a life without him. He’s the other half of my soul.
But do I give up on my dreams?
Do I give up on my passion for the environment?
Now that I’m not facing marriage to Artemus Gonzales, I’m free to consider graduate studies in environmental conservation.
I’m not sure if I want to give that up.
Also, as strong as my feelings are for Rafe, our relationship moved at the speed of light. There’s no doubt I love him. I love him with the entirety of my soul.
When I see him across the distance, my heart leaps with joy, and a surge of happiness courses through me. He lifts my mood when it’s down, filling me with an inner glow of contentment and joy. He’s the light to my darkness, and when I’m with him, it barely feels as if my feet touch the ground.
I’m head over heels in love with the man beside me. Is it crazy that my heart dares to hope for endless days spent by his side? My love for him is so intense; it scares me and only grows deeper with each passing day.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to have faith. That’s what Lucinda would say to me when I questioned why we had to wait for so long before moving against my father.
“A penny for your thoughts.” Rafe sweeps a strand of hair off my face.
“I was just thinking about the future.” I take his hand in mine, threading my fingers through his.
“I was thinking the same thing.” He leans forward, pulling something out of his back pocket. “I had a friend make a few calls.” He hands me an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Open it.” His measured gaze turns a little bit goofy.
My hands shake as I open the envelope and pull out a nondescript folded piece of paper.
“Rafe?”
“Go ahead.” He nudges me, encouraging me.
As soon as I open the top fold, the UCSF seal shines in the amber glow of the sunset. My hands shake as I unfold the paper and stare at the words congratulating me for being accepted into UCSF’s Master’s Program in Environmental Science.
“What is this?” My heart pounds with excitement.
“Looks like UCSF has a returning student.”
“But how? I never applied.”
“Friends in high places. I know a guy who knows a guy who…”
“Stop it.” I turn to him, bursting with joy and feeling wonderfully alive again. “When did you do this?”
“When I decided I couldn’t bear to see you leave.” He gestures back toward The Facility. “These people want you. I’ve heard nothing but amazing and great and wonderful things about how you’re helping the women we rescued, but I know your heart is here.” He points at the acceptance letter. “I don’t want you to settle on something because of me. I want you to be happy.”
“But how would that work?”
“Easy.”
“But I’d live up there, and you’d be down here.”
“First off, up there is only a couple of hours away. Secondly, most of the classes are online these days, so you wouldn’t have to be up there all the time. Thirdly, I called Kaye and Barbi. We extended the lease on your townhouse, so when you have to be there for in-person classes, you have a place to stay. And, I kicked Kaye out of the room with the king-sized bed. That’s ours.”
“Ours?”
Rafe doesn’t realize it, but he’s the source of a greater joy than any I’ve ever known before. That whisper of happiness turns to a flood of joy washing through me.
“If you’ll have me.” The tone of his voice deepens.
“What does that mean?”
“Hang on.” He lifts a finger, telling me to wait. Getting up, Rafe stands over me and fishes something out of the front pocket of his jeans.
A small, black-velvet box appears in his hand.
My eyes widen and my mouth gapes as he goes to one knee.
“Carmen Angelo, I will not ask your father for his blessing, and hope you forgive that break in tradition, but I did ask Kaye and Barbi, and they said to tell you, “We’re cool if she’s cool.” So, I hope this makes you happy, because if it doesn’t, I’m going to feel all kinds of foolish. But I want you in my life. Today. Tomorrow. And all the days that follow. And as soon as Hayes brings Rosalie home to us, I’m going to ask for her blessing as well, but until then, how do you feel about getting hitched?”
“Hitched?” My cheeks hurt from the massive smile plastered all over my face. “That was the most beautiful proposal until you ruined it with getting hitched.”
“Aw, but did I really ruin it?” He holds up a beautiful diamond ring that reflects the amber glow of the blazing sunset overhead. “What do you say?”
“I say today is the best day of my life.” I hold out my hand and wriggle my fingers. “Yes. Yes. And yes. A thousand times, yes.”
“Thank you.” He presses his palms together and looks to the sky. “I was a little worried for a second.”
“Are you going to put that ring on my finger?” I keep wriggling my fingers, waiting for him to slip on the ring.
It fits perfectly, but not as perfectly as the feeling of Rafe stealing a kiss and lifting me into the air. He spins me in a circle as we laugh with joy filling both our hearts. When he sets me back on my feet, I’m breathless and overjoyed.
“I’m glad you said yes.” He wraps an arm around my waist and tugs me tight. Together we stare out over the ocean.
“Were you worried?”
“Nah, but if I had to go back to the guys and tell them you said no, I’d never live it down.”
“Do you think they took bets on it?”
“Nah, they know you love me and can’t keep your hands off me.” He curls his fingers, blows on them, then pretends to polish them on his shirt. “Remember…I’m a chick magnet.” He winks as I laugh into the wind. Chick magnet, indeed.
“What about The Facility?” I glance over my shoulder. “I hate to leave them hanging.”
“You can spend as much, or as little time, as you want. Instead of taking a full-time position, volunteer. They know you’re splitting your time between here and UCSF.”
“And that doesn’t bother you? That I’ll be here and there?”
“Not if it means you’re doing what you want.” He spins me around until we’re face to face. “You’ve lived under the shadow of your father for your entire life. Living in fear. Living with guilt. It’s time to spread your wings and live the life you’ve always wanted. I consider myself lucky to stand by your side.”
“You’re a little corny when you try to be all mushy.” The wind kicks up, whipping my hair into my face.
“You love my mushy side.” He grabs my face and plants a sloppy kiss on my lips for good measure.
Two can play at that game. I not so subtlety reach between us, arousing the man I love with a long stroke along his shaft.
“Bloody hell, woman.” The sloppy kiss turns heated, then I find myself lifted off my feet and slung over his shoulder. The air temperature plummets as the storm kicks the wind into a frenzy. That storm’s almost upon us.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Taking my woman home.”
With that, Rafe marches back toward The Facility’s parking lot, where he tosses me in the car and speeds back to his place. On the drive home, the sky opens up, dumping rain in a blinding deluge.
Behind us, the storm stirs up the ocean, turning the waves to froth as it makes landfall. The sky darkens. Lightning strikes. Thunder booms as the storm unleashes its fury on the California coast. Overhead, lightning splits the sky and thunder drowns out all noise. As Rafe and I rush inside and escape the rain, my mind drifts to my dearest friend, Rosalie.
