Pagodaville, page 15
“I love the way it feels. She’s teaching me to drive hers, but I know she gets all nervous if I can’t keep it steady. It’s pretty heavy.”
“It’s her baby. I could understand that.”
Doreen interrupted Lorna’s thoughts. She asked, “You gettin’ hungry? You want to hit the Crab Shack?”
Lorna blurted out, “I want you to stay here because you want to. Not because you have a job to do.”
Doreen said nothing.
Lorna asked, “What do you need from me, to make you stay?”
Doreen pivoted in the sand and faced Lorna. She put her hands on either side of Lorna’s face. “I’ve got what I need, right here in the palms of my hands.”
“But what if it’s not enough?”
“I could ask you the same question, you know. I could never measure up to Jeanie. Not in a million years.”
Lorna pulled away from Doreen. “I hate when you compare yourself to her. Do you know how many people I’ve alienated in my past because I thought they never measured up to her? I’m so mad I allowed myself to do that. And I vowed I would not do that again.”
Doreen pulled her back closer again. “For as much as you’re scared that I’m going to split some night, I’m just as scared that you’ll think if I’m not working on something, or being useful, I won’t make the grade.”
“Oh my God…do you really feel that way?”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve been worried about it since we’re done now with the renovations and all.”
Lorna lightly traced the scar on Doreen’s face, ending at her chin. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
But Lorna was cautious. Scared that she would open her heart fully and lose it in the matter of a single, pivotal moment.
Like the moment in 1964.
Cleveland Ohio, 1964
Lorna walked up the path to the front door. It was a beautiful warm Spring day. She knocked on the latched screen door.
Jeanie’s mom came to the door. Instead of letting Lorna in like she usually did, she stood behind it talking to her through the dark weave.
“Oh, hi Lorna.”
“Hi, Mrs. Doyle.” Lorna tried to look around Mrs. Doyle towards the steps that went up to Jeanie’s little ‘apartment’ on the top level of their house.
“Well, Jeanie is entertaining right now.”
Lorna said, “Oh!” Lorna figured one of their posse was upstairs with her.
“Yes, Aaron is here.”
Aaron Silver. A gifted musician with a brilliant future to Juilliard School of Music. He was a nice enough guy, but Lorna knew he was attracted to Jeanie in a big way. Jeanie liked him because he was so talented and nice. Because he was a guy. Because Jeanie was scared of being labeled a lesbian. Because she didn’t want to lead the lesbian lifestyle.
At all.
Lorna felt her heart seize.
“You can call her later, he’s staying for dinner.”
Lorna nodded but couldn’t move. She knew exactly what was going on in that upstairs apartment. The classical music, the incense, the bean-bag chairs on the floor, the sunlight streaming into the room, warming everything around them, dust motes dancing in time with their breath. Aaron’s head in Jeanie’s lap while Jeanie stroked his face. Or visa-versa.
Done. Gone.
Over.
Just like that.
When Lorna finally found her legs, she turned and walked away from the screen door, down the path towards the sidewalk, towards her bicycle, towards a world that just became fractured. Her instantaneous pain became heavy and dark. So heavy and dark that nothing in her right mind could hope to fix.
***
Lorna turned to Doreen. “Maybe someday you’ll tell me about why you feel safer on the road, jogging from location to location.”
Doreen shrugged. “No ties.”
Lorna said, “No home. Well, kind of. I guess. Maybe wherever you hang your helmet is your home until you feel like you need to keep moving?”
Doreen dug into the sand with her toes, staring out into the vast Atlantic. “It’s not easy, you know.”
“What isn’t easy?”
“Running.”
Lorna looked at Doreen. She did not want to disturb the moment by asking questions. She turned her head back to the ocean and waited.
“You know, after I saw my father get shot, my world went black.” She dug a little deeper into the sand, so her toes were covered. “His face, as he was sliding down the filthy brick wall in the alleyway there, it was almost as if…he winked at me while he was licking a piece of pepperoni off of the corner of his mouth.” She chuckled with a grimace. “He fucking winked at me while going for the fucking pepperoni.”
Lorna held her breath.
“He was my dad. The tough guy. Plugged with two bullets in the family fashion. And he was trying to get that last…little piece…of fucking…pepperoni.”
Lorna let her breath out slowly, waiting.
“I couldn’t decide if I should laugh or cry or scream or…”
Lorna watched from the corner of her eye as Doreen had covered her feet now up to her ankles in sand.
“So, I ran. I ran home. I could hear my mother screaming my name, I could hear my brother’s footsteps comin’ after me. All I wanted to do was close my eyes against the vision I had just witnessed.”
Lorna fought the impulse to put her hand on Doreen’s shoulder.
“The funeral. The people. The house, all the commotion. I felt so lost, like I was floatin’ in jello or somethin’. That Monday my mom pulled me out of school. Most of the family helped us pack up the house. The next thing I knew we were on a plane to Florida, never to return to New York again. My whole life shifted. Every time I heard a car backfire, I thought it was gunshots. I couldn’t watch violent movies, or even be in the same room with the television goin’ during a crime show. It made me sick to my stomach. I was so nauseas all the time. I could barely eat. I was so…lost, Lorna. I vowed that I would never get close to anyone. And if I did, I would purposely fuck it up so bad that the other person would ditch me because they didn’t know what to do with me. I hurt a lot of innocent hearts, Lorna. I have a pretty scary reputation.” She took a breather.
Lorna waited.
Doreen continued. “So, when we got settled in Florida, I buried myself in the garage business with my cousins, learned everything I could about engines, carbs, trans. I didn’t have any friends of my own…just stayed with my cousins, went to school because I had to. Just kept my eyes focused on the road and as soon as I got my inheritance, I was fuckin’ gone.”
Lorna sighed. “Oh babe...”
Doreen mumbled, “I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you told me to leave again, and this time for good. I’m a fuck-up, Lorn. Never went to college. And here you are a lawyer. You’re smart. Me? I just know about fixing things and using my hands. I feel so broken.” She hung her head. “Aw God.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook quietly. She murmured between tears, “Aw God…”
Lorna finally reached over and put her arm around Doreen’s shoulders, pulling her close. Lorna could feel deep wracks work their way up through Doreen’s chest and out in the form of very sad moans. She remembered a day not too long ago when she bellowed out towards the big ocean and felt her insides crawl up through her throat, the pain burning her lungs as she wept.
Lorna whispered, “You’re not broken, baby. Maybe just a little...torqued.”
Doreen managed a chuckle. “Good way to put it.” She sniffed.
Lorna said, “You don’t have to run anymore honey. Just be who you are, give your heart a rest.”
Doreen turned and fell into Lorna’s body, sobbing openly.
Lorna wrapped both her arms around Doreen’s shoulders and rocked her gently in the sand.
The moon was the only illumination in the room.
They spoke in low tones, soft and gentle. Lorna lay with her head on Doreen’s chest, Doreen’s arms holding her close. Lorna stroked the soft skin around Doreen’s upper thighs. She ran her hands slowly up and around to the upper part of her pubic hairline, tracing a path to her navel and up over her tight abs, using her palms slowly to massage out towards her sides and ribs.
“Thank you for trusting me enough to share your pain.” Lorna said quietly.
Doreen ran her hands through Lorna’s thick hair. “You’re different, Lorna. I knew that from the first moment I laid eyes on you. I felt a connection right away, but of course, had to deny it.”
“Yes, I understand that,” Lorna sighed. “You know, I pretty much did the same thing you did. Every relationship I had after Jeanie was more like a conquest.”
Doreen asked, “How do you mean?”
“Well, of course, I compared everyone to Jeanie. And then when no one measured up, I started thinking that no one would be able to open my heart like she did. What I realized, though it wasn’t her that I couldn’t find. It was me. I refused to open my heart, thinking that no one really deserved it. That no one could spark the magic.”
“So, you just compared everyone, but really, it was you?”
“Pretty much.”
“Sounds like maybe no one had a chance, then, right?”
“Bingo.”
Doreen shifted her weigh so she could see Lorna. “So, you’re kinda like me in that you’re scared, right?”
Lorna nodded. “Yes. On so many different levels. Heartache and pain all the way around when you think about it.” She leaned up on her elbows and said, “Do you ever feel like if you could take your heart out of your chest and let it rest for a while—but still be able to breathe and live—and purge all the bad stuff out before putting it back into your chest, it would feel like a clean slate?”
Doreen chuckled, “Well, now. There’s an interesting idea, Lorn. Kind of like...take it out, rinse it off, maybe use a little hydrogen peroxide?”
Lorna giggled, “Oh, my God! That would feel so good, donchu think?”
Doreen added, “Yeah, then maybe a little WD-40 to get the creaky parts back in working order.”
They started to cackle, saying ridiculous hilarious non-sequiturs, eventually detouring a perfectly soft and gentle evening of lovemaking with an all-out pillow fight.
Out of breath and sweaty, Lorna—on her knees with a pillow clasped in her hands—said, “If you decide to ditch me in the middle of the night, I will come looking for you and not stop until I find you. And if you fuck it up purposely, you will live to regret it. You got that, DiLaRusso?”
Doreen, on her knees as well with a pillow clutched in her hands, replied, “If I do anything that stupid, I would expect you to come find me. Maybe even a public spanking would be in order.”
Lorna tossed the pillow aside and moved her body flush with Doreen’s. “You would be the biggest dumbass if you left me to keep running.”
Doreen’s lips grazed Lorna’s, “You got that right.”
Their lovemaking was heated and emotional.
Lorna felt every lock around her heart burst open.
This was it.
Doreen whispered, “Here we go, Lorna Hughes. You think you’re ready for this?”
“I am…so ready. Are you?”
“It’s outta my hands now, babe.”
Lorna slid herself on top of Doreen and traced Doreen’s face with her mouth. “You always smell like the outdoors, like the wind. And right now, like me.” She kissed her forehead, nose, and traveled slowly around to her temples, cheeks, and ears. Before landing on Doreen’s lips, she looked into her eyes. In the dark, the blue looked lighter in color, almost iridescent.
The connection between them strengthened without words. Lorna felt Doreen’s arms tighten around her. She had never felt so secure as she did in this moment.
Not even with Jeanie.
THIRTY-ONE
Friday, September 16, 1980
The Pagoda Motel
With a clear sky, the temperature moderately warm but not suffocating, the air not as humid as it was in the summer, Lorna stood up to address the attendees.
She looked behind her at the newly renovated garden, the water feature provided a sweet gentle rushing sound. Her heart was full-to-overflow. Her family—Avril and Saul, Anya and Milton, Cheenah, Marco and Nancia, Anita and Luis, Steve and his new girlfriend Jillian, and Doreen—sat in folding chairs waiting for her to speak.
“I don’t even know where to begin. The last six months have been…” she felt herself tear up. They waited for her to compose herself. “Have been life altering. When I made the decision to embark on this journey, I never thought it would pan out the way it did. Maybe I had unrealistic dreams of everything falling into place at once, like a story book or something. I never anticipated the history of the motel. But, that’s life, don’t you think? Cheenah, you were my first real friend here. And from there on, you all became my extended family. You accepted me into your lives right away. I never questioned your trust for one moment. Not even when you knew the whole thing was going to be exposed. You went to Marco to convince him to come back here to close the gaps. It showed such loyalty.”
“Milton,” she looked at him and smiled. “You are so talented. Your eye, but more importantly, your heart. You are a kind, gentle man, and your dedication to Anya and her family is so simple and true.” He responded by nodding his head ever so slightly and smiling.
Lorna shifted her gaze. “Anya. I could not have done this without you. Steve Kent said you were the boss and he was right. In the aftermath of your parent’s untimely death, you continued their legacy of love, of life, and of heart. Granted, you can be a little hot-headed at times, but I have come to depend upon you more than you’ll ever know. Your dedication to the renewal of the motel, and to me, will never waver from this point forward.”
Anya lowered her head and said quietly, “This is all very true, Miss Lorna.”
“And Cheenah. You are my sister in crime! You have given me a sincerity that I’ve not experienced before. You’ve taught me so much. I only hope I can return the strength and friendship you offer with as much love.”
Cheenah said, “You do.”
“Luis and Anita. Your food, your dedication to the community, your acceptance of me. Wow.”
Anita smiled and put her right hand to her chest, the left wiped a tear from her eye. She murmured, “I usually cry at the weddings, but this…well..”
“Marco and Nancia. I hope you will come often to see us, the past is behind you and will never again cause you fear. You are just as much a fixture here as the rest of your family. You are always welcome at The Pagoda. Thank you for coming up today for this dedication.”
“Steve. I feel safe knowing you are on the job. But above and beyond, you are a great friend. Like a brother. You kept me safe during the excavation mess, kept the talk in town down as much as possible. How can I repay you?”
He chuckled, “Have a bad day on the golf course and let me win once in a while!”
Lorna winked at him and smiled, “Hah! Fat chance.”
Lorna turned towards Avril and Saul. She felt herself tear up again.
“Avril. The sister I never had. You are my life connector. You are the linchpin that keeps me on task. You have been there for every up and down. Your sense of humor, the way you lay everything out and put it all back together again to make sense again, it’s uncanny.”
Avril interrupted, “It’s from having children.”
Lorna smiled, “Ah, you had that talent long before the kiddos came along.”
Saul nodded. “One of the reasons I married her. She keeps me in line.”
Avril playfully slapped Saul on the shoulder then kissed him on the cheek.
Lorna continued. “Av, I know you tried to get me to rethink this move to Florida, and for a split second there I almost did. But I didn’t, and you followed me here in spirit. You’ve always been on the other end of the phone day or night and when the shit hit the fan, you were on the next flight down. I am honored to be your friend.”
Avril wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh great! You would have to make me cry.”
She turned. “Doreen.”
Doreen flushed and tried to maintain her cool. “Uhm, ahh.”
Lorna laughed. “For such a tough guy you can be awfully gentle and sweet. Your past, your history. You brought it here to get closure. The timing was as it was supposed to be, don’t you think? That first day you arrived on the Harley. You turned my life on its heel.”
Doreen took in a deep breath and said, “You weren’t the only one, for sure. That’s why I took your pen.”
Anya sat up straight and looked at Doreen then to Lorna. She said, “Aha! So that was the big mysterious of the lost pen! Remember Miss, the day you could not find your favorite pen?”
Lorna chuckled. “I do.”
Anya looked at Doreen and pointed her finger at her. Then she started to laugh. Doreen started to laugh, then everyone—including Lorna—started to giggle out loud.
Lorna waited for everyone to settle back down. “So, without going on and on, I want to unveil the plaque today.” She went up to the rebuilt pagoda in the center of the garden and pulled a piece of fabric off a black framed sign that she would have Milton plant after the dedication.
“To Anya, Luis, Cheenah, and Marco. May the memories of your beloved parents always stay in your heart. May your hearts stay open to the new memories yet to be made. Lorna Hughes, The Pagoda Motel, September 1980.”
Lorna could not hold back the tears this time. “I love you all. Thank you for coming into my life.”
THIRTY-TWO
After the dedication party—which lasted all weekend—and after things got back to routine, Lorna had a professional photographer come to the motel to take pictures of the newly renovated public areas.
She called The Lesbian Connection and took out a half-page ad. She had the pictures situated in between the copy. She wanted the phone to ring.
And ring it did.
Lorna, Anya, and Doreen took shifts to answer the phone. In the space of two weeks, Lorna had a file folder crammed with possible renters.
“It’s her baby. I could understand that.”
Doreen interrupted Lorna’s thoughts. She asked, “You gettin’ hungry? You want to hit the Crab Shack?”
Lorna blurted out, “I want you to stay here because you want to. Not because you have a job to do.”
Doreen said nothing.
Lorna asked, “What do you need from me, to make you stay?”
Doreen pivoted in the sand and faced Lorna. She put her hands on either side of Lorna’s face. “I’ve got what I need, right here in the palms of my hands.”
“But what if it’s not enough?”
“I could ask you the same question, you know. I could never measure up to Jeanie. Not in a million years.”
Lorna pulled away from Doreen. “I hate when you compare yourself to her. Do you know how many people I’ve alienated in my past because I thought they never measured up to her? I’m so mad I allowed myself to do that. And I vowed I would not do that again.”
Doreen pulled her back closer again. “For as much as you’re scared that I’m going to split some night, I’m just as scared that you’ll think if I’m not working on something, or being useful, I won’t make the grade.”
“Oh my God…do you really feel that way?”
“Yeah, I do. I’ve been worried about it since we’re done now with the renovations and all.”
Lorna lightly traced the scar on Doreen’s face, ending at her chin. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
But Lorna was cautious. Scared that she would open her heart fully and lose it in the matter of a single, pivotal moment.
Like the moment in 1964.
Cleveland Ohio, 1964
Lorna walked up the path to the front door. It was a beautiful warm Spring day. She knocked on the latched screen door.
Jeanie’s mom came to the door. Instead of letting Lorna in like she usually did, she stood behind it talking to her through the dark weave.
“Oh, hi Lorna.”
“Hi, Mrs. Doyle.” Lorna tried to look around Mrs. Doyle towards the steps that went up to Jeanie’s little ‘apartment’ on the top level of their house.
“Well, Jeanie is entertaining right now.”
Lorna said, “Oh!” Lorna figured one of their posse was upstairs with her.
“Yes, Aaron is here.”
Aaron Silver. A gifted musician with a brilliant future to Juilliard School of Music. He was a nice enough guy, but Lorna knew he was attracted to Jeanie in a big way. Jeanie liked him because he was so talented and nice. Because he was a guy. Because Jeanie was scared of being labeled a lesbian. Because she didn’t want to lead the lesbian lifestyle.
At all.
Lorna felt her heart seize.
“You can call her later, he’s staying for dinner.”
Lorna nodded but couldn’t move. She knew exactly what was going on in that upstairs apartment. The classical music, the incense, the bean-bag chairs on the floor, the sunlight streaming into the room, warming everything around them, dust motes dancing in time with their breath. Aaron’s head in Jeanie’s lap while Jeanie stroked his face. Or visa-versa.
Done. Gone.
Over.
Just like that.
When Lorna finally found her legs, she turned and walked away from the screen door, down the path towards the sidewalk, towards her bicycle, towards a world that just became fractured. Her instantaneous pain became heavy and dark. So heavy and dark that nothing in her right mind could hope to fix.
***
Lorna turned to Doreen. “Maybe someday you’ll tell me about why you feel safer on the road, jogging from location to location.”
Doreen shrugged. “No ties.”
Lorna said, “No home. Well, kind of. I guess. Maybe wherever you hang your helmet is your home until you feel like you need to keep moving?”
Doreen dug into the sand with her toes, staring out into the vast Atlantic. “It’s not easy, you know.”
“What isn’t easy?”
“Running.”
Lorna looked at Doreen. She did not want to disturb the moment by asking questions. She turned her head back to the ocean and waited.
“You know, after I saw my father get shot, my world went black.” She dug a little deeper into the sand, so her toes were covered. “His face, as he was sliding down the filthy brick wall in the alleyway there, it was almost as if…he winked at me while he was licking a piece of pepperoni off of the corner of his mouth.” She chuckled with a grimace. “He fucking winked at me while going for the fucking pepperoni.”
Lorna held her breath.
“He was my dad. The tough guy. Plugged with two bullets in the family fashion. And he was trying to get that last…little piece…of fucking…pepperoni.”
Lorna let her breath out slowly, waiting.
“I couldn’t decide if I should laugh or cry or scream or…”
Lorna watched from the corner of her eye as Doreen had covered her feet now up to her ankles in sand.
“So, I ran. I ran home. I could hear my mother screaming my name, I could hear my brother’s footsteps comin’ after me. All I wanted to do was close my eyes against the vision I had just witnessed.”
Lorna fought the impulse to put her hand on Doreen’s shoulder.
“The funeral. The people. The house, all the commotion. I felt so lost, like I was floatin’ in jello or somethin’. That Monday my mom pulled me out of school. Most of the family helped us pack up the house. The next thing I knew we were on a plane to Florida, never to return to New York again. My whole life shifted. Every time I heard a car backfire, I thought it was gunshots. I couldn’t watch violent movies, or even be in the same room with the television goin’ during a crime show. It made me sick to my stomach. I was so nauseas all the time. I could barely eat. I was so…lost, Lorna. I vowed that I would never get close to anyone. And if I did, I would purposely fuck it up so bad that the other person would ditch me because they didn’t know what to do with me. I hurt a lot of innocent hearts, Lorna. I have a pretty scary reputation.” She took a breather.
Lorna waited.
Doreen continued. “So, when we got settled in Florida, I buried myself in the garage business with my cousins, learned everything I could about engines, carbs, trans. I didn’t have any friends of my own…just stayed with my cousins, went to school because I had to. Just kept my eyes focused on the road and as soon as I got my inheritance, I was fuckin’ gone.”
Lorna sighed. “Oh babe...”
Doreen mumbled, “I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you told me to leave again, and this time for good. I’m a fuck-up, Lorn. Never went to college. And here you are a lawyer. You’re smart. Me? I just know about fixing things and using my hands. I feel so broken.” She hung her head. “Aw God.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook quietly. She murmured between tears, “Aw God…”
Lorna finally reached over and put her arm around Doreen’s shoulders, pulling her close. Lorna could feel deep wracks work their way up through Doreen’s chest and out in the form of very sad moans. She remembered a day not too long ago when she bellowed out towards the big ocean and felt her insides crawl up through her throat, the pain burning her lungs as she wept.
Lorna whispered, “You’re not broken, baby. Maybe just a little...torqued.”
Doreen managed a chuckle. “Good way to put it.” She sniffed.
Lorna said, “You don’t have to run anymore honey. Just be who you are, give your heart a rest.”
Doreen turned and fell into Lorna’s body, sobbing openly.
Lorna wrapped both her arms around Doreen’s shoulders and rocked her gently in the sand.
The moon was the only illumination in the room.
They spoke in low tones, soft and gentle. Lorna lay with her head on Doreen’s chest, Doreen’s arms holding her close. Lorna stroked the soft skin around Doreen’s upper thighs. She ran her hands slowly up and around to the upper part of her pubic hairline, tracing a path to her navel and up over her tight abs, using her palms slowly to massage out towards her sides and ribs.
“Thank you for trusting me enough to share your pain.” Lorna said quietly.
Doreen ran her hands through Lorna’s thick hair. “You’re different, Lorna. I knew that from the first moment I laid eyes on you. I felt a connection right away, but of course, had to deny it.”
“Yes, I understand that,” Lorna sighed. “You know, I pretty much did the same thing you did. Every relationship I had after Jeanie was more like a conquest.”
Doreen asked, “How do you mean?”
“Well, of course, I compared everyone to Jeanie. And then when no one measured up, I started thinking that no one would be able to open my heart like she did. What I realized, though it wasn’t her that I couldn’t find. It was me. I refused to open my heart, thinking that no one really deserved it. That no one could spark the magic.”
“So, you just compared everyone, but really, it was you?”
“Pretty much.”
“Sounds like maybe no one had a chance, then, right?”
“Bingo.”
Doreen shifted her weigh so she could see Lorna. “So, you’re kinda like me in that you’re scared, right?”
Lorna nodded. “Yes. On so many different levels. Heartache and pain all the way around when you think about it.” She leaned up on her elbows and said, “Do you ever feel like if you could take your heart out of your chest and let it rest for a while—but still be able to breathe and live—and purge all the bad stuff out before putting it back into your chest, it would feel like a clean slate?”
Doreen chuckled, “Well, now. There’s an interesting idea, Lorn. Kind of like...take it out, rinse it off, maybe use a little hydrogen peroxide?”
Lorna giggled, “Oh, my God! That would feel so good, donchu think?”
Doreen added, “Yeah, then maybe a little WD-40 to get the creaky parts back in working order.”
They started to cackle, saying ridiculous hilarious non-sequiturs, eventually detouring a perfectly soft and gentle evening of lovemaking with an all-out pillow fight.
Out of breath and sweaty, Lorna—on her knees with a pillow clasped in her hands—said, “If you decide to ditch me in the middle of the night, I will come looking for you and not stop until I find you. And if you fuck it up purposely, you will live to regret it. You got that, DiLaRusso?”
Doreen, on her knees as well with a pillow clutched in her hands, replied, “If I do anything that stupid, I would expect you to come find me. Maybe even a public spanking would be in order.”
Lorna tossed the pillow aside and moved her body flush with Doreen’s. “You would be the biggest dumbass if you left me to keep running.”
Doreen’s lips grazed Lorna’s, “You got that right.”
Their lovemaking was heated and emotional.
Lorna felt every lock around her heart burst open.
This was it.
Doreen whispered, “Here we go, Lorna Hughes. You think you’re ready for this?”
“I am…so ready. Are you?”
“It’s outta my hands now, babe.”
Lorna slid herself on top of Doreen and traced Doreen’s face with her mouth. “You always smell like the outdoors, like the wind. And right now, like me.” She kissed her forehead, nose, and traveled slowly around to her temples, cheeks, and ears. Before landing on Doreen’s lips, she looked into her eyes. In the dark, the blue looked lighter in color, almost iridescent.
The connection between them strengthened without words. Lorna felt Doreen’s arms tighten around her. She had never felt so secure as she did in this moment.
Not even with Jeanie.
THIRTY-ONE
Friday, September 16, 1980
The Pagoda Motel
With a clear sky, the temperature moderately warm but not suffocating, the air not as humid as it was in the summer, Lorna stood up to address the attendees.
She looked behind her at the newly renovated garden, the water feature provided a sweet gentle rushing sound. Her heart was full-to-overflow. Her family—Avril and Saul, Anya and Milton, Cheenah, Marco and Nancia, Anita and Luis, Steve and his new girlfriend Jillian, and Doreen—sat in folding chairs waiting for her to speak.
“I don’t even know where to begin. The last six months have been…” she felt herself tear up. They waited for her to compose herself. “Have been life altering. When I made the decision to embark on this journey, I never thought it would pan out the way it did. Maybe I had unrealistic dreams of everything falling into place at once, like a story book or something. I never anticipated the history of the motel. But, that’s life, don’t you think? Cheenah, you were my first real friend here. And from there on, you all became my extended family. You accepted me into your lives right away. I never questioned your trust for one moment. Not even when you knew the whole thing was going to be exposed. You went to Marco to convince him to come back here to close the gaps. It showed such loyalty.”
“Milton,” she looked at him and smiled. “You are so talented. Your eye, but more importantly, your heart. You are a kind, gentle man, and your dedication to Anya and her family is so simple and true.” He responded by nodding his head ever so slightly and smiling.
Lorna shifted her gaze. “Anya. I could not have done this without you. Steve Kent said you were the boss and he was right. In the aftermath of your parent’s untimely death, you continued their legacy of love, of life, and of heart. Granted, you can be a little hot-headed at times, but I have come to depend upon you more than you’ll ever know. Your dedication to the renewal of the motel, and to me, will never waver from this point forward.”
Anya lowered her head and said quietly, “This is all very true, Miss Lorna.”
“And Cheenah. You are my sister in crime! You have given me a sincerity that I’ve not experienced before. You’ve taught me so much. I only hope I can return the strength and friendship you offer with as much love.”
Cheenah said, “You do.”
“Luis and Anita. Your food, your dedication to the community, your acceptance of me. Wow.”
Anita smiled and put her right hand to her chest, the left wiped a tear from her eye. She murmured, “I usually cry at the weddings, but this…well..”
“Marco and Nancia. I hope you will come often to see us, the past is behind you and will never again cause you fear. You are just as much a fixture here as the rest of your family. You are always welcome at The Pagoda. Thank you for coming up today for this dedication.”
“Steve. I feel safe knowing you are on the job. But above and beyond, you are a great friend. Like a brother. You kept me safe during the excavation mess, kept the talk in town down as much as possible. How can I repay you?”
He chuckled, “Have a bad day on the golf course and let me win once in a while!”
Lorna winked at him and smiled, “Hah! Fat chance.”
Lorna turned towards Avril and Saul. She felt herself tear up again.
“Avril. The sister I never had. You are my life connector. You are the linchpin that keeps me on task. You have been there for every up and down. Your sense of humor, the way you lay everything out and put it all back together again to make sense again, it’s uncanny.”
Avril interrupted, “It’s from having children.”
Lorna smiled, “Ah, you had that talent long before the kiddos came along.”
Saul nodded. “One of the reasons I married her. She keeps me in line.”
Avril playfully slapped Saul on the shoulder then kissed him on the cheek.
Lorna continued. “Av, I know you tried to get me to rethink this move to Florida, and for a split second there I almost did. But I didn’t, and you followed me here in spirit. You’ve always been on the other end of the phone day or night and when the shit hit the fan, you were on the next flight down. I am honored to be your friend.”
Avril wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh great! You would have to make me cry.”
She turned. “Doreen.”
Doreen flushed and tried to maintain her cool. “Uhm, ahh.”
Lorna laughed. “For such a tough guy you can be awfully gentle and sweet. Your past, your history. You brought it here to get closure. The timing was as it was supposed to be, don’t you think? That first day you arrived on the Harley. You turned my life on its heel.”
Doreen took in a deep breath and said, “You weren’t the only one, for sure. That’s why I took your pen.”
Anya sat up straight and looked at Doreen then to Lorna. She said, “Aha! So that was the big mysterious of the lost pen! Remember Miss, the day you could not find your favorite pen?”
Lorna chuckled. “I do.”
Anya looked at Doreen and pointed her finger at her. Then she started to laugh. Doreen started to laugh, then everyone—including Lorna—started to giggle out loud.
Lorna waited for everyone to settle back down. “So, without going on and on, I want to unveil the plaque today.” She went up to the rebuilt pagoda in the center of the garden and pulled a piece of fabric off a black framed sign that she would have Milton plant after the dedication.
“To Anya, Luis, Cheenah, and Marco. May the memories of your beloved parents always stay in your heart. May your hearts stay open to the new memories yet to be made. Lorna Hughes, The Pagoda Motel, September 1980.”
Lorna could not hold back the tears this time. “I love you all. Thank you for coming into my life.”
THIRTY-TWO
After the dedication party—which lasted all weekend—and after things got back to routine, Lorna had a professional photographer come to the motel to take pictures of the newly renovated public areas.
She called The Lesbian Connection and took out a half-page ad. She had the pictures situated in between the copy. She wanted the phone to ring.
And ring it did.
Lorna, Anya, and Doreen took shifts to answer the phone. In the space of two weeks, Lorna had a file folder crammed with possible renters.
