Forbidden Harmony (Harmony Falls, Book Three), page 33
Harrison’s look of pity shredded his already frayed nerves. “You think what she wants is an ex-convict?”
All of the air sucked out of Preacher’s lungs and the shop suddenly seemed too small and too hot.
“I know you went to prison, Simon,” Harrison said. “Simon Wells, a proud inmate of the New Cassel Correctional Center for four years.”
He wanted to tell Harrison to get out of his shop. He wanted to punch his fucking face in, but his legs were wobbly and there was still no goddamn air in his lungs.
“You’re probably wondering how I found out, right? Trust me, it wasn’t that difficult. I’m a defense lawyer at a firm specializing in criminal law. We deal with the scum of the earth like you, all the fucking time. One phone call to a private detective and a shockingly cheap amount of money and I know everything there is to know about you, Preacher. What do you think Addison will say when she finds out you’re a convict?”
Preacher’s fucking stomach was somewhere near his feet and he couldn’t get the image of Addison’s sweet face out of his head. Of the look of horror and disgust that would cover it when she discovered his past.
“Even if Addison was willing to overlook your criminal past,” the fucking dipshit wouldn’t stop his yapping, “her parents never would. She’s close to her mom and her dad and if she chooses you over me, they’ll cut her out of her life. They’re important to her, maybe almost as important as I am to her, and do you really want to be the guy who destroys her relationship with them? They love me, Simon. Do you know why? Because I’m a good guy.”
“Get out of my shop.” Preacher’s heart was thudding, and the rush of adrenaline was making him feel sick. His ears were starting to ring, and he could barely hear Harrison, but the fucker still wouldn’t shut up.
“You don’t have a future with her, and you know it. Do the right thing and walk away,” Harrison said. “Don’t destroy her life just because you think you deserve someone like Addison. You don’t. You never will.”
Preacher’s hands clenched into fists. He stared Harrison in the eye and Harrison’s face paled. He groped for the door handle as Preacher said, “Get the fuck out of my shop and don’t come back. I won’t tell you again.”
Harrison’s groping, trembling hand finally found the handle. He yanked open the door and when it was obvious that he was going to say something else, Preacher said, “Say one more word and I will rip your fucking tongue out of your mouth.”
Harrison’s mouth shut with a snap and he quickly left the shop, letting the door slam shut behind him. Preacher locked the door and staggered the few steps to his tattoo station. He sank down on the stool, the adrenaline fading and his heartbeat slowing. He stared at his trembling hands as his stomach churned before reaching for his phone. He sent a quick text off to Addie and then turned off his phone.
Addison, don’t do this. He doesn’t want to see you.
She ignored her inner voice as she slipped her shoes on. Okay, so Preacher had been very obviously avoiding her since the weird text she got from him last night. So, yeah, maybe driving over to his tattoo shop was a mistake, but what else was she supposed to do?
She opened her messages and stared at the text from Preacher.
Something’s come up, I can’t make it tonight.
She hadn’t heard from him since. She’d only managed a few hours last night before she’d texted him. Just a casual, hey, no problem, hope your day was okay, message that she obsessed over for half an hour before sending.
This morning when she still hadn’t heard from him, she’d texted him again, another brilliant and casually worded, good morning, hope your night went okay, are you free for dinner, message that he’d seen but not answered.
Girl, he’s ghosting you. Are you really going to be so pathetic and go to his shop when it’s obvious that he’s over you?
She hesitated with her purse in her hand. Maybe she shouldn’t go. It was barely twenty-four hours since he texted her. Maybe he’d just had a bad day. Maybe he just needed some alone time. Being the clingy, needy girlfriend would not be a good look. Preacher would be annoyed as hell by that.
Girlfriend?
She blew her breath out in a frustrated rush. Okay, maybe not girlfriend, but they had to be something more than just fuck buddies, right? He spent his time off with her, stayed overnight in her bed, they’d eaten out together where anyone in the town could see them. Hell, he was letting her borrow his car. That was more than just a casual thing. It had to be.
Besides, this didn’t feel like a ghosting thing. Something was wrong, something had happened to upset him, and asking him if he was okay wasn’t being clingy or needy. It was being thoughtful and kind.
She opened the door, letting out a soft shriek when she saw Harrison standing in the doorway with his hand raised to knock. She staggered back, glaring at him when he stepped into her apartment.
“What are you doing here, Harrison?”
“I came to talk,” he said.
“I’m on my way out,” she said. “And I have nothing left to say to you.”
“Are you going to see Preacher?”
“That’s none of your business,” she said.
“You need to get over this Preacher thing,” he said. “Look, I made a mistake all right? I know I did. I should never have been involved with Crystal, but it’s over now, and I know that it’s you I want. So, let’s get married, babe. Let’s start our lives together.”
“Are you seriously that arrogant?” she said. “We’re finished, Harrison. I want nothing to do with you. You’re a horrible person. You’re selfish and cruel, and the way you treat other people who you think are below you is awful. I’m glad we’re not together anymore. I hated that I ever put up with your behaviour.”
His laugh was bitter and angry. “Is that why you fucked Preacher, Addison? Because you knew it would piss me off?”
“It’s none of your business why I slept with him, and Preacher is a way better man than you’ll ever be.”
“I told Preacher that you only slept with him because I said to sleep with a random guy. He knows you only did it to get back at me.”
“You asshole.” She wanted to shove him in the chest and stuck her hands behind her back instead. “What is wrong with you?”
“What? Does the truth hurt? Admit it, Addie. You only slept with him because you knew he wanted you and you thought it would be the perfect way to get back at me. Sleeping with someone like him, lowering yourself like that, you knew I’d hate it. You’re right, you know. I do hate it. I hate that you let any part of that loser touch you. But you know what? I’m willing to forgive you because that’s how much I love you.”
The laughter came spilling out of her, loud and harsh and unstoppable. “Are you fucking kidding me? Preacher is twice the man you are. He’s kind and sweet and generous and everything you’re not. I have sex with him because he is amazing in bed and he can make me come. Every single time, Harrison. I finally know what good sex is, because of him.”
His face turned bright red and a vein popped out at his temple. “You stupid little bitch. You’re the fucking cold fish but you’re gonna blame me for our sex problems?”
Feeling both exhilarated and sick to her stomach, she said, “I’m not bad or cold in bed. The problem was never me. I just needed a man who knew what he was doing. A man like Preacher.”
“Are you in love with him?” The shock in Harrison’s voice made her urge to punch him even stronger.
“Get out of my apartment,” she said.
“He’s a convict, Addison.”
Shock infused her system, making her spine rigid, and her legs quiver. But beneath the initial surprise, she wasn’t really surprised at all, was she?
You’re not that shocked because deep down you knew. Didn’t you, Addie? The years he skipped over, the way he avoids certain topics or questions. A man like Preacher, a man who grew up the way he did, would have a past and that past wouldn’t be all sunshine and roses.
“How do you know that?” she said.
“Does it matter? It’s true. His real name is Simon Wells and he was a prisoner at New Cassel Correctional Center for armed robbery. He’s a felon and a dangerous one. Is that the guy you want to be with?”
“Get out,” she said. “Leave, Harrison.”
“Your parents are back tomorrow, aren’t they?” Harrison said. “What do you think they’ll say when they find out their precious baby girl has been sleeping with a convicted criminal? You think they’ll be proud of you? You think they’ll just welcome him into the family with open arms? Think, Addison! This little crush you have on him will destroy your life. Do the right thing and marry me. I love you and -”
“I don’t love you,” she said. “I don’t love you and I never will again. Leave right now or I swear to God, I’ll call the cops.”
“Addison -”
“Leave! Right now!” she shrieked.
He winced and backed out of her apartment. “We’ll talk later when you’re not so upset.”
“No, we won’t,” she said. “I hate you. If you come near me again, if you ever speak to me again, I’ll tell everyone in this fucking town about how you let Crystal leash you like a dog and spank you. Do you hear me? Do you think you’ll still make partner at the firm when everyone in town knows all the dirty details of your sex life?”
“You wouldn’t,” he breathed.
“Yes, I fucking would,” she said. “You don’t want to fuck with me, Harrison. I will destroy you and your career.”
She slammed the door in his face, leaning up against the cool wood and trying not to cry as she listened to Harrison’s footsteps fade down the hallway.
She needed to talk to Preacher.
“Yo, Nix has left and I’m leaving too. You good to lock up?” Nolan said.
Preacher nodded and sprayed his tattoo chair with disinfectant for the second time. It didn’t need it, but the ritual of disinfecting and cleaning was soothing to him.
It also meant giving him a little more time before he walked upstairs to his empty apartment. He cursed under his breath as he wiped the seat of the chair. He used to love his fucking crappy little apartment, just like he loved the fucking food at Nan’s. Now both of them held zero appeal to him.
He wanted to be at Addison’s apartment, wanted to be sitting on her couch next to her while they ate dinner and talked about their day. He wanted to binge watch stupid TV shows with her and then crawl into her bed and fall asleep with every part of him touching every part of her.
He sprayed the seat again and wiped it with hard and savage strokes as the bell jingled over the door, signaling Nolan’s exit. It hadn’t even been forty-eight hours since he’d seen her last and he already felt like he was going crazy. She’d only texted him twice before giving up, and despite knowing that it was for the best, there was a part of him that was hurt she hadn’t tried harder. Hurt that she hadn’t –
“Preacher?”
The bottle of disinfectant slipped from his suddenly nerveless fingers. He left it on the floor as he stood and turned. Addison was standing just a few feet away, looking nervous and uncertain. He had to fight against his immediate urge to scoop her up and carry her upstairs. He wanted nothing more than to strip her naked and bury himself in her soft body, to forget that they could never be together again.
“What are you doing here?” he said.
“I was worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“Well I am.” His stomach churning, he said, “I’m done giving you lessons.”
She didn’t look surprised. Instead, she said, “Harrison was wrong about why I slept with you. When I confronted him about cheating on me with Crystal, he said he wanted a break to experiment with other women who could give him what he needed in bed. He said I was free to sleep with another man, even though he knew I was satisfied with him.”
She made a bitter little laugh that hurt his heart. “I gave him back his engagement ring and told him goodbye. I thought he understood that we were through, but obviously he didn’t. I don’t love him, Preacher. I stopped loving him the moment I found out he was cheating on me. I’m not interested in having any type of relationship with him again. Anyway, I didn’t sleep with you because Harrison gave me some kind of permission to sleep with you. I had no intention of doing anything he told me to do ever again.”
“So, why did you sleep with me?” he said.
“Because I’d been attracted to you for a really long time. Even when I was with Harrison. It made me feel bad and like I was cheating on him, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted you, Simon. When we kissed that night outside the bar, it was… well, it was incredible. I’d never felt so alive and I know that sounds stupid and like a cliché, but it’s true.”
She took a few steps toward him. “When I had the chance to sleep with you, I took it because I wanted you. No other reason. And it’s good between us, isn’t it?”
He looked away. “Yeah.”
“It’s not just the sex either. We’re good together. I have more fun with and enjoy spending time with you more than any other person in my life. And that includes Harper. Don’t ever tell her I said that though.”
She smiled at him and when he didn’t return it, her smile faltered a little. “I think there could be something more between us than just sex. Don’t you?”
He wanted to say yes. More than anything in his life, he wanted to say yes. Instead, he shook his head and said, “No.”
Hurt flickered across her face before she straightened her shoulders and stared directly at him. He had to hand it to his little Sunshine. When she wanted something, she went after it.
“Is it because of your past? Because I don’t care about what happened or… or where you’ve been.”
He’d expected this. Had been expecting it since the minute Harrison told him he knew he was an ex-convict. There was no way the prick wouldn’t tell Addison. Still, his heart dropped into his stomach, and his mouth went dry, and his stomach clenched like he was anticipating a punch to the gut.
“You know I was in prison,” he said.
“Yes.”
“Then you know why we can’t be together.”
“Your past doesn’t define you, Simon. Just like my past doesn’t define me. Do you think I’m proud that I was in love with someone like Harrison? That I looked past his bigotry, and his cruelty, and his arrogance? That I convinced myself he was the person I deserved? I’m not proud of that or the way I justified his actions. But it’s my past and the only thing I can do is move forward and try to be better. The way you have.”
“It’s not the same thing,” he said. “I have a criminal record, Addison. Everything in my life will be just a little bit harder because of that. Traveling, working, everything. You don’t want to be dragged into that with me. I’m not a better man now than I was then. Don’t start thinking I am.”
“You are,” she insisted. “You’ve learned from your mistakes and you’re a good person. You were a good person before too. You just made some mistakes. But look at you now. You have your own business and you -”
“I have my own business because of my best friend. Not because of anything I did. You know why I moved here, Addison? Because it was the only way to get my own shop. There wasn’t a single fucking bank in all of New Cassel that would give an ex-convict a loan, not even if Gideon co-signed with me. The only reason I have my shop is because Gideon co-signed the loan that the Harmony Falls bank manager would only give me because he owed Gideon a goddamn favour.”
“What does that matter?” Addison said. “I can’t even afford a crappy second-hand car. Do you think I’m less because of that?”
“It isn’t the same!” he shouted. “You will never understand why and I’m glad you won’t. You shouldn’t live your life with someone like me. I’m no fucking good, Addison.”
“You are,” she said. “You’re the best man I know, Simon Wells, and I think I’m in love with you.”
He froze, his lungs seizing and his brain going blank. After a few minutes, Addison said, “Say something, Simon. Please.”
“You’re not in love with me.”
“I am,” she said. He voice was full of certainty, of utter surety and belief.
“Your family will hate me,” he said. “This isn’t some goddamn Hallmark movie, remember? What do you think your folks will say when you tell them you’re in love with an ex-convict?”
“Well, maybe that won’t be the first thing I tell them about you, but my parents are good people and they won’t judge you for your past.”
“They will,” he said. “You’re their baby girl and you being with someone like me will destroy your relationship with them.”
“You haven’t even met them.” There was the slightest tinge of anger in her voice. “Don’t judge them the way you think they’ll judge you when you haven’t even met them yet. Give them a chance, okay? Give us a chance. Please. I know you feel something for me more than just lust. Don’t be afraid, okay? Be with me.”
He wanted to agree with her. He wanted to fall to his knees and tell her he loved her, and fucking beg her to never leave him. But what good would that do? Over time, when the relationship with her parents was fractured, when that prick Harrison spread his past to the rest of the town and he and Addison were the fucking town gossip for the next decade, her love for him would dim. She’d find someone who was worthy of her, and Preacher would be left with nothing but her memory.
He took a deep breath. “It won’t work, Sunshine. You and me? We’re finished. Do me a favour and lose my number.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and he could see the shine of tears in her eyes. She swallowed hard and walked toward the door. She paused in the doorway and looked back at him, searing him with her gaze. “I never took you for a coward, Simon.”
The door shut behind her and he watched the only woman he’d ever love walk out of his life forever.
