Beyond the Red Horizon, page 6
Like everyone else in the influenza wards, Lyle was wearing a germ mask. It was imperative to protect all the other staff and patients. There was no specific treatment for influenza, just extended bed rest and fluids. The disease had to run its course.
“Yes, my love,” he said, leaning close to her. “I’m back. You just concentrate on getting better.” She had the fight of her life on her hands.
“I will,” Elena whispered before falling asleep again.
Lyle stayed by her side all night, dozing very little. At one point, Elena awoke again and managed a faint smile when she saw that he was still beside her. But she was so weak and ill. Lyle was terrified that she wasn’t going to make it. In the morning, he slipped into a white coat, had a cup of coffee, and went to work. He instructed the day nurse to call him if there was any change in Elena’s condition. It killed him to leave her, but if he neglected other patients, he would be putting their lives at risk. Whenever he had a spare minute, he returned to check on her. At the end of the day, he resumed his post by her side. He became aware that the staff in Ward 2A were speculating about his intense interest in Elena, but there was nothing he could do about it. Elena’s recovery was all that mattered.
Later that evening, Lyle was dozing in the chair beside Elena when she opened her eyes and called out for him. The fever was making her delirious.
“I’m here, my love,” he said tenderly.
“I thought I was dreaming when I saw you sitting there,” she whispered.
Lyle straightened up. He felt stiff all over. “You’re not dreaming,” he said. “I’m not leaving your side until you’re well again,” he added, clasping her hand and kissing it. “You must get well, Elena. You must.”
“I will, my love,” Elena promised weakly. “We have our whole lives together to look forward to.”
Lyle’s heart nearly broke at her words.
Elena’s parents had been to the hospital during the day. Luigi had talked about Aldo and their plans to go to Australia. Elena hadn’t wanted to listen, so she’d closed her eyes.
Over the next few days, Elena made little progress, but at least her condition didn’t worsen, and it was all thanks to Lyle and the extra care he gave her. Elena had to nag him about going back to his lodgings to sleep. She said he looked terrible and put it all down to exhaustion. When he was stubborn about going, she told him he’d end up with the Spanish flu if he didn’t look after himself.
“I’m the doctor here,” he protested, not wanting to go.
“And I’m the nurse,” Elena argued.
At the time, her doctor was at the end of her bed, writing on her chart. “Will you tell Lyle to go home and rest, Doctor Benson?” she said wearily. “He won’t listen to me, and he hasn’t slept properly for days. I’m sure he’s not eating well, either.”
Gordon Benson looked over the rim of his spectacles at Lyle. “You do look like hell, Macallister,” he said bluntly. “Go home and sleep. Doctor’s orders.”
“I’m not sure I like the two of you taking sides against me,” Lyle complained. He was in denial about being on the brink of collapse from exhaustion, even though at times he felt light-headed, and he knew he’d lost weight because he’d had to tighten his belt several times.
“I’m certain Elena has turned the corner,” Gordon said compassionately. “Go home and sleep, or you’ll end up one of my patients—and I won’t treat you well,” he threatened.
Lyle understood that Elena had passed the crisis point. It was an extremely good sign for someone with the Spanish flu. “All right,” he said reluctantly. “But I’ll be gone for just a little while.”
Lyle slept for ten hours and awoke in alarm. He dashed back to the hospital, visited his patients, and then returned to Elena’s side. A nurse was trying to encourage her to drink soup, but she was refusing.
“I have no appetite,” Elena complained. “I can’t stand the smell of food.”
Lyle was dismayed. He dismissed the nurse and sat down beside Elena. “How are you ever going to be strong enough to get out of this bed if you don’t eat something?” he said sternly, taking her by surprise. He picked up the spoon and scooped up some of the clear soup, offering it to Elena. She refused it.
Lyle was worried. Elena wasn’t in the clear just yet. Her condition could still deteriorate. “The sooner you get strong, the sooner you get out of here,” he said encouragingly. “The war is over, and you’re missing out on all the after-war parties and celebrations.”
“You know I don’t care about parties, Lyle, but I do care that I’m missing out on time alone with you,” Elena said. She swallowed a tiny amount of soup off the spoon.
Lyle couldn’t lie to her while he was looking into her trusting eyes. So, he looked down at the bowl of soup. “That’s right, you are,” he said. He hated himself for misleading Elena, but he couldn’t tell her about Millie and the baby while she was so ill. He knew that if he did, she risked going into relapse. “And I miss you.”
Elena began to improve slightly over the next few days, but her progress was slow. Christmas was rapidly approaching, and she was looking forward to getting out of hospital in time to share it with Lyle. She talked to Lyle about their future together, and it seemed to give her strength and purpose. Lyle went along with this for her sake. He wanted her to get well more than anything. His days were taken up by working on the wards and spending any free time with Elena. She insisted that he take brief breaks to sleep at his lodging in Ashbourne Street.
One afternoon he arrived home to find a letter from Millie. He knew she was expecting him back in Dumfries, and he felt sickened by guilt even before he opened it. When he did read her words, it was clear that Millie was excited about their impending wedding, which, she reminded him, Bonnie was planning. She didn’t mention the baby, but then she didn’t have to. Lyle knew Millie backwards and inside out. She was elated about the prospect of motherhood. It was something she’d always wanted. The letter depressed Lyle because it gave him a deadline. Millie thought he might arrive home very soon, but Elena still wasn’t strong enough to be told that they didn’t have a future together.
The days passed in a blur. When Lyle finished his shift one Sunday afternoon, he consulted Doctor Gordon Benson about Elena’s prognosis. By this time, she’d been ill for several weeks. Gordon thought that she was on the road to recovery, but still very weak. Lyle concurred. He was therefore quite surprised when Gordon remarked that he was going to release her into the care of her family in the next day or so.
“Are you sure that’s wise?” Lyle asked. He was worried about Elena, but Gordon was one of only a few doctors that he completely trusted.
“Elena’s mother has been pressing me to release her, Lyle. She believes, and I agree, that Elena will probably get better care at home now that she’s improving. Her mother will make her favourite foods, foods she’s used to, and it might also lift her spirits if she’s in her usual surroundings. Don’t you agree?”
Gordon wasn’t originally from Dumfries, so he didn’t know about Millie. He and Lyle had done some training together in Edinburgh, though, and he hadn’t failed to notice Lyle’s true feelings for Elena. He’d also noted that his colleague appeared to avoid Elena’s parents, but he understood that the Fabrizias were Italian and had strong beliefs with regard to their only daughter and the men she associated with.
Lyle knew time was running out. He had to tell Elena the truth before she was released from the hospital. “Yes, the love and care of her parents will be of great benefit to her in the coming months,” he said. He certainly hoped this was true.
The next morning, Lyle was standing by the door to Elena’s ward, trying to summon the courage to come clean with her, when Millie suddenly appeared by his side. Before he knew what was happening, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.
“Lyle, I’ve missed you so much,” she said, planting a kiss on his lips.
Lyle pulled back, aware of the attention of Gordon and several nurses. “Millie,” he said in shock. She was the last person he’d been expecting to see. “What are you …?” He glanced into the ward and caught Elena watching them.
Millie released her hold on his neck, but clasped his hands tightly. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home,” she said happily. “You didn’t answer my last letter, so I was concerned.”
Lyle’s mind went blank. He glanced into the ward again and could see the confusion on Elena’s face. She’d overheard or partially overheard what Millie had said, and had certainly witnessed Millie’s affectionate gestures. He drew Millie to the side of the door, out of sight.
“What are you doing here, Millie?” he asked, more sharply than he should have.
Millie’s smile disappeared. “Aren’t you pleased to see me, Lyle?” she asked, hurt.
“Of course I am. I’m just surprised,” Lyle said. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
Millie had her suspicions, but she hid them. “When I didn’t hear from you, I thought something might be wrong.”
“Should you be travelling in your condition?” Lyle asked. His mind wasn’t on Millie-it was on Elena. What must she be thinking?
“Why wouldn’t it be safe to travel, Lyle? I’m not ill. I’m expecting.”
“You’re right,” Lyle snapped. “But these wards are for influenza patients, and you’re not wearing a mask. You shouldn’t be here,” he said. He began escorting her towards the main corridor.
“I didn’t know you worked with influenza patients, Lyle,” Millie said, finding it difficult to keep up with his long strides.
“I don’t. I’m just consulting with a colleague.”
“Oh,” Millie replied. Lyle had talked about Ward 8C, so she’d gone there looking for him. It was Alain McKenzie who had told her where to find Lyle, but she didn’t say so. “Why didn’t you reply to my last letter?” By now they had reached the corridor.
Lyle explained that he’d been exhausted and busy, that time had just slipped away. She didn’t think his excuse was good enough, but she didn’t say so.
“I’ll be home within a week, I promise,” Lyle said.
“Can we at least have lunch together before I go home?” Millie complained, noting how terrible he looked and that he’d lost weight. “We have so much to discuss about the wedding, and I’ve come a long way to see you.”
Lyle desperately wanted to say no, as he had to talk to Elena, but he couldn’t. “Yes, but I must see a few patients first,” he said, stress straining his voice. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be, so can you wait for me at my lodgings?”
Millie agreed and left the hospital.
Lyle went back to the ward. Even from the doorway he could see that Elena was upset. Anger and heartbreak certainly weren’t going to aid her recovery, and for this he felt even more guilty. What a mess he had created. He went to her bed and pulled the curtain around them for privacy. He sat down and took her hand into his, but he kept his head down.
“I have some explaining to do,” he whispered.
“Yes, you do,” Elena said, barely resisting the urge to withdraw her hand from his grasp. “Who was that woman?”
Lyle lifted his head and looked into her dark eyes, which were haunted with confusion and pain. “I should have told you about Millie when we first met, Elena,” he said.
Elena didn’t say anything, but she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Lyle had a history with another woman, and he hadn’t told her about it.
“I’ve known Millie for years,” Lyle added.
“Known her? What does that mean, exactly?”
Lyle gazed into her eyes, wondering how he could soften the blow. There wasn’t any way to do so. He looked down. “We were dating,” he said in a small voice.
Elena looked away. She was disappointed in Lyle.
“Then I moved to Blackpool and met you,” Lyle said, and she turned to face him again. “I fell in love with you, Elena. I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel about you. Millie and I shared a fondness, but my love for you is beyond words. I’ll never know a love like this again. Never.” He saw the shadows of doubt in Elena’s eyes. She didn’t know what to make of the situation, and he couldn’t blame her. He knew that he deserved her scorn.
“Elena, you are the only woman who will ever own my heart.”
“But this Millie doesn’t know that you love me, does she, Lyle?”
“No. I went home to break it off with her, but then her father fell seriously ill, and she needed my support. It didn’t seem like the right time to break her heart.”
Elena glared at him.
“I know I’m a coward, Elena. I should’ve ended things with Millie the moment I laid eyes upon you. I should’ve come clean with you both. But I couldn’t bring myself to cause such pain.”
“You said you went home.” Elena was just realising that he’d lied to her about his trips home. “Why didn’t you tell me the true purpose of your visits, Lyle? Didn’t you trust my feelings for you?”
“I should’ve told you, but I didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes, the disappointment I’m seeing now.”
Elena’s eyes welled up with tears. “That’s not an excuse to betray me,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry, Elena,” Lyle said, leaning on the bed. “You must believe me. I love only you.”
“So, you’re going to tell Millie about us, and you’re going to do it today,” Elena said.
Lyle looked down again. “If only I could, Elena.”
Elena glared at him. “Why can’t you? I won’t share you, Lyle.” Her voice trembled with emotion. She could see something else was on his mind. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Lyle nodded and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “The last time I went home to break it off with Millie, she told me that she’s expecting a baby,” he said. He closed his eyes to shield himself from the pain he knew would be in Elena’s gaze. He loathed himself for hurting her.
Elena gasped. “A … baby?” she uttered. “Your baby?”
Lyle nodded. Elena snatched her hand from his.
“I was devastated to hear this news, Elena. I went back to end things with her and to start a new life with you. I wanted, want, nothing more than to spend my life with you. But she told me about the baby.” He put his head in his hands. “What could I do?” he asked in anguish.
“I don’t know,” Elena said evenly. She was angry with the situation now. “What did you do?” She couldn’t believe this was happening. She couldn’t help wondering if he’d been intimate with Millie while he was seeing her. That would be unforgivable. “Did you get married to Millie?”
“No,” Lyle said quickly. His eyes filled with tears, and his throat constricted with emotion.
“Were you intimate with Millie while you were seeing me?” Elena demanded.
“No, Elena. It happened before I met you. That I swear on my mother’s life.”
“Then what are you going to do? You’ll have to support your child, of course.”
Lyle lifted his head to look at her. He could tell she harboured a hope that they could still make a life together. And now he had to extinguish that hope. “I don’t have a choice, Elena. I love you with all my heart, but how could I abandon Millie or my own child? We come from a village where everyone knows everyone else. My parents would be shamed. I can’t do that. I can’t leave a baby without a father.” He put his head on the bed and sobbed.
Elena looked at the top of his head. She understood what Lyle was going to do, and why. He was going to stop seeing her and go back to Scotland to be with Millie and the baby. She could see that the situation was killing him, but he had decided to do the right thing, the honourable thing. And so he should. But that didn’t stop her wanting to scream and cry in frustration.
“Then this is goodbye, my love,” Elena whispered. “Fate has succeeded in tearing us apart. Your son or daughter must know the love and support of a father. I understand that you have to be in the child’s life.” Her heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces, but pride prevented her from showing how deeply wounded she felt. She had to be strong because she could tell that if she cried, Lyle would completely break down. “Go now,” she said. “Go!”
Lyle stood up, his face wet with tears. He looked at his beloved Elena, but she was looking down at her hands folded in front of her. Her face was devoid of emotion. She couldn’t look at him, and he thought it was because she despised him for what he’d done to her.
Lyle turned and walked away.
Elena couldn’t watch him walk out of the door—out of her life. She couldn’t.
The next day, Lyle returned to Elena’s ward. He’d had the worst night’s sleep in his life, but he had to make sure she was all right. She was gone. Gordon told him she’d released herself the previous afternoon and had gone home with her parents. Lyle knew he was unlikely to ever see her again. He gave his notice at the hospital. A few days later, he was on the train back to Dumfries to begin his life with Millie and the baby they were expecting.
CHAPTER 6
Christmas Day of 1918 was a low-key but special celebration for the market town of Dumfries. It had snowed heavily on Christmas Eve, covering the landscape in a white blanket that looked like fluffy cotton wool in the watery morning light. The temperature had plunged below zero, but in general the mood of the doonhamers, the colloquial term for residents of Dumfries, was heady. The war was over, and there was hope for a brighter future. Soldiers who were able-bodied had returned to their families, as well as all those who had worked for the war effort, including Millie’s brother Andrew and Lyle’s sister Aileen. But no one could forget the men who hadn’t come home and wouldn’t, or why there was an empty seat at many dinner tables.
Lyle had Christmas lunch with his parents, Aileen and Robbie. Mina Macallister had been cooking since 5 a.m., but she considered herself one of the luckiest mothers alive. She had her whole brood around the dinner table as she served roast goose with potatoes, parsnips, and carrots. It was a tradition in their house to sit around the fire afterwards and eat drunken rhubarb crumble with clotted cream. The whisky-flavoured dessert was a favourite Christmas treat. As the firelight glowed on faces full of enjoyment, Mina could finally relax. She could look forward to a positive future that included a wedding and grandchild.
