Finally Forever, page 10
Especially if she was on the search for a father for her kids. Because Shane was right. There was a reason Sandy felt different to me. She was different. Because she wasn’t like the usual women I was used to, who were familiar with flings or casual hookups. Sandy wasn’t that type, which meant only one thing.
She’d played me, and I’d almost fallen for her sweet and innocent act. Almost. But I wasn’t an idiot, and I definitely wasn’t anyone’s daddy.
Shit.
And all that could mean was no matter how much I’d been looking forward to a repeat performance of earlier, there was no way I was going to fall for that, or her, again. The hottest sex of my life or not, I’d be staying away from Sandy Clark. Far away.
It had felt good to open up to my friends and tell them about my…date? No. Hookup? That felt cheap. And although I had no plans on anything serious with Dylan—I was clear about his rules—it still felt more impactful than a simple hookup. There had been nothing simple about what we’d done. My body still tingled and pulsed with the memory of his touch all over me, the way he moved inside me, the hot explosion he’d caused throughout my body. I had never felt that way.
Ever.
I’d left that little detail out, along with a few others, when I’d told the girls about everything.
There were some things that were best kept to myself. At least for now.
Thankfully, the familiar ringtone of my phone jarred me from analyzing things any further. Still wrapped in my towel, I reached for my phone on the nightstand and pushed the button to reveal my youngest daughter’s face.
“Hi, Mommy!”
Willow’s fine blonde curls had been pulled into submission into two ponytails with purple, her current favorite color, ribbons on either side of her head. My mother-in-law was the only other person besides me who Willow would let comb her hair without screaming bloody murder.
“Hey, kiddo. You look cute.”
“Grammie did my hair.” Willow turned back and forth so I could fully admire her hairdo.
“It looks great.” I smiled and relaxed back against the headboard. My girls never failed to make me happy. They truly were my whole world. After Greg died, all of my energy had gone into raising them. In an instant, it had become the three of us. Sure, we had Janice. But it was different without a father figure in their lives.
Did they miss it?
I knew they missed Greg; how could they not? But kids should have a father. Had I done them a disservice by not dating earlier? Not that whatever it was that was happening with Dylan could be called dating. But still…
Would Dylan make a good dad?
I pushed the thought from my mind the moment it entered. We’d slept together once. It wasn’t as if he were signing up for more; he’d made that clear. And even if he hadn’t…pull it together, Sandy.
On the screen, my youngest daughter was showing me her dolls and telling me all about her day. I forced myself to pay attention to what she was saying instead of the annoyingly persistent image that kept popping into my brain of Dylan teaching Willow and Isabella to ride a pony.
I was losing my mind. But at the same time, maybe it wasn’t a terrible idea to think about dating in a real way. Maybe it was time for the girls to have a man in their lives again. The idea was both exciting and terrifying.
My smile slipped and my precocious daughter noticed immediately. “What’s wrong, Mommy? Aren’t you having fun? Grammie said you were having fun with horses and your friends, of course. But mostly horses. I wish I could ride a horse. Do you think I could do it? Do you think the horse would like me? I bet the horse would like me. Do you think there’s a horse with purple ribbons? Do you think horses like purple?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Of course the horse would like you. And maybe one day I can take you for a trail ride, too, if you’d like. But I’m not sure about purple ribbons. We’ll have to look into that.”
I couldn’t help but wonder how Dylan would react to my daughters playing dress-up with his horses. Would he be tolerant and encouraging of their silliness? Or would he be stern and serious? What would he say if I asked him about putting purple ribbons in Pepper’s mane? I’d have to ask him the next time I saw him.
Next time.
The idea of seeing him again sent a thrill through my body. I immediately pushed it out of my mind and focused on my daughter. I had no business thinking about him while I was talking to my girls.
“Where’s your sister?” I shifted the topic of conversation.
“She’s riding her bike.”
I knew that Willow would likely be jealous that her sister, two years older, was allowed to ride bikes around the block, while she still had to stay on the driveway. “Are you two getting along?”
Willow nodded seriously. “Isabella said we have to get along because we’ll only have each other when we move.”
I froze. Move? I hadn’t told the girls yet about the possibility of us moving. I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure about my decision. “What do you mean?” I asked slowly and carefully, trying to keep any strong emotions off my face.
Willow glanced behind her and back to the screen. “Grammie said that she wasn’t supposed to say anything yet, but that we were all going to move to the ocean and live in a big house together, and she showed us the house, and it’s really big, Mommy, and I won’t have to share a room with Bella anymore. But I kind of want to share and are we really moving because I like my class at school and Bella said—”
“You know what, Willow?” I worked hard to keep my voice as calm as possible. “Try not to worry about any of that stuff right now. Is Grammie there?”
Willow nodded.
“How about you go tell Grammie I’d like to talk to her. And when you see Isabella, give her a big, squishy hug from me, okay?”
My youngest nodded seriously at the task she’d been given.
“I love you, Willow branch. See you soon, okay?”
“Love you, Mommy.” Then she was gone, the tablet she’d been talking to me on, abandoned on the counter, affording me a fabulous view of our ceiling while I waited for my mother-in-law to pick up the video call.
I used the time to try to calm myself down. I was almost positive that Janice wouldn’t have told the girls in an effort to sway my decision; she wasn’t that type of person. Still, I hadn’t made a decision yet, and I couldn’t have—
“Sandy, I’m so sorry.” Janice started talking before her face even appeared on the screen. “I didn’t mean to tell the girls anything. They caught me looking at properties and—”
“It’s fine.” I cut her off, already eager for her to stop apologizing.
“It is?”
I sighed and decided to go for the truth. “No,” I said. “It’s actually not okay. I really wished you hadn’t said anything. I haven’t even made a decision yet and this just complicated things. I don’t want the girls getting upset or excited or…” I took a deep breath. “Please just leave it and don’t say anything else, okay?”
“Of course, Sandy. I won’t say a word.” She mimed the action of locking her lips and throwing away the key. “How’s your trip? Are you having fun? You look…well…”
I laughed. No doubt my hair was still frizzy and piled on top of my head after the hot tub. The little bit of makeup I’d had on was more than likely also smeared into a smudgy mess on my face.
“I just got out of the hot tub,” I explained. “And yes, I’m having a great time. I feel very…relaxed.” I finally settled on a neutral word. “It’s been a good trip so far.”
“I’m so glad,” Janice said. “Don’t worry about the girls. They’re doing great, and I promise I won’t say anything else about the move. Honestly, I really didn’t mean for it to slip at all,” she continued. “It’s just I found the perfect house. It’s big enough for the girls to have their own rooms, and there’s a little suite above the garage for me so I can be close, but not too close and—”
“Janice.” I interrupted her. “I can’t talk about it right now, and I need you to remember that I haven’t made any decisions either way yet.”
“I know, I know. I’m just excited, and it would be really good for all of us to start fresh and…you’re right. Not another word.” She grinned. “Go enjoy your trip with your friends and we can figure it all out later.”
“Thank you.”
We said goodbye and disconnected the call. I tossed my phone down and closed my eyes against the headache that I felt coming on as the relaxation I’d had slipped away.
“Are you okay, Sandy?”
My eyes flew open to see Britt in the doorway of our shared bathroom, showered and dressed in fresh jeans and a white blouse. Her blonde hair hung shiny and smooth over her shoulders, with her trademark red lipstick perfectly in place.
“I’m fine.” It was a lie, and we both knew it.
Brittany looked as if she were going to object, but finally, she closed her mouth and nodded. “Okay. If you don’t want to talk, I’m not going to press it. But just like always, I’m here.”
I pushed myself up from the bed, suddenly desperate for a shower, even if it was only to escape all the questions and confusion of feelings. I didn’t say anything until I got to the bathroom door; I turned and looked back at my friend, who was still watching me with concern lining her pretty face.
“Thank you,” I said. “I really do appreciate it. I just have…it’s just a lot right now. Thank you for being there for me.” And before she could say anything else that might tempt me to let go and confide all my worries and concerns, I slipped into the bathroom. I couldn’t afford to lose control right now. Not yet. Because if I did, I might not ever be able to pull it together again.
Chapter Ten
It had been two days since I’d taken Sandy to the river and—quite frankly—had the best sex of my life—and I was doing my best to keep myself as far away from the guest ranch operations and most importantly, the guests, as possible. In particular, one sexy little sandy-blonde, who’d been hiding some very important details about herself from me.
Fighting the urge to ride my horse up to the White Tail cabin to kick down the door so I could toss her up over my shoulder, just to throw her over the saddle and ride off into the sunset with her to have a repeat of our last time together was taking almost all the self-control I possessed, and then some.
Which was why I needed to stay out of sight.
If I so much as caught a glimpse of Sandy, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control myself.
And that’s what pissed me off more than anything. I’d only had sex with her once. Once. I hardly even knew the woman. Besides, even if I did know her, it shouldn’t matter. I didn’t care about her. I didn’t care about any woman. Not like that.
No.
Not like this.
She was in my head. Under my skin.
Like a drug addiction, I needed more. I needed a goddamned fix. And the worst part about it was I didn’t know why.
Never in my life had a woman, particularly one I hardly knew, affected me this way. It was unnerving, to say the least.
Which was exactly why I was happy to take on any busywork project that kept me far away from the ranch buildings until well after the guests had gone to bed.
“Uncle Dylan.” Wyatt caught up to me on his horse as I headed out to the far pasture. “I’ll check the fence line in the north pasture today. Mom says she needs you at the house today for a meeting with the—”
“The hell you will.” I stopped him. “Tell your mother I’m busy. She can handle whatever meeting she’s having on her own.”
Wyatt was unfazed. “You can tell her yourself.” He shook his head. “It’s something to do with a lawyer and the bank and—”
“Fuck.” I’d forgotten all about the meeting to sign off on the acquisition of the neighboring property I’d been trying to lock down for over a decade. I couldn’t miss it.
“Right.” Wyatt nodded his head. “I’ll check the fence and be back to help Tucker with the afternoon group ride. Unless you want to—”
“No.”
My nephew chuckled and wisely ducked his head so I couldn’t see the grin that no doubt lined his face. He wasn’t a fool, but he also didn’t seem to be smart enough to know when to leave his uncle alone.
“Well, if you change your mind, Uncle Dylan. We’d be happy to have the extra hands along for some of the more advanced riders. I bet they’d—”
“I told you no.”
Sandy would be on that ride, and I didn’t need the torture of being so close to her without being able to touch her, let alone the temptation to get her alone so I could touch her exactly the way I wanted to. Because that would be a terrible idea. Not only was I feeling a certain way about this woman that was both unsettling and unfamiliar, but if what Shane had said was true, and Sandy hadn’t been with another man since her husband died, well…I didn’t need any of that pressure or expectation put on me. It didn’t matter that I’d told her it was a temporary arrangement. Women like Sandy put way too much meaning into sex when it came to the first time. And that’s exactly what that had been, for all intents and purposes. Her friggin’ first time.
I jerked hard on the reins and turned Cash away from the pasture, back toward the barn. I’d get in and out as quickly as I could. Take the meeting, sign the paperwork, and make myself scarce before I could be roped into any situation with the guests. Easy. In and out. I’d ride the newly acquired land until well after dark. There’d be no chance of running into Sandy then.
It had been almost two days since Dylan and I had gone for our ride.
It had also been almost two days since I’d seen him.
It’s not that I was expecting him to come knocking on my door with flowers and chocolates and ask to take me out on a proper date. I really wasn’t. But I had been expecting—and hoping—that he would find an opportunity to be alone with me again. Unless…
Unless I’d been terrible. I didn’t really think that had been the case. Not really.
I may not have had much experience with sex, but I knew enough to know when it was good and when it was freaking incredible, and there was no way I’d been imagining just how mind-blowing we’d been together.
But then again, maybe my version of mind-blowing was different than his. Would that really be so hard to imagine? After all, my bar was pretty low.
I hated all the second-guessing. It was making me crazy. And ultimately, did it even matter?
No.
It didn’t matter.
The rules were clear. Nothing serious. No commitments. He owed me nothing.
So why did I keep wishing he’d appear?
Because you want to have sex again!
My inner voice was obnoxious and annoying, but she wasn’t wrong.
I wanted to be with Dylan again in a way that was all-consuming and making it harder and harder to focus on time with my girlfriends, which wasn’t okay. It was supposed to be a ladies’ trip. A time for us to reconnect and focus on one another. Which was even more important if I was going to move away and not see them for who knows how long.
Which was exactly why I’d agreed to go on the big group ride that afternoon. It was to spend time with my friends. Not Dylan. Which worked out, because he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Not that I was looking. I wasn’t.
I was.
Wyatt and Tucker had assigned me Pepper as my trail horse again. I rubbed her nose gently as I helped Tucker with the saddle. He was patient as he instructed me on how to tighten the straps properly. Most of the others already knew how to do it, because they’d had a proper lesson days earlier, unlike my special lesson with Dylan. If Tucker knew about that, though, he didn’t say anything as we got her saddled.
“Will Dylan be joining us on our ride today?” I couldn’t help myself from asking.
The young man shrugged and shook his head. “We’re a pretty big group,” he said. “And I know Wyatt asked him to, but I think Uncle Dylan is pretty busy today.” He must have seen the disappointment that I should have tried harder to hide because he quickly added, “But you never know with Uncle Dylan. He might show up.”
It wasn’t until we had all the horses outside the barn that I saw him.
Actually, it was Darla who noticed him first. “Isn’t that your cowboy?”
I turned in time to see Dylan sneak—and that was the only way to describe it—into the side door of the barn.
What the actual hell?
It was confirmed. I hadn’t been imagining things or overreacting when I thought he was avoiding me. He was avoiding me. “Can you watch my horse?” I asked Darla, but didn’t wait for the answer as I stalked toward the barn.
Behind me, I could hear instructions being given. They were probably important and I should probably be listening. But I didn’t care.
The barn was empty and quiet. Except for one horse in a stall at the far end, and sure enough, there was one cowboy there, too.
I took a deep breath, my lungs filling with the dusty air as I marched toward him to—what?
This wasn’t me. I did my best to avoid confrontation, not dive headlong into it. Especially with a man who clearly didn’t want anything to do with me.
Now that he got what he’d wanted all along. A quick fuck, and then he couldn’t even look me in the eyes. It was one thing to agree to no strings, but I had not agreed to be treated like shit.
It was that resolve that fueled me.
“So,” I said as soon as I was close enough. Dylan’s back stiffened at the sound of my voice. “You are still here.”
