Taming of a Rebel, page 10
“Tierney.” Miranda stopped herself from snapping out her sister’s name, though she wasn’t sure she was completely successful with that. She had to remember this was about Rebel, not their own past. “Did you get the notifications about your apartment?”
“Oh, yeah, but it’s no big deal. I’ll stay with Mom and Dad for a bit until I can find a new place.” She didn’t even sound worried. But she had more than one eviction on her record now, which would make it next to impossible to find an apartment. Not to mention she was jobless and had no income, and Miranda was pretty sure she’d spent the last of her money on that plane ticket.
“I was thinking that maybe when you get back, you can stay here with Rebel until you get things sorted out.” It wasn’t solely so that she knew Rebel would have housing, but it would be consistent housing for her at least, which would be to her benefit. But if she said it like that, Tierney would be pissed.
“Really?” Tierney’s voice squeaked before a silent beat passed. “What’s the catch?”
“There’s no catch.” Miranda took a breath, deep but as quietly as she could.
“You’re going to take her away from me, aren’t you?” Tierney’s tear-filled voice warbled.
“What? No. If I was going to do that, I would have done it already,” Miranda said quickly, though the thought had crossed her mind a few times. “I don’t want her to be without her mom. She needs you, Tierney. I won’t ever keep her from you. I just want to help you.”
“You want to help me? What happened to soulmates being the stupidest thing in the world?”
“I still don’t think soulmates exist.” Miranda wanted to curse herself for letting the words spill automatically, but she pushed on. She wanted Tierney to understand. “But I know how hard it is to look after a child all on your own. And you need to be able to find someone for you, and for Rebel, without having to worry about it, or disrupt her.”
“I’m a bad mom, aren’t I?” Tierney’s words were so raw that it threw Miranda, and she sat back on her couch as though pushed over by the emotions. “Marcus tells me I’m an amazing mother. I’m a good mom.”
“I didn’t say you were a bad mom.” She might have implied it though, maybe not this time around but many other times they had talked. Miranda rubbed her temple. How could she keep this conversation going?
“Because I’m not.”
“No, you’re not.” Except right now, Miranda thought she was. Choosing a man over a child any day put her squarely into that category for Miranda. She just couldn’t say that. Not if she wanted to keep Tierney on the phone.
“Marcus is the one. We’ll come home, and I’ll show you.”
“Okay.” Miranda gave her standard one word answer, because what else could she say? She’d tried it all before and gotten nowhere. “I’m excited to meet him.” Now she was lying? She was almost as bad as her sister. “When do you think you’ll be home to introduce us?”
“Oh. I don’t know.” Tierney had that faraway tone in her voice, like she was going to hang up again.
Miranda cringed. She could have worked the conversation so much better to keep everyone talking and to get better answers. “Please come home soon. We miss you.” That wasn’t a lie at least.
“I miss you, too. I love you.” Tierney’s voice dropped and suddenly the phone went dead.
The silence was loud.
Miranda grabbed Rebel and cradled her. Tierney hadn’t even asked to talk to her daughter this time. She was purposely putting distance between them because they both knew she wouldn’t be home any time soon.
Kissing Rebel’s sweet cheek, Miranda put her down to continue playing. Miranda paced her living room. With her phone in her hand, she hovered it over the call button several times before throwing it back onto the couch. Toys were scattered here and there, a pair of Rebel’s shoes beside her own on the rack, an unopened package of diapers, and three packages of baby wipes sat on her kitchen counter. This was her life now. She was Rebel’s stability. She was a parent again, filling in the gaps for someone who wasn’t there, who wasn’t present.
Tears threatened to fall, but she wouldn’t let them. Not again. She’d done that enough.
“This is stupid.” She picked up her phone and called before she could talk herself out of it.
After the third ring, she answered.
“Hey.” Tori’s voice came through the phone line like a ray of sunshine, and that craving was back.
Miranda shouldn’t have called. They had put that distance between them, and Miranda was comfortable with it. At least she had been until Tori had given the stuffy back, until Tori had touched her wrist, until Miranda had wanted to kiss her. But if Siena was an example of Tori’s taste, Miranda didn’t stand a chance. She was too cold. Too aloof. And she was so bad at opening up.
“Hey.” Miranda’s lips spread in a smile. A real genuine smile, and it was wonderful and strange. She just had to remember why she called. “I got hold of Tierney. Finally.”
“Oh? Is everyone okay?”
“I think so, but that’s only for right now.” Miranda bit her lip. Why had she called again? Oh right. “I asked Tierney to come live with me for a bit, whenever she gets back. It doesn’t sound like it’ll be soon.”
“You did?” Tori sounded surprised.
“I thought it’d be the best way to give Rebel some consistency. She’s clearly craving it.”
“All kids crave structure. Adults too, to be fair.” Miranda could hear the smile in Tori’s voice. Did the woman ever not smile?
“Right. I mean it’s not definite yet, but we spoke. I’m not sure how it will all work yet, but I know I can work it out.” Was she rambling? Miranda couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone into a conversation like this so unprepared. She always kept everything close to her chest, but Tori had a way of snagging it before she had it all figured out.
“Maybe you can both work it out.” Tori’s voice was soft and held no judgment, but Miranda noticed the unsubtle hint in the words.
“Yes, we can both sort it out.”
“I’m so happy for you. Are you putting Rebel to bed soon? I don’t want to take away from that structure.” Tori was nearly giggling.
Miranda looked over at the clock that hung on the wall between the living room and the kitchen. “Yeah, I suppose I will. She’s been sleeping in her own bed, in my room still, but her own bed.”
“That’s amazing! Co-sleeping is not for the fainthearted.”
“No, it’s not. It’s been easier to get her to sleep since she has her favorite stuffy back.” Miranda’s cheeks heated. Oh my god, am I blushing? Was she trying to flirt by talking about kids? Was this what dating with kids was like?
“I’m so happy to hear that! Enjoy some downtime without Rebel hanging all over you. It’s invaluable.”
“So I hear.” Miranda smiled. “Thank you. I didn’t really know who else I could call.”
“I’m glad you called me.”
There was an awkward pause between them. Miranda knew she should hang up, end the call, let Tori go about her night with Harley, and that she should get Rebel to bed, but she just couldn’t make herself do it.
“Miranda?” Tori sounded hesitant.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want some company?”
Her heart skipped. Her throat clogged up. Miranda stared at Rebel, yawning as she played on the couch. For the first time in weeks she felt light, as if she wasn’t carrying the weight of the world alone. Why was it so hard to breathe?
“Yes.”
thirteen
“I brought tequila!”
Miranda’s eyes widened like she had done something wrong.
“Or…not…” Tori frowned. “I did also get some more vodka. We finished off the bottle I had the other week. Thought I’d refill it.”
“Vodka is probably the better option.” Miranda’s words were crisp.
“You don’t like tequila?” Tori followed Miranda through the house toward the kitchen. It was huge compared to her apartment. Definitely three or four bedrooms at least, but her living room was the size of Tori’s living room, kitchen, and bedroom combined.
“It’s more that it and I don’t agree well.”
“Oh.” Tori smiled. “I’ve had my fair share of horror stories with it. I guess we’ll check that one off the list.” She giggled as she set the two bottles onto the counter. “I was going out with this woman last year, and I misread all the signs.”
“Somehow I find that hard to believe.”
Tori eyed Miranda curiously. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re so good at reading people.”
“Well, it’s my job, but that doesn’t mean I’m perfect at it. And when it involves relationships? Romantic ones to be clear. I can be as dense as the best of them.”
“I still doubt that.” Miranda grabbed some orange juice from the fridge. “Screwdriver?”
“Yes!” Tori grinned. “Siena has Harley tonight. I hate being at home without her some days. Sometimes it’s nice.” Why was she rambling so much? Tori wasn’t usually a nervous person, but since she’d pulled up outside of Miranda’s house, finally seeing inside her world in a way Miranda hadn’t ever let her in before, she wasn’t going to take this in stride. “I mean. I love Harley.”
“I get it.” Miranda handed her a drink.
“How did Rebel go down tonight?”
“Easy as pie.” Miranda sipped her own drink and raised it up in a cheers move. “Since she has her favorite stuffy back.”
“I’m so glad I found it.”
They paused, the tension pulling between them. Tori struggled to find something to say, anything to break that look Miranda was giving her because there was something under the surface she wasn’t sure she wanted to experience. But another side of her wanted the full force of it.
“You didn’t finish your story.” Miranda’s lips were perfect. Did she redo her makeup on and off all day to keep that look?
“What story?” Tori was so lost staring into her honeyed eyes that she would tell Miranda anything if she asked. She had no filters when Miranda gave her that look.
“With tequila? A year ago?”
“Right.” Tori blew out a breath. She took a long sip of her drink, surprised by how strong it was. But she gulped down another swallow. “I thought she was going to propose. She definitely wasn’t. She broke up with me. I died of embarrassment. Ended up at Siena’s, and well…things happened that shouldn’t have.”
Miranda paled.
Fuck. Tori shouldn’t have brought that story up. Not if she wanted anything to happen. “It’s the only time since the divorce, and there was lots of alcohol involved, and loneliness, and stupidity.”
“I understand.” Though it didn’t sound as though Miranda did.
Tori touched her wrist again. Why couldn’t she stop doing that? “It was a mistake. We both knew that as soon as it happened, and it hasn’t ever happened again.”
“Where was Harley during all of that?”
“With her grandparents for the weekend. We have a strict rule about bringing dates over when Harley is around if we’re not ready for the next step.” Tori let go of Miranda, though she didn’t want to. She missed the touch.
“And did she meet your ex?”
“No, which should have been a pretty good sign of what I was getting into, right?”
“Perhaps.” Miranda took a long drink. “Do you still want to find your soulmate by the time you’re thirty?”
“Yes,” Tori answered honestly.
“Then why aren’t you dating?”
Chuckling, Tori followed Miranda to the couch. “Oh, because I haven’t found the right woman yet.”
“Dating doesn’t require finding someone who is right first.”
“True.” Tori was halfway through her drink already. Miranda was brilliant, and navigating the undercurrents of the conversation was hard. “I’ve been on a few dates in the last couple months. Siena just had a breakup. That’s what was happening the other night when she picked up Harley late, when we switched weekends.”
“She was dating someone?”
“Yeah.” Tori looked Miranda over. “Does that surprise you?”
“No. She’s gorgeous. I imagine men and women fall over themselves to get to her.”
Tori’s stomach tightened. Was she even Miranda’s type? Was she reading way too much into this? Miranda might not date younger women, and Tori could be walking into the wrong house. “I met Siena through Aili, actually.”
“Aili?” Miranda furrowed her brow.
“Oh, Aili and I dated for a while way back when. Before I met Siena. But she’s the one who introduced us. Thought we’d be a good match. I don’t think she was wrong, but she wasn’t exactly right either.”
“Do all your exes just become your friends?” Miranda looked utterly appalled.
Tori chortled. “Yeah, I guess they do. I don’t make a very good enemy.”
“I don’t imagine you do. Probably smite your enemies with smiles until they turn back toward you.”
Tori’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t quite find her voice, wanting to say something to that. “Was that a compliment?”
“Take it however you want. It’s odd.”
“It’s not that odd when you have such a sunny disposition.”
“So you say.” Miranda finished her drink. “Want another one?”
“Not if I’m driving home tonight.” Tori set the cup on the glass coffee table. She was already feeling lightheaded and would have to hang out at Miranda’s for another hour at a minimum, probably two, in order for that to wear off enough for her to feel safe driving home.
Miranda stood up and snagged Tori’s glass as she walked back toward the kitchen. Tori stayed put, crossing her legs and resting into the couch. What was she doing there? She never could quite resist the call for help, but something had come between them the night that Siena had shown up. Was it just jealousy? Was Miranda insecure?
When she came back, she set Tori’s glass, refilled, onto the coffee table. Tori eyed it, then she eyed Miranda. What was she saying? Excitement coursed through Tori, filling all the spaces in her stomach, her chest, and her heart. Grinning, Tori grabbed her cup and took a sip to prove to herself and Miranda that she would stay as long as she was welcome.
“Siena thinks I should go out with the woman she just broke up with.”
“Why’s that?” Did Miranda sound breathy?
“She says we’d be a better match.”
“What would make a good match for you?” Miranda toed off her shoes and curled her feet under her. “What do you look for in someone?”
“Oh.” Tori hadn’t really ever put much thought into that. “I always just figured I’d know when I found someone.”
Miranda let out a slight snort. “What attracts you to a woman?”
“I won’t lie and say I’m attracted to every single woman out there, but being single is a strong contender.”
Miranda laughed, the trill of her voice echoing through the living room. “Good to know you don’t cheat.”
“Always a good trait, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” Miranda moved in closer, their shoulders brushing before she stretched out her arm along the back of the couch, nearly cradling Tori in the move. She stayed there, closer than ever before. “But what else?”
“Tall, dark, and handsome?”
Miranda wrinkled her nose, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol. “What does that mean for you?”
“I love a woman who knows her worth and value. Someone who knows where she stands in the world and has already gone through the tides of figuring out who she is.”
“So you like older women.” Miranda didn’t make it a question, her voice falling flat.
Tori swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat. “Y-yes.” She’d never quite thought about it like that, but she did like women who acted mature, and if that came with age, it never came up as a second thought to her. “I don’t like to screw around with the chaos of not knowing.”
“I can understand that.”
“What do you look for? In a soulmate, that is.”
Miranda wryly laughed, moving even closer to Tori. “I don’t believe in soulmates, and I’m not looking for love.”
“I know that, but if you were, what would you look for?” Tori wanted to know, desperately, what Miranda would say. Who was she under that icy veneer?
“My ex-fiancé was tall, dark, and handsome.” Miranda sighed into her drink. “We were very young when we got engaged. I had only just started working at the funeral home at the time. Hadn’t been to school yet.”
“But like you wouldn’t let me get away with it, what else is there for you? You can’t be attracted solely by looks?”
“Rarely from looks.” Miranda locked her eyes on Tori. “Kind hearts. Bleeding hearts. I learned quickly that I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have compassion for another person.”
“That’s deep.” Tori bit her tongue. She shouldn’t have said that, but the vodka was pushing its way into her brain and making it hard to hold her tongue. “I mean…I don’t mean anything bad by that. I just mean that it’s hard to find someone without compassion.”
“It’s really not.” Miranda leaned forward and set her empty glass on the table, but when she came back she was in the same position as before. “In my line of work, we have to balance compassion with professionalism.”
“Mine too.” Tori winked, putting her half-full glass down. When she leaned back against Miranda’s side, little sparks of electricity moved through her. What were they doing? Because this dance was drastically different from what she’d expected when she’d come over here tonight. “What else?”
“I love a woman who is confident in herself. And I won’t be too deep and not say that I also enjoy a woman’s body.” Miranda’s voice dropped at the end. “Her curves, her softness, her understated strength.”
Tori’s heart rate kicked up a notch. Miranda wasn’t looking into her eyes anymore but dropping her gaze all down her body. She wanted to twitch and move, but she held as still as possible, afraid to break the spell.
