Bedknobs and Beanstalks, page 3
"I went up the peenstalk...and I met the most wonderful man. And he's huge. Huge where it counts. But huge in his heart too and he...he loves me and I love him and now I don't know how to get back to him.” Jack's eyes filled with tears as he pondered life without Lincoln. He hadn't known him very long, but the giant had already become such a part of Jack's heart and soul, he wasn't sure he could go on without him, even with a sack of gold. “I only came back to say goodbye, and to give you this."
Jack unwound the bag of gold from his wrist and passed it to his mother. She had heard the coins inside jingle, and gasped. “Not that it matters, but should I ask what you did to earn this?"
"I was someone's true love.” Jack pointed at the remnants of the flaccid disembodied peen on the grass. “That's how I got to him—to his penis castle in the sky. And now I can't get back to him. The peenstalk stairway is broken. Those people cut it down. The stupid, ridiculous Home Owners Association board. Now I'm never going to be happy again!” By the end of his tirade, he was fully in tears. He wiped them away angrily with the back of his hands, hating that he was sobbing in public like this, but the loss of the peenstalk was devastating already and he hadn't even had time to miss Lincoln yet.
His mother's fingers closed around the neck of the bag and slipped it out of his grasp. “I see. Well...I don't think there's much I can do for you. Maybe you just need a little space."
He didn't know what to say to her. He could barely hear her over the sound of his heart breaking as he thought of Lincoln and his lonely eyes, how hopeful he'd looked when Jack promised to come back. What would he think now? Would he believe Jack had only wanted his cock and his money, and never loved him?
Jack heard his mother stand up and the back door slammed when she went inside. He flopped over onto his side, curling up into a ball as he thought of all he'd lost and how briefly he'd had it. He thought he'd done the right thing by coming home and bailing his mother out of her financial straits, but now he was cut off and nothing—no amount of money or club nights or glitter—would ever make it better again.
That night Jack slept in the back yard, unwilling to move from his spot. He thought maybe if he stayed right here, the penis would grow again. But it didn't. The next morning, his mother ducked her head outside to let him know she'd had the gold appraised and they'd never have to want for money again.
She came out, forced Jack to have some water and a sandwich, and told him she intended to move to Mexico to enjoy a future as a cougar. She would leave him with enough money to take care of himself if he wanted to continue to live in this disaster area, but she was moving on to something bigger, better, and with hotter boys.
Normally, that would've sounded like Jack's dream life. But not anymore. Not after Lincoln. He could still remember the feel of the giant every time he moved. He was still sore from being fucked. It was all so real and so near. After only a few days apart. Jack didn't know how he could go another minute.
* * * *
He still had not moved from his vigil next to the cock ring. He quietly sobbed into the fertile dirt where his beloved peenstalk had once grown. He cried and cried and cried and when he thought that he was done with it, he had more crying to do. When the sun went down he was crying, and when it came up again he was still crying. When the sun went down once more, Jack finally passed out from lack of food, dehydration, and exhaustion. It was hard to eat when you were busy crying.
What Jack didn't see, because he had blacked out, was his tears had watered the ground, and settled into a little pool inside of the cock ring. By the next day, the peenstalk had grown again, stretching high up into the clouds having regained all its former phallic glory. The cock protected Jack from the sun, but did little else. It was sad that Jack couldn't wake up to see it there, glorious in its fleshy veininess, but he was down and out for the count. Even if he had been awake, he may not have seen the peen for all the tears.
Just when one might think all hope was lost and that Jack would die there at the base of the biggest cock ever known to mankind, the peen started to tremble and shake as if bearing an incredible weight. It retracted into the ground, but surely, inch after inch, foot after foot, burrowing into the earth until only the tip was visible, and upon it, Lincoln rode it like an elevator down to earth.
He looked as if he hadn't been doing much better than Jack on the crying front as his face was puffy. Fortunately, he had moved through the stages of grief more quickly, and had just enough anger to make his way down to Earth to give Jack a piece of his mind.
But Jack looked so pathetic wrapped around that cock ring, and Lincoln's expression went from hard to adoring. Lincoln jumped off the penis as soon as he dared and tenderly picked Jack up.
"You weren't trying to escape with my money, were you? You just couldn't find a way back to me.” Lincoln clutched Jack to his chest until the cock head sat like a little mushroom just out of the ground. Once it had settled, Lincoln stood on it again and let the peenevator carry him into the clouds
Back in his castle, Lincoln set Jack in his bed and fed him honeyed water, dribbling it between his lips until Jack opened his eyes.
"Did I die? Is this heaven?"
Lincoln smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. “No, this is the end of the fairy tale."
"The part where we live happily ever after?” He looked up at Lincoln with hope in his eyes.
"Yes, that's the part, my prince."
And in the castle in the sky, they did.
The Home Owners Association, however, didn't dare to cut the new penis down, lest it take out the rest of the neighborhood. Instead, they planted thorned flowers all around it, to discourage innocent little children from climbing it, and hoped no one asked why there was a giant penis growing out of the ground.
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The Rebelliously Single Prince
by Lenore Black
Long ago, in a land not entirely unlike our own, there were four kingdoms, each with a different claim to fame. In Azurelee, people pointed with pride to the beauty of their hanging gardens. The mines of Stednemham kept noble households well supplied with silver and precious stones. Darjhan was famous for its horses, spirited beasts unparalleled for speed and strength.
Perhaps the grandest kingdom of all was Celestrina, envied far and wide for its architectural wonders, scientific inventions, and the richness of its coffers. Celestrina's prosperity came in no small part from the obsessions of its current king. Ludovico was as ambitious as he was unscrupulous, a born schemer with one goal in life: to be the wealthiest, most powerful man in all the world. He devised crafty plots to ruin anyone he considered a rival, sneakily filched valuable resources from neighboring kingdoms, and amassed so much treasure even his spare change could have paved the streets of Celestrina with gold.
Now in his mature years, the king had at last reached the point in life when he could look around, survey his dominion, and feel well satisfied with everything...well, almost everything.
King Ludovico had but one heir, the Crown Prince Kieran. The prince was a sensual youth, tall and lithe of body, with chestnut curls, sculpted features, and dark blue eyes. He was so fetching he could have charmed a maidservant out of her bloomers with one of his sultry smiles if he'd been so inclined—and this was precisely the cause of the king's great consternation. Prince Kieran had no interest in the maidservants’ unmentionables, but instead was likely to be found down at the barn coaxing the stable boys out of their breeches. The prince's valet often discovered stray bits of straw in his master's clothes and sawdust clinging to the soles of the royal boots.
"It will not do!” King Ludovico berated his son one morning at breakfast, smashing his hand down onto the table with such force that a decanter of wild pomegranate juice nearly upended.
"I'm sorry you feel that way,” Prince Kieran said, with an expression that was anything but apologetic.
"You will be the ruler of this land one day. You must find a suitable woman, marry, and produce the next generation to carry on our noble name."
Prince Kieran yawned.
Never one to be thwarted by his son's contrariness—or anything else for that matter—King Ludovico petitioned neighboring kingdoms and found for his son three of the most lovely and sought-after ladies in all the lands. Princess Esmeralda, heiress to the throne of Azurelee, painted still lifes, sang arias, and cultivated rare orchids—as accomplished a young lady as ever could be. Lady Helene, daughter of the Right Honorable Lord Bryce, was not only fair of face, but also quick of wit, a most estimable trait in the mother of a future king. Dame Desideria, known to enchant men with a single glance, had graced the court in Darjhan since her debut at fifteen.
"Any one of these ladies will make you a fine queen. You will spend time with them, get to know them, and choose one for your bride."
Prince Kieran lifted his chin. “We'll see about that."
The king glowered at his son, not at all pleased with his attitude, but one of the great joys of being king was that he gave the orders. Therefore, the royal decree went forth that on three successive nights there would be a ball in each lady's honor and the prince would act as escort on each occasion.
Not even the Crown Prince dared to defy one of the king's decrees, and so Prince Kieran squired each of the ladies to her ball, treating them with perfect politeness, if no actual interest. He danced with them and made small talk, fetched punch, and even went so far as to engage in some mild flirtation. Raising his father's hopes only to dash them was great sport for the young prince. At the end of each evening, he bade each lady goodnight with a formal bow and not even the least bit of regret. In the morning, there was straw in his clothes and sawdust on his shoes, just as there always was.
When news reached the king that the prince had not ceased his nocturnal carousing with the local peasant boys, he fell into such a wild rage that he banished for life anyone unfortunate enough to fall upon his gaze at that moment and smashed the entire royal collection of crystal unicorn figurines.
"Summon my son!” King Ludovico thundered. “I command that he appear before me!"
The royal page scurried off to carry out the order, and the prince sauntered into the throne room some moments later, looking decidedly unconcerned about his father's temper tantrum.
King Ludovico pointed his finger indignantly. “You will cease your disgraceful cavorting at once. I have tolerated your predilections for as long as I have because boys will dabble in such juvenile pleasures, but the time has come to put away childish things and take on adult responsibilities."
"Father, I have told you a million times before that I have no yearning for women. It would be wrong of me to wed someone I have no feeling for. And besides, none of your three ladies is anyone you'd want for a daughter-in-law, trust me. In your eagerness for a wedding, you've failed to observe the truth about them."
The king's face darkened. “Do you dare to slander three such flowers of womanhood?"
Prince Kieran gave his father a knowing little smile. “Oh, it isn't slander, my lord father. You'll find that out soon enough."
His son's defiance only served to make the king more determined than ever that Kieran should marry one of the beauties selected for him, but the ladies themselves soon proved the undoing of this plan. The first to fall from favor was Dame Desideria, who went afoul of the Wise Woman, an elderly crone who had the Gift of sight. She was well trusted throughout Celestrina and always called upon to give her opinion on the advisability of a potential royal match.
"She is a witch,” the Wise Woman pronounced with one glance at Desideria. “A dark witch, in fact."
A gasp went up throughout the great hall.
"How dare you, you old bitch!” Dame Desideria shouted, in a rather unladylike fashion.
"Surely you don't believe this?” the king asked the Wise Woman.
She shrugged. “Check her room if you need proof."
The king dispatched his guards, and they returned with enough tools of sorcery to have kept an entire coven of witches busy.
"He would have chosen me!” Desideria screamed as they dragged her away. “I would have made sure of that!"
Prince Kieran did not even try to hide his smile, and King Ludovico glowered with barely suppressed wrath.
The next to disgrace herself was Princess Esmeralda. From the very start, she had spent more of her time cozying up to the king than to Prince Kieran. Ludovico had been a widower these past fifteen years and was still, if he did say so himself, quite the royal catch. He had even considered making Princess Esmeralda his own bride, setting to work producing a new heir and ridding himself of his unruly son the old-fashioned way: by disinheriting him.
Unhappily, though, Princess Esmeralda proved herself unworthy of such an honor when the king came upon her in his chamber, rifling through his desk, reading his private papers.
"What are you doing?” he demanded.
She turned red and then pale, but forced a smile. “Waiting for you, of course,” she said in her most seductive voice.
"Guards!” the king called out.
The guards came running, and King Ludovico demanded that they search the princess. Hidden in her robes were the king's secret plans for expanding his empire. Ludovico had an uneasy truce at best with Esmeralda's father King Horace, and apparently she'd been sent to Celestrina as a spy.
"Take her away!” King Ludovico ordered.
"You're not half the man my father is, you dirty old pervert!” she proclaimed defiantly as the guards hauled her off.
This time, Prince Kieran laughed openly, and his father raged the rest of the day and long into the night.
Lady Helene still remained, however, and the king quickly placed all his hopes on her. But she, too, proved to have an obstacle to matrimony, one not at all different from Prince Kieran's. Lady Helene was, for the most part, discreet in her liaisons. The king would no doubt have remained ignorant of her secret had he not received a mysterious letter warning that brigands prepared to sneak into the castle, intending to abduct her ladyship, that very night. The king marshaled his guards, and they all went charging off to her chamber, prepared to defend the damsel from outlaws. When they threw open the door, they were startled to find one of the serving girls naked and in bed with her mistress, busily at work between Lady Helene's widely flung legs.
The members of the guard gawked in lewd fascination.
The king sighed wearily. “Get her out of here."
"There should be no such thing as a love that dares not speak its name!” Lady Helene declared hotly.
"My sentiments exactly,” Prince Kieran said, with a sympathetic glance in her direction. He'd appeared not long after the commotion had begun.
"Do not delay in making yourself respectable,” King Ludovico remarked dryly. Lady Helene was still half-naked, much to the snickering delight of the palace guards.
"What is more respectable than love, pray tell me, my lord father?” The prince raised an eyebrow.
"You know the law doesn't recognize such unions,” the king snapped.
"Because you wrote it that way, and you could just as easily change it."
Lady Helene, now properly dressed, was escorted away by the guards. The king scowled, not the least bit pleased by the disastrous turn his plans had taken or his son's obvious triumph in their failure. It was time to teach the wayward prince that the king's will was not to be taken lightly.
"The law does not need adjustment. Your behavior does,” he declared. “From now on, you will be locked into your chamber at night. There will be no more secret trysts with your illicit lovers. You will remain so imprisoned until you've learned your lesson and agree to take a wife."
Prince Kieran bowed before the king. “As you wish. But know this, my lord father: I will never marry anyone whom I do not love."
King Ludovico smiled smugly. “We will see, my son, if you still feel the same way after many long nights spent alone."
And so, each evening when the prince retired, the king himself came to lock him away. He kept the key on a chain around his neck and never entrusted it to anyone else's care. He even slept with it under his pillow. A single door led to Prince Kieran's chamber, and the only other way out or in was a large window that overlooked the craggy mountains to the west. The room was so high up in the tower that anyone trying to gain access that way would most certainly have ended up dashed to bits on the hard, rocky ground below.
It was a foolproof plan and King Ludovico heartily congratulated himself. And yet...
Every morning, when the prince's chamber was unlocked, the bed was found in complete disarray, the sheets stained with the evidence of pleasure, the prince's pajamas torn, and marks of passion on his neck.
"You seem tired,” the king would say to him over breakfast, hoping to draw him out and learn something that might help solve the mystery.
The prince would reply with such a deliberate lack of expression, it was really quite maddening. “I'm afraid I didn't get much sleep last night."
This drove the king to distraction. He posted guards outside the prince's door to make sure he wasn't somehow able to sneak out or someone else sneak in, but they sat and they watched and nothing stirred all night. And yet, the next day the prince looked as well pleasured as ever.
"This must be trickery of some sort,” the king said to his loyal minion, Dalmazio. “I have ordered an observation nook to be created next to the prince's room without his knowledge. You will hide yourself away there tonight, keep watch, and report back to me whatever transpires in my son's room."
The king made it a habit to turn to Dalmazio for assistance when stealth was of the essence; the man was bested in deviousness only by the king himself.
Dalmazio bowed deeply. “As you wish, my lord.” He was always honored to serve, and the fact that Prince Kieran was easy on the eyes made him that much more willing.
Before the prince retired for the night, Dalmazio tucked himself away in the little nook. Prince Kieran arrived in his chamber, attended by his servants. Dalmazio strained to see as they helped their master disrobe, but they crowded around him so he was robbed of even a glimpse of the young prince's creamy skin. Even worse, there would be no satisfying his curiosity whether the royal endowment was as impressive as rumor had it. Clad in pajamas, the prince slipped into bed and dismissed his servants for the evening. The king came as usual to lock the prince in. Dalmazio sighed softly and prepared for a long night of watching his lordship sleep.
