Sins That Find Us, page 13
I break the kiss with a loud pop, then curl my fingers through hers and step away. She looks a little stunned and a lot wary, and I almost laugh because I know what she’s thinking. She’s heard the stories—she knows what I’m capable of.
And yet, she still follows me when I pull her toward the stairs and up to the landing on the other side of the house. Phoenix is behind one of these doors—likely his office, which is why I stop by his private library instead.
In the dim light of the hall, I release Alice and mouth along with my signs. ‘You like to read?’
“Read?” she asks, repeating the sign.
I smile and nod, and I can see once again she’s a little thrown.
“Yes,” she tells me, almost hesitant.
I’m not sure if she knows how long we’ve been watching her, but if she does, she must know we’ve observed that. All the classics she loves and the sweet romances…and the hidden collection she keeps away from the prying eyes of her cousins and her father’s guards and the few friends she was allowed to have.
My grin widens, and then I turn the handle to Phoenix’s library and wait. When there’s no shout of protest, I push the door further and flick on the light, gesturing for her to go.
“James said not to.”
‘James is an idiot,’ I sign rapidly, not bothering to make sure she understands. I take a breath, then shrug. ‘It’s fine,’ I mouth, and I can see she understands that. ‘Plenty of books.’
She doesn’t go in, but I can see the temptation in her eyes now. It’s a rule she’s not supposed to break, but this little princess is a rebel. It’s just a matter of time before she walks into that lion’s den.
And I’ll be waiting.
And watching.
And the beast will devour her.
Chapter 13
PHOENIX
And just like that, nothing and everything changed.
All at once.
Alice was set free in the house, warned that trying to leave would cost her, and then she gave herself over to James. I know why—it doesn’t take a genius to understand Kane’s plans for it all.
Had Ariel been given leave to do what he wanted with her that night in the bath, Alice might have lost all hope for herself. Kane wants her compliant and willing. He wants her to be primed to fall in love with each and every one of us because she’s battered like us—broken like us. She put herself together just like we all did, with jagged corners and lethal edges.
She just learned how to hide it better than we did.
I don’t love the invasion of my home by this Romano, but for now, I can almost entirely avoid her. Except when she sings in the shower, entirely off-key and barely audible under the water. Or when she hums to herself when she dresses, then stalks by my library at least once a day because someone—likely Ari—tempted her with the books inside.
It’s been just over a week since she was released from the basement, and no one’s told her a thing, so I know she’s terrified. I can hear it in the subtle tremble in her voice in the morning after long, lonely nights. She knows we have plans for her. She just can’t figure out what they are.
It would drive me mad too.
James sympathizes with her, I think, because he, too, suffered the basement shortly after being brought to the manor. I will always love him for the freedom he tried to give me, but I loved Kane too much to stand up for him, and I let him suffer.
It might be why he’s so attached to her—our precious little Alice with the Sword of Damocles hanging over her head. He knows that if Kane decides to cut the rope, there’s nothing he can do to stop it.
We all know this.
But Alice is growing on me here in this space, as much as it pisses me off.
And it’s only a matter of time before she crosses one of my lines.
Kane’s been avoiding me for the better part of three days now, and I know it’s because I’ll demand answers from him the moment he finally shows his face in my quarters. I’ve never been the kind of man who deals well without knowing the exact plan, but I also know he refuses to make a decision until we have her DNA results back.
I’m not even sure it’ll matter anymore if we find out whether or not she’s Romano’s biological daughter, but for Kane, it’s the principle of the matter. I expected results sooner, but tracking down Romano’s DNA was harder than I anticipated. I had to call in a favor from one of Kane’s associates working with the DA’s office.
Jacob Carter’s family is like American government royalty. They have their fingers in damn near every pie, and his brother works in forensics. Fortunately for us, Jacob Carter is a dirty little fucker who will do anything for the right price, so a simple wire transfer was enough to promise efficient and accurate results.
Just…not quick ones.
Eight days in and I know Kane’s ready to bust down Jacob’s door and let Ari play with him until he finds a way to speed the process along. It’s almost tempting to suggest it because the waiting is also starting to drive me a little mad.
It’s close to midnight when I finally crack and leave my room while knowing Alice is awake and restless. I verify that everyone is where they were supposed to be—either sleeping, lounging, or fucking in their beds—and I make my way over to my library. My hand touches the switch to verify that the lights are off, and then I move toward the back shelf, where I keep my prized possessions.
Before losing my sight, I was slowly collecting Latin and Greek texts. I’d studied both languages as often as I had the time to do it, and I was painstakingly learning to read it all. And then it had been ripped away from me.
Kane had seen the pain of my loss, though there was little he could do for me. He ordered each book to be transcribed in braille so I could continue my education, but learning the dot method in English was like learning to read all over again. It drove me more insane than I already was, and eventually, I just asked him for my old books back.
They’re lost to me now, but sometimes I just like to sit with them and feel the old, delicate pages between my fingers. The grief has lessened over the years as I’ve come to accept the reality of what I have—and what I’ll never have again—but sometimes I just need to let myself feel the pain.
Because my world isn’t dark. It’s absent.
There is no blackness. There is only lack of sight. James asked me once what it was like, so I turned him gently, then said, “It’s like this. If you were facing me.”
It took him a good long moment to understand what I was trying to say. Without eyes, there just…isn’t. It’s like trying to see out of the back of your head, or your elbow, or your knee. The world still exists there, but it’s not like closing your eyes.
The noise he made when it clicked was one I had screamed into my pillow over and over.
But I’m not sore about it tonight. No, I’m just annoyed because things are changing.
Alice’s presence is throwing everything off, and it has me curled up in my window seat with a book of Diogenes’ arguments open on my lap. The book itself isn’t that old—translated into German in the 1870s—but the weight of it is comforting. I run my fingers over the embossed cover, over the letters I’ve memorized, as I think about how different everything already is.
And I don’t mean the way it was before Kane or before the gunshot that nearly killed me, but the way that life changed when Kane turned his focus on Alice. Or no, that’s not quite right. He turned his focus on Alice to try and find the best way to use her against her father, and that wasn’t new.
It’s the way she captivates him. It’s the way she captivates all of us. I’ve never known love the way most people do, and I’ve never known affection outside of Kane, Ari, and James. I’ve never bothered to define my sexuality with labels because it doesn’t matter to me.
My entire world is these three men and this home where I’m unable to leave.
But Alice has made me want things I have never bothered to consider.
When James had her spread over her duvet, his tongue thrusting inside of her, I swore I could almost taste it. When he sank his fingers into her heat and made her fall apart on his hand, I swore I could feel it on my own.
And I wanted.
And I hated it.
Letting my head thunk back against the wall, I touch the glass with my fingertips and feel the coolness against my heated skin. Winter’s leaving slowly, and it feels like we’ve been forever under the icy grip of the long season. After all, for me, there’s no escaping this place when I grow tired of it.
There are the grounds, and these walls, and the cameras that connect me to the world outside—but only the parts of it that Kane allows.
His love will always be suffocating, and I wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to just let myself die.
Lost in thought, I don’t hear the sound of someone coming in until the door shuts with a small click. My spine straightens, and I reach for the knife I keep under the cushion. The quiet tiptoe sounds of the intruder tell me they don’t want to be found out, which means it can only be one person.
Her.
The pretty little captive who has finally cracked and come snooping.
For a moment, I wonder if she’s turned on the light, but if she had, she would have seen me. It’s likely there’s no moon out, which means if she’s not making her way around by feel, she’s using a flashlight.
Unfortunately for her, my training is solid, so I slip from the bench and sink further into the room. I feel the handle of my knife pressed firmly against my sweaty palm, and I turn my head to follow her. She’s at the wall shelves now, and I can hear a faint dragging noise as she touches my books.
It’s difficult not to laugh because most of them are in braille. I think she realizes this after a second because I hear a quiet, disappointed huff as she moves on.
When she gets close to my private collection, I move. I know the room by heart—every table, every chair, every rug. I can slip through it almost effortlessly, and I make no sound as I follow the echo of her breath and the soft tapping of her bare feet.
I must be inches away, and she has no idea I’m here.
I will make her regret breaking my one single rule in this home.
“Looking for something?”
She lets out half a shout before my arm is around her, the knife pressed to her throat. She sucks in a breath before I can tell her not to make a noise, and she goes quiet.
“No one will care if you scream,” I tell her, and I let the blade sink in almost enough to nick her, but not quite. “Now, tell me what the fuck you’re doing in here.”
“I,” she says, then stops and sighs, sagging in my arms. I do my best not to think about how warm she is or how soft. She’s just so…different to any of my lovers, and I’m not sure how to process it. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t touched another human that didn’t live in this house for far too many years.
My hands begin to shake. “I want an answer, Alice.”
“You know who I am?” she says, and then to my surprise, she laughs. “Sorry, fuck. Of course you know who I am. You’re Phoenix, right?”
She’s trying to disarm me, and I won’t let it work. Growling, I sink the knife in enough that she hisses, and I’m pretty sure I’ve drawn at least a little blood. “You were warned not to come in here.”
“I’m sorry,” she gasps. I can feel her assessing me. I know she has training from Romano’s nephews, and she can handle her own. But I also know for a fact she can’t handle me.
“Try it,” I tell her when I feel her start to tense her elbow. It’s a basic move, but it’s one I’d use. “But only if you want to know what actual pain feels like.”
The tension fades from her body. She’s smart, I’ll give her that. She knows that I’m a threat, and her survival instinct is strong. “Are you going to let me go?”
I laugh, the sound cold even to my ears. “Before you give me an answer?”
She pauses, then says, “I just wanted a book.”
“And you couldn’t ask for one?”
This time, the pause is heavy. “Would you ask for anything in this house? If you were me?”
It’s a fair point, but then again, I’ve never been in her position. Kane keeps me prisoner because of his abject fear that the moment he lets go, I’ll end my life. But he’s done his best to anticipate my every need even before I realize what it is I’m craving.
For Alice, this is a matter of whether or not she has a future still breathing.
“I don’t have anything in here for you.”
“Yeah. I, uh…I kind of noticed that. Braille, right? Because you’re blind?”
I bristle. “Are you going to tell me how impressed you are with the way I move?”
I’m met with more silence, and eventually, I loosen my grip, though I don’t want to let her go. She feels…good in my arms, God help me.
“Do you want me to tell you that?”
I laugh, then spin her around and shove her against the nearest shelf. I put my knife on the edge of the table, close enough I can get to it again if she tries anything stupid, and then I press two fingers to the hollow of her throat. Her skin is burning, probably with adrenaline and fear, and I can feel her pulse racing in spite of not touching it. It’s like her heart is trying to beat out of her chest.
“Don’t stroke out now. I don’t think James will be happy about having to bury you before he gets to bury his cock where his tongue has already been.”
She makes a slightly strangled noise of embarrassment at having to confront the fact that we all know—that we’ve all watched. Part of me wants to tell her how I’ve experienced it. How I have a voice explain to me how wide she’d spread her legs and how her mouth hung open. Or maybe how I lost myself in the wet squelch of James’ tongue sinking inside her or how he fucked her into oblivion on his hand.
I know the sound of her orgasms from the way she’d pleasure herself at home, but hearing her gasp James’ name on the edge of ecstasy was something else. It was new and intoxicating, and as much as I hate her here, I want to see if I can make her breathless and wild with need for me.
She finally relents. “I didn’t know who to ask for the book I need.”
“If you want something, ask James. He’d walk on hot coals for you right now.”
“And yet he’d kill me with a single word from your…” I say nothing, letting her struggle with what to call our leader, because he’s more than a boss, and more than a lover, and more than a friend. “From Kane,” she eventually decides.
I grin and shrug. “Of course he would. That’s never been up for debate, but it has no bearing on what he’d do for you while Kane has you here.”
Her breath comes out trembling. I can feel the quiver of her chest where I’m still touching her. “So I should take advantage of it while I can, right?” Her fingers brush against the back of my hand where I’m still holding her, the movement exploratory.
I shrug, and then I remember we’re in the dark. “Can you see me?”
“Sort of,” she admits. “There’s a little bit of light coming through the window. I…can you, um…do you have any vision?” Her words stutter, and she plows on. “It’s just, I had a blind classmate, and he talked about how it was a spectrum, so I never want to assume, and…”
She’s rambling, and it makes me want to put my fist through the wall because that is none of her fucking business. “I’m out of patience.” She must hear the reality of that in my voice because she sucks in a breath and goes instantly quiet. “I’m feeling generous, so I’ll let you leave, but you’d better run. And if you come in here again…”
I don’t finish my sentence. I can already tell this sweet, naïve little thing has a vivid imagination. It’s just too bad she can only see me a little. If she saw the scars, if she saw the way my eyes were both bright and dead, and if she saw the grin on my face, she’d understand exactly what kind of beast she was close to.
And maybe she’d never be so daring again.
Chapter 14
ALICE
Maybe I have a death wish, but after staring at the cut on my neck the next morning, I go wandering. I know I’m being observed, but no one bothers to stop me as I approach the library, except this time when I turn the door handle, it’s locked. It was obvious last night that Phoenix was serious about me staying away from there, but I feel a little roil of frustration in my gut because I’m tired of being half-in and half-out of knowing.
My fate hangs in the balance of whatever the fuck Kane is waiting for after taking my blood and a swab from my mouth. I might be inexperienced, but I know he’s doing a genetic test. I just don’t know what the hell for.
It’s not like it’s a secret where I came from. The entire world knows that I’m the daughter of Guido Romano. Disgusting old men have been making offers for me in exchange for giving my father more power since I hit puberty.
But I also can’t pretend to know what goes on in the minds of men who are true psychopaths. Even James, for as sweet as he can be, has a darkness around him. He’s freely admitted that if Kane ever gave the word, he’d put a bullet between my eyes.
“I’d make sure you didn’t suffer,” he told me a few nights ago, as though that would make me feel better. “But there’s nothing I can do to prevent your death. Not if he wants it.”
Instinct tells me that I should be cozying up to Kane in order to save my life, but the last time he was at dinner with us, I could see it in his eyes that there would be no moving him. I doubt anyone has ever moved him against his will. He’s fallen for these men, that much is obvious, but I doubt he was manipulated into it.
To him, I’m just a pawn. He’s no better than my father, except he allows a bit more freedom and a bit more kindness before he pulls the plug on my life.
Whatever he does to me, I know I’ll never be the same, but maybe I want it that way. I don’t want to walk toward my death without knowing.
