Double Play (Hit and Run Book 3), page 13
“Oh. He is sweet,” Michel said. He put his hands on Orion’s shoulders, and his kisses lingered so long Hervé wanted to hit him.
He might have if his knees hadn’t threatened to give out. He fought the attack, and Orion noticed after a second and quickly slung an arm around his back, knocking Michel away.
“Baby?”
Hervé shook his head. “We can board. I’ll speak with you in a moment,” he told Michel, and then Orion led the way to the stairs.
They felt like climbing a mountain, and by the time they got to the top, Hervé lost his battle. He went limp, and Orion managed to get him over to a plush chair. It sank beneath his weight as he succumbed to the weakness, his chest rising and falling, his sight trapped behind his closed lids.
His only comfort was Orion’s fingers on him, drawing lines over his arm, along his jaw, over his lips. He could smell Orion’s soap and feel his breath as the man leaned down to kiss him just below the ear.
“Come back to me, baby.”
“Ah, merde. Did he faint?” Michel must have followed them directly in.
Hervé felt panic pulse in his chest, but Orion immediately soothed him with his next words. “Don’t worry. He’ll be fine in a second.”
And he was. Hervé came back to himself after what felt like an eternity, but it was likely just a few seconds. He forced his eyes open faster than they wanted to cooperate, and he took a few breaths before glancing over to see Michel holding a bottle of sparkling water.
Hervé took it without a word, cracking the top and taking a long drink, letting the bubbles burn the back of his throat. He breathed a little easier and turned his face so Michel couldn’t see his mouth. ‘Merci,’ he said without a sound.
Orion just nodded and took the water, putting the cap back on. “How long until we can take off?”
Hervé looked over in time to see Michel checking his phone. “About twenty minutes. I understand you’re in a hurry, and I promise I’ll get you to where you need to in DC as quickly as I can. But I won’t take risks.”
“No, I…no. That’s fine. I don’t know how to thank you,” Orion admitted.
Pain for his lover rushed through his limbs, and Hervé reached for Orion. They stood up together from the chair as Michel wandered into the cockpit, and Hervé took him by the hand, leading him to the bedroom.
It was as he remembered—small and more claustrophobic than cozy, but it would do. They could strap in for takeoff, then spend time getting as much rest as Orion could handle before they landed.
“I sent a message to my sister, and she said they’re waiting for me before…um.” Orion swallowed heavily. “Before.”
Hervé didn’t need him to elaborate. He just stepped into his arms and let Orion squeeze the breath out of him. “Whatever you need from me, okay, just let me know.”
Orion nodded, then pulled back to lay a fierce kiss to Hervé’s lips. He pulled back, and there was more worry in his eyes. “The guys are coming. They know you’re with me, and all of them said it’s okay. But I want to make sure you’re okay with being there too.”
“My feelings don’t matter right now,” Hervé said, and when Orion opened his mouth to argue, he pressed two fingers to his soft lips. “No. Just let this be about your brother. We can work out the rest after.”
“Okay,” Orion breathed out and dropped his forehead to Hervé’s shoulder. “How do you say okay in French?”
“Okay,” Hervé said, then laughed shortly when Orion smacked his side. “I mean it, chéri. Most of the time, we just say okay. If you’re old, there are other slang ways. If you want to speak French like a local, you do as I do.”
“Okay,” Orion parroted in an ill attempt to use Hervé’s accent, and it made him laugh harder.
“Don’t get me started. I don’t want Michel to see me collapse again,” Hervé said with a grin.
Orion sobered a little, and he pulled Hervé to sit on the edge of the bed. The mattress was harder than he remembered, which meant it was new, and that brought him some comfort as he waited for Orion to speak.
“You and him. Were you ever…?”
“No,” Hervé said in a rush. “We were colleagues and sort of friends. He was a stunt actor who got hurt and became a pilot after. It was a bad time when I knew him,” Hervé admitted. “I was using a lot of drugs, drinking a lot. I think we slept together, but I don’t remember much. It’s not something I like to think about.”
“Is he…when you were with Pietro, is he one of the ones—”
“No,” Hervé said firmly, meeting Orion’s gaze. “Anyone I made that mistake with is long gone from my life. And so is the man who made those mistakes.”
Orion looked at him for a good, long while before cupping his cheek and kissing him. “I think we’re going to have to work a lot of shit out, but I know right now that I don’t think I could do this without you. And that tells me you’re worth it. When I have to go back to work, I need to know this isn’t over.”
Hervé swallowed thickly and leaned into Orion’s touch. “It’s a conversation we can have after. Just know that there’s nothing in the world that could make me want to walk away from you. Okay?”
Orion smiled and mimicked his accent again. “Okay.”
13
Orion’s fingers brushed over Hervé’s hair gently before he threw his legs over the bed and stood up. His back was aching from all the tension he’d been carrying, and he felt half-numb and half-overwhelmed by what he was heading toward.
He knew this day was coming—he just thought he was going to have time. Years, he expected. He figured at some point, Carey would crack in his resolve to not be seen and let Orion come spend time with him. They’d watch bad movies and do ridiculous fundraising races and make inappropriate wheelchair jokes.
He didn’t think he’d be heading in to say goodbye to a man who was already gone just weeks after leaving him laughing on his living room sofa.
Part of him wanted to tell his sister to just end it because seeing Carey in a bed with his heart still beating and chest rising and falling would be too much. He’d be too stuck on the idea that there was hope—a Hail Mary out there waiting for him. That he’d wake up, and it would all be a bad dream.
But he didn’t want to put that on her, either. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t need a goodbye.
With a rough sigh, he watched Hervé’s steady breathing for a bit longer before wandering out of the bedroom. He jolted when he saw Michel, the captain, standing at the little kitchenette, fixing himself a cup of coffee.
“Don’t worry,” Michel said, his accent a lot thicker than Hervé’s. “My co-pilot is a genius.”
Orion nodded. He’d flown enough he didn’t really think twice about it anymore, but he’d never been on anything as posh as this. The Hervé Orion had known about before belonged on a jet like this. In his designer jeans and shoes more expensive than Orion’s mortgage, and a meal that could have paid his childhood grocery bill for a month.
Orion struggled with his own wealth now, but Hervé’s life seemed to be far beyond that.
And he couldn’t help but wonder if Hervé missed it.
“I want to apologize,” Michel said after a long beat of silence, and Orion’s gaze snapped up to him. “I was rude before. I didn’t expect Hervé to have fallen in love with anyone, and I made an inappropriate joke about you.”
“Oh. Uh. Well, we’re not…I mean, we’re…it’s complicated.”
“Love is always complicated,” Michel said with a laugh. “And I can see how complicated he’d feel with the rumors going around about him. Everyone was talking—everyone was so worried.” He stopped and shook his head. “Some people,” he amended, “were worried when he disappeared.”
“You?” Orion asked.
He felt a sudden pulse of anger toward the people who had not just enabled Hervé in his self-destruction but the people who seemed to revel in it. The people who didn’t care when he was spiraling. And maybe, considering Hervé hadn’t done much better when Thierry was injured, he deserved it. But he couldn’t look at the man he was falling for and let himself think that.
Michel sighed. “I always knew Hervé was stronger than he looked. Everyone thought he was so fragile. They thought he’d be the next Marilyn Monroe. Burn bright and die young.”
Orion closed his hands into fists when those words echoed what Hervé had said to him when they first met. “That’s not fucking glamorous.”
“Oui, je sais,” Michel said, waving a hand at him. “I don’t think it’s beautiful or anything. When I was hurt, I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I let people think what they want to because it’s easier, but I know that fear.”
“He’s not dying,” Orion said quietly.
Michel hummed. “No. Maybe not from whatever it is that makes him fall down like that, but he was dying before. Until he met you, I think.” Then he just turned and walked back to the cockpit, and Orion collapsed in the nearest chair.
It was too much weight to put on him right then. It was too much responsibility and feeling when he was about to lose someone he wasn’t ready to let go of.
Because the world would go on. The sun would rise and it would set, and he would go back to work and he’d win games, and he’d lose them. And would be forced to make his way forward and maybe even meet the love of his life, and his best friend wasn’t there to see it.
“Why did you do this now?” he whispered to the echo of Carey’s presence.
His throat went hot, and for the first time since Nova called, he started to cry. The plane was loud enough to drown out his sobs, especially as he buried his face in the pillow, but it left him aching and hollow inside.
Hervé still hadn’t woken by the time it was over, so he grabbed a bottle of water and crawled back into the bed beside him, pulling him close. Hervé murmured and nuzzled against him, and Orion wondered how the hell he was going to survive all this the moment he had to let Hervé go.
Orion was shaking so hard his teeth were chattering, so he kept his jaw clenched so tightly he could feel a headache building. There were no words for the emotions he had raging inside of him because the moment the car rolled to a stop in front of the hospital, it would be over.
He felt like a small child, when he believed that the world disappeared if he closed his eyes. Now, if he didn’t go in—if he didn’t greet his sister and see Carey there in that bed—none of it would be real. It wouldn’t exist.
Life would just…go on.
“…here, mon chéri.”
Orion blinked and realized their Uber was sitting in under the parking awning and probably had been for a short while. He took a breath, hearing it rattle around in his chest, and he offered the driver an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”
The guy looked at him in the mirror. “It’s no trouble. Do you want me to stay?”
One of the perks of being an Uber black user, he supposed. They were willing to put up with a lot more. Shaking his head, Orion reached for the door handle and pulled. “No, but thanks.”
The guy just nodded, and Orion stepped out, walking to the trunk to grab their things. They’d packed light, and he was grateful for it now because he hadn’t even bothered booking a room, and he knew that Hervé would be sitting around with their shit for a good, long while.
Feeling a touch on his wrist, he looked over at Hervé, who seemed a little unsure about what to do with himself. “What can I do?”
Orion let go of his grip on the suitcase handle and cupped Hervé’s cheek. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
Hervé bowed his head and put his hand over Orion’s. “I don’t know how this feels. I’ve never lost anyone like this, and when Thierry was hurt…” His words trailed off, but Orion didn’t need him to finish. He knew what had happened. Thierry had been shot, Hervé had fled, and the end of their friendship was sealed.
Before Hervé could speak again, the sliding doors opened, and Orion’s gaze locked on his sister. She was in sweats, and her hair was falling out of a bun, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Likely because she hadn’t. Orion knew she’d been coming to grips with the idea of losing her husband, but like this?
Orion began to sweat, from his scalp down to the arches of his feet, but he managed to get his arms out and around her as she barreled into him and started to sob. His own emotions were clawing at his chest to be freed, but he locked them down tight. He could fall apart later—on his own time when Nova didn’t need him.
For now, he just tightened his grip around her and kissed her hair and murmured bullshit words of encouragement that he didn’t believe. They rocked from side to side until Nova’s body relaxed, and then she pulled back.
“How was your flight?”
Orion blinked at her. “No. I’m…I can’t talk about that right now.”
“Okay.” Nova swiped the back of her hand under her eyes to clear up the drying tears, then slipped her fingers through his. She glanced over at Hervé and blinked, then offered a smile. “What a fucked-up first date, huh?”
“More like a fourth date,” Hervé said with a small smile, then leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “But I can take it, chérie. I’m just here to guard the suitcases.”
Nova glanced up at Orion. “I like him.”
He wasn’t sure she’d continue to feel that way once she knew his past, but Nova was also a big believer in second chances. And third. And fourth. She’d always had a bleeding heart—was always the girl who wanted redemption arcs for every villain in the superhero movies he made her watch.
So maybe it would be okay.
Orion let her tug on his hand, leading him through the doors, and his panic started to increase as they came to a stop by the elevators. He hadn’t realized he was breathing too fast until the room began to sway and his vision went white, and he came to himself with both Hervé and Nova on either side of him.
“I know,” Nova said roughly. “I know, but you just have to get through it.”
Orion swallowed against a dry throat as the doors opened and they stepped inside. “Where’s Callie?”
Nova breathed quietly. “With his parents. They’re in town. They already, uh…they already came to see him with her.”
“How, um…how long until…”
“Tonight,” she said softly as the doors dinged closed. “His vitals are pretty unstable, and he has a DNR, so it might be sooner, but…” She trailed off with a shrug. “I’ve already said everything I need to say to him. I just didn’t want you to miss saying whatever it is he needs to hear.”
Orion didn’t tell her that Carey had already heard it all. That Orion had never held back with his friend. That he had bared his soul, and the only thing he would miss telling him was about Hervé, but it was too late for that anyway.
The doors opened to the ICU floor, which was far quieter than the lobby had been. It was just a pale hallway lit with uncomfortable fluorescents and was decorated with faded, framed snapshots of succulents and cacti.
As they walked toward a large set of double doors, Orion glanced into a waiting room to find a single, older man who was slumped over in a chair, asleep.
“Just call on the phone there,” Nova said, jerking her chin toward an old landline on the wall. “I’m going to use the bathroom. I’ll meet you inside.” She offered Hervé an apologetic look. “They only let in two guests at a time.”
He shook his head. “I’m not here for that. I’m just here to wait and get you anything you need.”
“Keeper,” Nova whispered as she squeezed Orion’s hand one last time, then walked off.
Orion took a deep breath, then turned to Hervé. “It’s real.”
Hervé nodded and stepped closer. “It is.”
Orion glanced over at the phone on the wall, and his throat felt thick. “I don’t know if I can.”
Reaching for him, Hervé took Orion by the sides of the neck and pulled him down until their foreheads met. “You’re strong, and you’re brave. And you love him.”
Orion nodded. “I don’t know if I want to say goodbye like this. He’s not…he’s not even there, baby. He’s already gone.”
“You don’t have to.”
But he did. Maybe not for his sake, but for Nova’s. He didn’t know how to explain to her that this somehow felt worse. So he’d do it this way. Taking a step back, he watched Hervé’s delicate, beautiful hands drop to his sides, and he turned so he didn’t give in to the urge to bury himself in Hervé’s embrace and let himself waste away there.
He squared his shoulders as he reached the phone, then picked it up with a heavy lead ball sitting where his heart should be. He swore he wasn’t breathing, but he managed to speak when the nurse picked up.
“I’m here for Carey Scott. I’m not sure what room he’s in. My name is Orion Coulter.”
There was a long pause, and then the nurse cleared her throat. “Are you family, Mr. Coulter?”
Orion looked over his shoulder for any sign of Nova, but she wasn’t there. “Um. Yeah. Yes. I’m his brother-in-law. I’m here with his wife.”
Another long pause, and then the nurse sighed heavily. She started to speak again, but all he heard were her first few words. “I’m so sorry, sir, but he’s already…”
The rest was white noise, and the only sound after that was his sister’s devastated scream.
14
Maybe it was a miracle, and maybe it was just some sort of adrenaline willpower, but Hervé managed to keep it together as Nova came running out screaming and Orion fell to his knees. Hervé didn’t need to hear the other end of the phone to know what happened. He knew that sound.
Not from his own experience, but he’d lived enough life. He’d seen that kind of pain on someone’s face before.
A few nurses came out to help the siblings back through the doors, and Hervé was left in the waiting room with the suitcases and the man who still hadn’t moved from his slumber. He’d never felt so out of place before and so unsure about what he should do, so he just sat in the chair and kept their cases close to his knee.
