Bits of Catalyst, page 24
“Maybe it was gold, I just know it was bright.” She brushed at the spot where she thought she’d seen the glint, more energetically perhaps than Nigel would have preferred, and a narrow band of gold began to emerge. “It’s got to be a ring,” she said. “Can I pull it out?”
“Keep brushing away the dirt until it moves on its own,” he advised her. “There could be a stone in a setting and you don’t want to break it off.”
“This is so cool,” she said, reining in her impatience as the ring was slowly revealed. “I think it moved.”
“Now feel for it with your fingers,” Nigel said.
Even though she knew that the only correlation between the avatar’s hand and her actual movements was from the cameras embedded in the visor, she did what he suggested, and almost jumped off the couch in real life when her fingers made contact with the dirt. “What!?”
“Katya,” Nigel began, but she talked right over him.
“It feels totally real!” she said, and her avatar's eyes widened like an anime character’s. “Shadow is a genius. But wait. The ring I’m touching has a setting that the one I can see doesn’t.”
“Katya,” he began again, closing his eyes in concentration. “We’ve only known each other for two months, but a million years in the ground wouldn’t change the way I feel about you. I’ve never been much of a romantic, and you’re the only woman other than my mother I’ve spent any real time with, but if you’ll marry me, I promise that I’ll stay by your side for the rest of my life, even if I have to take a job with the Human Empire. Katya?”
Several long seconds passed, and then her avatar unfroze and there was a large teardrop rolling down each cheek. “It’s a beautiful ring, Nigel. Are you going to propose to me?”
“Do you mean you missed the whole thing?”
“Well, I had to see the ring in the real world,” she said. “Is it a family heirloom?”
“My grandmother’s,” Nigel confirmed. “My mother made me take it when she came to visit. She said she had a premonition that I’d need it. After the academy head told me to leave, I thought my mom meant for me to sell it if I needed money.”
“You’re still on one knee,” Katya said. “I want to hear it.”
“The proposal? But you already know.”
“I haven’t said yes yet. And less about your mother would be good.”
“Katya,” he said, trying to recapture the mood. “I’ve only known you for two months, but you could bury me in the ground for a million years and it wouldn’t change the way I feel. I’ve never, I mean, I promise that I’ll stay by your side for the rest of my life, even if you take a job with the Human Empire.”
“I already have a job with the Human Empire,” she said, and her avatar passed him the gold band she’d excavated in virtual reality. “You’re supposed to put the ring on my finger.”
“I meant I’ll work for the Human Empire if you want.” His avatar looked up with a hopeful anime expression and said, “If that means yes, give me back the real ring and I’ll put it on your finger in the real world.”
“I already did that, and I want you to finish the proposal with the visor so it will all be recorded.”
“We’re being recorded?”
“It’s a standard visor function,” Katya told him. “I enabled it out of habit because we always record our visor conference calls. Sabina is going to be so jealous when she sees it. She was so sure that I’d have to propose to you if I wanted to get the job done.”
“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Shadow asked, seeing Nigel’s avatar on one knee in the dirt in front of Katya’s. “I found a colored stone that I think is supposed to be part of the mosaic, but I don’t know whether or not I’m supposed to put it back.”
“Go away. Nigel is proposing to me.”
“For the second time,” the xenoarchaeologist said. “But it’s okay because she already agreed.”
“Congratulations,” Shadow said. “Now we’ll have Human Empire backing for the game.”
Delphi’s avatar stood up next to Shadow’s. “Just ignore him,” she said. “Congratulations. Did he give you a ring?”
“His grandmother’s,” Katya said, and her avatar displayed the gold band on its ring finger. “This is just some old thing I dug up. I’m coming by your place to show you the real one.”
Both of the women’s avatars froze as they lifted their visors, leaving Nigel and Shadow alone in their game.
“What just happened?” Nigel asked.
“I think you got engaged,” Shadow said. “Pretty slick, maneuvering her into digging up a ring. I wondered why you let me and Delphi have the mosaic.”
Nineteen
“Oh, it’s the crazy woman,” G32FX rubbed out on his speaking legs when Lisa and Botan entered the booth. “If you’re hoping I can upgrade your DNA so you can fight with the Cayl, you should have had your mother come to see me twenty-three years ago. On the other hand, if you’re planning on reproducing with this young man and you want a baby with superhuman speed and reflexes, we can talk price.”
“That’s not why we’re here,” Lisa said. “Botan’s family doesn’t approve of me and I’m hoping to make the peace by proving I can give them healthy grandchildren. When we were on Flower, somebody told me that M793qK could provide medical statements that were acceptable in Earth’s courts. Can you do the same thing?”
“If you expect me to witness you having intercourse, there isn’t enough money in the galaxy.”
“She wants you to analyze our genomes,” Botan said, putting a restraining hand on Lisa’s arm. “We heard that’s how your dating agency works.”
“It worked so well that I’m closing up shop,” G32FX said. He pushed a box across the table at them. “Going out of business sale. See anything you want?”
Lisa couldn’t help glancing at the contents, and she pulled out a cheap plastic representation of a formally dressed couple that looked like it had come from the top of a wedding cake. “Where did you get all of these? They look used.”
“I harvested them from recycling. If you need an instruction manual for the reproductive process, I have some pamphlets around here somewhere that M793qK gave me. Check the bottom of the box.”
“We don’t need help with that,” Botan said, the tips of his ears turning pink. “My grandmothers went together to an astrologer, and he said that I won’t be able to get Lisa pregnant because she’s a barbarian who was born in the wrong house.”
“A Verlock-certified astrologer?” G32FX rubbed out on his speaking legs, and his external translation pendant added a tone of interest to the synthesized voice.
“I doubt it,” Botan said. “I don’t know how my grandparents lived on Bits for almost forty years without getting over their xenophobia.”
“We want you to run genetic tests and prepare an official statement that there’s nothing to prevent us from having healthy children,” Lisa repeated.
“Why would there be?” the Farling asked. “Did you think you were a different species or something? I’ve analyzed thousands of Human genomes and there’s less genetic difference between two random humans than the average pair of Cayl hounds.”
“We know that, but Botan’s family doesn’t believe it.”
“If you insist on this pointless exercise, I’ll have to charge you my regular rate,” G32FX said, a gleam in his multi-faceted eyes. “I get fifty creds for six introductions to your potential perfect matches.”
“Why does anybody need six perfect matches?” Lisa asked. “Are you running some kind of hook-up service? Besides, we don’t want any introductions, so that has to save you some work.”
“But you’re requesting an official document that will impress your in-laws-to-be. My calligraphy is rusty, especially if you want it in Japanese.”
“Twenty, or I’ll wait until we rendezvous with Flower and get M793qK to do it. I don’t think he’d charge fifty creds for a brain transplant.”
“No, but he uses all of the data he gathers from treating Humans to run a pharmaceutical empire on Earth that brings in more than—more than I can say,” G32FX cut himself off. “Twenty creds, but you have to provide the parchment, the ink, and the brush. I prefer the Toyohashi brand for Kanji.”
“Deal,” Botan said. “I have all that stuff in my cabin.”
The Farling rummaged through another packed box, brought out two postcards, and passed them over. “Fill these out and be quick about it.”
“We’re not here to sign up for GenePost,” Lisa said. “If you’re going out of business, I need to get the results while we wait. Why should we fill out the cards?”
“The postcards are for official Human Empire use only. It’s printed right above the sampling pad. You signing up for GenePost is the simplest way for me to get blood samples.”
“And you’re worried they’re going to come after you if you don’t send the cards in?”
“Interspecies commerce is based on respect for contracts,” G32FX said. “If you don’t want to fill out the cards before giving me the sample, we’re back to fifty creds.”
Lisa grumbled as she filled out the postcard and then pressed the ball of her index finger on the carbon nano-tube blood sampling pad.
The Farling collected the postcards, slotted them into the DNA sequencer that he hadn’t yet packed, and rubbed out an alien tune on his speaking legs while waiting for the results. Then he tapped a device next to the sequencer and two double helixes appeared as holographic projections, side by side.
“Interesting,” G32FX said. “You both show a strong affinity for pickles.”
“There’s no way that’s encoded in our DNA,” Lisa objected. “You’re just saying it because you know we’re in the business.”
“I see you know all of the tricks, so I won’t waste any more time.” The alien did a few manipulations in the holograms with one of his longer sets of limbs and zoomed in on a sequence of nucleotides. “You better bring me some colored ink and sumi brushes if I’m going to reproduce this accurately enough to impress an expert,” he said. “Don’t run with the brushes in the corridors or you may hurt yourselves.”
“You’ll be here when we get back?”
“You haven’t paid me yet.”
“Give us fifteen minutes,” Botan said. “I’m not sure exactly where the good parchment is since Lisa rearranged our cabin.”
“Chronic Housecleaning Syndrome,” G32FX called after them through his translation pendant. “I saw that in her genes as well.”
“What are you shouting about?” Sabina asked as she and Drake approached the booth from the opposite direction. “I didn’t know your pendant was designed to make public announcements.”
“I’d tell you, but my relations with clients are confidential. Are you here on your business or mine?”
“Both. I’ve never been in hyperspace this long and I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll still be in the galaxy when we emerge.”
“The Miklat could have made the jump almost instantaneously, but most of the humans I recruited have little experience with interstellar travel, and the greater the distance, the longer they need in hyperspace to adjust,” G32FX said. “I talked it over with Kruik and we’ll emerge at our destination in a few hours when most of you are asleep.”
“Thanks for letting me know when the ship I’m supposedly co-captaining will arrive at the destination you’ve kept secret from everybody,” Sabina said sarcastically.
“Not everybody. There are hundreds of sentients on board who know exactly where we’re going.”
“The Cayl,” Drake guessed immediately.
“And their hounds,” the Farling said. “Is there anything else I can do for you? Perhaps a wedding cake ornament?”
“Sabina and I have been discussing free will and I’m trying to convince her that the Stryx haven’t been pulling strings our whole lives to bring us together. I thought that a genetic test might help.”
“Help how?”
“When she sees that we aren’t perfectly matched down to the last strand of DNA, maybe she’ll accept that there’s some random chance involved,” the police chief said.
“There’s always random chance involved,” G32FX rubbed out, keeping two of his lower limbs carefully crossed behind his carapace. “Are the two of you signed up with GenePost?”
“Yes,” Sabina said, and Drake nodded in confirmation.
“Then we can skip the blood test and I’ll take a look at your DNA as soon as you pay me.”
“You’re going to charge us?” Sabina asked. “But you’re packing up and leaving in a few hours, and this business was never more than a weak cover story for your staying on board.”
“If I don’t charge you, I’ll have to let Lisa and Botan off the hook when they return, and next thing you’ll expect me to issue refunds to all of my clients whose matches didn’t work out,” G32FX said. “The service economy is a slippery slope, and there’s no saying—”
“Alright already,” Drake interrupted. “How much?”
“Four creds and thirty centees.”
“I’ve got it.” He dumped the contents of his change purse into his hand and began counting, “Three, Four, and Ten, Twenty, Thirty—how did you know exactly how much I had?”
“Little trick I picked up from M793qK,” the Farling said. “Carnival goers on Earth are willing to pay to hear how much they have in their pockets.”
“Never mind all of that,” Sabina said. “Just look at our—why do you have access to the Human Empire’s secure database for the GenePost app?”
“I was the one who started the manufacturing line on Earth for GenePost’s DNA sequencers. Somebody really should tell them to change the default password.”
“Will that make a difference?”
“Not to me,” G32FX replied ambiguously and waved a limb above the alien projection device. The current holographic blow-ups of Lisa and Botan’s DNA were replaced by Farling script which consisted of groupings of dots of different sizes. He rubbed something out on his speaking legs that wasn’t translated by his pendant or even Sabina’s diplomatic implant, and the script was replaced by more indecipherable dots.
“Do you need my family name?” Drake asked. “I think I used it when I signed up with GenePost.”
“I see a Drake with a Drazen-made cyborg arm,” the Farling said, bringing a scrolling list of dot characters to a halt. “Could there be two of you?”
“Probably not.”
“And one Sabina Zerakova.”
The humans couldn’t help feeling a bit awestruck when their DNA appeared as colorful holographic projections which the Farling appeared to read as easily as a book.
“Boring, boring, nothing to see here,” G32FX rubbed out on his speaking legs. “If your species has a hell, I imagine it consists of being forced to study your own DNA throughout eternity.”
“What about our compatibility?” Sabina asked.
“Like peas in a pod, almost. Just take separate vacations and you should be fine.”
“Are you serious?”
“It’s a dating agency joke—I just made it up,” G32FX said, and turned to regard them. “I have to say that of all the DNA I’ve looked at since coming here, the two of you are the closest thing I’ve seen to a perfect match—”
Sabina shot Drake a triumphant look.
“—but keep it to yourselves, at least until you get to Earth. I don’t want your sister dragging her fiancé in here and making me give her the bad news.”
“What bad news?” Sabina demanded.
“And how can you tell without getting their blood samples?” Drake added.
“I used a sample from Nigel to calibrate the sequencer when I was setting up, and my short-term memory isn’t that bad.”
“And Katya’s?”
“Identical twins,” Sabina reminded him. “We share the same DNA.”
“It’s not a hundred percent identical because of developmental differences after the embryo divides, but close enough for me to know that Nigel and your sister won’t see eye-to-eye on any number of important issues.”
“What’s so bad about that? Drake and I don’t agree on anything either.”
“Really?” G32FX turned back to the holographic projection and studied it for a moment. “Well, better matchmaking for Humans based on genetics was only a hypothesis on my part, I never planned to make a career of it. I suppose I should have listened to Mouser.”
“So do I get my money back?” Drake asked.
“Bad precedent. Ask me for something else. Do you want to know how long you’ll live? Are you sure you don’t want any wedding cake ornaments?”
“I think you owe us something more than that for going along with whatever nefarious scheme you cooked up with Flower and the Cayl,” Sabina said.
“That was always up to the Zarents since the Miklat is their ship, but as it happens, I did prepare a parting gift for you,” G32FX said.
Sabina waited for almost five seconds before asking, “Well? Where is it?”
“I thought Nigel would have told you by now. I sent him the data earlier today.”
“Why Nigel?”
“Because seeing is believing, and the information takes the form of a xenoarchaeological dig,” the Farling said. “If there’s nothing else, I believe I see my final customers returning, and then I have to prepare a briefing to give you and your sister when we exit hyperspace.”
“You could just tell me, without any of the fancy graphics you’re so fond of,” Sabina said, and then pointed at her ear. “Now? I’m with Drake at G32FX’s, but we can be there in two minutes.”
“I take it Nigel is ready to pass along my gift, and you can wait a few more hours to find out where we’re going.”
When Drake and Sabina arrived at Katya’s location, it turned out to be a freshly plowed area of ag deck next to an amazing plot of wildflowers.
