Queen of Secrets, page 6
As he approached the truck, he held one hand behind his back. With his sweet, half-crooked smile, he presented a beautiful, hand-picked bouquet of roses through the open window.
“They’re gorgeous.” I put my nose to the velvety petals and inhaled while he climbed into the passenger seat. The scent was sweet and fragrant like perfume.
“Signora Antonelli lemme pick dis for you for all you help. Tank you for making me feel like a real American,” he said as he gazed into my eyes.
The same energy I felt when I sat close to him during the lessons radiated throughout the truck and made my heart flutter.
He turned to me and smiled. “My fater, he let me wear dis. I wanted to looka nice for you.”
“You look great.”
“Tank you. You looka pretty in you dress.” His gaze slipped low over my plunging neckline.
The dress provided the exact result I had hoped for.
“Thank you. It’s new.” I ran my hands over the lace. “I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?” he said as he raised his eyebrows.
“More like a gift for all your hard work.”
“Oh, you dona have to do dat. All you help is more dan a gift,” he said as he glanced at the boys in the back.
“Oh yeah, them. Don’t worry. They won’t bother us. They’re going swimming.”
“Swimming?”
“Yeah, there’s a pool there.”
“Um, maybe I go and take off dis clothes?”
“No, we aren’t gonna swim. I’m taking you somewhere else in the park. Trust me, you’ll like it.”
“Hey, Gaetano, I think my sister likes you,” Vinny said and laughed from the back of the truck.
I turned my head and shot Vinny a bone-chilling stare. “One more word out of you, kid, and you know what I’ll do.”
“Okay, okay,” he said and pressed his lips into one straight line.
“Hold on tight, boys.” I turned the key, and the engine roared.
We arrived at the park. My brother and his friend ran for the pool. I carefully reached for the picnic basket when Gaetano gently placed his hands on mine.
“Lemme help you,” he said.
He smiled and my eyes softened. “Thank you.” We walked together toward the creek.
Once we were far from people, we both relaxed. Free from the worry of someone watching our every move, I caught him smiling at me for longer periods of time. We giggled down the private trail that led toward my special place.
Alone.
“Dis isa beautiful place,” he said as he scanned the golden foothills.
“I told ya.” I found a nice flat area of grass.
I laid the blanket on the lawn that faced the creek and opened the picnic basket. He yanked off his bowtie and rolled up his sleeves.
“Itsa hot today.”
“I’m sure you’re warm in those clothes. Relax and get comfortable.”
He watched as I got out the food and napkins. Once I was done, I lay down on the blanket and stared at the sky. A few billowy clouds hung overhead.
He eyed my body as I spread my dress around me.
“Come lie down and look at the clouds. They’re so pretty right now. They look like scoops of vanilla ice cream.” I patted the space next to me.
Suddenly shy, he took a deep breath, bent his long legs down, and laid his body alongside mine.
With our eyes on the clouds, I said, “I told you it was pretty here. It’s one of my favorite places in the foothills. When my father brings us, I come here when I need to be alone. Having a big family can be hard. You have to wait forever for the bathroom, you always have to use hand-me-downs, and it feels like you can never get a minute to yourself, ya know?” I rambled.
“What isa handmidon?” he asked, puzzled.
“A hand-me-down is when you wear clothes or use something that your big sister or brother already used.”
“Oh,” he said, still a little confused.
“I da only boy, so I no have da handmidon, but maybe dis suit isa handmidon,” he said as he undid the first two buttons of his vest.
I kicked off my sandals and let my toes grab onto the grass at the bottom of the blanket. He did the same. We lay quiet, listening to the babbling brook that moved in front of us.
“After we eat, do you want to walk through the creek? It’ll feel good to cool off in the water.”
“Si.” He smiled. His waves loosened from the pomade.
I opened the picnic basket filled with meats, cheese, and fruit. After I prepared a plate for us, I glanced up and saw him staring at me again. Waves of heat washed over me. We filled our bellies in the sun.
“Ready to go into the creek?” I asked.
“Ready,” he said and rolled up his pants.
We walked into the shallow parts of the creek. Like a gentleman, he grabbed my hand and helped me over the slippery rocks. With only two more steps to reach the other side, I leaned forward and lost my footing.
He whisked me into his thick arms. Muscles in his arms contracted as he pulled me into his frame and prevented me from slipping further.
When I looked up, his breath skimmed my face again. He scanned my body. His gaze moved from side to side as his eyelashes flickered in the filtered sunlight of the canopy overhead. Afraid to let go of his tight grip, I held on.
“My foot slipped on one of the rocks,” I said, winded.
His eyes burned on me, and we stood there holding on to each other. He bent his head closer to me, and our noses touched. The pulse in his neck beat as fast as mine. He maneuvered me to another rock to get better footing and helped me up the embankment.
Once we were on flat ground on the other side of the creek, we sat on some big rocks alongside the water’s edge, just staring at each other.
“What was it like to live on an island?” I asked to break the tension.
“Itsa verra beautiful. The water is clear and full of fish. My fater and I, we go fishing a lot.”
“I can only imagine.”
“I miss my home, but I dona tink we canna go back. My hometown used to be safe, but now da Mafia bandits, dey come take children and terrorize for money. Dey try to hurt and scare us. Den dey take our home because my fater canno pay dem.”
My gaze tumbled to the ground as I heard the pain in his voice.
“In Italy, itsa much like here. Everyone helping dem or hiding from dem. My fater say we canno stay wit my moter’s family in Calabria because itsa worse der, so we have nowhere to go. We have no choice. We have to leave. I watch dem come into our house and touch my moter. No rispetto,” he said, then spat at the ground. “I want to hurt dem, but dey put a knife to her throat, so what could I do? I no feel like a man, but if I ever see dem again, I will kill dem.” His voice shook. His lips moved into a straight line and the muscles on the sides of his cheeks pulsed. “I hate dem!”
“I’m sorry. It makes me so sad that happened to you and your family. I was born into this life, and I don’t know the men to be that way. I’ve never experienced that part. My father and mother have always protected us from that. But I’m sure you know in the little time you’ve been here that my family is involved. I hope that doesn’t make you feel differently about me.”
The minute the words came out, I regretted them. I was afraid with my admission, he would turn and run.
“I see tings. I know dey are here. No, Violetta, I no tink bad of you. I tink only good.”
“I don’t want you to be scared. My father and Antonelli are good people. They would never allow anyone to harm you or your family. As long as you can earn for the Molanano family, you’ll be protected.”
“Payment or no payment, if dey ever come to my house again, I will slice der throats,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Let’s go back. I have something I want to give you.”
He nodded and unclenched his fists. He reached for my hand to help me back across the creek.
Once we made it to the other side, our feet were wet and cold from the river. We lay on the blanket and let the sun warm our toes.
“I have more bad news. My family isa moving up to Napa. My fater, he gonna buy a azienda vinicola . . . umma how do you say.”
“A winery?” I asked as my jaw hung down.
“A wwinerie?”
“So, it’s for sure then. You’re leaving?”
“Yes. We leave first week of October. My fater want to make a business here in America. So dat my family can live here, we need to make money.” Pain settled in his eyes.
My heart fell into my gut. “I understand. My father’s always finding ways to make money too.”
Gaetano fidgeted with the pleat of his slacks. “I ma sad we no see each udder anymore.”
“It doesn’t have to be the last time, does it?” My cheeks flushed.
He turned his head to mine and smiled a seductive smile. “Umma, no, it doesn’t . . .”
He moved closer and cupped my cheek with his palm. And in that pivotal act of desire, our mouths met for the first time.
He tugged me closer to him, and he hardened against my leg. Our mouths moved together, and my heart hammered through my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to breathe. My senses led the way, and I followed his every movement.
When his tongue went right, I chased it. If it went left, I joined him there. Our mouths moved together until he released me and gently sucked on my bottom lip. He pulled his mouth free of mine, only to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. We both took a much-needed gulp of air. He held me against his chest and stroked my lower back.
We would never go back to the way it was before. My heart and soul were his.
“I dona want to leave you, Violetta. From da beginning I come here to da America, you always help me, and you make me feel smart. I care for you a lot,” he said.
“I’ve never felt this way before, Gaetano,” I panted as pangs of desire surged through my body.
He reached for my hair and let the curls fall through his fingers.
“I need to respect you and you famiglia. I no want to ever make you feel uncomfortable,” he said as he brushed his lips against mine.
“You’d never do that. I know who you are,” I whispered, trying to reassure him.
“What will we do when we get back to Signor Antonelli?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to find a way to see each other. I can’t let you leave, Gaetano. I just can’t.” I choked on the words.
“I will not leave you, amore mio. I will come back for you. We will find our way,” he said as he entangled his fingers in mine.
I laid my head against his shoulder while he held me close. Gentle breezes blew through our hair and over our bodies.
Embracing, he hummed something in my ear. The musical vibration put me in a sort of trance. I fantasized about our future. With hollow hope, I wondered how I’d feel once I dropped him off at Antonelli’s. Because I wouldn’t have more time with him, my heart ached in my chest. More than anything, I wanted to be intimate with him, as lovers do.
The sun approached the horizon.
“We better get going before my father comes looking for me.” I stood.
“Si,” Gaetano said with a soft smile.
As I picked up the blanket, I remembered I hadn’t given him his gifts.
“Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you.” I presented the box to him.
He unwrapped the newspaper and pulled out the blanket.
“Bravo, bravo,” he exclaimed, then examined my handiwork. He pulled it over his shoulders. “Dis will be good when itsa cold in da winter.”
“I sewed my initial here, at the bottom, so you won’t forget about me and our time together these last few months.”
With his index finger, he pulled my chin up to his. “Violetta, I never forget about you, tesoro mio,” he said. His tender lips joined mine.
When we finally broke away, I reached into the box. “Oh hey, don’t forget about this,” I said as I pointed to the rolled-up paper still in the box.
He undid the satin bow, and we read it together out loud.
This document certifies that
Gaetano Salvatore Sanna
has hereby graduated from the
Giordano School of English
on this day, August 25, 1939
He admired it. “Grazie, Violetta, I never get diploma in Italy.”
“Well, you have one. You deserve it for all your hard work.”
He intertwined his fingers with mine, then kissed the back of my hand. Standing in front of me, his eyes scanned my body.
“I no have anyting to give you but da flowers,” he said apologetically.
I touched his lips. “You have given me more than you know. Today you gave me a wonderful gift.”
“Oh, dat. I guess, well, yes. I enjoyed it much too.” He blushed slightly.
“Just so you know, you were my first kiss, but I can tell you’ve done this before. Where did you learn how to kiss like that?”
“I know one girl in Italy,” he said with crimson cheeks.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked impulsively.
“Not until I met you,” he said and flashed me a toothy grin. He grabbed my hands and held them to his chest. “Violetta, when I met you, you so nice to me, and you make me feel safe. I know in my mind that you special to me,” he whispered into my ear as he kissed my cheek. “I never feel anyting like da way I feel when I ma close to you.”
We kissed again. When we finally pulled away from one another, I looked over his shoulder and saw the sun slipping behind the hills.
“Maronn! We better go. It’s late. My brother is probably wondering where we are.” I slid on my sandals and picked up the empty picnic basket. We made our way back to the truck, where Vinny and his friend waited.
I drove fast so my father wouldn’t question me. As we entered the main driveway of Antonelli farms, I drove up to the front gate and parked.
“I will be a thinking about you tonight, Violetta. I hope I hava dream about you.” His eyes fixed on me.
My heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly. He grabbed his gifts and shut the door behind him.
We’d never be the same. He was my first kiss and, hopefully, my first everything.
I stared at the empty passenger seat. With the day’s events circling my mind, I was somewhere in the middle of blissful smiles and tears of doom. The conflict of emotions snaked through my body and up into my throat, making it hard to breathe. I remembered what he shared with me today. My dreams for our future were in question because of how connected my family was to the mob. I wasn’t sure what that meant just yet, but Gaetano remained on my lips. For a while, that was all that mattered.
Viva La Giga
My family helped the Sannas pack. Antonelli and my father helped with food and essentials. My mother made clothes for the girls to have in the winter months to come. It was my job to help Signora Sanna stuff huge travel cases with blankets, toiletries, and other essentials they’d need to begin their new life. And when there was a break in the action, Gaetano and I met behind a tree far in the back of the farm or inside the stables. With each passing day, it became more difficult to keep our hands off each other.
“Your lips, dey taste like da skin of a plum. And your hair, itsa so soft. It tickles my face,” Gaetano said as we hid behind the big house. He pushed my body up against the wall and kissed me hard and deep. My pelvis throbbed and my nipples tingled.
“Stop. Oh my God, stop. I think I hear Tony.” I brushed Gaetano’s hands away from my pulsing hips. “We have to be careful.”
“I sorry, Violetta. I feel like I ma gonna burst.”
“I know. Me too,” I panted. “Tuck your shirt in before someone sees,” I whispered. “Go, go, go . . .” I said in his ear.
Gaetano and I moved quickly and turned the opposite corner of the building so that Tony wouldn’t spot us. To avoid questions, we walked in different directions. He went to the right, toward his sisters playing on the porch, and I walked left, straight for the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and fixed my hair.
I’d fallen in love with him. My hormones took hold, and we explored each other’s bodies. But there were limits. As a Catholic girl, I had to be careful. It wouldn’t sit well if I lost my virginity before marriage. So as much as we wanted to, and as close as we got, I made sure to cool things off when they got out of control.
I went to my bedroom and changed my clothes. My panties were moist, and I felt sticky. I remembered the loving words Gaetano had said to me. With his emotions, he was raw and real, sweet and innocent. None of the playboy mentality of my brother’s age group had rubbed off on him yet. His soul was still pure and sincere. He was the type of man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I just had to make sure we weren’t caught.
If Pop found out, he’d make it so I never saw Gaetano again.
With the Sanna family’s departure days away, my family threw a party in their honor. Pop was happy for any excuse to gather everyone together. The idea of Gaetano’s going-away party made my chest tight, but I’d find a way to be alone with him.
Carmela was in charge of the decorations. My brothers stacked cases of Lucky Lager beer next to the barbecue pit. My father and uncles cranked out homemade Italian sausage into yards of casings. I helped my mom prepare food and hang streamers.
Once I was done, it was time to get ready. I wanted to look pretty for Gaetano, so I asked to borrow one of Carmela’s dresses. Reluctantly, she showed me a few she’d let me wear. They weren’t her nicer dresses, but she let me try on one that was royal blue with polka dots.
“Look at you. Why you want to get all fancy for, anyways? You trying to get the Sanna boy’s attention, aren’t you?” Carmela said. She looked me over and her jaw hung down about a half an inch. “Tony told me he thought he saw you two eyeing each other the other day. You better be careful. If Pop finds out, maronn . . .”
“No. I think he’s a nice boy. We’re friends. I spent a lot of time with him this summer, but that’s it,” I fired back.
