First Last Chance, page 15
“You’re moving them to high ground for the summer, then?” She peered at the mountains ahead.
He nodded. “Make the best use of the land.”
“I never realized all the responsibilities of owning a ranch. Jason filled me in on some of them.” Small talk was safe ground.
“You mean like rotating the herd through the pastures, keeping the land and herd healthy, running the breeding program, plus all repairs to fences and outbuildings?”
She laughed a little. “Yes, all those.”
Gabe turned onto a dirt road that led them higher onto a flat plateau. The mountains seemed closer as they towered over the wide valley. “Okay, talk,” she said quietly. “Open the window if you really need that fresh air, but you tell me why we’re here.”
Gabe threw her a look, then his hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I got it wrong. I got you wrong.” He kept pure focus on the road ahead. “After I kissed you, I thought you and Jason were an item. That you were getting married.”
“What?” Ashley went to say something else, failed, then—“What the hell, Gabe?”
“I know, I know, all right.” Gabe shifted gear, more forced it into position. “I misheard you both back outside his office.”
“And you thought…” Ashley couldn’t finish it. “Goddamn it. Susan.” She gripped onto her seat. “You think I’d screw with your family like that? That as soon as she was dead, I’d jump into bed with Jason, insist Lisa and Cody run around calling me mom as I tear down her pictures off the wall? What’s wrong with you? This isn’t politics, where backhand deals between the sheets get further than integrity these days. She was—still is—my best friend. That makes Jason my best friend by default. It makes their goddamn kids my priority as best friend to their mom, you idiot.”
Gabe’s look didn’t stray from the road. “Not the worst of it, Ash.” He gave such a hard sigh. “Marilyn…”
He started to talk, but nothing seemed to register after he said there was…nothing between them.
“Stop the car.”
“What?” Gabe flicked her a look.
“Stop the goddamn car, Gabe.” She started to open the door even before he slammed the brakes on. Only her seatbelt stopped her from getting out. She hit the clasp to it a moment later, and with burnt rubber and smoke hitting her, she pushed out and slammed the door.
“Hey… hey.” Gabe was by her, trying to twist her around, so Ashley shoved him off.
“You weren’t even seeing her.” She threw out her hands, laughed, but it left her shaking. “You…you.” She shoved him again. “Who does that? I mean, seriously?” She held out her arms. “Who in their right mind behaves like that, Gabe?”
Gabe wiped a hand over his mouth. “We lost Susan.” He shrugged. “I nearly lost Jason with it. You never saw him like I did, not in the early days. Then you—”
“I what?”
All the tensions seemed to drain out of his body. “I forgot about it all when I kissed you. I slipped so badly with you, I didn’t want to think beyond us for just few damn moments. Then when I thought you were his, you played us?” He shrugged. “He didn’t matter. I still wanted to hold you, and that…?” He fought back anger. “I hated myself so damn much. He’s my brother. I wanted you even if it cost him and the kids, and I felt so shit for it.”
“Not an excuse.” Ashley let out a hurt snort. “We’re all hurting, Gabe. We’re all grieving. Christ knows we all do stupid things because of it, but you…you could have spoken to me at any time. I’m not a player. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
Gabe nodded. “I know. I think I knew it back then, I—”
“You don’t know it. That’s the goddamn problem,” said Ashley, going over. “Forget that you threw me back into being cheated on—you molded into the other woman. You sat Marilyn down at our table, didn’t tell her what you were doing, and you damn well made me sit and look at myself, all my screw ups over not being good enough, over being a chess piece you picked up only when you were in the mood. I didn’t get a choice over being cheated on, but I damn well made a choice never to be the one cheating.” She eased back, forcing all heat back. “But I had even that choice taken out of my hands. You took it out of my hands. I’d have never have kissed you if I’d have known you were seeing her because that’s who I am.” She shook her head. “But in the end, you weren’t even seeing her.”
Gabe ran a hand through his hair. “My fault,” he said softly. “There’s no excuses. I wish to God I knew why I’d gone down that path. I just…” He frowned. “I just wanted to try and put it right. Let you know it’s all down to me.”
Ashley shrugged. “Doesn’t take it away, Gabe. You wanna know why?”
He didn’t answer. He was back to looking like he didn’t know how best to answer anything for fear of it breaking.
“Because I wanted you too back there, even knowing about Marilyn.” She shrugged. “That makes us both cheats. And I don’t like that side of me you’ve brought out in me either.”
Saying nothing, Ashley got back in the car and closed her eyes as she rested back. Gabe got in a moment later, and the silence between them said it all.
He eventually pulled up into a clearing, and Ashley pushed out. Gabe was right about one thing: she needed the fresh air to clear away all the mud dragging her down.
“C’mon,” Gabe said softly. He stood close to a trail, but looked away when she glanced over. “You don’t have to stay close, just watch your step. Take the walk with me. Please. I don’t want you left here on your own.”
She didn’t think she’d be any better off with Gabe, but she followed him down a beaten trail through a stand of trees. The sound of flowing water crept through the bush, and moments later, the trail opened up to a stream filled with crystal-clear water tumbling over a bed of rocks worn smooth from years of erosion.
The wind picked up, and Ashley buried a shiver in her sweater. Usually she’d stop and take a few pictures of hidden gems space like this. She’d been doing it more and more since Susan’s death, maybe finding a way to talk to her beyond words. But it came with a bitter-sweet taste today, so she carried on after Gabe up to the pasture and watched from a distance as he made his checks on the fence. It took a while, enough for the sky to darken and shadows fall across the pasture.
“Here, take this.” Gabe came over and slipped off his jacket. Ashley eyed him, rubbing at her shoulders, so he slipped it around her and pulled it tight as he looked up. “I thought the rain would hold off until much later.”
The first raindrops fell, and Ashley blinked against them. Then the downpour started, and they made a run back for the stream and Tahoe.
In the heavy rain, clothes pasted themselves to Ashley’s body, and she clambered in the Tahoe, struggling to pull the wet sweater away from her skin. Gabe was worse off, his shirt sculpting his upper chest. He ran a hand through his hair, and Ashley looked away, more annoyed at his offer of a wet T-shirt competition he unconsciously gave off. He won, hands down.
Gabe’s look lingered her way, then he reached behind them and tugged a blanket off the back seat. “Take this as well.”
He pushed it at her, more dropped in her lap as if she’d smack his touch away, and she raised a brow at the constant contrasts he brought out. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, and that differed so much from how he handled trouble on the whole. He thought hard and over the logistics, over what was needed, what need to be said in public, but get him away from that logical process, take away the equation, he stumbled and faltered with trying to find the answers.
Ashley buried a sigh and looked out her window. Everybody screwed up with grief. Gabe’s seemed to run deeper than that. Maybe that was why she’d never read anything about him when it came to settling down with someone since his ex-wife. He’d gotten used to women walking away with his kid or, like Susan, leaving in one form another. So he slept around with Marilyn when he needed and then he’d gone knee-jerk reaction with when it came to Jason and her, unconsciously trying to push her away without realizing it.
And that was her, making excuses for him, and she screwed her eyes tight shut, thrown back into making excuses for everyone, her own ex-husband and why he had nights away. But despite his vicious play, there seemed honest screw ups behind Gabe. She just didn’t know if she could trust that instinct anymore to judge safely. “Thank you,” she mumbled eventually, not liking she had to say thank you.
Gabe started the engine and turned the SUV around. A sleet had replaced the rain and now streamed down the windshield. Neither spoke as Gabe drove fast down the road back into the valley.
“I really should have worn a jacket,” she said eventually, wiping at her eyes as the roll of the car lulled her almost to sleep.
“There’s a concert tonight. Harper Johnson asked me for assistance in hosting a classical musical event on his ranch several years ago, and the concerts grown ever since.”
Ashley frowned at Gabe. “And?”
“And I was wondering if you’d go with me.”
Ashley sat up. “Are you serious?”
Gabe looked at her. “Utterly.” He offered a tired smile. “We’re both stubborn and going nowhere because of Jason and the kids.” His confidence fell. “So I’d like to say sorry properly if you’d let me? Maybe try and show you I’m not an asshole at heart?”
“You’ll need more than a night for that.” She folded her arms. “Think lifetime.”
“If you’ll have me.” He threw her a boyish grin. “For a lifetime, like.”
Ashley rarely flipped anyone the bird, but she was really, really tempted to in that moment.
***
In her guest room, Ashley stripped, stepped into the shower, and the hot water hit her skin causing her to shiver until the heat penetrated deep, relaxing the muscles she hadn’t realized were tense. She closed her eyes and lifted her head to the flowing water.
She dusted her fingertips against her hips and gentle nips and licks came easily at her skin. Or they did in her head anyway. She needed touching beyond her own and she pushed it away, not liking where her head was going when it came to who she almost let ghost the shower with her.
Giving a sigh, she stepped out, then wrapped a towel around her hair and another around her body as she walked to the closet for her robe. While she was tying the sash, a knock came at the door. Ruth had caught them on their way in and had promised to get her a cup of tea, and she went over and opened the door, expecting to see a friendly smile. “Gabe?” Christ, couldn’t he leave this alone?
“Here.” Like the blanket, a tray with a hot drink was pushed her way. “Ruth, erm, she asked me to bring it up.”
“Ruth asked you?” Ashley cocked a brow, and Gabe dug his hands in his pocket as she took it.
“Yeah.” Gabe sniffed. “Ruth.”
Sure she did. She placed the tray on a small table. He didn’t come in, just stood awkwardly on the threshold, and it seemed to mirror everything they were. Always on the threshold. His hair was still shower fresh, and a mix of cologne and deodorant couldn’t hide that feel of long walks in the wild.
“Wanted to make sure we were good,” he said quietly. “Not for Jason, not for the kids, just for us. The possibility of friends, if nothing else.”
“You think I need you as a friend?”
He shrugged. “I’d like to hope so. I’ve never cheated, Ash, not beyond the screw up with Marilyn, but I know I’m far from perfect. I’m—”
“An asshole? Overbearing, overprotective—more Id than Ego and Superego in Freud terminology?”
“—Prone to screwing things up.” He blushed through all of that. “But for what it’s worth, if it’s worth anything, you’re ex-husband’s the idiot. He didn’t even get to stay near you as a friend and see the chance he screwed up.”
Ashley watched him for a moment, then narrowed her gaze and gave a rough sigh. “Friends, the possibility of.” She measured between thumb and finger. “A small one.” It killed her not to offer more, but he burned badly in grief when rejected. And he was still grieving along with the rest of them. He had to see that like she did.
“Friends, the possibility of.” He nodded, the lines on his face easing as he measured between thumb and finger. “A small one.”
Ashley reached up and closed the gap he’d offered between his fingers. It had been a lot bigger than hers.
He laughed softly, then caught her hand and kissed coyly at her cheek. He pulled back, looking like he really meant nothing by it, but then he paused and lingered so close by, his breath brushed her cheek. He went to say something, then giving a soft blush, he shook his head and pulled back.
She was grown up enough to know she missed the kiss that was almost there, but she thanked him for stepping back, because she would have pulled away if he’d tried.
“Uncle Gabe?” Lisa came down the hall and eyed him up. “What you doing here?” A lot of protection for Ashley came in her look, and Gabe raised his hands and backed away.
“I brought Ashley a cup of tea. From, erm, Ruth.” He glanced back at Ashley. “I’ll let you two ladies talk.” And with one last longing glance at her, he left.
Lisa pushed through and sat at the small table across from Ashley. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Ashley shut the door and hid a small smile with it. “I got caught in the rain today and am not feeling myself at the moment.”
“Your cheeks are flushed. You coming down with something?”
Damn. She was mad, not blind, and Gabe always seemed to play with both sides: head and…heat. “Thanks. I’ll be fine. Really.”
“Good, because—” She framed her face with her hands. “—tah-dah. What do you think of my hair? I really like it.
Ashley picked up her drink. “It’s very you. What time does the school dance start tonight?” She’d nearly forgotten that was going down as well.
“Eight, but friends are picking me up early.” She narrowed her eyes at the door, then back at Ashley. “What about you? What you doing tonight?”
Chapter 23
Gabe waited in the foyer, shifting from one foot to another. This was Lisa’s big moment, what all the shopping had been about, but he couldn’t help but want to move it along and get Ashley out of here. Jason stood close by with camera in hand and looking every part the proud dad waiting to see his daughter, Cody moaning close by as Ruth told him to hush. This was why he really didn’t want to be here: this was Jason’s moment as Dad, and as much as he loved Lisa, he wanted Jason to own this moment with her.
A door upstairs opened, and Ashley came down to join them. Shower-fresh and wearing suit pants and shirt, she looked as professional as ever, but her smile was so relaxed, her move to Gabe’s side saying she shared what he did, how this was Lisa’s and Jason’s moment. “I told her to wait a moment so you could get pictures of her coming down,” she said over to Jason.
“Shush, shish,” said Ruth, waving at them as noise came from upstairs, and Ashley threw Gabe a smile, almost as if she’d forgotten what he’d done. Maybe she had because she was all Lisa in this moment.
Lisa came to the top step and looked down, knowing this was her moment.
“Slowly slowly, honey,” called Jason. “Let me get some good shots.”
Gabe hadn’t seen her dress, and she owned it with every ounce of her mother’s confidence. She looked stunning, but he couldn’t help letting his gaze slip to Ashley, all the pride she had there for Lisa as she walked down the stairs.
Jason stopped snapping pictures every now and again to show off a goofy smile. “Stunning. Just stunning, baby.” He gave up and gave her a hug along with Ruth.
“Makeup, my makeup. Stop.”
He did and she pulled back, grinning. “You like it, then?” Lisa twirled. “You’re not mad at the low cut?”
“Your mom would be scowling at me if I did.” Jason kissed at her cheek. “You look gorgeous.”
“Uncle Gabe?”
He gave her a huge thumbs up, then went over and hugged her as well before looking at Cody. “Hey.”
“What?” Cody bit a nail as he looked up from his phone. “She looks nice.”
Jason laughed as Lisa hit him.
Ashley came over and gently tugged Gabe away with a pull on his shirt cuff. “I’m gonna go and get change, okay? Then we’ll head off.”
“You go,” he whispered in her ear. “And thank you…for all of this.”
She shared his look for a moment, then offered a soft smile. “Wouldn’t have missed it.”
He watched her go. He couldn’t refrain from not watching her go.
***
Gabe opened the car door for Ashley as she made her way over. She’d changed from suit pants and shirt in to jeans and a blue jumper, but her hair was loose, and it framed her face.
“You look…gorgeous.”
He didn’t scrub up too bad himself either and she gave a sigh. This…friend business was going to be tough on them, and he seemed to check himself and threw over a wince, a sorry. She offered a smile before climbing in. “You say the concert’s in a barn?” She’d made sure to bring a coat this time.
Gabe got in and fastened his seat belt. “You’re real city gal, huh? And, yup, it is. Have you always lived in Cincinnati?”
“Yeah.” She fastened her belt as he pulled away. “Jason had a habit of calling me a city girl too, but I’ve always loved the woods when I was a girl.” She glanced around the ranch as it faded into the night. “I love it here.” She shook off just how much and glanced at Gabe. “My brother and I built a fort on a forested acre behind our house. That was before the land sold and a housing development was built behind us.”
Gabe winced. “Developers…they’d snatch up a snake pit if they could. How long did you get to use your fort?”
“Only a couple of years. I’ve always wanted a cabin and a few acres on Lake Lorelei. It’s not far from Cincinnati.”
