The train suddenly slowed and began to spin round and round as they became trapped in a whirlpool. Some creatures were flung to the floor. Alice knew they couldn’t afford to wait much longer before they evacuated.

  “We’re trapped in an eddy, everyone get ready!” she said.

  “It’ll suck us down and we’re sure to drown,” squeaked Kevin.

  “Yes or no, is it time to go?” asked Marjory.

  “Not yet, but get set.”

  After a few spins in the eddy, they were catapulted onwards at an even faster pace. They sailed past more rocks, this time taking on the shapes of a large building, the fist of an ogre and a ship.

  “We’ll be crushed to death!”

  “I can’t catch my breath,” whispered an old nag, who had apparently joined their carriage at some point. She sounded hoarse and the hedgehog kindly rubbed her back as one should do for people who struggle to breathe.

  “While we’ve been floating, I was noting” remarked Alice, “we’re talking in rhyme all the time. I don’t know how but it can’t be long now.”

  “Take a look across the brook!” shouted Pavlov, the dog. They followed his gaze and saw a large grey rock in the shape of a dog’s head. No, not a dog, a wolf. It was the weir wolf the telephone had augured.

  When push came to shove, Alice hesitated. Wouldn’t it be easier just to stay in the carriage and take my chances than to jump into the unknown, especially if this is no more than a dream, she thought. On the other hand, she deduced, if it’s a dream then it really doesn’t matter either way. She felt a paw at her back. It was Pavlov, encouraging her to climb through the window. As Alice’s courage deserted her, he had taken control.

  “Jump! Everyone, jump!” he shouted.

  “I’m scared,” said Kevin, the fruit bat.

  “Everyone has to take a leap of faith at some point in their life,” shouted Alice over her shoulder, as she jumped out of the train window and into the cold mist.

  The first sensation she had as she entered the white mist was one of cold wetness. When asked later by her sisters whether it was also a wet coldness, she said no, it was quite different. The second thing was that she realised she was falling downwards. It would have been very peculiar had she been falling upwards but given the day’s events so far, maybe not out of the question. Thirdly, rather than hit the surface of the water downstream, she continued to fall, and fall. Not only that, but the rate at which she fell seemed to slow with every second. And she also began spinning round in slow motion.

  Alice guessed that they had left the rocks behind because bright sunlight now filtered through the spray. Everything was bright white and Alice had to squint her eyes half shut to see anything. Several feet away, Kevin was falling upside down. He must feel quite at home, thought Alice. A little farther away were Pavlov and Jeremiah, both looking ill at ease with their descent. Of the other creatures there was no sign.

  Far below them, the sun’s rays had created a rainbow across the mist. Alice had seen rainbows before but not one quite like this. In addition to the seven colours of the rainbow (Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain, Alice said to herself as she ticked off the colour against the mnemonic) she counted at least four more, though she was not able to name or describe them. They were totally new colours.

  As they fell through the rainbow, the four travellers began to glitter with the colours their clothes and skin came into contact with. Kevin seemed to be very taken with his colourful cloak whereas the now-red-and-blue Pavlov had entered a new level of discomfort. Jeremiah was pleased to get red, yellow and blue on his shell, that was until it mixed up into a dark grey sludge colour. Alice was delighted that she had picked up some of the new colours. She only wished she could have found the words to describe them to her sisters later on.

  As they descended, the air became colder and sky clearer. Yet whichever direction Alice looked in, everything was whiter than white and brighter than bright.

  “I can see trees down below,” barked Pavlov. “Fir trees if I’m not mistaken.”

  “Nonsense,” replied Jeremiah. “How can there be … a forest in the river?”

  “I’m a dog. I think I know a tree when I see one.”

  Alice could also make out what seemed to be the tree tops of a vast green forest some way below them. In fact, they seemed to be heading for a small clearing in the forest which, apart from the trees, was white like everything else around them.

  “How peculiar. I’ve seen a river in a forest but never the other way round. On the other hand, I’ve never fallen down a weir before.”

  “We should name this place, Alice Falls,” said Kevin.

  “Thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you,” replied Alice.

  They continued to float downwards. The lower they went, the slower they fell. After a while, Jeremiah spoke up: “You know … I fear we may never reach the ground.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” snapped Pavlov. “We’re bound to reach the ground at some point.”

  “Not necessarily,” joined in Alice, remembering a trick her tutor used to play on her. “If our pace slows continuously by half, we will always cover half the distance left. Therefore, we will continue to get closer to the ground but we will never reach it.”

  Alice looked across at Kevin, who was shivering with cold or in fright.

  “Although in this case,” she added quickly, “I’m sure we will.”

  The group of travellers did indeed reach the ground, albeit at a very slow pace, which was just as well for Alice was upside down at the moment of impact. Based on the crunching sound and coldness against her scalp, Alice figured that they had landed on fresh snow. The water and spray from the river had apparently frozen and fallen to earth as snow. How was it possible that at the top of the weir it was summer and down here it was winter? She had never experienced such a sudden change in the weather.

  Alice, Kevin and Pavlov stood up, brushed themselves off and watched as the last of their company – Jeremiah – floated slowly onto his back. He left an unsightly grey stain on the snow where his colours from the rainbow had rubbed off.

  “How undignified … I do apologise!” said Jeremiah, as they turned him over, his legs and arms waving around like a broken windmill.

  “Don’t mention it,” said Alice and wondered if all tortoises were this helpless when on their backs, or whether it was just because he was old.

  The group of four took stock of their surroundings. They had indeed come to ground in a small forest glade. The clearing was a perfect circle with four straight paths leading into the surrounding forest. The paths left the clearing in four different directions, in the exact same places as the numbers 3, 6, 9 and 12 on a clock. On closer inspection, Alice noticed that someone had actually drawn those very same numbers on each of the paths. However, unlike a clock, the order of the numbers, starting at the top, went clockwise like this: 6, 9, 12 and 3.

  “Not a very clockwise person who drew that,” remarked Alice. “How on earth are we supposed to know which is north, east, south and west with the numbers jumbled?”

  “Quite so,” said Pavlov, “though I believe I have solved the problem. It’s quite easy. Safety in numbers.”

  “How clever of you. Please do tell. Whatever we do, it’s important to stay together.” Alice was referring to the four of them as she had no idea where the rest of the passengers in her carriage had got to.

  “Absolutely,” answered Pavlov and bounded off down path number 3 with his tail between his legs, as well he might. He was out of sight before any of the others could make a sound.

  “How beastly of him!” said Alice. “And hypocritical. He said himself that we stand a much better chance of survival if we stick together.”

  “You’re so right. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you two!” squeaked Kevin in quite a flap. He spread his multi-coloured cloak, fluttered around in a circle twice and then flew off down path number 9 as though he wanted to find out the answer to his own question.

  “What’s got into those two?” asked Alice. “There was never a wise decision made in rashness. More haste, less speed.”

  “I know all about that,” said Jeremiah slowly. “Have I told you … about the race I once had … with a hare?”

  “Oh please, not that. I don’t think I could bear to hear that story yet again.” Her grandmother never failed to tell the story to her whenever Alice commented on how slowly she did things.

  “Well, I never … heard such impudence!” slurred Jeremiah and withdrew his head inside his shell. His voice echoed from inside: “Everyone said … I should come out of my shell … more often … but as soon as I do … I get my head bitten off.”

  Alice regretted being so rude to Jeremiah but no amount of apologies could induce him out again. She was at a complete loss as to what to do. She stood and waited. But as there was no-one to offer her any advice and she was getting colder by the minute, she was forced to choose a path on her own. But which path should she choose, number 6 or 12? Or should she follow Colonel Pavlov along path 3 or Kevin down path 9? Pavlov had claimed to have solved the puzzle but she didn’t see how.

  Working on the odd assumption that 12 was probably north, Alice chose the path behind her. To her delight, once she had turned round and faced number 12, she found it was now at the top of the circle, which felt just like north.

  It was only after she had taken a couple of steps forward, she noticed that the number 12 was not in actual fact drawn onto the path. Someone had carefully placed countless pebbles of varying colours and patterns to form the numbers 1 and 2. She bent down to pick up one of the stones. It was smooth, the size of a large marble and mottled liked granite. It was so light that, doubting it was made of stone at all, Alice put the object to her nose and sniffed at it. It had a sweet fragrance. Should she taste it or not? Eventually, Alice licked it. Yes, it was candy. She realised she hadn’t eaten in ages. She wondered whether she should take a bite or not. In the end, she couldn’t resist a nibble. It tasted of fresh bread so she took another bite. This time it tasted of roast chicken. A third piece - marzipan - finished it off.

  She waited a while, for experience told her that the price of tasting any peculiar food was invariably growing larger or shrinking. Nothing happened so she bent down and ate another sweet. This time it was a shiny black pebble that tasted of liquorice, smoked salmon and then cheese. Again, there was no change in her size either way but she did feel guilty that she was ruining the simple but elegant mosaic someone had taken time to create. Her guilt soon vanished as she told herself that anyone using sweets for writing messages was asking for trouble and shouldn’t be surprised if someone else came along at some point and gobbled them up. She took three more and put them in the pocket of her dress for later. Everything has a consequence, she thought.

  Alice looked around. Despite the strange landscape, odd companions and peculiar events of the last hour, there was something familiar about it all. I’ve been here before, she thought to herself. Without a doubt, she knew that she had returned to Wonderland.

  After telling Jeremiah which path she was taking and saying that she hoped he would follow her, Alice continued walking along the path. After a few dozen steps, she became painfully aware that her yellow summer dress and black plimsolls were not designed for walking in winter weather. Each crunch her feet made on the snow was followed by a cold, wet feeling as the frosty flakes seeped over the rim of her shoes and melted. In a similar fashion, her dress allowed her to feel the sun on her legs and arms, but also let the icy air in. Was everything here a mixture of extreme enjoyment and acute discomfort? Alice began to think there was something to be said for moderation.

  The snow-covered path ran ahead of Alice until it reached the distant blue horizon. On either side stood the tall dark green walls of the forest. Everything shrank in straight lines as it converged on the vanishing point, which could have been ten miles or a hundred miles away. Alice pressed on.

  Every now and then, Alice heard the call of a cuckoo or the hollow knocking of a woodpecker, which echoed eerily as if the woods were made up of many rooms. She tried to peek inside the forest but she couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

  She considered venturing into the woods to see if the going under foot was warmer and drier but a voice in her head (oddly reminiscent of her father’s) told her that one should never stray from the straight and narrow, especially in strange places. She hoped the voice was from her memory as opposed to a real voice. This was not a good time or place to go mad. Quite so, agreed the voice.

  Alice ignored the voice in her head, left the path and stepped into the woods. The fir trees grew close together like a pack of cards. Their branches intertwined as if they were holding hands to bar Alice’s way. Despite the fact that the foliage had kept most of the snow out, it was still bitterly cold. And dark.

  Alice wasn’t wearing a red hooded cloak. Nevertheless, she decided to pick up a small branch from the forest floor. I may not be able to fight off a wolf with this, she thought, but it might run after it if I throw it and shout ‘Fetch!’

  This was not a beautiful forest in the fairy tale sense and Alice would have returned to the path had it not been for the unexpected sight of a white door wedged between two fir trees. How bizarre to find a door in a forest, she thought. Alice walked round to the other side of the door to see what was there. It was as she had expected, the other side of the door.

  As good manners were instilled in Alice, as they were in most young people of that time, she knocked on the door, supposing that if there were anyone not wishing her to open it, they would say so. No sound came from within, so she entered.

  Beyond the open door was a small square room all in white, with a white door in the middle of each wall. I was right, thought Alice, (in a way that wrongly suggested she was right most of the time), the forest is made up of rooms.

  As the air was warmer and the floor drier inside than outside, and because Alice was curious to a fault, she closed the door behind her and waited. After all, she mused, this does look like a waiting room, and if it’s a waiting room, those doors must lead somewhere. After a minute or two, she became impatient and knocked on each of the other three doors, opening them in turn when no-one answered. Each door led to another room identical to the first one.

  “If I’m not careful, I shall get lost,” said Alice out loud. She considered this enigma carefully. “If I always take the door on the right-hand wall, then surely I shall arrive back in the place I started from after three rooms. Or is it after four rooms? Just to be sure, I’ll leave this twig on the floor, so that I know when I have arrived back in this room. Thank goodness I read Hansel and Gretel.”

  Alice felt braver now that she had listened to her own voice. She left the room by the door in the right-hand wall. She did the same thing in the next room. And the next. When the room after that didn’t have a stick on the floor, she began to get scared. She opened the other doors in the room, saw that they too led to identical rooms and promptly closed them again. Don’t panic, she thought. Even if this isn’t a dream, I can simply retrace my steps by taking the doors on the left-hand wall. The trouble was, Alice was no longer sure by which door she had entered.

  She guessed and took the next four doors on her left, but none of the rooms had a twig in it. She then decided to go straight ahead through each door for six rooms on the basis that the rooms must lead somewhere. They did. To her dismay, they led to a seventh white room. “I’m truly lost,” she said, and tears came to her eyes.

  She was startled by a sudden knock on the door to her right. If it’s someone who means to harm me, she thought, I’d better remain quiet. There was another rap on the door. On the other hand, I am in dire need of help.

  “Come in!” said Alice. But what if she was inviting a wolf into the room, a wolf which understood English and had no manners whatsoever? She would be safer if she were more specific. “But only if you’re a friend!”

  The door opened and there stood a dark-skinned boy of about her own age. At least, she thought he was a boy as both the facial features and body were rather androgynous. The dark face had unusually high cheekbones and a strong chin and nose, making he or she undeniably handsome. Apart from the face, the rest of the head, arms, legs and the whole of the body were covered in shiny black feathers.

  “Hello, I’m Alice,” said Alice, standing up and offering her hand.

  “I’m a jackdaw.

  “Hello Jack.”

  “Sorry?”

  “You said your name was Jack Door.”

  “No. I said I am a jackdaw. And you’re an Alice?”

  “No. My name is Alice. I’m a girl. A human being.” She wondered if this sounded rude to the boy as he did indeed have the same number of legs, arms, eyes and so on as she did. It was just that he was covered in feathers (by now, Alice had decided to call him a boy).

  “What’s your name?” she asked.

  “I don’t have one.”

  “How awful!”

  “Why?”

  “Well, how do you tell which Christmas presents are yours?”

  “What’s Christmas?”

  Alice had never had a conversation with anyone who didn’t know what Christmas was. She wasn’t sure if it was possible but she was keen to try.

  “You seem lost,” said the jackdaw.

 

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