Play Me, page 10
part #3 of Take a Chance Series
She bit back a victory yell, letting him lead her. As soon as her legs hit the mattress, she spun and shoved him down on the bed. He blinked up at her, and she straddled him before he could move. He closed his hands around her waist, and flexed his jaw. “Is this what you wanted from me, Kiersten?”
“Yes.” And no. Of course she wanted more, but for now, this need seemed more urgent. They could talk later, after this hunger eating her alive was fed. She reached down and grabbed his hands, trapping them on either side of his head. She brushed against his erection, the hard length of him sending pleasure jolting through her blood. “And I know you want it, too. I can feel it.”
He arched his hips against her, looking almost as if he didn’t want to. “I do. But I also want more. I want to be more.”
“I know. I just can’t…” say the words. “I want…you. I want this. Us. Together.”
There. She’d told him what she wanted. That wasn’t so hard.
She cupped his face tenderly, like he always did to her, and lowered her face. His eyes drifted shut, and then his mouth was on hers. And his hands were everywhere. His tongue probed her mouth, finding hers without a second of wasted breath. His fingers slid into her hair, holding her still as he ravished her mouth. But he didn’t need to hold her still. There was nowhere else she’d rather be right now.
She broke free of his mouth, nibbled a path down his neck, and bit down on his shoulder. He hissed and arched his neck, giving her better access. His hands slid down her back, over the curve of her butt, and around her thighs. From there, he went up her stomach and grasped her breasts. They were so sensitive and painful that she almost pushed him away.
But it didn’t hurt. It felt freaking amazing.
He seemed to know she might be sore. He gently clasped her, and asked, “Is this okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
How did he know about that? Oh. The book. “It’s fine. Just don’t stop.”
Grasping his hair, she slammed her mouth down on his, conveying without words that she wouldn’t break if he touched her. He was holding himself back, and she didn’t want that. She wanted all of him.
He moaned into her mouth and rolled her beneath him, cradling his weight on either side of her. His arms were wrapped around her tight, and she felt safe. Loved. It was a new feeling, and one that both frightened and thrilled her. She fought down her usual instinct to push him back and take control. To break free of his hold.
The only man she had let have control in bed was Garrett. In the past, she had always needed to be the one holding the reins. With him, it felt good to let go. To let someone else make the decisions. He slid his hands down her leg and pressed his fingers against her heat. She rolled her hips against him, begging for more.
He seemed to get the message. He undid her jeans, which were starting to get too tight around the waist, and rolled them down her legs. Her panties quickly followed, and soon she was nearly naked. When she was clothed in nothing but her bra, she shielded her belly with her hand. She was getting bigger. She might only be a few months in, but she felt like an elephant already.
He frowned and yanked her hands away from her stomach. “Don’t do that. That’s my baby in there. And you’re beautiful.”
“But—”
He kissed her into silence, then pulled back. He turned the TV up even louder, drowning out any noise they might make. “No buts. Now shut up and kiss me again.”
“Yes, sir.”
As their tongues entwined, she undid his pants. He helped her, and then yanked his shirt over his head. He sat back on his haunches, his eyes eating up every inch of her body. “I don’t have a condom,” he gritted. “Do you?”
“Yeah, but…” She was already pregnant, so they didn’t need to worry about that, obviously. She hesitated. She’d never done this without protection. Not even with Pete. Those trust issues, again. “Are you clean?”
He froze. “I am.”
“Then we don’t need one.”
He swallowed hard. “Are you sure? I’ve never…”
“Me either.” She opened her arms. “Now shut up and kiss me.”
His mouth melded to hers, soft and gentle. As if he was afraid he would scare her off. He kissed a path down her neck and over the curve of her breasts. He flicked his tongue over her nipple through her sheer bra, but didn’t suck it into his mouth. She gulped in a breath as he kissed a path down her stomach and over her hip. He nipped her inner thigh and then lifted her legs over his shoulders.
Her stomach quickened in anticipation of his lips touching her. She needed him. Now. Tilting her upward, he closed his mouth around her clit. The blood rushed out of her head and centered on her middle. On what he was doing with his tongue.
She groaned and tightened her legs on his head, not wanting to let him go. Not wanting him to ever stop. Reaching down, she grasped his erection and squeezed. He groaned and rocked his hips, urging her on. When he scraped his teeth against her and shoved a finger inside of her, she squeezed her eyes tight. Stars burst in front of her, and her whole body shuddered from the force of her orgasm.
He dropped her hips back to the bed and shoved inside of her, his hands on her shoulders. When he withdrew and pushed inside of her again, she miraculously came once more. Her body had still been humming with the previous orgasm, and this one sent her flying over the edge. Still, he didn’t stop. He pressed his thumb against her swollen clit, deepening his strokes.
She buried her face in his shoulder, biting back the cry that almost escaped. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to stop or to continue, but she could feel another orgasm building. Could feel him bringing her to the edge again. She’d never had a double orgasm, yet alone more than two. The man was a miracle worker.
He kissed her gently, but his hands on her were rough. The contrast drove her wild. His mouth caressed her ear. “Come for me. Now.”
She moaned and let go. Let go of all her reservations. All of her fears. And she let him all the way in. And this time, when she came, he came with her. And she swore she heard him whisper he loved her, but she was too far-gone to know for sure. By the time she could breathe again, he was lying next to her, running his fingers gently over her belly.
“Wow.” She turned to him and smiled. “Just…wow.”
He didn’t smile back, but he splayed his hand on her stomach. “Is everything okay in there?”
“Huh?” She looked down at her stomach. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”
He sat up and dragged his hand down his face. “I could’ve hurt you.”
She hugged her knees to her chest, swallowing hard. He didn’t exactly look happy that they’d made love. While she? She couldn’t be happier than she was right now. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”
“What was this about, Kiersten?” He looked at her, his eyes vulnerable. “Did you mean what you said? You want to try making this thing between us work?”
She took a calming breath. She was on the brink of something huge and deep and frightening, and she was scared she would screw it all up. “I did. I want to try.”
“I see.” Instead of pulling her into his arms and kissing her, as she expected, he flexed his jaw. “One more question.”
Why did he look so angry? “Anything.”
“Are you only doing this because Chris said to?” He turned to her, the vulnerability gone from his eyes. Instead, a glinting hardness had taken place. “Are you doing this for him, and him alone? Or because you want me?”
“Well…” She wasn’t sure what to say. Chris’s words had made her realize she was hurting him by refusing to give in to her weakness for Garrett. Garrett wanted it. Chris wanted it. But she wanted it, too. “No. Yes.” She bit her lip. “I want to try. Does it matter why? Isn’t this enough?” No, that wasn’t enough. She needed to tell him more. He deserved more.
He let out a harsh laugh and stood. He jerked his jeans on. “I can’t do this anymore, Kiersten.”
She flinched. So she finally told him she wanted to try out a relationship—a real one—and he left her? See? She shouldn’t have listened to her feelings. “Can’t do what anymore? Me? Didn’t you hear what I said?”
“I heard you.” He gave her his back and ran his hands down his face. “But I can’t be a live-in booty call. And I absolutely refuse to be in your bed because your son wants me to be. I love him just like you do—but I refuse to stay here because someone else told you to sleep with me. It’s not happening.”
“That’s not what this was about,” she managed to say. “I…”
A million thoughts raced through her mind. A million ways for her to explain her feelings for him. But none of them formed into words. The words just wouldn’t come. She was like a deer in the headlights. Frozen.
He spun around and faced her again, his eyes haunted and empty. He thumped his hand on his chest. “This isn’t what I want. Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you push me away constantly, and then come looking for me when you’re horny? Or when someone else tells you it might be a good idea? If you don’t have feelings for me, then say it. And just leave me alone from now on.”
“But I want to try.” She clung to the comforter. “I’m ready to try. Isn’t that what you wanted from me?”
He looked at her closely. “It was. But you’re not. I can see it in your eyes. You’re not sure.” Shaking his head, he added, “You’re even gripping the bedspread like a shield.”
“But I think I am.” She dropped the blanket and held her hands out, trying to make him see what she wanted. See that it wasn’t just her desire to make Chris happy talking. “If you give me a chance—”
“When I said I didn’t want to be with you, I really planned to win you over. But now? I’m thinking it’s better we stick to the plan you admire so much.” He grabbed his shirt and headed for the door. “We need to keep away from each other. We’re no good together.”
“If that’s what you want,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “We can just be friends.”
He stiffened, his back muscles flexing. “It’s what I want now. I can see no other way.”
“Are—?” She tried to speak, but her voice broke off. After clearing her throat, she asked, “Are you still going to live here?”
She couldn’t believe her voice sounded so steady and unaffected. As if her heart wasn’t falling apart over the fact that she’d lost the one man who had always supported her. When had she gotten so good at hiding her feelings?
“I told you I wouldn’t leave you,” he said, his voice hard. “And I’m not a liar.”
And with that…he opened the door and left her room.
She flinched when the door clicked shut behind him. When she laid her cheek on her knees, she saw What to Expect When You’re Expecting sitting on her nightstand. When had he come in and put it there? And how had so many things gone so wrong, so fast?
She ached to go after him, but she didn’t move. Didn’t chase after him and tell him she wanted more out of life. Didn’t tell him she wanted him. Didn’t tell him she might even be falling in love with him. No matter how much she wanted to open up, she just couldn’t let go of the control she’d worked so hard to gain. So instead, she sat there and cried silent tears without chasing him down and begging for forgiveness or love or anything.
And she hated herself for it.
Chapter Eleven
It had been four days since Garrett had told Kiersten he didn’t want to try a relationship with her. Four days of him acting as if he was her brother, instead of the father of her child. He greeted her every day. Was kind and caring and loving. He did nothing wrong. But he didn’t touch her. Didn’t look like he even wanted to touch her.
And it was killing her.
When she finally decided to try and put her heart on the line, he wised up and realized she was a hopeless case. He’d made it perfectly clear he was done with her. Had followed through on that promise. Lately, he had even been coming home late at night smelling like beer. Was he out picking up women? Had he already moved on from her?
Could she honestly blame him if he had?
The door opened and shut quietly. “I’m home,” Garrett called out.
Kiersten looked at the clock. It was only seven o’clock. He hadn’t been coming home from the bar until after ten lately. She tensed and smoothed her hair. She was wearing baggy sweats and a frizzy ponytail without a stitch of makeup on her face. Go figure. “I’m in the kitchen.”
He came in carrying grocery bags. After a quick glance around the room, he asked, “Where’s Chris?”
“At Brianna’s house. Did you bring home the milk?”
“Yeah, and I got something else, too,” he said. “The other day, you were complaining about the baby wanting some ice cream. So I got your favorite.”
She pursed her lips, salivating at the mere thought of ice cream. “How do you know my favorite?”
“Do I look like an idiot?” He cleared his throat. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. But we’ve been friends long enough for me to know what you like.”
“I know yours, too,” she said, nudging him with her elbow. “Vanilla with hot fudge and bright, unmanly rainbow sprinkles.”
He flushed and pulled out a container, waving it under her nose. “You mean, like these?”
“Mmm hmm,” she managed, laughing. “Like those.”
Her stomach growled when he took the ice cream out of the bag and his mouth twitched. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen his smile. She missed it almost as much as she missed him. “Wanna skip dinner and go right to dessert?”
Her insides clenched, and her gaze involuntarily dropped to his mouth. Dessert brought something entirely different from ice cream to mind. Her body remembered his touch all too well, and she ached for him in more ways than one. When she met his eyes, she felt unable to disguise the pure need taking over her body.
His eyes darkened and he stepped back, his nostrils flaring. “Kiersten?”
“Huh?” She snapped herself back to reality, taken aback by how easily she almost forgot his new aversion to her. “Er, nah. Let’s eat and then have some ice cream. Better for the baby. What do you want for dinner? I could make ravioli if you want.”
Garrett gripped the ice cream, his knuckles white. He backed even farther away from her, his face pale. “Oh, you know what? I forgot that I have a basketball game with Mike and the boys, and then we’re hitting the bar. I’ll have to eat some later.”
After she was asleep, no doubt. That way he wouldn’t have to be next to her. Kiersten hesitated and reached out to grab his shoulder. “You don’t have to keep leaving. I can—”
“I’m not leaving because of you.” He gently moved out of her hold, his eyes lowered. “I have a game, and then we’re going out.”
“Are you going to do this when the baby’s here, too?” She crossed her arms, hating herself for asking. “I thought you wanted to be here for me. For the kids.”
He eyed her. “Chris isn’t here, so he won’t miss me. And the baby isn’t here yet. It’s just you and me.”
She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Where have you been every night since we fought?”
“I told you. The bar.” His head snapped up, and his eyes were on her. They looked so…unapproachable. Cold. “I didn’t realize I had to run every aspect of my schedule by you.”
She tensed. “It would be helpful to know, in case there’s an emergency.”
“If there’s an emergency?” He held up his phone. “You can call me. I always have it on me now. I’ll be here in no time. You know that.”
She bit back the words fighting to come out. The ones that were begging to be asked. Where are you going? What are you doing? Can I have a second chance to do this the right way? But she didn’t have a right to ask those questions. She wasn’t his girlfriend. She’d spent years pushing him away and this time she’d succeeded. Yay for her.
God, she was such a fool. “Right.”
Something of the inner turmoil she was feeling must have been revealed in her voice, because he studied her. He pursed his lips, his head canted to the side. “What do you want from me, Kiersten? Seriously, what do you want?”
“I miss you,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. Even though she knew it wouldn’t help matters. Wouldn’t help him. “Will we ever be able to hang out again? To be together the way we used to be?” She steeled herself to ask the one question she was terrified having answered. Her voice came out strangled, as if the words didn’t want to be said. “Or maybe we could even try being together. Like you wanted.”
“Just stop. Stop trying to give everyone what they want. You always do that, but I won’t accept it.” He gave a harsh laugh, running his hand over his jaw. “You know what? I’m not doing this tonight. I told you I’m done having this conversation over and over again.”
She took a step closer, her heart quickening. “Do you miss me like I miss you?”
He grabbed his keys off of the island. “Of course I miss you. That’s part of the problem. It’s also why I need to go. We’ll be fine once the baby comes. But for us to get there? I need to get over you.”
Did that mean he wasn’t over her yet? That she stood a chance at making this right? She followed him without even realizing she was doing so. “I want you to stay with me. Be with me.”
He stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. His whole body hummed with impatience. He couldn’t wait to get away from her. Couldn’t wait to escape her. “I can’t. I have a game.”
She’d really, truly lost him.
He crossed the living room, but stopped with his hand on the knob. “Take it easy tonight. You look tired.”
She was tired because she couldn’t sleep anymore. Couldn’t stop missing him. Wanting him in her bed, holding her close.
Couldn’t stop thinking about him…and all that she’d lost.
She swallowed the aching lump in her throat. The door shut behind him before she could do more than open her mouth to reply.
