She shivered. “I’m not sure if that would be the lifestyle for me. I don’t mind winter so much but holy cow.”

  He laughed. “Yeah. Like I said, it isn’t for everyone.”

  No, it wouldn’t be for me.

  And Rick lived there. She remembered again, for what seemed the thousandth time, that he was going back there on Sunday. There was a huge gap between Arizona and Alaska. Sadness crept up. She needed to remember the barriers between them whenever she started feeling as if she could have a special relationship with him.

  “You don’t talk much about your parents,” he said.

  She groaned. “No. I don’t. But you’ve heard about them before, right? The rumor mill was always going.”

  He shook his head. “I tried not to pay attention to it but I heard a little.”

  “What did you hear, and I’ll tell you if any of it is true.”

  Ever the guy to get right to the point, he said, “Your father Charlie Williams was a shady cop who never got caught until he was killed in a shootout ten years ago.”

  She swallowed hard. Ten years had done a lot to clear away the pain of discovering her father wasn’t who she’d thought he was. “Yeah. I was picked on when I was a kid because other children liked to bully me.”

  He winced. “God, I’m sorry. I never knew that.”

  Lena rolled her shoulders as the muscles ached with new tension. “I’m over it. You could say becoming a counselor was a great thing because I could better understand things about myself that way.”

  “Physician heal thyself.”

  “In a way, yes. One thing that still hurts like hell sometimes is…” She drew in a deep breath.

  “Your mother?” His voice was deep and gentle, his eyes filled with sympathy.

  “Yes.”

  She didn’t say anything else. He already knew her mother had died when Lena was only twenty-one in a freak car accident where a semi had lost control and crossed a median. Lena’s mother had died instantly in the head-on crash. They went silent for several moments. There were other things he probably didn’t know and they poured from her now.

  “My sister Cammie and I aren’t talking. We haven’t since Mom’s funeral.”

  “That’s a long time.”

  “It’s complicated but when Dad got drunk when Mom died, he couldn’t handle the funeral arrangements. He was too deep into a bottle of whiskey. Cammie was already estranged from our family because she didn’t want anything to do with Dad. I took care of the funeral arrangements and Cammie didn’t show up for the funeral at all.”

  Rick’s eyes turned darker with emotion. “Seriously? She wouldn’t even come to the funeral?”

  “No. She made up several excuses.”

  “And you had no one to help out.”

  She gave him a weak grin. “It wasn’t as bad as that. I have some good friends who came and helped. I wasn’t alone with Dad and our misery.” She shrugged. “Anyway Cammie and I are still estranged, even though I try periodically to make contact with her. I’ve forgiven her but maybe she hasn’t forgiven herself.”

  They went silent for a few moments, the air feeling heavy.

  “I admire the hell out of you, Lena Williams,” he said suddenly.

  She smiled slowly. “Thank you. Why?”

  “Why? Because you are a strong woman. You’ve been through hell with your family and yet you keep going. You don’t let life get you down.”

  “Like the Energizer Bunny?”

  “Even better.”

  “I’m never a victim, Rick. I pull myself up and keep going because it’s the only way to live. Really live.”

  “Damn straight.” He smiled. “Like I said, I admire that.”

  Damn his gorgeous face, his empathy and the warmth she felt coming from him. Rick Frasier was a seriously delicious man in body and soul. All the things she’d been so irritated with were minor in comparison to his deep qualities. Any woman would be lucky to have him. A lump the size of Arizona filled up her throat and she returned to cutting veggies before she started crying. Yeah, she did more than admire this big, tough guy with a heart of gold. Emotions rose up and chief among them was sadness. Not because he’d brought up her parents’ deaths but because she would miss him so terribly when he returned to Kodiak.

  She put her thoughts into preparing for today, turning on a bit of that bunny energy.

  As she rushed by him one more time to do something else he snagged her arm and drew her between his parted thighs. He smelled spicy-man good and she didn’t need the distraction right now. But he was having none of it.

  “Hey there,” he said as he held her hands in his. “You’re rushing around like crazy. We aren’t late. We don’t even have to be there until ten o’clock.”

  She drew in a deep breath. “I know. I don’t…I get like this sometimes when I’m…”

  He stilled her hands. “Easy, honey. Are you nervous about something?”

  She didn’t know. She hadn’t felt this jumpy since the day he’d returned to Constitution and she’d found him annoying as hell. She drew on that and tried to understand what had happened between her and Rick. Why they’d gone supernova. Fear rose inside her. She couldn’t make a mistake with this guy. She couldn’t take a broken heart—besides, she’d only known him again for a week. That wasn’t enough time to know a man inside and out. Certainly not enough to become so attached.

  “Lena? What’s wrong?” Worry crossed his face.

  “I think we should arrive in separate cars. We don’t want things to be too weird.”

  He screwed up his face a little. “Why? I mean, why would they be weird?”

  She drew her hands out of his. “Because I’ve got to think. This whole…” She made a movement with her right hand that conveyed frustration, that jumpiness that wouldn’t go away. “The situation between us moved so quickly. It doesn’t make sense.”

  If she’d expected him to disagree, she was right. He drew back from her and rounded the breakfast bar, putting considerable space between them. He stood and watched her, puzzlement clear in his eyes.

  “What?” she asked.

  “What? Isn’t it obvious? You’re still trying to deny there’s anything between us. That maybe, just maybe we have something going.”

  She swallowed hard, not eager to face up to anything. “Sure there is. We…there’s great sex. We have a good time together.”

  Disappointment colored his eyes. “It’s more than that, damn it. Yeah we’ve got heat. But we have more than that. But if you’re not going to acknowledge it then I guess that’s it.” He grabbed his coat off the barstool next to him. “I’ll see you at Danelle and Patrick’s.”

  When he left without another word, her heart sank. Well, she’d only spoken the truth, right? They couldn’t be together and probably shouldn’t be together. She’d made it easy to break off the whole thing, even if the next two days would be the most uncomfortable of her life. With a gulp, she tried to return to cutting vegetables. Her vision blurred and she left the veggies before tears could fall.

  * * * * *

  Thanksgiving Day sucked.

  At least Rick thought it did as he climbed out of the truck and headed toward the sizeable ranch house several miles outside Constitution occupied by Patrick and Danelle. It looked as if he were one of the first people there. No sign of his brothers’ vehicles or the ladies.

  Lena couldn’t say I’m always late now, could she?

  As he continued walking up the path to the door, a bag with two bottles of wine in hand, he sighed. Let it go. She doesn’t want you in her life, dude. Get over it.

  As he knocked on the door his stomach lurched and his emotions boiled. Getting over Lena had been a struggle he’d endured for years. He’d never fallen for a woman like this before. Sure he’d been attracted, had sex, enjoyed casual relationships. Nothing like this long-lasting craving, this obsession that went on for years. He’d tried dropkicking these feelings for her. She’d made it easy. He’d have to get over her whether he wanted to or not.

  Danelle answered the door and let him in. She gave him a hug and took the wine. “Oh this is great, thank you.”

  Rick wandered into the living room as Patrick approached. The whole house smelled like holiday goodness. Pumpkin pie. Turkey. His stomach growled.

  “Wow, I’m the first one here?” he asked.

  “Yep.” Patrick slapped him on the back. “Trying out a new approach to life, buddy?”

  Rick snorted. “Yeah. A new leaf just this morning.”

  Patrick laughed. “First time for everything.”

  “God, this smells good,” he said as Patrick took his coat and headed to a back room with it.

  “It’s a feast.” Danelle smiled, a beam of pure happiness on her face.

  Rick slung his arm around her shoulders. “You’re going to a lot of trouble for a woman who is getting married on Saturday.”

  “Not much trouble at all. I’ve got all my friends with me and that makes me very happy. Besides, everyone is bringing food. We just have the turkey and a few snacks.”

  “Well, thanks anyway for having us in your home,” Rick said.

  “Hey, dude, are you hitting on my soon-to-be wife?” Patrick said in a mock serious voice as he returned.

  Rick squeezed her shoulders one more time before releasing her. Patrick gave him a light punch on the shoulder. “She’s a winner, Patrick. You better treat her right or I might just kidnap her and sweep her off her feet.”

  “Yeah right. Just try it.” Patrick gave him a dirty look but one filled with good humor.

  Danelle’s eyebrows winged upward. “Um… I thought Lena might be with you.”

  Rick hesitated, his mouth popping open, but he had no idea how to respond at first. He finally found some spit. “She should be along soon.”

  Danelle traded a look with Patrick that said volumes. They’d expected them to arrive together. Neither of them said anything more about it, thank God. He wouldn’t have a discussion about Lena with them. With anyone for that matter.

  “We’ve already laid out some stuff on the dining table,” Patrick said as he led him through the living room to the open-layout dining room. “Pig-out time.”

  Danelle and Patrick had refurbished this old ranch and put extensive work into opening up the living and dining areas.

  Rick looked around the area with admiration. “This is a great place.”

  “Thank you.” Danelle gave him another one of those satisfied smiles. “Something to drink?”

  “I’m good for now.”

  Rick liked the place but he saw a different type of home for himself in the future. He might be twenty-nine but often he felt a lot older mentally. He’d have his dream house one day. A twinge hit him in the gut again as he imagined that dream house with no one else inside it but him. The cold image didn’t comfort. He wouldn’t always be hanging out the door of an H-60 helicopter ready to plunge into an icy ocean.

  “I’ll be right back,” Danelle said and disappeared into the back rooms.

  Patrick hadn’t filled up a plate but he watched Rick with a curious expression. “What’s up with you this morning? First you’re early and don’t have Lena with you. Second you look like a kicked puppy.”

  Shit. “Do not. It’s your imagination. As for Lena… She’s her own woman. She does what she wants at her own pace and in her own time. I don’t have any hold on what she does.”

  Patrick placed his hand on his hips. “Yeah, I get that. It just seemed like you two were…uh…hitting it off.”

  Rick chewed a chip and threw Patrick a quelling look. “So getting engaged turned you all touchy-feely, bro?”

  Rick’s sarcasm didn’t get the reaction he expected as Patrick returned the look with a disappointed one. “Maybe it has. I’ve learned a lot about being a man from Danelle. Like how not to be a dick. Did you and Lena fight?”

  Crap. He wouldn’t escape this one fast. Anger threatened but he wouldn’t storm out of the house or act like the aforementioned dick. “You never used to be this nosy before you got engaged either.”

  Patrick held his hands up. “Dude, I’m not trying to get up in your love life.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  “Okay, I am. But I don’t want any tension okay? The wedding is Saturday and Danelle’s already a bit teary-eyed.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s a woman thing. She’s been crying when she’s happy too.”

  Rick grunted. “Women.”

  Patrick laughed. “Yeah. Women.”

  Rick glanced over at the hallway and hoped Danelle wouldn’t hear this. He lowered his voice. “Don’t say a word to anyone else but this thing between Lena and me is finished. I’m leaving Sunday and that’s it.”

  Patrick’s slightly amused expression faded. “Sorry. What happened?”

  “She doesn’t want to be with a military man, okay? End of story. Nothing I can do.”

  Patrick sighed. “I guess I can understand that.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Damn, here I said no drama but all three of you Frasier brothers hooked up with Danelle’s friends and all three of you are leaving Sunday. I think it’s going to be a disaster.”

  Rick thought about it. “My brothers will figure out their own love lives. I’m not going to get in the middle of it.”

  Danelle wandered back into the area. “You guys look grim. What’s going on here?”

  Patrick looked guilty as shit. “Telling lug nut here not to hurt Lena.”

  Rick pushed down irritation. For Danelle’s sake he’d keep the cursing in check and wouldn’t punch out her soon-to-be groom. “You know me better than that. I’d never hurt her.”

  Rick shoved down his own hurt and knew it would take a long time and many miles before he forgot Lena.

  Danelle’s eyes held pure worry. The doorbell rang and saved Rick from what he was certain would have been more interrogation.

  A couple hours later Rick watched everyone move around Patrick and Danelle’s house acting as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. They all acted as if something boiled beneath the surface. As if they could hide undercurrents by talking, laughing and pigging out. Not too long after, the women went into the master bedroom to check out Danelle’s wedding dress again and do girly shit. Rick got into the mode of being tough. He wouldn’t allow the ache in his heart to soften him. Seeing Lena talking with her friends, hell, seeing her at all was eating a hole in him the size of all the permafrost in Alaska. Her greeting to him when she’d arrived—late, by the way—had been almost as cold too.

  Patrick said something about the women putting up a no-boys-allowed sign and Rick’s brothers laughed.

  Rick grinned widely. “Wouldn’t surprise me a damn bit.”

  “Girls will be girls. It’s a wedding.” Patrick’s expression turned serious. “None of it meant a damn thing when we heard all of you were in danger the other day. It scared the shit out of us.”

  “Thanks, buddy.” Rick sipped his beer.

  “Nothing like a good shoot ’em up to build an appetite,” Jake said as he reached for a paper plate.

  “Yeah, well, I’m a software engineer and not a soldier. I’m not used to getting my ass shot off so it still scared the hell out of me,” Patrick said.

  “Don’t even think about it. All that matters is your wedding.” Matt said.

  “Huh,” Rick said. “Weddings. I’m not ever getting married.”

  Rick grabbed a carrot stick and plunged it into some ranch dressing on his food-laden paper plate. He crunched the veggie and walked around the long dining room table hunting for more food.

  Jake slapped him on the back. “God, man, you’re a pig.”

  Rick realized that Lena had returned to the dining room and the crushed look on her face said she hadn’t liked what he’d said one damn bit. For the rest of the evening Lena kept her distance from Rick. She was cordial enough but he was pretty certain he’d messed things up. It whirled around in his mind that he had to think of a way to fix things. When he couldn’t think of a way to accomplish it, he felt like a total failure.

  Ah shit.

  Chapter Seven

  Lena returned to her home late in the afternoon, her mood in the crapper. She had no one to blame but herself. She’d allowed Rick’s comment to disconcert her.

  I’m not ever getting married.

  What had she expected? And why did she care that he’d said he would never get married? It wasn’t as if she’d planned to marry him. It wasn’t as if he loved her.

  She took a shuddering breath. She might…just might love him.

  She slumped down on her couch in flannel pajamas, fuzzy slippers and a robe. She flipped through channels, hoping to find a television program to numb her mind. She’d had wine today but only one glass. She thought about having another glass and then remembered she didn’t have any in the house. Just as well, she’d never resort to drinking to take away her troubles.

  “Stupid, stupid,” she muttered to herself, then realized she hadn’t noticed any of the programs in front of her.

  She stopped on a rerun of a parade from earlier in the day and stared at the cheerful crowds and enormous floats. Tears filled her eyes.

  “You’re being ridiculous,” she said out loud.

  She tried to recall the when she’d last spent so much time tearing up. This week had been a bitch for that. Tuesday while the mall situation was happening she’d cried too. She’d almost cried when Rick had talked with her about her parents and she’d felt sorrowful that he’d leave Constitution soon.

  Yeah, ridiculous. She was a therapist and yet when it came to her own love life she was failing miserably at counseling herself. Maybe she’d call up one of her therapist friends tomorrow and set an appointment. She needed an outside perspective. Besides, loving Rick wasn’t an option. She hadn’t known him that long. She thought back to how he’d acted concerned about her when they’d all gathered around to talk about the mall incident after they’d finished eating dinner and washing dishes. She’d asked everyone how they were doing and related that she’d had a nightmare centered around the mall. Rick had asked if she was okay and had surprised her with the depth of his concern. He might have walked out of her home this morning but he was still one of the most decent men she knew and deep feelings for him wouldn’t disappear overnight. For this evening she’d wallow in them a bit and allow a few tears. Crying was good for cleaning out the emotions and toxins. She gave in to it, allowing the tears to flow and holding on to an entire box of tissues. After about an hour she was tired of the pity party. Maybe she should get dressed and head out into the cold night to the mall. She’d heard they’d reopened the theater portion and movies were playing. She switched off the television and headed to the computer. She found an action adventure movie that sounded good and re-dressed with the idea of heading out in a few minutes. A new perspective would do her good.

 

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