The Miting: An Old Order Amish Novel, page 22
Hannah wandered in. She sat on the chair across from Leah. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”
She nodded.
“I still miss my family, and it seems Sunday is the worst day for that.”
Again Leah nodded mutely.
The silence in the room deepened. Suddenly, Hannah stood. “Let’s go get some ice cream. Doesn’t that sound good?”
Her smile was open and inviting. Leah responded as best she could. “Sure.”
She couldn’t wait to get out of the house.
Once in town, Hannah drove past the turn off to the Dairy Queen located on Main Street. “Aren’t we going to the ice-cream stand?”
“It’s such a nice day, I thought it’d be good to take a drive in the country and get our ice cream at Raysburg General Store.”
Leah’s heart raced, knowing they’d be traveling close to her family’s farm.
Maybe I’ll see someone I know.
The winding roads following the hills and curves of the farmland north of Ashfield lulled her into a peaceful trance. She viewed the passing landscapes and remembered the feel of the asphalt roads under the roll of the buggy wheels. She could almost imagine the pull of Sparky against his reins and the sound of his clopping hooves striking the hard surface of the blacktop.
Soon they were pulling into the store parking lot, and she suddenly thought of her English clothes. What if she saw Jacob? Or worse yet Daet? Maem and her brother and sister had already seen Leah in her Englisher jeans and T-shirt, but the thought of Daet seeing her—it was harder to imagine his reaction.
She glanced nervously around as she got out of the car and shut the door. The store was surprisingly busy for a late Sunday afternoon, but many of the people shuffling in and out of the store were tourists or locals who came in to get a snack or rent a movie.
The wooden floors creaked as they wandered down the aisle past the cash register and over to the ice-cream counter perched atop a freezer that held many icy confections. She leaned against the cold glass as she made her selection of ice cream. The man who waited on them was the one who had helped her the day she left the Amish. She wondered if he recognized her in her new garb.
The two friends paid for the cones and settled into the very booth Leah had sat in while waiting for Naomi to pick her up months ago. The outside air was hot and sticky, and a patch of moisture trickled down the inside pane of the air-conditioned window. She looked across the table at her roommate, and a feeling of warmth and affection for Hannah’s thoughtfulness spread over her sore heart.
“Thank you, Hannah.”
“For what?”
“For this.” Leah gestured to the store. “For bringing me to see the place again and for understanding I needed to be out here for a while.”
“You’re welcome.” Hannah’s rosy cheeks glowed as she grinned at Leah.
Leah rolled an icy cold drop of sweet frozen cream over her tongue. “Being here reminds me of the day I left. The urge to somehow find out more about myself and God. I’d … forgotten.”
Leah gazed out the window to the surrounding fields, houses, and passing cars. When she’d left her Amish home, the ways of the English had been a mystery. Now she knew that along with the freedom to choose a path for herself came much responsibility. She had no family to help her. And her role in life, while open for God’s plans, was complicated by not really having a clear identity. Among the Amish, she had been Leah Raber, good Amish girl and future wife and mother.
Out here, the prospects seemed endless, scary, and exhilarating at the same time. There were no hard-and-fast rules of who she could be, what she could accomplish, and how she would choose to live her life. The Amish way, though very hard, was straightforward. The path of her life was already decided, long before she’d even been born. In that, she supposed, people could say it was a “simple” life. But the freedom to choose was strong in her heart and something she didn’t know how to squelch. There was good in her upbringing, and there was support, but there was also frustration for someone like her who grasped for an independence that didn’t fit the Amish way.
She mulled these ideas around and came to the conclusion that, for her, life in the English world was worth the sacrifice. She fanned the spark of contentment. Just for today, she would think of the good things she’d accomplished and gained and put the losses aside for another time. She was young. The day was beautiful. The sun glowed over the warmed earth, and her friend was by her side. Yes. Today, it was enough.
The two friends chatted amiably while finishing their ice cream. Just as they were throwing the napkins away in the big trash bin outside the general store’s double doors, Leah heard the unmistakable sound of a buggy coming down the road.
She stepped away from the building and watched as the buggy drew closer. It was not Sparky, but she did recognize the neighbor’s black horse. His huge size and large head set him apart from all the other horses.
As the buggy drew nearer, the Amish man seated on the front seat threw up his hand in a friendly wave. The Amish commonly offered a greeting to the Englisher tourists—Leah had done it herself many times without even paying attention to who the people were, but as they passed Hannah and Leah, the Amish wife’s eyes grew large as she recognized their neighbor’s wayward daughter in her English clothing.
Leah felt an ornery tug and smiled as she called, “Wie bisht du, Ruth und Erb?”
Hannah raised her hand in a friendly greeting, too. Ruth nearly twisted her neck getting a backward look at Leah as the horse pulled their buggy through the intersection and away from the store.
Hannah shook her head and giggled. “You know how the gossip mill is, Leah. It’s going to get around to everybody by morning that you were seen at the general store in your Englisher clothes, and had the nerve to ask Ruth and Erb how they were.”
Leah joined her in laughter as they walked slowly to the car. She stopped to take a long look around. The sun was starting to set, and the rosy hues of its dying rays spread over the summer fields like a thick blanket. She breathed deeply of the humid air and let out a sigh.
“This is nice. Thanks, again, Hannah.”
“Ready to go?”
“Yep. I am.”
Later that night, something seemed more settled in her soul. She read the Bible and asked the Lord to help her make it through. This time, she felt like she was reaching God. Leah felt His Spirit breathe on her and asked Him to send His peace deep into her heart.
As she turned out the white hobnailed lamp by the bed, she whispered another thankful prayer. Determined to shake off her blues and quit feeling sorry for herself, Leah decided it was time to nurture a little bit of hope. It felt awfully good to fall asleep with a smile on her face.
The next morning, before she went to volunteer at the Mission to Amish People offices, Leah decided to write her parents another letter. She wanted to tell them what she’d been doing since she left. Being seen by their neighbors the night before prompted her to write. She knew gossip would reach her family soon enough, and she wanted to have her letter in their hands not long afterward.
She’d just finished the letter and was putting a stamp in the corner when Naomi called down to ask if she was ready to go. Leah ran up the steps to join her and placed the letter in the mailbox at the end of the driveway.
The drive to MAP was similar to the drive with Hannah the day before, along the same roads and viewing the same rolling hillsides and lovely farmsteads. The MAP office building sat at the back of the church the Schrocks and Leah attended. The large room housed offices and long tables for volunteers to sit and grade papers or fold newsletters. The group needed many volunteers to hold the weekly children’s club and respond to the mail.
In one part of the building, shelves held gift bags of needed supplies to give to those who had just left the Amish—often with nothing but the clothes on their backs. The bags held deodorant, shampoo, and other toiletries, as well as material about MAP help.
A few ladies sat at desks, marking papers. Levi, who helped Matthew with MAP business, greeted her with a smile. It felt right, knowing she was doing something positive to help other former Amish as well as spreading the gospel message.
The day passed quickly as Leah moved from station to station doing whatever was needed. She prayed that God would always call volunteers to be willing to aid the ministry. She had seen for herself how much they helped her.
Later that evening, just after Leah finished helping with the dinner dishes, the phone rang. It was Sally Burns, wanting to know if she was still interested in a full-time cleaning job she had available in the evenings. A lady who’d been cleaning for Sally had quit that very day.
Leah hesitated because she wasn’t sure how to get herself there. Though she’d been saving, she still didn’t have quite enough money for a car of her own, not to mention she didn’t have her driver’s license yet.
“Don’t worry about a ride,” Sally offered. “I can pick you up on my way into town, and since we’ll be working together, you’ll always have a ride.”
“Then, yes! I’ve been hoping I could get a full-time job.”
“You’ll need to go into town and get a work permit since you’re still under eighteen, but that shouldn’t be a problem at all. Or do you have one for the houses you’re cleaning?”
“No. I didn’t know I needed one, but I can get it this week.”
“Okay. Call me when you have that, and we’ll plan to start as soon as that’s taken care of.”
“All right. And thank you, Sally.” Leah put down the phone and scampered into the living room to share the good news with the Schrocks.
“God is good!” exclaimed Matthew.
“Yes, He is!” agreed Naomi with a broad smile. Leah smiled back at them and felt a piece of the puzzle coming together for the first time since she’d left home.
Maybe I really can make it on my own here in this Englisher world.
“Why don’t I take you into Ashfield tomorrow morning?” Matthew suggested. “Then before you go clean Mrs. Lewis’s house, you can get your worker’s permit.”
“Great! Thanks, Matthew.”
Leah was relieved she would finally be able to help contribute more to her living expenses. What a gracious couple to let her move in and wait patiently for her to find a full-time job. She was glad God had blessed her with these friends.
Leah drummed her fingers on the door frame as she waited for Sally Burns to pick her up on her first night of the new job. The shift started at six because they were cleaning the offices of a science facility that closed at five thirty. She watched as Sally’s car pulled in the drive. Sally had red hair piled high on her head and long, dangling earrings. Her fingernails were painted bright pink. Leah wondered how she kept them in such good condition, considering she cleaned alongside her hired workers.
Leah got in the car and introduced herself. Though they’d chatted the night before on the phone, she hadn’t imagined the fun-loving lady who sat beside her now. Leah sensed working with Sally would be an experience she would not soon forget. Sally chattered a mile a minute, laughed often, and called Leah “honey girl” and “girlfriend.” How could a person not like Sally? Leah was enthralled and couldn’t help smiling.
Before the two ladies started work at the facility, they sat in the parking lot while Sally showed Leah how to fill in the forms she needed to file for taxes.
The job site was overwhelming with its many buildings, but Sally quickly explained their responsibility to clean only pertained to the office building. Now inside, she carried a set of keys that unlocked a large storage room, where a utility sink and all the cleaning provisions were located. Sally got out the buckets and mops and showed Leah where to find gloves to protect her hands from the harsh chemicals they used to disinfect the floors and surfaces.
Aha! So that’s how she keeps her nails so neatly polished.
Leah glimpsed a light spilling from an office down the hallway.
“Do we clean around the people who are still working?”
Sally glanced toward the back area. “Ah, that’s Mr. Sedak’s office. He works late every night. He’ll go down to the cafeteria to take a break and get some coffee when he sees us. You’ll hardly ever run into anyone else in here after six.”
She explained how to clean swiftly, yet thoroughly, and they passed the time together chatting about families, popular TV shows, and recipes. Leah was enjoying her new employer and thanking God He had helped her to get this job. Sally was not at all uncomfortable or bossy.
The summer days passed quickly and autumn showed itself in the cooler temperatures each evening and the changing leaves each morning. Leah continued studying for her GED, volunteering in the MAP offices when she could, and working her evening cleaning job. She also continued cleaning two houses during the day. It wasn’t that she was never homesick anymore, but keeping busy helped her handle moments of homesickness better. She also loved the Tuesday night Bible studies and enjoyed the new friendships she’d established there. But if she let herself dwell on thoughts of Bishop Miller or the Ordnung, a burst of anger and bitterness about the changes they had forced on her life shot through her. Best not to linger on those thoughts.
One sunny, crisp day, she rode into Ashfield with Naomi. It was an important milestone for Leah: she was going to take her written test to get her driver’s license permit. Though she had studied, she was still afraid of failure, and in the back of her mind, she had to admit her Amish teachings against cars were playing games with her mind. In her Amish church, driving a car was one of the worst sins she could commit.
There was no doubt Maem, Daet, and her Amish friends and neighbors would consider what she was planning to do an act of utter rebellion and rejection of the Ordnung. Leah’s parents would be convinced she was headed straight to hell by even considering driving a car.
An unwanted melancholy settled over Leah’s spirit as she reflected on their disapproval if they knew what was happening to her. Dressing like an Englisher was one thing, but no one in her family had ever driven a car. Maybe some families had wayward rumspringen teens who drove and then hid their cars and trucks on their dad’s property, but it wasn’t like that in Leah’s family. Neither Daet nor Maem nor her grandparents had been as wild as all that in their youth.
Leah shook off the negative thoughts and picked up the exam practice book to cram a bit more information into her head before they reached the DMV office. As Naomi pulled into the parking lot, Leah felt a flutter of indecision.
Should I be doing this? What if the Ordnung is right? What if driving a car really is a mortal sin?
She pushed the thoughts from her mind as she climbed out of the car and walked into the building.
Thirty minutes later, Naomi congratulated her on passing the test. Leah was on her way to even more freedom. She agreed when Naomi suggested a celebration ice cream at the Dairy Queen.
“But first, I have to get a roll or two of duct tape for a project. Let’s go to the hardware store on the way, okay?”
“Sure. I’d like to pick up a small box of thumb tacks and a bulletin board while we’re in there. I want to put it above my desk so I can post my work hours.”
Home Hardware was a busy, crowded place when they went in, so it took a few minutes to find the selection of bulletin boards. Leah spied a cheerful one with bright daisies around the frame and decided it was just what she needed to perk up the wall above her desk. As she wandered the aisles looking at the beginnings of Christmas displays, a prickly sensation went up her spine.
Is someone watching me?
She glanced up. Jacob Yoder was smiling down at her. Her knees wobbled and hands trembled. His eyes seemed to drink her in.
He looked so familiar and yet unfamiliar. His Amish dress appeared foreign to her now, and she realized for the first time what English people saw when they looked at the Amish. Leah had grown accustomed to the short hair and T-shirts of the English men. The uniform colors and style of the Amish seemed to hide Jacob’s individuality. He looked like a clone of so many other Amish men.
Is this how I looked when I was Amish? No wonder the English say we all look alike!
Jacob grinned as he ambled over. “Leah! I’m so glad to see you. Wie bisht’ d?” Hearing the Pennsylvania-Dutch words spoken to her again brought a familiar sense of homesickness to Leah’s heart. She fought to maintain her composure.
“Gut. Und du?”
“Gut. I’ve been wondering how you were doing.”
“I’m doing fine. I’m working and still living at the Schrocks’ place. They’ve been very supportive of me.”
“I’m glad of that.”
Jacob’s familiar grin held a hint of melancholy. His eyes held hers, and all the things they’d been to one another flooded back to Leah’s mind. She swallowed a growing lump in her throat. Now was not the time to fall apart. Now was the time to show Jacob she was, indeed, doing okay.
She hesitated before finally asking, “How’s my family?”
Jacob played with his hat brim. “They’re doing all right. They don’t say much.” He held her gaze. “You know they don’t want to talk about you, but I think they miss you.”
Leah glanced around quickly. “Are you by yourself? I just thought if anyone sees you talking to me …”
“It’s okay. I am here by myself.” The rules of the Ordnung didn’t necessarily forbid him from talking with her since she had not yet joined the church, but the unspoken community rules frowned on Amish having contact or conversations with those who had left their teachings.
They stood in silence until Jacob asked, “Do you ever miss us—I mean … your family?”
She nodded. “I get homesick often.”
“You do?” Jacob raised his brows. Was he surprised by her admission? Did he think she could walk away and not think of her parents, siblings, and especially him? Leah glanced at his hands. They clutched his hat, turning the brim around and around. Her heart lurched when she noticed his left hand trembling. She longed to reach out to him, to reassure him of how much he still meant to her. She longed to meet with him. Talk with him. Share her day, her job, her new friends with him.
