She was headstrong and independent like me, preferring to do things her own way. I'd been just like that at her age. There was nothing my mom hadn't done to stop me from marrying Kurt, but I hadn't listened. I'd thought it was just a matter of time before he would get saved. I'd been so wrong. And I regretted it. I shouldn't have married him.

  Since I was considering divorcing Kurt, I needed to make my ways right with Sloane.

  God hates divorce, a voice whispered to me.

  I shut it out. I was getting a divorce. I couldn't live like this any longer. I would like to make my way back to God someday. But for now, I just couldn't.

  I sighed. I wasn't worried about how Sadie would react to me filing for divorce. She would refuse to take sides and would probably shuttle between both our new homes to show that she still loved us both. Sloane, however, would probably never speak to me again. She was blind to Kurt's faults, and she would hate me even more than she already did.

  I began to make notes of all the things I wanted to tell Sloane.

  I'm so proud of you. I'd bet she had no idea that I was proud of her achievements.

  You can do anything you put your mind to. This was another area in which she was like me. I'd deliberately pushed Sadie into working for me, as I'd always been concerned about her. Luckily for both of us, she had a natural interest in the beauty industry. Sadie was a little too much like Kurt: laid back about life, not too bothered about success. Sloane, however, had my ambitious streak. I wasn't at all worried about her making something of herself.

  I love you.

  I'm sorry about my affair.

  I had to stop writing when tears filled my eyes. I'd handled everything wrong. Instead of contacting Sloane after she found out about the affair, I stayed silent. A part of me had wanted Sloane to tell Kurt. I was tired of having such a big secret. I'd hoped that if she told Kurt and he split up with me, it would force a commitment from Eli.

  I blinked back tears, aghast at my own folly. I'd wanted to marry Eli, whereas he'd wanted a plaything.

  I pushed him for a commitment. I told him I'd divorce Kurt if he would put a ring on my finger. Then he dumped me. I hadn't seen that coming at all. I knew he was bad boy Eli Aaronson. But I got to know the man behind the news stories, and he'd managed to fool me into thinking he wasn't the callous player that the press made him out to be.

  I was so stupid. It was one thing falling for bad boys in one's youth. But in her forties, a woman ought to be wiser than that.

  What was left of all that passion and romance? Absolutely nothing.

  I wouldn't say my heart was broken, but it had gone cold. I couldn't go back to Kurt. I couldn't live a lie anymore.

  But I didn't want to lose my daughters. I didn't want to lose Sloane.

  There was a knock on the door.

  I ignored it. I'd hung out the 'do not disturb sign' for crying out loud.

  "I really have to get on track with Sloane," I muttered as I continued to make notes. Maybe I should contact her and try to meet up. I considered it for a moment and then decided it was too soon. She would be really mad at me right now. Maybe I could just send her letters and then, when all the emotions died down, we could start meeting up.

  I would start sending the letters after I filed for divorce, so that she would know I cared about her despite the fact that I was divorcing Kurt.

  There was another knock on the door. More urgent this time.

  I felt like shouting, 'Go away!" But my manners wouldn't let me. Being the CEO of one of the biggest beauty brands in the world for over two decades I'd trained myself to be warm, accommodating and friendly. I'd always been of the opinion that if my staff loved me, they would work hard for me.

  I'm not at work now, and whoever's knocking isn't a staff member, I told myself.

  There was another knock. The person was practically banging the door down now.

  I dragged myself from the sofa and made my way to the door. I looked through the peephole, and then jumped backwards in shock.

  It was Kurt!

  What was he doing here?

  How had he found me?

  "Lottie?" he called. "I know you're in there. Open up."

  I lifted my hands to my cheeks. My husband was on the other side of the door. He'd found me!

  Does he know?

  The thought didn't bear thinking about.

  "Open up, Lottie. We need to talk."

  My hands began to tremble. From his voice, I couldn't tell whether he was angry.

  "I just want to check that you're okay," he called. "I love you. Please open up."

  For some reason, that brought tears to my eyes. I was sick of the game. He was always sorry, always remorseful. But it didn't make him change his ways. And, now, I no longer cared. I wanted out of our marriage. I'd stayed in it much longer than I should have.

  "Lottie…" came Kurt's voice from the other side of the door again.

  I took a deep breath. I'd thought I wanted him to know about the affair. Now, I realized I didn't. He would be so hurt, and angry. It was best if he never found out.

  There was another bang on the door.

  I sucked in a deep breath and told myself to calm down. Maybe it was a good thing that he'd tracked me down. We did need to talk. And I needed to serve him the divorce papers. I'd been carrying them around for months. I'd even hoped he would stumble upon them. But he hadn't.

  "Lottie—"

  I opened the door.

  Kurt stopped. He looked down at me.

  I wasn't sure what to say. I forced a tight smile.

  He held out a folded piece of paper.

  Do I dare hope these are divorce papers? I thought snarkily. It was much too small to be a wad of divorce papers. I took it wordlessly, and unfolded it.

  There were a few typed lines at the top of the paper:

  Dear Mr. Golding,

  Your wife had an affair for two years with Eli Aaronson of Crown Casinos. I have reason to believe it recently came to an end, but it may be the reason why she has disappeared.

  A dozen emotions tore through my heart. I forced myself to stay calm as I looked up at Kurt.

  He stared back at me, silently.

  The note had Sloane written all over it. She'd finally cracked.

  I didn't know what to do or say.

  Chapter 10: Kurt

  I wanted to ask Lottie if the note was true, but I wasn't ready to hear her answer yet.

  I didn't know why I was still harboring hope that it wasn't true. If it were a lie, she wouldn't be silent like this. She'd be defending herself.

  "Can I come in?" I asked.

  She stepped aside.

  I entered the suite. I couldn't read the expression on her face.

  "How did you find me?" she asked.

  "I hired a private detective." I gave her a hard look. So, no response to the allegation in the note? Just avoidance?

  She looked away.

  Something snapped inside me.

  She did it.

  She had an affair.

  My anger must have been showing in my eyes because she backed away, and crossed the room, putting distance between us.

  I looked around. Her laptop was playing a video of Sloane in a pageant. There were no papers scattered around, so that meant she wasn't working. I'd expected to find her up to her eyeballs in work, using it to distract herself.

  She crumpled up the anonymous note and tucked it into her pocket.

  I took a deep breath. "So, is it true?"

  I had to look away from her as I waited for her response. My heart was beating too fast. Pain was already slicing through my chest. I didn't know what I'd do if she confirmed that it was true.

  I already know it's true.

  I shook my head. No I don't. She hasn't said anything yet. It could be a lie.

  I made myself look at her.

  She quickly averted her gaze, looking at the floor.

  A sense of foreboding washed over me. "Is it true, Lottie?"

  "I'm sorry." She lifted her gaze to mine. Her eyes were full of tears. "Yes." It came out as a whisper.

  My mind went blank for a moment. And then pure rage swallowed me whole. "How could you?"

  She was quiet.

  "Two years, Lottie?"

  I expected Lottie to give me a broken apologetic look and begin to apologize. Instead, she blinked and instantly her eyes were dry. She stared back at me coolly.

  "With Eli Aaronson?" His name left a bitter taste in my mouth. "That dirt bag? Doesn't he have AIDS from all the women he sleeps with? If you're gonna cheat at least find someone respectable."

  She lifted her brows. "Who would you recommend?"

  I saw red. I leapt across the room and grabbed her by the arm.

  I was shocked when she slugged me hard across the face, yanked her arm from my grip and crossed the room to stand in the spot I'd just left.

  Lottie just hit me.

  I knew I'd hit her—something I was deeply ashamed of. But she'd never fought back. Usually, she would just leave the room, and I would apologize later when I'd calmed down.

  She just hit me. My head was spinning. And it hurt!

  All of a sudden, the fight drained out of me. I was a horrible husband. Was it really any surprise that she'd been cheating on me? But I'd had no idea. She was always so forgiving and she was a Christian and wanted to win me over to her faith so I just thought…

  That you could treat her however you liked?

  I thought of all the times she'd gone to Las Vegas recently. She'd opened a spa there two years ago so I'd thought nothing of it. I thought she was just checking on her blasted spa. She'd told me the management there was atrocious and she needed to keep an eye on them.

  My mind scrambled when I thought of how often she went to 'check on the management'. I'd even gone with her the last time. She was away all day for both days we spent there and only returned to our hired apartment late each night. She must have been with Eli while I was in our apartment busying myself with work and waiting for her to get back.

  I stared at her.

  I couldn't believe it.

  Lottie was such a sweet person. What had happened to her?

  Right now, her eyes were hard and her lips were tight. Her fists were clenched by her sides. I didn't recognize her.

  "Who are you?" I asked.

  She said nothing.

  "Who are you?" I yelled.

  "Yeah, keep yelling," she spat. "And let everyone in this hotel know that I married an abusive jerk. It's about time the world knew."

  All my fears about our relationship rushed forward. I'd always battled fear regarding Lottie. I knew she was out of my league. I'd known it from the moment I first laid eyes on her over twenty years ago in college. But I'd decided I wanted her anyway.

  Sloane had been my way of ensnaring her and keeping her. Getting her pregnant had worked. She'd stayed with me. But I always wondered whether, if we'd not had Sloane, she would have left me for someone else. She'd had many options—most far better than me.

  The more successful she got, the more my fears increased. Fear that she was going to realize how far out of my league she was and leave me someday.

  I should have treated her well if I didn't want her to leave. And I did do my best to treat her well. But, every so often, my fear would rear its ugly head and I would think I had to show her who was boss, to make sure her success didn't go to her head.

  To be honest, it was a wonder she'd stuck with me for so long.

  Lottie disappeared through a door in the suite. When she returned, she was holding a bunch of papers. She tossed them onto the center table. "I want a divorce."

  White noise roared in my ears. I refused to look at the divorce papers. I focused on her. "Why now? You've stayed with me for so long. Why not tell me to get help or force me to go to counseling. Why hit me up with divorce papers after sticking with me for twenty-two years?"

  "I stayed only because of Sloane and Sadie," Lottie replied. "But they're both in college now. They've had their stable childhood. They're adults, so I can leave."

  I couldn't believe my ears. Anger pulsed through me. Usually, once I got this mad, I would just lash out and hit her. But, for once, I was strangely rational and clearheaded despite my anger. If I hit her now, it would just reinforce for her that she needed to divorce me.

  Why did I even care? Now that I knew she'd been cheating on me for two years I should be the one clamoring for the divorce.

  But it was the last thing I wanted.

  "Take the papers and leave," Lottie said quietly.

  My shock increased a notch. "Lottie…"

  She wasn't looking at me.

  A thought hit me. "Is the affair still on? Is that why you want a divorce? Are you going to be with him?"

  "Like the note says, the affair is over."

  "Then let's try to work things out—"

  "Our marriage is over, Kurt. It has been for a long time."

  She still wasn't looking at me.

  In that moment, I realized I'd lost her. I'd never seen her like this. So hard and unyielding. I hadn't seen this coming at all.

  Shouldn't there have been signs that she was getting to the end of her rope?

  The thought of losing her was horrible. I had my own business and was doing well for myself today because of her. Wherever I went, people respected me because of her.

  "I'm sorry."

  Lottie looked at me then.

  My heart felt hollow. My chest felt tight. "I'm sorry for everything."

  "You're always sorry, Kurt. You've been sorry a million times."

  "I'll get whatever help I need."

  In the past, Lottie would have softened at those words. This time, she looked completely unmoved. "Good. Then your next woman won't divorce you."

  She didn't care if I got a new woman? That meant she really didn't want me.

  "You're the only woman I want." Panic was jangling in my gut. I couldn't let Lottie divorce me. "I love you. I'll get whatever help I need to keep you."

  Lottie shook her head.

  "I'm so sorry for how I've treated you. I do love you. I just…didn't want to lose you. But I went about trying to keep you in the wrong way."

  This was the closest I'd ever come to telling her why I acted the way I did. However, she looked like she couldn't care less.

  "I guess I feel threatened by your success sometimes—"

  "That's ridiculous, Kurt, and you know it is."

  "I do know. But I can't stop being afraid that you'll leave me."

  Lottie shook her head. "You hurt me so that I won't leave you?"

  She made it sound completely nonsensical and stupid. And it was. But in my mind it made sense, even if in a twisted way.

  "I'm willing to forgive your affair, Lottie. Please let's not get a divorce."

  Lottie sighed. "I'm glad you're willing to forgive me. But I want a divorce."

  "Why? I've said I'll change, I'll get help. Why do you still want a divorce?"

  Lottie was quiet.

  "Why?" I prompted.

  "I don't love you anymore, Kurt. I-I'm sorry."

  The words cut straight to my soul.

  "I would like you to leave," she whispered. "Please."

  Anger began to bubble in my heart again.

  Lottie looked at me for a moment then she grabbed her purse, laptop and cell phone. "If you won't leave, I will."

  I watched her walk out of the suite.

  I sat down and waited for her to return. Hours passed and she didn't.

  Around noon, two men showed up to get her stuff. I asked them where Lottie was, but they wouldn't tell me.

  I watched them pack her things and carry them away. If I didn't do something drastic, this would happen on a much bigger level. She'd send people to our home in New York to get her things, and that would be it.

  Twenty-two years of marriage down the drain.

  ◦◦◦◦◦

  I'd managed to keep Lottie once before by getting her pregnant. And she'd said she'd stayed with me all these years because of our children.

  So, I summoned Sloane and Sadie home once I got back to New York that evening.

  I tried to stay calm while I waited for them to arrive, but my blood was boiling. I couldn't believe Lottie had been having an affair. I couldn't believe she'd refused to come home even though I'd apologized and told her I would forgive her affair if she returned. I couldn't believe she'd served me with divorce papers.

  I didn't see that coming at all.

  I had seen Eli's name in her message inbox once, and had known that they were acquainted. But Lottie was such a sweet Christian that I hadn't been at all concerned. I'd assumed it would just be business-related.

  I frowned as I remembered what had happened next. Lottie had come and snatched her cell phone from me, saying she needed to use it. That had sparked my suspicion.

  When she went to bed that night I'd decided to check—just in case. There were no messages from Eli anymore. She'd deleted whatever he'd sent her. I'd thought that was suspicious, but I'd figured that Lottie was a Christian and would never do anything behind my back—never mind cheat on me. She'd also deleted a bunch of other messages that had been in her inbox earlier so I thought she'd just cleaned up her inbox.

  The doorbell rang.

  That would be the girls.

  I went to open it. They both looked concerned.

  "Are you okay, Dad?" Sloane asked.

  "Did you hear from Mom?" Sadie asked.

  "Come in," I told them. "We'll talk inside."

  They exchanged a glance as they entered the house. We all made our way to the den.

  "What's going on, Dad?" Sadie asked, sitting down on the couch.

  "I went to see your Mom today."

  Sadie instantly looked happy. "Really? Did she call you to tell you where she is?"

  "No. I had to hire a private investigator to find her."

  "Oh." Her face fell. Then she perked up again. "But did you talk? Is she back now? Is she…upstairs?"

  "No."

  Sloane nudged Sadie. "Let him speak."

  Concern filled Sadie's eyes while Sloane just looked at me expectantly.

  "I'm sorry to tell you this," I began.

 

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