Obey Fate: Fated Duet: Book Two, page 12
I glanced up at Cade and squeezed his hand harder. I didn’t want him to come in with me, but I also didn’t want to be alone. Alone was a scary place to be right then.
“I’ll wait right here, and if you need me, I’ll come to you, okay?”
“Okay.” I let his hand go, wincing when our fingers disconnected. He had been anchoring me, and now I was drowning. I felt like I couldn’t quite catch my breath as I followed Dr. Bay down the hallway and past two doors. She went into the third one, and although my steps were slow, I didn’t stop.
It would have been so easy to sit in her office and give her some bullshit story about what happened, but I wouldn’t do it. I’d tell her the truth about last night. I’d tell her how I felt because, at this stage, if I didn’t accept the help I was offered, I wasn’t sure I’d survive the next year.
* * *
CADE
My leg shook as I bobbed my foot up and down, my gaze fixated on the clock on the wall. Forty minutes had gone by in the blink of an eye, and now we were about to hit the sixty-minute mark. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing she’d been in there for so long.
The longer she was in there, the more she talked, but the longer it took Dr. Bay to come to a conclusion. I was scared to death that Dr. Bay would say she had no idea what was happening. After I’d called her this morning and talked to her, she was confident she could help. I just hoped it was true.
My cell buzzed in my pocket, signaling a call, and I pulled it out, hitting the answer call button without looking at the screen.
“Yeah?”
“Where are you?” Willow screeched. “Where are you right now?”
My nostrils flared, and I ground my teeth together at her demanding tone. She had no fuckin’ right talking to me like that, and right then, all I wanted to do was tell her to go and fuck herself and end the call.
“Out,” I grunted, staring at the door Aria and Dr. Bay had walked through an hour ago.
“With who?” When I didn’t answer her right away, she continued, “My mom said she saw you with a girl a couple of hours ago. Is that true?”
I ran my hand over my face and my hair, then let my head drop forward. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Tell me where you are, I’m coming to you right now. And I swear to god, if you’re with her, we’re over. Which means you’re over. You’ll be done, Cade. Do you hear me? Done.”
The creak of a door sounded out, and I whipped my head up to see Dr. Bay smiling over at me. “She’d like you to come and see her now.”
I stood and darted across the waiting room.
“Who was that? What the hell is going on, Cade?” Willow shouted down the line.
“I’ll be there in a second,” I told Dr. Bay, holding the door open and then watching as she walked away and into a door on the right. “Look, I’m visiting a friend who is in the hospital, okay? I’ve got to go, they’re letting me in now.”
“What?”
“I said I’ve got to go, I shouldn’t even be using my cell.”
“What’s your friend’s name? What happened to them?” Willow asked, talking a mile a minute.
“I gotta go,” I grunted and ended the call. I couldn’t worry about what she would or wouldn’t do, not when Aria needed me. I pocketed my cell, ambled down the hallway, and knocked on the door Dr. Bay had gone through.
“Come in!” she shouted. Inhaling a deep breath, I pushed the door open and stepped into the room. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t the modern warmth the office was decorated in. The gray walls held paintings, and a desk sat in the far corner. But it was Aria sitting on a dark-gray sofa that pulled my attention. “Take a seat,” the doctor said, indicating next to Aria.
I closed the door behind me and stepped forward, nearly stumbling when Aria’s turned to me, and I saw the tears streaming down her face. “Baby,” I croaked out, reaching for her as I sat on the sofa. “What happened?”
“I…” She shook her head. “I’m just…it’s hard.”
I grasped her hand in mine and nodded as if I understood, but I didn’t. I’d never be able to understand how she felt.
“I asked you to come in here, Cade, so I can get a rounder picture of everything,” Dr. Bay started. “Usually, in cases like this, it’s better to get both the patient’s feelings and understandings of what is going on, but also those who are around them regularly.” She smiled at me. “Would it be okay if I asked you some questions?”
“Yeah, of course.” I leaned back on the sofa but didn’t let go of Aria’s hand.
“Have you noticed any changes in mood with Aria? High one minute and then down the next?”
I thought back over the last few months and all of the times she would push everything down and act like it was all okay. “There have been times where she’s”—I turned to face Aria and swallowed—“almost depressed or having an…episode? I don’t know what you’d call it. But she’d be shouting and upset and then it’s as if she clicks her fingers and pushes it all down. In the blink of an eye, she’ll be back to normal.”
Dr. Bay wrote on a pad as she nodded. “Okay. And I’ve already spoken to you about the incident that caused you to call me this morning, which indicated to me what may be happening.” She leaned back in her seat and glanced at me, then focused on Aria. “I need you to know, Aria, it’s very important you are completely honest with me. I won’t be able to help you if you’re not. I know it’s hard, especially after some of the things we’ve talked about—your dad in particular—but I need to ask you one more time, is there anything else you’re not telling me?”
The air in the room swirled, and I stared at the side of Aria’s face. She’d told me she wouldn’t tell the doctor about her cutting, and I had a feeling the doctor was sensing there was something she was holding back.
“No,” Aria whispered, and my eyes fluttered closed. I hoped she would have— “Yes.” Her hand tightened in mine, and I flung my eyes open. Aria flicked her gaze to mine, the pain and sorrow shining through her eyes almost gutting me. “I haven’t been completely honest.”
“You can do it,” I whispered. “I know you can.”
Aria bit down on her bottom lip, her chest expanding as she tried to calm her breathing, and then she blurted out, “I self-harm.” Her shoulders sagged as soon as the words were out of her mouth. “The first time was when I was thirteen.”
“Thank you for being honest with me, Aria,” the doctor said, the tone of her voice that of a proud mother’s. “Can I ask how you self-harm?”
“I cut,” Aria responded right away, but her eyes were squeezed closed, her hand gripping mine so tight I was starting to lose feeling.
“And how often do you cut?”
“Once a week, maybe?” She paused and opened her eyes, but she stared at the wall. “This last month I’ve been doing it daily.”
“So your low mood has been worse in the last month?” Dr. Bay asked, and I glanced at her, seeing her shoulders pull back. I wasn’t an expert by any means, but the way she was sitting now told me she knew what was happening.
“Yes,” Aria whispered. “Until last night. Last night I felt free. Like I was on top of the world, and nothing could bring me down.”
Dr. Bay closed her notebook and shuffled forward on her seat. “I think that’s enough for today,” she said. “Would you like Cade to be present while I tell you what happens from here?”
Aria squeezed my hand again. “Yes.”
The doctor nodded, her gaze flicking to me very briefly and then landing back on Aria. “I want to do some blood tests to rule out anything else. I have a nurse here who can take those today, and we will get the results in the next day or two.” I gritted my teeth as the doctor kept talking. “But I’m fairly certain they’ll all come back negative. In which case, we will start you on some medication.”
“Medication?” I frowned. “Why does she need medication?”
“Aria?” Dr. Bay called, waiting until she looked at her. “I think you have bipolar disorder.” Aria’s hand went limp in mine. “With the correct course of treatment, you can try and keep it under control, but the most important thing for you to do is see me once a week. Pills can help, but regular visits here will be the backbone of your treatment.”
“So I’m crazy like my dad?” Aria asked, her tone full of heartbreak.
“No.” The doctor leaned forward, almost as if she wanted to touch her and reassure her. “You’re not crazy, Aria. You have a mental disorder. It’s not your fault you have it, it’s just the biology and the way you were made. Events during your childhood would have triggered it, and now that you’ve had a manic episode, we can determine exactly what is happening.”
“Manic episode?” Aria asked, whipping her head around to face me. “I don’t understand, Cade. I don’t—”
“A manic episode is where you experience an extreme high, usually after a significant event,” Dr. Bay interrupted. “I think your low mood and depression over the last month contributed toward it, as well as you turning eighteen.”
Aria stared at me with wide eyes, and I could see this was too much for her to take in on her own. She needed me now more than ever, and I had no intention of letting her down. This wasn’t just someone I cared about. This was the woman I was in love with.
“Baby steps, remember?” I told her, moving closer to her. “One step at a time. First, you get the blood tests.”
“Yes,” Dr. Bay said and ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook. She stood and walked toward us then perched on the edge of the table separating the sofa and her chair. “Write it down. One step at a time.” She handed Aria the paper and a pen. “This way, whenever you feel like it’s all too much, you can look at the list and know what the next step is.”
We both watched as Aria wrote. “Step two is getting the results,” Dr. Bay said. “I think if we schedule an appointment for Wednesday, then we can discuss the results?”
“Wednesday could work. Aria has track practice, but I can bring her afterward,” I said.
“Perfect. Those are the only two steps you have right now. When I see you on Wednesday, we can talk it all through and go from there, how does that sound?”
“It sounds…” Aria trailed off, but I could sense the resolve building in her. With a clear direction, it would be easier for her to move forward. “Doable.”
“Good.” The doctor stood and moved to her desk. “I’ll write you in for five p.m. on Wednesday, is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Aria nodded and moved to the edge of the sofa. “And I need to go and get the blood taken now?”
“Yes.” The doctor grabbed a card off her desk and scribbled something down on it then walked over to us. “This is my number—office and cell. If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to call me. I’d rather you call me over nothing than not call me over something.”
I stood and held my hand out to Aria. She didn’t hesitate taking it, and together we followed the doctor out and into another room two doors down.
“Elizabeth will take your blood and see you out.” Dr. Bay smiled at the nurse in the room and handed her a piece of paper. “I’ll see you on Wednesday, and we’ll go from there, okay?”
“Okay,” Aria whispered, sitting down on the chair the nurse patted.
I leaned against the doorframe as she got her blood taken, not really listening to the conversation they were having. And once she had a Band-Aid on her arm and we were back in the car, I turned to her, grasped her face in my hands and whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”
Aria’s eyes welled with tears, but she didn’t let them fall. “I’m so tired, Cade. So tired.”
“I’m gonna take you back to my place and let you sleep the evening away. No cell, no one else around to disturb you. How does that sound?”
She sighed. “Sounds like perfection.”
I flashed her a small smile and pulled out of the parking spot. My cell buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it. It hadn’t stopped while we were inside. I knew who it would be, and right now, I didn’t have time to placate her. Focusing on Aria was my only priority.
Neither of us talked as I drove home, and as I took the turn into my street, I looked over at Aria. She was focused at looking out of the passenger window and didn’t glance at me until I pulled into my driveway and turned the engine off.
I knew she didn’t need me to talk, she didn’t need my words to be flung at her. All she needed was support, and I’d always give her that. The dark circles under her eyes, coupled with the slumping of her shoulders, told me how tired she really was.
“Ready?” I asked, and she nodded in reply. I opened up my door, intent on going around to open hers, but she was out of the car before I got the chance. Her slow footsteps moved toward me, and I couldn’t resist placing my arm around her shoulders and leading her into my house.
I locked the door behind us and led Aria up the stairs. I wouldn’t sleep in my own bed again tonight, but it didn’t bother me. Aria needed me more than she ever had, and I wouldn’t let her down—not this time.
“I’m going to tell Mom I’m staying the night at Hope’s,” Aria said as she sat on the edge of my bed. She pulled her cell out, and her thumb flew across the screen as she let out a breath. “Hope was worried about me.” She glanced up at me. “I wandered off and didn’t even care that she was waiting somewhere for me.” Her face crumbled, and I hated the way she looked right then. Every fiber of my being wanted to cocoon her in my arms and tell her it would all be okay, but I still had to keep some distance.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I told her, my voice firm. I crouched down in front of her and placed my hand over her cell. “Forget about everyone else”—she let me pull it out of her grip—“you need rest. And that’s exactly what you’re going to get, okay?”
Her light-brown eyes shone as she stared at me. “Okay.” She shuffled up the bed away from me, and once she was settled and her eyes were closed, I pulled my cell out and swiped past all of the messages and missed calls from Willow. She didn’t know when to give up. I knew I was treading a thin line with her, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
My cell buzzed in my hand, and Willow’s message popped up on the locked screen.
Willow: Where are you?
I blew out a tired breath and took one last look at Aria. Her brows were pulled down into a frown, her hair covering half of her face. Even in slumber, she wasn’t fully relaxed.
Willow: I can see your car outside your house!
A second later, banging thumped on my front door, and Willow’s voice shouted, “Open the door, Cade! I know you’re in there!”
My stomach dropped, but I didn’t move my gaze off Aria. She needed the sleep, but I couldn’t go down and talk to Willow right now. She had to wait because she was not a priority. I was choosing Aria over her, and I knew it would probably end things the way I knew them, but it didn’t matter, not when it came to Aria. She was worth it. She would always be worth it.
Willow: I know you’re in there, Cade! I swear to god. Open the damn door.
I stared down at the message on my locked screen and my teeth ground together. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep this pretense up. I needed a way out of what Willow had trapped me in. I needed a plan, one that wouldn’t mean more pain for Aria.
Chapter Ten
CADE
I dropped Aria off at the end of her street on Monday morning. The bags under her eyes had lessened, and the smile on her face wasn’t as forced. She needed peace and quiet, but most importantly rest, which was precisely what she’d gotten. She slept for fourteen hours and woke up extra early this morning so we could get some breakfast before I dropped her off.
But now I was heading to the school knowing I had a shitstorm coming my way after ignoring Willow last night. She’d stayed outside my door for nearly an hour while I stood in the same spot, waiting for her to leave. And once she did, I crashed on my sofa, not wanting to think about what would happen today.
I pulled into the lot and hadn’t even exited my car before Willow was on me. “What the hell, Cade?” She threw her hands up in the air, and I raised a brow at her. Her hair wasn’t its normal sleekness. Instead, it was messy and thrown on top of her head. Her usual makeup wasn’t on her face, and the tight skirts and shirts she liked to wear were replaced with pants and a loose-fitting shirt. “I’ve been calling you all night. I came over to your house! Where the hell have you been?”
“None of your business,” I ground out, slamming my car door closed. I stalked past her and groaned when she kept up with my pace.
“I know you were home last night. Your car was there,” Willow continued, oblivious to the way I was acting. “Can’t you see how worried I’ve been? Look at me, Cade. Just see the way I look!”
I took the steps to the entrance of the school two at a time, and just as I opened up the doors, students started to file off one of the school buses in the lot. “Are you serious?” I halted and shook my head at her. “It’s an act, just like everything else. You want attention, and I’m not giving it to you.”
“But you’ll give it to your little whore, huh?” She spread her arms wide. “Why don’t I just tell everyone—”
I grabbed her arm and yanked her inside the building, then pushed her against the wall. “I’m warning you, Willow. One more word from you and I won’t be held responsible for what will happen.”
“Are you threatening me, Cade?” Her eyes widened, but she wasn’t scared. She was one of the best actresses I knew, and I couldn’t help think she’d entered the wrong career.
“No.” I let go of her and stepped back. “That’s a warning. I’ve had a stressful weekend, so just let me get in the fuckin’ building before you jump on me, yeah?”
