Why Men Hate Going to Church, page 7
While there are always individuals who don’t fit the pattern, the genders as a whole are quite predictable. Gillette executives know that certain women will be turned off by Venus Embrace’s prissy marketing campaign. They’re also aware that some men will dismiss the Fusion ProGlide as macho posturing at its worst. But these businessmen don’t care. They know men will buy a razor that looks like a weapon, and women will buy a razor that’s soft and curved. When they build their sales pitches around the tastes of the majority in each gender, they sell more razors.
Now, what has this got to do with church? You’re probably thinking I’m about to recommend that churches follow the lead of advertisers: study men, deploy lots of masculine imagery in church, and present the gospel in a Fusion ProGlide–inspired package.
Nope. There’s no need to do any of this. Because it’s already happened—in reverse.
The vast majority of Christian culture and messaging is already targeted at the wants and desires of women. Modern Christianity is being packaged like a Venus Embrace. And we don’t even realize it. Here’s why.
In the previous chapter we saw how women came to dominate church life during the Victorian era. Industrialization expanded the ranks of women who had disposable time and income. Nineteenth-century pastors devised a host of ministry programs to put that capital (human and financial) to work.
In twentieth-century America, businessmen had a similar revelation. They saw under those steeples a huge, predominantly female market. So they created products and services to capture a slice of that market.
The result is what I call the Christian-industrial complex, a network of manufacturers, distributors, retailers, broadcasters, and content producers (that’s me)—all hoping to make a buck off the religious market.
I’m not impugning the motives of anyone working in the complex. Most of us earn a lot less than we could in other industries. We do it for love of Christ. Nonetheless, profit does figure into the equation. Projects get the green light based on their ability to reach the most people. And in the case of the Christian market, “most people” means women.
The Christian-industrial complex keeps pumping out products for women. Christians of both genders use these products and absorb the ideas therein. Soon, everyone is looking at the Christian faith through a feminine lens. The weight of all this female-targeted religious material is beginning to warp the faith it’s supposedly describing. The more Christian products we consume, the more we come to perceive our faith in feminine terms.
This is why Christians are so shocked when the Lion of Judah raises his head in church—he seems so out of place. The deluge of female-targeted products has changed the way Christians perceive Jesus, church, and worship. They’ve bent our customs, our vocabulary, our décor, and even our theology in the feminine direction.
The feminization of Christian culture is not a conspiracy—it’s simply the result of an institution and industry finding its market. When Christian manufacturers target women, they make more money. When religious broadcasters target women, they get bigger audiences. And when churches target women, they get more volunteers. It’s a simple numbers game.
Retailing
In every Christian bookstore in America, the women’s section is bigger than the men’s section—usually three to four times bigger. Savvy booksellers know women buy about 75 percent of Christian products, so they work hard to create an atmosphere of femininity. The moment a man walks into a religious shop, he knows he’s out of his element. Susan Faludi describes her visit to a Christian bookstore this way:
The “men’s” section was consigned to a back shelf. . . . [It was] hopelessly outnumbered and outflanked by the pink devotional pamphlets and rose-adorned spiritual guides that lined the other shelves, frilly Bible covers and lambs-and-chicks crib ruffles that jammed the cabinets, flower-festooned jewelry and smiley-faced Jesus figurines that blanketed the display cases, out-of-focus portraits of serene homemakers sipping tea and sniffing flowers that covered the walls, and uplifting sugary music that emanated from floral jewel boxes, windup infant mobiles, and music-box-bearing stuffed animals, generating a cacophonous cross talk of treacle.1
A look at the Christian Booksellers Association (CBA) top one hundred Christian books shows “six titles directed to the special needs of men and 21 titles to the special needs of women. This latter category, which ranges from Hugs for Mom to Bad Girls of the Bible, reflects the fact that most buyers of CBA books are women.”2 In fact, the CBA magazine does not have a men’s interest category. When Pat Morley, one of America’s leading men’s ministers, approached CBA about starting one, he was turned down.3
Not only do women read most of the Christian books; they write most of them as well. Although many of the blockbuster titles are still written by men, there are far more females writing for the religious market. At the last Christian writers’ conference I attended, my gender was outnumbered 13 to 1.
What do all these devoted women want? To be loved.
Here’s a sad truth: there are millions of love-starved Christian women. They’re either single (can’t find a godly man) or they’re trapped in loveless marriages. And unlike their secular sisters, they’ve got few options for catharsis. They can’t have an affair. Female porn is off-limits. Even steamy romance novels or sexy rags like Redbook and Cosmopolitan are frowned upon in the church.
So the Christian-industrial complex has stepped in to fulfill these women’s need for a purer kind of love. Christian romance is one of the fastest-growing categories in fiction. These romances are mostly harmless fantasy—stories of heroic prairie women who find handsome, strong men who plow fields by day and pray with their wives at night.
But not everything is so chaste. Christian self-help books are prodding women to become lusty—toward Jesus. Many famous authors vigorously encourage women to imagine Jesus as their personal lover. One tells her readers to “develop an affair with the one and only Lover who will truly satisfy your innermost desires: Jesus Christ.”4 A well-known Christian author says to his female readers, “At times, Jesus will be more of a husband to you than the man of flesh that you married. And while your husband may wonderfully meet many of your needs, only the Bridegroom can and will meet all your needs.”5 Another offers this breathless description of God’s love: “This Someone entered your world and revealed to you that He is your true Husband. Then He dressed you in a wedding gown whiter than the whitest linen. You felt virginal again. And alive! He kissed you with grace and vowed never to leave you or forsake you. And you longed to go and be with Him.”6
Some would argue there’s no harm mixing in a little eros with the agape when it comes to women. But Jesus-is-my-boyfriend imagery is beginning to migrate to men as well. These days, it’s fairly common for pastors to describe a devout male as being “totally in love with Jesus.” I’ve heard more than one men’s minister imploring a crowd of guys to “fall deeply in love with the Savior.” I just saw a book that invites Christian men to “get close enough to reach up and kiss His [Jesus’] face.”7
Such imagery is unbiblical, unappealing, and some would say unhealthy for Christian men. We’ll discuss the romancing of Jesus in much greater detail in chapter 12.
Broadcasting
Women are more likely to watch Christian television than are men. Barna Research found that women are the primary users of all forms of Christian media. Women support televangelists with their prayers and checks. The older the woman, the more likely she is to watch.8
Christian talk radio is dominated by female-oriented content. Three of the most popular syndicated Christian radio talk shows in the US are Focus on the Family, Family Life, and Family Talk. Do you see a pattern? Who’s more likely to listen to a show about family issues: men or women?
Women are more likely to listen to their local Christian radio station. Radio listeners in general are an exact replica of the population: 51.7 percent female, 48.3 percent male. But Christian AC radio (the format playing on most contemporary Christian music stations today) draws an audience that’s 63 percent female and 37 percent male. Christian stations garner, on average, 21 percent more female listeners than do mainstream stations.9 I do not know of a Christian radio station anywhere on earth that draws as many male as female listeners.
K-Love, America’s largest syndicated Christian music radio network, targets its programming at eighteen- to forty-five-year-old females. Two-thirds of K-Love listeners are women. Its sister service, the upbeat AirOne, also draws twice as many gals as guys. Christian radio stations around the nation report up to three-quarters of their core listeners are female.
As the name implies, K-Love’s playlist is heavy on love songs—tunes that express our love for God and his love for us. Like most Christian music stations, K-Love shies away from anything edgy or raucous. Its on-air slogans are “Positive and encouraging” and “Safe for the whole family.” It’s not unusual for K-Love to play a heart-tugging testimonial from a listener whose life was “deeply touched” by something she heard on the station.
The K-Love disc jockeys have created a mythical average listener, whom they call Kathy. She is a mother in her midthirties with two kids, a minivan, and a mortgage. Kathy is very busy, driving her kids to soccer practice, piano lessons, and youth group. As she drives, she listens to K-Love. Kathy’s name comes up frequently during staff meetings, and the DJs make sure their on-air antics won’t upset or offend her sensibilities.
So how is this strategy working? In an era of radio consolidation and retreat, K-Love continues to grow. During the 2000s, the network more than doubled its number of affiliates. K-Love may now be the largest female-oriented broadcast network in the United States.
A century ago, Christianity was feminizing from within. Today, forces outside the church are accelerating this trend. Money is driving it.
Every year a multimillion-dollar torrent of products and services floods the Christian market, targeting the spare time and disposable income of devout women. These products gush into our churches, small groups, and homes, slowly eroding the masculine foundations of the faith. Christianity is taking on the characteristics of the Venus Embrace—soft, curved, and convenient. It still cuts—but ever so gently.
So what’s the answer? Start wrapping the gospel in a manly package?
Here’s a better idea: Why not remove the girlie packaging the Christian-industrial complex has wrapped around the Christian faith? Lift up Christ as he is, and he will draw all men.10
Discussion questions for this chapter are available free at www.churchformen.com/guides.
Chapter 9
MEN AND
CONTEMPORARY WORSHIP
APRIL 2, 1961, WAS MY FIRST SUNDAY IN CHURCH. IT WAS EASTER. I was less than a month old, so I don’t remember much. My baptismal certificate records the name of the church: Redeemer Lutheran in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
That Sunday, Mom and Dad carried me into a well-lit sanctuary. Sunlight poured in through stained-glass windows, dappling the pews in a fiesta of color. The room was full of religious symbolism, including several ornate crosses. We were handed a mimeographed “order of worship” bulletin as we entered. Men wore suits and ties; women wore skirts, hats, and gloves. The pews were packed, and the service began with a candle-lighting processional. Then an energetic man in a choir robe instructed us, “Turn in your hymnals to number 159.” He pivoted and faced an identically robed choir, which led the congregation in song, backed by a Wurlitzer organ. The songs were familiar, and the entire congregation sang robustly, except for me, because I was asleep. The adults alternately stood and sat, as instructed by the choirmaster. The only electronic item in the room was a microphone affixed to the pulpit.
Fast-forward exactly fifty years—to April 2, 2011. I attended the Saturday night service at a contemporary megachurch. It was a very different experience.
We sat in a darkened, windowless room, devoid of religious imagery. Both men and women wore casual clothing—T-shirts, jeans, and even shorts. There was not a single necktie or skirt in the building. Nor was there a bulletin or an “order of worship”—nothing to suggest that there was even a plan for the evening’s proceedings. The service seemed to begin organically, as a soft-spoken man in designer jeans and thick, plastic glasses stepped forward and began strumming a Taylor six-string guitar. He was backed by a rock band and a sophisticated sound system, computer-controlled lighting, and smoke machines. The room was nearly empty at first, but it gradually filled during the sixteen-minute worship set. (No one told us to stand, but we did anyway.) Multiple video cameras captured the event and magnified it on two large video screens. Lyrics were superimposed over the video rock show, but almost no one in the crowd was singing them.
For centuries Protestant worship was fairly static. But toward the end of the twentieth century, worship changed—not just in style, but in function. The old worship was formal, corporate, and emotionless. The new worship is informal, individualistic, and touchy-feely. The old worship was about coming together to extol God; the new worship is about coming together to experience God. The target of worship has fallen half a meter—from the head to the heart.
Most people assume the transition to new worship has been a good thing. Young people seem to like it. Growing churches all offer it. It’s simply assumed that new churches will offer praise and worship (P&W) instead of traditional hymnody.
But is the new worship a good thing for men? Before we can answer that question, we must understand why Christian music changed so completely at the end of the twentieth century—and how that change is affecting the way Christians worship God.
During the late 1960s, young hippies began turning to Jesus. They went to church but found the music to be a real bummer. Old-fashioned hymns didn’t connect with kids who had grown up listening to the Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater, the Beatles, and Janis Joplin.
So these young Jesus Freaks began composing songs to their liking, and formed rock bands to perform them. Early 1970s acts such as Daniel Amos, Randy Stonehill, Phil Keaggy, and Sweet Comfort Band launched a new genre known simply as Jesus Music. It later came to be called Contemporary Christian Music (CCM).
The combination of rock music and the gospel was a combustible mix in the early 1970s. Many believers had decided that rock and roll was of the devil after watching Elvis gyrate on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1956. During the 1960s, rock music was seen as the gateway to sex, drugs, and immorality of every kind.
So early Jesus Music bands struggled to get by. Churches barred them from using their facilities. Christian radio stations refused to spin their records. Concert promoters wouldn’t book them. Yet the bands soldiered on, playing whatever gigs they could find, often for free, depending on “love offerings” to put enough gas in the tank to reach the next city.
Things began looking up in the late ’70s. Christian bands became more polished. They started filling larger venues. A few churches began inviting them in. Secular rock stations began playing CCM on Sunday mornings. Hit albums sold in the tens of thousands. Some acts even made a little money.
In 1978, a seventeen-year old schoolgirl released her first CCM album. Within a decade, Amy Grant changed the course of sacred music—and in the process, altered the way Christians worship God.
Amy Grant was a record-sales juggernaut. Her Age to Age was the first CCM album to go platinum. She later crossed over into secular pop, greatly expanding her reach. She has won multiple awards, has sold more than thirty million records, and was even hired by a major national retailer to endorse its products.
Amy Grant proved that Christian musicians could have mainstream appeal—and earn buckets of money. Grant’s success attracted millions of investment dollars to the Christian music industry. CCM radio stations began popping up all over the United States. More Christian acts crossed over into secular music—increasing their potential for evangelism—and earnings.
This influx of cash allowed Christian concerts to become just as sophisticated as secular ones—with advanced lighting, sets, effects, video, and sound. By 1995, the only difference between sacred and secular concerts was the obligatory talk about Jesus—and the lack of pot smoking in the audience.
CCM concerts and stadium events not only changed Christian music—they began changing people’s perception of what worship can and should be. Young believers became accustomed to worshipping in darkened rooms, under stage lighting, with a rock band in the lead. Young adults came to accept large video screens, special effects, and even smoke machines as a part of worship. And they experienced something previous generations of worshippers never had—the worship high—that euphoric feeling one gets from singing with a vast multitude of highly committed believers (who paid to get in).
Naturally, these young concertgoers began to ask, “Why can’t my congregation worship like this every week?” Thus began a decades-long intergenerational conflict, which came to be known as the “worship wars.”
On the one side stood traditionalists, who clung to their hymnals, organs, and four-part harmonies. Their songs were old-fashioned, complex, and theologically rich. On the other side stood the contemporaries, with their guitars, drums, and keyboards. Their songs were modern, simple, and easy to memorize. They invented a new genre of church music that has come to be known as “praise and worship” (P&W).
During the ’70s most churches simply ignored the growing influence of praise and worship. But by the late 1980s, congregations that did not offer P&W were losing young people—particularly the committed young believers who attended CCM concerts and knew that worship music didn’t have to come from the plume of Franz Joseph Haydn.
