The Perfect Husband, page 21
Play the long game, Sophie. Get your phone and get out.
‘Now, take everything off.’
I didn’t move.
‘Now! Or I wipe your phone.’
I slowly started to remove my clothes, not once taking my contemptuous eyes off him.
Eventually, naked and humiliated, I waited.
‘My phone?’ I asked when he didn’t say anything.
‘Come and get it.’
‘You disgust me, you know that?’ I spat as I strode over to him to take my phone back.
When I was within reach, he smacked me hard across my cheek.
‘Don’t you ever talk to me like that again you vicious, fucking cow!’ he hissed.
Stunned, I staggered backwards from the blow. Before I knew it, Jay threw the sheet back, jumped up and had me by my hair. Shocked, I screamed out in pain, but he ignored me, throwing me down and pinning me to the bed as he straddled my body. I struggled and fought to get him off. But he overpowered me.
‘Get off me!’ I screamed. ‘GET OFF!’
He responded by holding my plaster cast-covered wrist and my good one down with one hand using the weight of his body while the other covered my mouth and nose. I tried to move my head to free myself from his hold.
Stop, please…
I felt his legs force my thighs apart.
God no… NO!
I fought with what strength I had to get free. But the harder I fought, the harder he became. Tears slipped from my burning eyes as I stared up at him, pleading for him to stop. But whatever compassion he might have once had was gone, overridden by a primitive desire to hurt and debase me.
He continued, his wild gaze ravaging my restrained body with every thrust, as he grunted and exerted his way to oblivion. I dropped my gaze unable to look at his chilling, black eyes as they tore the flesh from my body. Droplets of his sweat sickeningly fell onto my face, slowly trailing across my skin.
I struggled to breathe. Struggled to move. Struggled to believe that my husband of seventeen days was raping me in our marital bed.
How had it come to this?
I tried to turn my head away from him but couldn’t.
I did all I could: I squeezed my eyes shut against the horror of what was happening.
29
Finished, he rolled off me and lay on his back, panting.
I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t.
Whatever rage had consumed me had dissipated. I was numb. My body felt cold and heavy, as if it didn’t belong to me.
Not any more.
I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. Tears continued to slip silently down my neck to my ears. The wetness was uncomfortable, but still, I couldn’t move.
Then something cold, hard, hit me in the stomach.
I jumped.
‘There’s your fucking phone!’
I turned away from him and looked at the wall.
He grabbed my head and twisted it round, his fingers pinching my flesh. His breath was sour as he hissed in my face, ‘And if you ever fucking think of leaving me, I will have you killed. Make no mistake, one call is all it takes. I’ll have them hunt you down, torture you and then fucking kill you, and no one will know.’
I gasped as his grip increased, shocked at his words.
Had he seen my search history?
The blackness in his eyes intensified, burning with feverish malevolence as they bore into me. I could see he meant every word.
‘And if you think of telling anyone, I wouldn’t bother. No one will believe you. Not the police, not our neighbours. No one. Too many people know me here. They know how well I look after you. But as for you,’ he spat at me, ‘they know what a drunk you are. You did this to yourself!’
I wanted to scream at him: How? How did I do this to myself? You did it! You’re the one responsible for—
But I couldn’t bring myself to admit what he had just committed against me.
He raped you! Your husband of just over two weeks raped you, Sophie! There’s no getting away from that.
Disgusted, he let go of my head thrusting it back against the mattress. ‘You fucking repulse me, you ugly, snivelling bitch!’
I turned over, unable to look at him.
I felt him get up off the bed and walk out the room. Minutes later, the shower went on, followed by loud whistling.
I lay there, staring at the wall, wishing I was dead.
Oh God…
I had no idea of time passing as I blankly stared ahead, willing my heart to stop beating and my lungs to stop breathing.
The overhead light flicked on as Jay walked back into the room.
‘Are you getting up?’ he asked.
I couldn’t reply: he’d stolen all my words.
I heard him drag open drawers and the wardrobe door as he pulled out clean clothes.
‘I’m heading out to meet Rachael soon. I’d arranged to see her this evening to go over some material. I reckon we could be ready to play at the open mic at The Victory next Thursday.’
His words floated down on me like burning ash.
I felt nauseous.
The reality of what had happened hit me with such force that I got out of bed, stumbling my way to the bathroom. I collapsed to my knees in front of the toilet and threw up.
‘Soph?’ he called out, knocking on the door minutes later.
I shook my head before retching.
‘You, okay?’
I continued retching as piercing screaming filled my head.
‘Look, I’ll cancel Rachael?’ he suggested.
The screaming intensified.
Holding my hair back, I dragged my head up.
‘Soph?’ he prompted.
I shook my head. ‘Just go,’ I croaked, unable to turn and look at him.
‘Sure?’
The screaming inside my head got louder, more persistent.
‘Yes,’ I hoarsely replied.
‘You sure?’ he asked, not quite convinced.
Get the hell away from me!
I breathed in. Steadied myself, and nodded. ‘Yeah.’
I could feel the hesitation in him. The resistance to believe that I was all right. That we were all right.
How the hell could we be all right? HOW?
‘Go!’ I assured him.
‘Okay. Love you,’ he said.
I could feel his eyes on me, waiting.
Swallowing back the bile, I forced myself to utter, ‘Love you.’
Satisfied, he left me alone.
I shakily breathed out. Trembling, I stood up. I staggered over to the shower cubicle and turned it on full blast. I covered my broken wrist and arm with a waterproof cast protector, then stepped into the shower. Hot, scalding water stabbed my skin as my body convulsed with deep, wrenching sobs. I scrubbed at my flesh, tearing at every inch touched by him. But no matter how much I washed the raw skin, I couldn’t rid myself of him. For his hatred had penetrated so deep as to defile my soul. I would carry his act of debasement, betrayal and misogyny until the day I died.
Come on, Sophie! You need to move!
But I couldn’t. My body was paralysed.
MOVE! YOU NEED TO LEAVE!
I swallowed back the despair as tears merged with the hot pummelling water.
GET OUT!
Sobbing, I turned the shower off and willed myself to walk out the bathroom and out of his life.
I called a taxi before grabbing Sebastian and locking him in his cat carrier downstairs. I then threw clothes in a leather holdall, not really noticing what I was packing, blinded by tears and panic. Next, I chucked in toiletries and make-up. I looked up from the bed and caught sight of myself in the large antique mirror leaning against the wall.
I turned away; I looked a mess.
Worse, you look deranged!
I decided it didn’t matter. All that concerned me was getting away from here before Jay realised.
I had five minutes before the taxi arrived.
I checked the bedroom. There was nothing else I needed or wanted. Most importantly, Sebastian was secure, but not happy about it, in the hallway. I ran down the stairs with the holdall. I picked up my large brown leather shoulder tote containing my laptop and wallet and passport and slung it over my shoulder.
My phone pinged.
My taxi was arriving.
I looked over my shoulder at the expansive living space and two breathtaking glass walls of bi-folding doors with the Atlantic Ocean as the backdrop. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how much I had invested in this place, both financially and emotionally. But I couldn’t stay here a minute longer. Not after what he had done to me.
I opened the front door as the grey sedan taxi pulled up at the bottom of the drive.
‘Hey, Sophie?’ called out Tara as she jogged past.
Oh God! Why now of all times?
I picked up Sebastian’s cat carrier and my holdall, pulled the front door behind me and walked towards the waiting taxi.
I watched as Tara stopped, and ran back down.
Oh God, no!
She ran up to me and then bent over, panting. ‘That hill’s a killer!’
I didn’t answer her.
‘You off somewhere?’ she asked, looking up at me, surprised.
‘Vet’s,’ I lied. ‘Sebastian’s eaten something and I’m worried it could be poisonous. He’s been sick and lethargic all afternoon.’
‘He doesn’t seem lethargic,’ she pointed out as Sebastian continued to wail in protest at his imprisonment.
‘Ahuh,’ I muttered, trying to get past her to the taxi, willing the driver not to get out and ask if he was picking me up for the train station.
I could feel beads of sweat rolling down my forehead and back, making my linen shirt cling to me.
‘Are you all right, Sophie? You don’t look so well, yourself?’ she asked.
‘I’m great. Just worried about Sebastian. The vet said to bring him straight in. They might have to keep him overnight.’
Tara held my gaze. ‘Are you taking him to the vet hospital in Truro?’
I nodded.
I could see that she didn’t believe me. Her questioning brown eyes had already noted my bulging holdall.
‘Where’s Jay?’
Oh God!
‘He’s down at Blue Bar going over some material with his new singer, Rachael. I didn’t want to bother him. And he couldn’t drive us anyway, as he’ll have had a few pints.’
Tara simply looked at me. ‘He’s taken the VW.’
‘Yeah, well…’ I awkwardly shrugged.
‘Hey, Mr Sebastian, you take care?’ Tara bent down and murmured to him. She straightened up and looked at me. ‘I hope he’s okay. Text me, will you? That little guy has really got under my skin.’
‘Yeah, of course,’ I distractedly agreed, my attention now on the taxi driver as he got out of the car.
‘Truro train station?’ he asked.
I ignored Tara’s surprised expression and nodded at the taxi driver as he opened the boot.
I heard the screech of brakes first.
Oh God!
I hurriedly handed my holdall to the taxi driver and opened the back passenger door. I forced Sebastian’s cat carrier inside, not daring to turn around when I heard his low, deep voice.
‘Hey, honey,’ Jay casually said.
‘Hi, Jay,’ replied Tara.
I detected the discomfort in her voice.
‘Right, let me know he’s all right?’ Tara uncomfortably said to no one in particular. I could feel the discomfort radiating from her as she left us – me – and started jogging up along the cliff, heading for the coastal trail that led to St Agnes Beach.
I wanted to ask her for help. But she was gone before I had the chance. Embarrassed, I assumed, at whatever was going on between Jay and me. It was obvious I wasn’t going to the vets, the taxi to Truro train station and my holdall a giveaway. As was the fury in Jay’s stabbing eyes that he couldn’t mask.
‘Soph?’ Jay demanded. ‘What’s going on?’
‘I think Sebastian’s been poisoned. I’m taking him to the vets,’ I lied, willing my voice not to betray me.
‘Well, I’ll take you,’ he said.
I could feel everything slipping away from me.
‘Move out the way and I’ll grab the poor guy.’
‘No! Leave him,’ I replied. ‘I’m taking him myself.’
Before I could get in the taxi, Jay grabbed my arm.
‘I said, I would take you,’ he growled, keeping his voice down.
I struggled, trying to pull away from him, but he had a tight hold of me.
‘Get the cat. Now!’ he hissed, digging his fingers even deeper into my flesh.
I looked over at the taxi driver for help, but he turned away, embarrassed by whatever domestic he thought was unfolding.
Numb, I picked up Sebastian’s cat carrier, not knowing what else to do.
Jay grabbed it from me.
‘Sorry about that, bud,’ Jay apologised to the driver. He took his wallet out. ‘Where were you going?’
I felt my mouth suddenly dry up as a coldness descended me.
‘Truro train station.’
‘Is that right?’ Jay muttered, handing him more than enough cash to cover the wasted journey.
‘Thanks,’ said the taxi driver, handing me my holdall, unaware of what was happening.
Or what was about to happen.
‘He’s ill, is he, Soph?’ Jay questioned, looking at Sebastian.
Paralysed with fear, I watched as the taxi drove off.
Jay took hold of my arm and dragged me back up the drive with him as his words replayed in my head: ‘If you ever fucking think of leaving me, I will have you killed. Make no mistake, one call is all it takes. I’ll have them hunt you down, torture you and then fucking kill you, and no one will know.’
30
I tried to pull my arm away, but Jay held firm. There was no way he was going to let me go – or leave.
‘Please?’ I begged, trying to get him to release me.
‘Get in the house,’ he ordered, keeping his voice down.
‘No!’ I protested, struggling with him to release me.
‘If you don’t get in the house, I swear he will need a fucking vet!’ he lowly threatened.
‘You wouldn’t?’ I questioned.
‘Try me!’
There was a look in his eyes which scared me.
Oh God, Sophie. He’s serious.
He shoved me off balance as he released my arm, hissing, ‘Leave then! Just leave if that’s what you want!’
I stumbled backwards, unsure.
I looked at the cat carrier and then at him. Waited. Jay didn’t react.
‘Sebastian? Can I have him?’ I asked.
‘You go. He stays.’
‘Please, Jay?’
‘Your choice. But if you’re leaving me, you’re leaving him,’ he flatly answered.
I could see the hatred in his narrowed, small dark blue eyes.
Hatred for who? You or Sebastian? Or both?
I discounted the idea. Jay wouldn’t hurt an animal.
Sophie, this is the man who—
I stopped myself, still unable to acknowledge the unspeakable act he had committed against me earlier. The question was, did I believe him capable of hurting Sebastian?
Yes. Without hesitation.
More so, since Sebastian’s presence had always rankled Jay: his association with my ex, Ben, who had bought him for me the reason.
But he knew I would never leave Sebastian.
I dropped my eyes to my left hand still covered in the plaster cast.
Think, Sophie! You follow him into that house and you’re dead!
And Sebastian?
I slowly inhaled in and held my breath.
I questioned whether I was being hyperbolic. Catastrophising when he had every right to be mad at me.
He caught you with Sebastian and your bags packed, getting into a taxi: a taxi booked for Truro train station. Not a word of warning that you were disappearing. No surprise he’s mad with you.
‘Let’s get inside and talk about this?’ he reasonably suggested.
Gone was any anger.
I watched as he walked up to the front door, pushing it open. He didn’t even reach in his pocket for his keys.
How did he know I hadn’t locked it?
Tara had distracted me, and I’d forgot about locking the door.
How could he have possibly known?
I looked up at the security camera.
It’s impossible. Jay only has his old Nokia flip phone.
Was it simply a coincidence he arrived at break-neck speed just as you were about to get in the taxi?
Jay looked back at me, his brow furrowed. ‘Babes? Come on, let’s talk about this. Yeah?’ he offered, his voice gentler, inviting. ‘If you’re unhappy, then I’ll change. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you stay.’
I didn’t move.
He smiled at me.
‘Come on, babes?’
Don’t trust him. Listen to your gut feeling, Sophie. You know he’ll hurt you as soon as he gets you on your own.
I repeated his words over in my head: ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to make you stay.’
He’s going to hurt you so bad that you won’t ever be able to run from him again.
My eyes dropped to Sebastian’s meowing, desperate face staring out at me from the cat carrier. It was then I knew I had no option. Sebastian meant everything to me.
I gripped my phone, contemplating what to do. My finger found the power button and nervously started rapidly pressing it: once, twice, again, a fourth and finally, a fifth time. I let it slip from my desperate grip and watched as it landed on the gravelled drive.
I hurriedly bent down to retrieve it. I looked at the screen, checking it had worked.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ he hissed across at me.
‘Checking that I haven’t broken the screen,’ I lied, turning the volume down before sliding the SOS Emergency slider on my screen to make the call.
While waiting for the taxi, I had turned the siren off in settings, making sure the ‘Play countdown sound’ was toggled off if – when – I implemented the Emergency SOS to call the police, not wanting to alert Jay and allowing him to cancel the call.
I had gone through the ‘what if’ scenarios in case leaving him didn’t go to plan.
‘Now, take everything off.’
I didn’t move.
‘Now! Or I wipe your phone.’
I slowly started to remove my clothes, not once taking my contemptuous eyes off him.
Eventually, naked and humiliated, I waited.
‘My phone?’ I asked when he didn’t say anything.
‘Come and get it.’
‘You disgust me, you know that?’ I spat as I strode over to him to take my phone back.
When I was within reach, he smacked me hard across my cheek.
‘Don’t you ever talk to me like that again you vicious, fucking cow!’ he hissed.
Stunned, I staggered backwards from the blow. Before I knew it, Jay threw the sheet back, jumped up and had me by my hair. Shocked, I screamed out in pain, but he ignored me, throwing me down and pinning me to the bed as he straddled my body. I struggled and fought to get him off. But he overpowered me.
‘Get off me!’ I screamed. ‘GET OFF!’
He responded by holding my plaster cast-covered wrist and my good one down with one hand using the weight of his body while the other covered my mouth and nose. I tried to move my head to free myself from his hold.
Stop, please…
I felt his legs force my thighs apart.
God no… NO!
I fought with what strength I had to get free. But the harder I fought, the harder he became. Tears slipped from my burning eyes as I stared up at him, pleading for him to stop. But whatever compassion he might have once had was gone, overridden by a primitive desire to hurt and debase me.
He continued, his wild gaze ravaging my restrained body with every thrust, as he grunted and exerted his way to oblivion. I dropped my gaze unable to look at his chilling, black eyes as they tore the flesh from my body. Droplets of his sweat sickeningly fell onto my face, slowly trailing across my skin.
I struggled to breathe. Struggled to move. Struggled to believe that my husband of seventeen days was raping me in our marital bed.
How had it come to this?
I tried to turn my head away from him but couldn’t.
I did all I could: I squeezed my eyes shut against the horror of what was happening.
29
Finished, he rolled off me and lay on his back, panting.
I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t.
Whatever rage had consumed me had dissipated. I was numb. My body felt cold and heavy, as if it didn’t belong to me.
Not any more.
I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. Tears continued to slip silently down my neck to my ears. The wetness was uncomfortable, but still, I couldn’t move.
Then something cold, hard, hit me in the stomach.
I jumped.
‘There’s your fucking phone!’
I turned away from him and looked at the wall.
He grabbed my head and twisted it round, his fingers pinching my flesh. His breath was sour as he hissed in my face, ‘And if you ever fucking think of leaving me, I will have you killed. Make no mistake, one call is all it takes. I’ll have them hunt you down, torture you and then fucking kill you, and no one will know.’
I gasped as his grip increased, shocked at his words.
Had he seen my search history?
The blackness in his eyes intensified, burning with feverish malevolence as they bore into me. I could see he meant every word.
‘And if you think of telling anyone, I wouldn’t bother. No one will believe you. Not the police, not our neighbours. No one. Too many people know me here. They know how well I look after you. But as for you,’ he spat at me, ‘they know what a drunk you are. You did this to yourself!’
I wanted to scream at him: How? How did I do this to myself? You did it! You’re the one responsible for—
But I couldn’t bring myself to admit what he had just committed against me.
He raped you! Your husband of just over two weeks raped you, Sophie! There’s no getting away from that.
Disgusted, he let go of my head thrusting it back against the mattress. ‘You fucking repulse me, you ugly, snivelling bitch!’
I turned over, unable to look at him.
I felt him get up off the bed and walk out the room. Minutes later, the shower went on, followed by loud whistling.
I lay there, staring at the wall, wishing I was dead.
Oh God…
I had no idea of time passing as I blankly stared ahead, willing my heart to stop beating and my lungs to stop breathing.
The overhead light flicked on as Jay walked back into the room.
‘Are you getting up?’ he asked.
I couldn’t reply: he’d stolen all my words.
I heard him drag open drawers and the wardrobe door as he pulled out clean clothes.
‘I’m heading out to meet Rachael soon. I’d arranged to see her this evening to go over some material. I reckon we could be ready to play at the open mic at The Victory next Thursday.’
His words floated down on me like burning ash.
I felt nauseous.
The reality of what had happened hit me with such force that I got out of bed, stumbling my way to the bathroom. I collapsed to my knees in front of the toilet and threw up.
‘Soph?’ he called out, knocking on the door minutes later.
I shook my head before retching.
‘You, okay?’
I continued retching as piercing screaming filled my head.
‘Look, I’ll cancel Rachael?’ he suggested.
The screaming intensified.
Holding my hair back, I dragged my head up.
‘Soph?’ he prompted.
I shook my head. ‘Just go,’ I croaked, unable to turn and look at him.
‘Sure?’
The screaming inside my head got louder, more persistent.
‘Yes,’ I hoarsely replied.
‘You sure?’ he asked, not quite convinced.
Get the hell away from me!
I breathed in. Steadied myself, and nodded. ‘Yeah.’
I could feel the hesitation in him. The resistance to believe that I was all right. That we were all right.
How the hell could we be all right? HOW?
‘Go!’ I assured him.
‘Okay. Love you,’ he said.
I could feel his eyes on me, waiting.
Swallowing back the bile, I forced myself to utter, ‘Love you.’
Satisfied, he left me alone.
I shakily breathed out. Trembling, I stood up. I staggered over to the shower cubicle and turned it on full blast. I covered my broken wrist and arm with a waterproof cast protector, then stepped into the shower. Hot, scalding water stabbed my skin as my body convulsed with deep, wrenching sobs. I scrubbed at my flesh, tearing at every inch touched by him. But no matter how much I washed the raw skin, I couldn’t rid myself of him. For his hatred had penetrated so deep as to defile my soul. I would carry his act of debasement, betrayal and misogyny until the day I died.
Come on, Sophie! You need to move!
But I couldn’t. My body was paralysed.
MOVE! YOU NEED TO LEAVE!
I swallowed back the despair as tears merged with the hot pummelling water.
GET OUT!
Sobbing, I turned the shower off and willed myself to walk out the bathroom and out of his life.
I called a taxi before grabbing Sebastian and locking him in his cat carrier downstairs. I then threw clothes in a leather holdall, not really noticing what I was packing, blinded by tears and panic. Next, I chucked in toiletries and make-up. I looked up from the bed and caught sight of myself in the large antique mirror leaning against the wall.
I turned away; I looked a mess.
Worse, you look deranged!
I decided it didn’t matter. All that concerned me was getting away from here before Jay realised.
I had five minutes before the taxi arrived.
I checked the bedroom. There was nothing else I needed or wanted. Most importantly, Sebastian was secure, but not happy about it, in the hallway. I ran down the stairs with the holdall. I picked up my large brown leather shoulder tote containing my laptop and wallet and passport and slung it over my shoulder.
My phone pinged.
My taxi was arriving.
I looked over my shoulder at the expansive living space and two breathtaking glass walls of bi-folding doors with the Atlantic Ocean as the backdrop. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how much I had invested in this place, both financially and emotionally. But I couldn’t stay here a minute longer. Not after what he had done to me.
I opened the front door as the grey sedan taxi pulled up at the bottom of the drive.
‘Hey, Sophie?’ called out Tara as she jogged past.
Oh God! Why now of all times?
I picked up Sebastian’s cat carrier and my holdall, pulled the front door behind me and walked towards the waiting taxi.
I watched as Tara stopped, and ran back down.
Oh God, no!
She ran up to me and then bent over, panting. ‘That hill’s a killer!’
I didn’t answer her.
‘You off somewhere?’ she asked, looking up at me, surprised.
‘Vet’s,’ I lied. ‘Sebastian’s eaten something and I’m worried it could be poisonous. He’s been sick and lethargic all afternoon.’
‘He doesn’t seem lethargic,’ she pointed out as Sebastian continued to wail in protest at his imprisonment.
‘Ahuh,’ I muttered, trying to get past her to the taxi, willing the driver not to get out and ask if he was picking me up for the train station.
I could feel beads of sweat rolling down my forehead and back, making my linen shirt cling to me.
‘Are you all right, Sophie? You don’t look so well, yourself?’ she asked.
‘I’m great. Just worried about Sebastian. The vet said to bring him straight in. They might have to keep him overnight.’
Tara held my gaze. ‘Are you taking him to the vet hospital in Truro?’
I nodded.
I could see that she didn’t believe me. Her questioning brown eyes had already noted my bulging holdall.
‘Where’s Jay?’
Oh God!
‘He’s down at Blue Bar going over some material with his new singer, Rachael. I didn’t want to bother him. And he couldn’t drive us anyway, as he’ll have had a few pints.’
Tara simply looked at me. ‘He’s taken the VW.’
‘Yeah, well…’ I awkwardly shrugged.
‘Hey, Mr Sebastian, you take care?’ Tara bent down and murmured to him. She straightened up and looked at me. ‘I hope he’s okay. Text me, will you? That little guy has really got under my skin.’
‘Yeah, of course,’ I distractedly agreed, my attention now on the taxi driver as he got out of the car.
‘Truro train station?’ he asked.
I ignored Tara’s surprised expression and nodded at the taxi driver as he opened the boot.
I heard the screech of brakes first.
Oh God!
I hurriedly handed my holdall to the taxi driver and opened the back passenger door. I forced Sebastian’s cat carrier inside, not daring to turn around when I heard his low, deep voice.
‘Hey, honey,’ Jay casually said.
‘Hi, Jay,’ replied Tara.
I detected the discomfort in her voice.
‘Right, let me know he’s all right?’ Tara uncomfortably said to no one in particular. I could feel the discomfort radiating from her as she left us – me – and started jogging up along the cliff, heading for the coastal trail that led to St Agnes Beach.
I wanted to ask her for help. But she was gone before I had the chance. Embarrassed, I assumed, at whatever was going on between Jay and me. It was obvious I wasn’t going to the vets, the taxi to Truro train station and my holdall a giveaway. As was the fury in Jay’s stabbing eyes that he couldn’t mask.
‘Soph?’ Jay demanded. ‘What’s going on?’
‘I think Sebastian’s been poisoned. I’m taking him to the vets,’ I lied, willing my voice not to betray me.
‘Well, I’ll take you,’ he said.
I could feel everything slipping away from me.
‘Move out the way and I’ll grab the poor guy.’
‘No! Leave him,’ I replied. ‘I’m taking him myself.’
Before I could get in the taxi, Jay grabbed my arm.
‘I said, I would take you,’ he growled, keeping his voice down.
I struggled, trying to pull away from him, but he had a tight hold of me.
‘Get the cat. Now!’ he hissed, digging his fingers even deeper into my flesh.
I looked over at the taxi driver for help, but he turned away, embarrassed by whatever domestic he thought was unfolding.
Numb, I picked up Sebastian’s cat carrier, not knowing what else to do.
Jay grabbed it from me.
‘Sorry about that, bud,’ Jay apologised to the driver. He took his wallet out. ‘Where were you going?’
I felt my mouth suddenly dry up as a coldness descended me.
‘Truro train station.’
‘Is that right?’ Jay muttered, handing him more than enough cash to cover the wasted journey.
‘Thanks,’ said the taxi driver, handing me my holdall, unaware of what was happening.
Or what was about to happen.
‘He’s ill, is he, Soph?’ Jay questioned, looking at Sebastian.
Paralysed with fear, I watched as the taxi drove off.
Jay took hold of my arm and dragged me back up the drive with him as his words replayed in my head: ‘If you ever fucking think of leaving me, I will have you killed. Make no mistake, one call is all it takes. I’ll have them hunt you down, torture you and then fucking kill you, and no one will know.’
30
I tried to pull my arm away, but Jay held firm. There was no way he was going to let me go – or leave.
‘Please?’ I begged, trying to get him to release me.
‘Get in the house,’ he ordered, keeping his voice down.
‘No!’ I protested, struggling with him to release me.
‘If you don’t get in the house, I swear he will need a fucking vet!’ he lowly threatened.
‘You wouldn’t?’ I questioned.
‘Try me!’
There was a look in his eyes which scared me.
Oh God, Sophie. He’s serious.
He shoved me off balance as he released my arm, hissing, ‘Leave then! Just leave if that’s what you want!’
I stumbled backwards, unsure.
I looked at the cat carrier and then at him. Waited. Jay didn’t react.
‘Sebastian? Can I have him?’ I asked.
‘You go. He stays.’
‘Please, Jay?’
‘Your choice. But if you’re leaving me, you’re leaving him,’ he flatly answered.
I could see the hatred in his narrowed, small dark blue eyes.
Hatred for who? You or Sebastian? Or both?
I discounted the idea. Jay wouldn’t hurt an animal.
Sophie, this is the man who—
I stopped myself, still unable to acknowledge the unspeakable act he had committed against me earlier. The question was, did I believe him capable of hurting Sebastian?
Yes. Without hesitation.
More so, since Sebastian’s presence had always rankled Jay: his association with my ex, Ben, who had bought him for me the reason.
But he knew I would never leave Sebastian.
I dropped my eyes to my left hand still covered in the plaster cast.
Think, Sophie! You follow him into that house and you’re dead!
And Sebastian?
I slowly inhaled in and held my breath.
I questioned whether I was being hyperbolic. Catastrophising when he had every right to be mad at me.
He caught you with Sebastian and your bags packed, getting into a taxi: a taxi booked for Truro train station. Not a word of warning that you were disappearing. No surprise he’s mad with you.
‘Let’s get inside and talk about this?’ he reasonably suggested.
Gone was any anger.
I watched as he walked up to the front door, pushing it open. He didn’t even reach in his pocket for his keys.
How did he know I hadn’t locked it?
Tara had distracted me, and I’d forgot about locking the door.
How could he have possibly known?
I looked up at the security camera.
It’s impossible. Jay only has his old Nokia flip phone.
Was it simply a coincidence he arrived at break-neck speed just as you were about to get in the taxi?
Jay looked back at me, his brow furrowed. ‘Babes? Come on, let’s talk about this. Yeah?’ he offered, his voice gentler, inviting. ‘If you’re unhappy, then I’ll change. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you stay.’
I didn’t move.
He smiled at me.
‘Come on, babes?’
Don’t trust him. Listen to your gut feeling, Sophie. You know he’ll hurt you as soon as he gets you on your own.
I repeated his words over in my head: ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to make you stay.’
He’s going to hurt you so bad that you won’t ever be able to run from him again.
My eyes dropped to Sebastian’s meowing, desperate face staring out at me from the cat carrier. It was then I knew I had no option. Sebastian meant everything to me.
I gripped my phone, contemplating what to do. My finger found the power button and nervously started rapidly pressing it: once, twice, again, a fourth and finally, a fifth time. I let it slip from my desperate grip and watched as it landed on the gravelled drive.
I hurriedly bent down to retrieve it. I looked at the screen, checking it had worked.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ he hissed across at me.
‘Checking that I haven’t broken the screen,’ I lied, turning the volume down before sliding the SOS Emergency slider on my screen to make the call.
While waiting for the taxi, I had turned the siren off in settings, making sure the ‘Play countdown sound’ was toggled off if – when – I implemented the Emergency SOS to call the police, not wanting to alert Jay and allowing him to cancel the call.
I had gone through the ‘what if’ scenarios in case leaving him didn’t go to plan.
