Taking Stock: A Later in Life Romance, page 16
Defeated, I started an email to my editor while parked at the Post Office. If there was nothing good in the box, I’d send the email and tell them the truth; that I had lied, there was no couple and there is no love after thirty. I’d lose the byline and maybe other bylines for dropping the ball. If, however, there was a decent reply in that box, then I’d save the email as a draft.
As it happened, there was one letter in the box. It was from a woman named Penny White who lived in Bucksville, New Hampshire. A town so small I had to look it up on the map with a magnifying glass. It was only later that I discovered Penny hadn’t written the letter herself, but a coworker who was trying to play matchmaker. Excellent fodder for my article! To top it off, Penny was just the sort of woman I had been looking for. Not only was she the right age, she was stunning. She had, as I later discovered, contented herself to being alone with her three cats. It was the perfect woman to use as the backdrop of the small-town singles love connection. There was only one tiny problem.
I was attracted to her. From the very second I saw her picture, I was a goner. That’s probably when I should have tossed her letter into the trash and sent the email to my editor because there could be no journalistic integrity if I continued. I would be biased. It would affect the guys I chose to pair her up with. And affect it, it did. Instead of choosing guys who would be worthy of her time, I chose the guys who came barely qualified as dateable. Guilt got the better of me, and I tossed one good-looking guy into the mix, praying she wasn’t into manscaping. It was underhanded and deceitful, but my jealousy got the better of me, and I hadn’t even met her yet!
When I finally did meet Penny in person, she took my breath away. She shouldn’t have, because she was all sweaty from work, and her hair was all over the place, escaping a messy bun, and she was wielding a very sharp box cutter, but I couldn’t stop staring at her. She had an aura about her that drew me in.
Still, I couldn’t be the creepy guy who admitted he’d just fallen in love with a woman at first sight. Instead, I tried to do what I’d set out to do. Be a reporter, hunting for a story. Nothing more.
It took some convincing, but eventually, I managed to get her to go along with my scheme. I’d be her chaperone on a series of dates (all of whom I knew would be disasters) and I’d save the best choice…me, for last. It was going to be brilliant. Epic!
What I hadn’t counted on, was how hard pretending not to be into her would be for me. In Penny, I had fallen hard, but I had a part to play. And that was to be a matchmaker. I literally had to send her out to date other guys! It was torture. The dates all ended in disaster, which I felt conflicted by. I loved that she didn’t click with each of the dates, but I felt horrible that she had been, in her eyes, rejected. I was doing that to her. Over and over again. I was affirming that no one wanted her for my own selfish reasons.
I didn’t realize going in how much my ‘plan’ would hurt her. And hurt her I did. I, alone, got to see her eyes light up with the possibility of making a connection with someone, only to let it drain out of her eyes when the date came to its inevitable close. With each date I sent her on, I hardened her heart a little more. I made her lose hope. I made her cry.
I am an unforgivable jackass.
And yet, I’m still going to beg for that forgiveness. Hence, the birth of this article.
To be honest, I didn’t start this journey with the idea that I would find myself in the center of the narrative. Hell, I am a cynic when it comes to all things lovey-dovey, or at least, I was before I met Penny.
I had no idea such a person could exist in the world. She is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and she has absolutely no idea how wonderful she is. I didn’t know how to confess my sins. I didn’t know how to make her believe I never meant to hurt her. I just didn’t want to leave her. I didn’t want anyone else to have her. I’d turned into a caveman, and for that I’m ashamed.
From this point forward, I only see two possible outcomes: One, I send this article to Penny, hope that she reads it, realizes what an ass I’ve been, and still decides to give me a shot, or, two, and more realistically, she reads it and is furious with me for toying with her emotions and sends me rightfully packing.
I’m prepared for either scenario as I sit in the parking lot of her work, waiting for her to finish reading this article. Waiting with clammy hands, a stomach in knots. Waiting for her to come out and deliver my fate.
---
Edna,
I’ll send you part two of this story with the final outcome next week if you want to know how it ends.
-Your former journalist, Robert Walters.
CHAPTER 24
I stared at the words on the paper even as they began to blur with tears. Processing what he had divulged in this letter, or rather email to his editor, was overwhelming.
Wiping the tears away with the back of my hand, I tried to read through the words again. Was he really saying he had feelings for me or was this all part of a publicity stunt in some last-ditch effort to keep his job? It certainly felt like a confession of feelings, which according to him, had begun from just a photograph of me. One that wasn’t all that special, if I recalled. Was he playing me the fool? Was this all just an effort to get the ending of the damned article he so craved, or could the impossible have happened?
With trembling hands, I clutched the letter in my hands and walked out of the break room, ignoring Denise’s questions asking about what it said. I couldn’t answer her because I didn’t know myself. Breathing slowly through my nose to not pass out, I walked through to store to see if his car was still in the lot. If it was, then he was being sincere. If it wasn’t…I’d been used.
“Hey, Penny, do you have any idea when we can start ordering our Thanksgiving turkeys? I know it’s early, but—”
I completely ignored the customer’s question, something I’d never done before, and walked past her toward the door.
I heard Zack answer the woman for me as I braced myself for yet another heartbreak.
“Penny?” Denise said, running up to me before I could see the lot. “What’s happening? What did the note say?”
I handed her the letter, knowing that if his car wasn’t out there, I was going to be an absolute wreck and she’d need to know why I wasn’t coming back to work today.
My feet felt glued to the floor as I worked up the courage to take those final steps. I couldn’t seem to move. I was too scared. I could almost hear Denise’s eyeballs as they bounced back and forth in her head, reading Rob’s letter.
“I knew it!” Denise wailed. “He was crushing on you!” Glancing back, I saw her eyes still reading the words. “Wait…he’s here?” She looked up at me. “He’s in the parking lot?” Her voice was a good octave higher than normal.
“That’s what I’m about to find out.”
She clasped the letter to her chest. “This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen.”
My eyes stayed locked on my clenched hands.
“Or the most heartbreaking if he isn’t out there,” I whispered.
“Want me to go look? What does his car look like?” she asked.
“No. I have to do this on my own.” Letting out a breath, I walked out the front door to the waiting parking lot.
The sun was hidden by a sea of dark clouds and a light mist was coming down. The air was thick with the promise of a downpour. I tried not to think of that as an omen. My heart began to beat in triple time. Just then headlights came on, followed immediately by a light honk. I jumped.
Rob got out of the car, a single red rose in his hand.
My bottom lip began to quiver as we walked toward each other. The mist had turned itself into a light rain as I felt cold drops run down my scalp.
“You got my article?” Rob asked, twirling the rose nervously in his hands.
“I did.” I took a huge gulp of air.
He handed me the rose as he took a breath of his own. “So, what’s the verdict? Do you hate me?” His face crumpled with shame.
Did I? I honestly didn’t know what I was feeling.
“My dad always used to say hate was a strong word and to use it with caution.”
Rob nodded at me slowly.
“Your dad sounded like a very wise man, but it’s a word I give you full permission to use. I deserve it.”
I pondered that for a moment. “Okay. Here’s what I hate.”
“Lay it on me,” Rob said.
“I hated getting my hopes up so many times.”
Rob lowered his head. “I know. That was all me.”
“I hated how confusing this whole thing has been.”
“Again, all me,” Rob admitted.
I wasn’t about to let him off the hook. I needed to get this all off my chest. “I hated that I spent close to four hundred dollars on clothes you didn’t like—”
“Oh, I didn’t dislike those clothes. Not one tiny bit,” he said. “I hated that other guys would see you in those clothes…hated more that they might get to see you out of them.” He lowered his face.
I blushed against the compliment. “Okay, fine. Then I hate that I was dragged out to all these dates and only really had a good time with one of them.”
At that, his face fell a bit. “I see. Was it Phil? Please say it wasn’t Phil.” His hands curled themselves into fists.
I laughed despite the butterflies in my stomach. “No. It was you. Our non-date to start with, then the rest…”
His face softened.
“After that first night, I didn’t want to go on any more dates ever again.” My voice was soft, full of emotion.
“Really?” There was a sense of hope in his voice, but his eyebrows furrowed. “Then why did you agree to go out with the other guys?”
I shrugged my shoulders as a raindrop or a tear, ran down my face.
“Because you wanted me to. You clearly didn’t have any interest in me. You had an article to write. And if I couldn’t have you, maybe one of the other losers you’d found would help get rid of the pain of your rejection.”
My last words seemed to pierce him.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I definitely did not want to set you up. With any of them! I didn’t think you were into me. You agreed so quickly to the first date…I just assumed you didn’t want to send me the wrong signal.” His shoulders slumped. “I thought I repelled you.”
“I thought the same,” I admitted.
Just then I felt his hands on my face, warm against the chill of the rain. He tilted my chin upward, so I could see his eyes.
“Nothing you could ever do or say would repel me,” he said.
I wanted to point out he barely knew me and that I would be sure to repel him at some point, but his lips were on mine before I could complete my thought. After the feel of his arms wrapped tight around me in the full swing of a morning downpour, there was little I needed to think about other than the fact he was here. He may have started this journey for a story, but he had stayed for me.
I don’t know how long we stood in the rain, kissing like a couple of idiots, but at some point, the rain became harder and our embrace ended.
“You know, kissing in the rain…” he began.
“Is cold?”
We both laughed.
“Damn cold. Who does this? The movies make it look so sexy, but we’re gonna catch pneumonia!” Rob looked upward as though to scold the rain and was rewarded with more of it on his face.
“Yeah, going back to work will be interesting now.” I laughed nervously, unsure about what to do.
“Well, you can’t exactly go in like this.” He squeezed my arm and the water lodged in my shirt dripped down my arm.
“No. Probably not.”
“Go tell them you’ll be back after you change. I’ll give you a lift to your apartment.”
I bit my lip. Somehow, he had turned me into a clichéd woman who bit her damn lip! I wasn’t sure going back to my place, soaking wet with a guy I was crushing on was the smartest move, but I nodded.
“Wait for me?” I asked nervously.
He smiled. “Always.”
Even though it was a sappy, romantic expression, it melted my heart just the same. He kissed me again gently and I almost floated my way back into the store with what I was sure was the goofiest expression I’d ever worn.
Denise bear-hugged me as soon as I got into the store, jumping up and down like a woman who just won the lottery.
“That was epic!” she said. Clearly, she’d been watching the whole exchange.
“Well, now I’m drenched. I need to go home and change. Will you two be okay for a few?” I asked a waiting Denise.
“Girl, after a lip-lock like that, you need to be spending more than a few minutes at home.” Her eyebrows wagged up and down.
I glanced back over my shoulder and saw that Rob had pulled the car up to the curb for me.
“I just need to change. That’s all.”
She smiled. “It might be all you need, but I bet it’s not all he needs.” Denise was positively giddy.
My face paled, wondering if she might be right. Denise took a hold of my shoulders and shook me once.
“It’s going to be okay, Penny,” she assured me with a grin. “But so help me, if you walk in this door before noon I will be forever disappointed in you.”
She spun me around just then and gave me a little shove toward the exit.
“Go make me proud!” Denise shouted after me.
My stomach began to flip-flop again as I headed back outside. Was that what Rob was implying when he suggested we go home and change? That we have sex, too? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I mean, yes, I was attracted to him and wanted to take this relationship as far as he was willing, but on the other hand, there was likely a good possibility that there were cobwebs down there. And then there was his reaction of horror when he realized how inexperienced I was. Would he remember this fact and then change his mind about me?
It was too many thoughts to process. Everything seemed to be on the line suddenly. How I handled this next few moments could determine the rest of my life. Talk about pressure.
Rob got out of the car and opened the door for me.
“You ready?” he asked.
I looked up at him. Am I? Am I ready?
“Let’s get out of these clothes,” I blurted out. “I mean…these wet clothes. Let’s get out of these wet clothes…and into dry ones.” My face turned beat red.
Rob laughed at me. “I knew what you meant, Penny, but I love the color your embarrassment brings to your cheeks.”
I blushed even harder as he helped me into the car.
Ready or not, our clothes were about to come off. What happened after that was anybody’s guess.
CHAPTER 25
Confused, invigorated, terrified, and discombobulated, I got into Rob’s waiting car, soaking the seat with my drenched uniform in the process.
He cranked the heat for me as I looked down at my soggy feet.
“I am so wet,” I said, instantly regretting my word choice. “I mean, I’m going to ruin your car.” My cheeks burned crimson. “Maybe we should walk?”
He waved my suggestion away and pulled out of the lot.
“My car is a piece of shit. You won’t ruin it. In fact, you’re probably giving it a well-needed wash.”
“Right,” I said, pulling my shirt off from clinging to my skin. I was getting incredibly nervous the closer we got to my apartment.
“Sorry about the rain,” Rob said. “When I planned this out in my mind, I clearly forgot to check the weather.”
I chuckled softly. “Nah, it was very Notebook like.”
“Notebook?”
I blushed. “It’s a movie. A romance. The couple kiss in the rain…” I was babbling.
“Bet their teeth didn’t chatter.”
“No, probably not,” I said. Just a few seconds away now.
“I haven’t watched a lot of chick flicks,” he said, turning into a parking space behind my apartment building.
“It’s about all I watch,” I admitted, staring down at my hands.
“I watch mostly action flicks, and not just ’cause I’m a guy.”
I waited for him to continue. He squirmed a bit in his seat. “I guess I didn’t want to watch movies that were about love because they always felt like a punch to the gut. Dangling something out there that I wasn’t allowed to have, you know?”
I nodded because I did understand. There was a bit of hurt left behind after every great romance I’d watched. A feeling of, why can’t that ever happen to me? Why is it that only the young and the beautiful people get the love story? What about the rest of us? Where were our happy endings?
He killed the engine and took the keys out of the ignition. We were going to have to get out of the car now. Gulp. He smiled at me.
“You know, I don’t think I’d mind watching that type of movies now.” He winked at me then got out of the car.
I let out a breath, trying to steady my nerves as Rob walked around the car. I knew I would get chastised for opening the door myself, so I waited.
“After you,” he said once I was out, his hand gesturing to the back stairwell leading to my apartment. As we walked, his hand pressed lightly on my lower back. God, how I missed that feeling. The slight pressure he placed there now had a whole new meaning. He wasn’t just demonstrating proper manners, he was doing it because he was publicly claiming me. I knew the feminist in me should reject the warm sensation that shot through me, but it didn’t. I had never experienced this before. It was surprisingly wonderful to be taken off the market, as it were.
My hands shook as I got to my door. I couldn’t get the key into the hole.
“Here, let me help,” Rob said, steadying my hand as I placed the key in.
