Echoes of War Box Set, page 105
part #1 of Echoes of War Series
He pressed the buzzer, and the door slid open while Amy called out, “Come in, Colonel!”
Taking in the room, Calvin immediately noticed the typical couch, situated in front of a desk. There were also a few comfortable-looking chairs and a small table. A small box of tissues made his nose turn up. She must get a lot of wimps that cry in here.
Amy stood and walked from behind the desk to greet him. “Thank you for coming, Colonel. I’m Doctor Ellison.”
Calvin extended his arm. “Lieutenant Colonel Calvin Demood, Terran Coalition Marine Corps.”
Amy took the outstretched arm and shook it, her grip nothing like his. “May I call you Calvin?” At his nod, she continued, “Please, have a seat and make yourself comfortable.”
Calvin sat ramrod straight in the chair. “I’ve done a lot of these before, but… never with an eye to get something out of it.”
“You mean you’ve never been honest?”
“Direct and to the point. I like that, Doctor,” Calvin said as a smile formed on his face. “Truth is, I never thought much of shrinks. I’ve just compartmentalized my experiences and tried to move on.”
“How’s that working for you?” Amy asked.
“I’m assuming you’ve seen the report?”
“Yes, it was shared with me after you agreed to become a patient.”
“I’m very conflicted about it, Doctor.”
“Call me Amy, please. This isn’t a formal setting, and I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”
“Part of me feels shame that I threatened and might have carried out killing twenty thousand people. The other side of me feels like it was just another day, and they all had on the League’s uniform, so who cares.”
“I think rather than examine what’s just happened, we should go far into the past, Calvin. Let me start with this: you’ve been a Marine for twenty-two and a half years, correct?”
Calvin nodded. “Twenty-two years, seven months, eight days… not like I’m counting or anything.”
Amy laughed. “I understand you enlisted, attended basic training, and were immediately posted to a combat unit?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“What was your first time in combat like?”
“It was pandemonium. I was wet behind the ears, we were assaulting a League force and, in all honesty, I was happy I didn’t freeze up and get killed. Too many Marines died that day.”
“Did you take a life?” Amy asked.
“I don’t know, Doctor. I know I shot at a lot of Leaguers… but who knows. Most of the time in a pitched battle like that, you don’t know exactly who you killed,” Calvin responded soberly.
“I fail to believe you don’t recall the first time you killed another human being, Calvin. If you can’t be honest with me…”
“The first time I remember looking into someone’s eyes and killing them was a different engagement, Doctor. I came upon a League interrogator in a room they used to question suspected members of the resistance,” Calvin said, shutting his eyes for a moment. “I can still remember walking into the room, seeing a young girl handcuffed to the table, and I just knew the sorry piece of human trash had done something horrible to her. He didn’t even the balls to resist us, just threw down his weapon and put his hands in the air.”
Amy sat at the edge of her seat and stared at Calvin with a piercing expression. “What happened then?”,
“I’ve told myself for twenty-two years he goaded me, boasted of his accomplishments and took pride in what he’d done. That made what I did seem okay,” Calvin replied, glancing up at her. “To answer your question, Doctor, I drew my sidearm, told him he’d get to see if there was a God, and blew his brains out on the floor.”
“But there’s something else there, right?”
Calvin closed his eyes, and was silent, wrestling with the memory buried deep inside. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he opened them again and looked at her directly in the eyes. “The truth is, he wasn’t boasting; he was cowering on the floor and begging for his life. I shot an unarmed man.”
Amy pursed her lips together. “I can’t imagine what you’ve had to live with since then, Calvin. I’m not here to judge you, I’m not here to condemn you. I think you’ve done a good job of that yourself. Do you believe what you did was wrong?”
Calvin nodded his head a couple of times. “I can’t escape it, Doctor. I’ve tried to make myself believe I take out the trash. That killing those monsters is no different than putting down a rabid animal. I think somewhere along the way, I turned into the monster I wanted to wipe off the face of the galaxy. The realization of it is why I almost killed myself in the medical bay on the Lion.”
“It doesn’t make you a bad person, Calvin. Nor are you alone. I can’t tell you how many soldiers have sat in that chair and told me about how they can’t go on, and say they have nothing to live for. I’ve treated many who had similar experiences. If you work with me, I believe we’ll be able to make you better. It’s not a short road, nor is it an easy road. But even just admitting what you just did… it’s a huge step.”
“Having Colonel Cohen tell me to my face I’m as bad as a Leaguer will kind of get your attention, Doctor,” Calvin said with a rueful smile. “In that moment, the rage I felt... I wanted to kill him for saying it. Then I realized he was right, and it was more than I could take.” He paused in mid-sentence. “Once this all hits my service record, I’ll be forced to retire, or worse.”
“Well, I’m no longer in the CDF, Calvin,” Amy began. “I plan to keep paper records of our visits together, and if you get to the point where I’m satisfied with your progress, I’ll destroy them.”
Calvin stared at her as if she’d grown a second head. “Come again?”
“When Colonel Cohen contacted me about helping you, those were his terms. He cares very deeply about you, and he knows what you’re going through. One of these days, ask him about his first combat.”
“I didn’t realize he had set this up, so to speak,” Calvin replied, his tone of voice betraying his shock.
“It was after you went to talk to Doctor Tural.”
“I see,” Calvin replied, not entirely sold on the idea. “I’m pretty sure what I did was against the Uniform Code of Military Justice.”
“Colonel Cohen said something about when we’re at war, the law is silent,” Amy said.
“Ah yes, him and his love for history. That’s an old Latin phrase. Inter arma enim silent leges. In times of war, the law falls silent,” Calvin said, remembering David’s commentary on the matter.
“How are you feeling, Calvin?”
“I’ve been better. I feel ashamed. I should’ve never let this get as far as it did,” Calvin responded, shaking his head.
“I see in your service record you’re a non-denominational Christian,” Amy began in her bright and cheery tone of voice, while gesturing toward a pillow on her couch that announced “Prayer is the answer!” “Would you be interested in praying with me to end our session today?”
“I don’t think God, if he’s even up there, wants to hear from me,” Calvin said sadly.
“I think it’s at times such as these, when we’re at our lowest, He wants to hear from us most of all.”
Calvin looked deep into her eyes. “I don’t have it in me right now, Doctor. Maybe you have enough for both of us?”
Amy walked over to Calvin, sat down next to him on the couch, and took his hand in hers. “Lord, we ask You today to help heal this wounded soldier. Calvin has endured so much; he has done unspeakable things in the service of his country and in the course of this war which has consumed our land. Heal him, help him to see the light, and find his way home. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.”
“Amen,” Calvin uttered as she finished. “Thank you, Doctor.”
“I want you back here next week. You pick the day and time.”
“Same day, same time works for me. I’m on leave for a few weeks while they repair our ride,” Calvin replied with just a little bit of his normal cocky Marine tone.
“Good. I’ll see you then.”
“Thank you, Doc,” Calvin began to say before stopping himself. “Amy.”
Amy stood and smiled broadly at him. “Thank you for coming to see me and taking the first, difficult step.”
“Like any good Marine, I’ll stay the course.”
“I’ll hold you to it.”
Taking his leave, Calvin walked out of the office and back out of the nondescript office building, into the sunshine of a perfect day on Canaan. Feeling a small amount of the load he carried lifted, he walked back to his helicar. Maybe there’s still hope for me yet, he thought to himself. I need to come clean to Jessica about this and let her know I’m trying to get some help. I’m sure she knows something has been wrong, but maybe I can put her mind at ease. Considering that course of action, he climbed into the helicar and punched up the autopilot for home.
Striding into the enormous cargo bay on the Lion of Judah, David felt very small. He always did, either on the flight decks or the cargo bays on the ship as they were just so huge. Forty-foot clearance between the deck plates and the overhead, with cranes and equipment for moving gear everywhere made a human look tiny by comparison. At ten minutes before 0800 CMT, even with most of the crew at liberty on Canaan, there were still several hundred soldiers lined up for morning colors. He tugged on his cover as he crossed over the threshold, as the area was considered “outside.”
“Attention! Colonel on deck!” Tinetariro barked as soon as she saw him enter.
The master chief must have binocular implants or something. David wore an amused smile on his face. “As you were!” he called out in reply; the soldiers relaxed back into uneven lines.
“Thank you for doing this one in person this morning, Master Chief,” David said once he got to the front of the space where Tinetariro stood.
“Wouldn’t miss one of my soldiers getting an award for all the ale in Sauria, sir,” Tinetariro answered. “Private Hunter is in the first row, as requested.”
“Outstanding,” David said. “I wish the band was still around. Even though it’s been a few months, it was nice while it lasted.”
“Maybe we’ll get it back, along with some bunting for all these port calls the scuttlebutt says we’ll be engaging in, sir,” Tinetariro quipped in her rich, British-accented English.
“Do you have a tap on the commlink, Master Chief?” David asked, thoroughly amused.
“No, sir, but I’m sure one of the chiefs could rig that up if you’d like,” Tinetariro responded with a dazzling smile.
There’s still something about the way she smiles that would terrify me to my bones if I served under her.
Just before 0800, Tinetariro stood to attention and trilled her bosun’s pipe. “Attention!” she shouted, and her voice reverberated across the bay. All present came to smart attention in neat rows. As the anthem of the Terran Coalition began to play, two soldiers quickly tugged the flag up the portable pole that was set up every morning for the ceremony.
David, along with everyone else, brought their hands up to their brows and saluted the colors as the anthem played; as its final bars echoed, they all snapped their hands down.
Tinetariro stepped forward once more to speak. “Colonel Cohen requests the ship’s company remain for the presentation of an award to Private Doris Hunter. Private Hunter, step forward.”
Doris stepped out of her formation, her prosthetic legs slowing her considerably. David could tell, having seen many such injuries over the years, that she hadn’t adapted yet to the linkage between her mind and the robotic limbs. The technology was one of the few areas that Terran Coalition science had advanced to create coupling between man and machine. All respectfully stood as she made her way to where David and Tinetariro stood.
“Private Hunter, we’d typically do this with your family present, but I understand they’re on a frontier world. I hope you don’t mind our little ceremony today,” David said with a smile.
“No, sir,” Doris replied, beaming from ear to ear.
A soldier behind David handed him a small case, along with a leather-bound certificate folder. David snapped the small case open, revealing a small silver medal in the shape of a star. “Private Hunter, for your actions during the first engagement of the battle of Unity Station, I hereby award you the Coalition Defense Force Silver Star for valor and courage.”
David took a step forward and handed Doris the case, which she took and held. “Thank you, sir.”
“I will now read the citation,” David began, opening the folder and reading from the official document. “For heroic conduct during the battle of Unity station. When numerous shipboard engineering systems failed, Private Hunter manned her post despite extreme danger to herself. She ensured the reactor system onboard the CSV Lion of Judah did not fail during combat. Her gallant efforts not only saved the lives of many crewmembers in the engineering spaces directly around her, but the entire ship. Private Hunter’s exceptional professionalism under duress, personal initiative during a crisis and steadfast devotion to her duty reflect great credit upon herself and were in keeping with the highest traditions of the Coalition Defense Force.”
After a pause for applause from those standing behind her, David continued, “Bravo Zulu, Private Hunter!” He reached his hand forward and shook hers warmly. “One more thing, Private,” he said while reaching into his right pocket and pulling out the stripes of a corporal. “You are hereby granted a battlefield promotion to Corporal. Please raise your right hand.”
Doris dutifully raised her right hand and recited the oath of allegiance. “I, Doris Hunter, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the Terran Coalition against all enemies, foreign and domestic. That I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, and that I will obey the orders of the President of the Terran Coalition and of the officers appointed over me. So help me God.”
“Congratulations, Corporal,” David said, a broad smile on his face.
“Company, dismissed!” Tinetariro announced; the cargo bay full of people started to melt away as they broke ranks and went back to their duties.
Doris stuck around and approached David as he went to leave. “Colonel, if I may, sir?”
“Of course, Corporal. What can I do for you?”
“I wanted to thank you, sir. I was doing my job. I don’t deserve all this.”
“That’s not what I heard from Major Hanson,” David replied. “He believes your actions saved the reactor from overload.”
“That was my job, sir,” Doris said, still grinning from ear to ear.
“The last few days, heroic actions have been prevalent. We wanted to make sure you got the recognition you deserved,” David said. “Give any thought to what’s next? You’ll be eligible for medical discharge once your cloned limbs are integrated and fully functional.”
Doris’ face twisted into a grimace. “I’m not getting out, sir. I plan to reenlist for another term. Maybe aim for senior NCO or warrant officer.”
“What about officer? Good engineers are in short supply.”
“No degree, sir.”
“Lieutenant Goldberg doesn’t have one,” David said. “She’s an LDO.”
“LDO, sir?”
“Limited duty officer. She can’t command a capital ship, but aside from that, there are no restrictions on her ability to contribute. Look into it. Or take advantage of those night classes.”
“Yes, sir, I’ll look into it. Thank you for the advice.”
“Any time, Corporal. Godspeed,” David replied before walking away back to his duties. Which for the rest of the day consist of mountains of paperwork. Lovely.
42
Admiral Seville adjusted the collar of his dress uniform, which was stiff and felt like it was close to choking him. Pausing to check his vast array of medals before walking out of the bathroom a few steps away from the chairman’s office on Earth, he was finally home. Ah yes, home, he reflected. I feel much more alive out among the stars. Here, I’m constantly reminded of the stuffy old men that run the League and their failures. His meeting today was billed as a “briefing,” Seville thought bitterly as he pushed the door open to the ornate hallway, his dress shoes clicking on the marble floor. In reality, I’ll be called to account. Why did I fail yet again, they’ll ask. Idiots… if they’d just sent me the ships I’d requested, when I’d asked for them, we’d be toasting our victory over the Terran Coalition and drawing up plans for the reeducation of Canaan’s population.
The mahogany doors to his left swung open, and Seville walked through them into a small conference room where the most powerful men and women in the League of Sol sat assembled. Led by Chairman Pallis, they made up the Social and Public Safety Committee, which was charged with the expansion and leadership of the League. Colonel Strappi had already taken a seat, wisely choosing to sit in the chairs that lined the wall. Seville took his place at the conference table, enjoying the feel of the luxurious leather. Such comforts are welcome. A pity most citizens will never even see a nice chair, much less have one. People are such sheep. If they’d ever wake up and realize what we’ve done to them for the last four hundred years, they’d riot across the galaxy and put all our heads out on pikes. But they won’t because they’re sheep.
As the doors to Pallis’ office opened up, Seville quickly stood, along with the rest of the people in the room. The military officers all brought themselves smartly to attention. It wasn’t lost on him that Pallis allowed it to go on for several seconds.
“Take your seats, comrades,” Pallis finally said.
Seville sat back down, looking at the committee with what he hoped came across as a contrite facial expression.
