Trapped In Love, page 9
As soon as I discovered Felix at the cabin, I should have left. I kept saying I hated him, kept telling him how much I didn’t like him, but that didn’t stop me from practically begging him for sex last night. Who does that? Maybe I got too much sun yesterday.
But I knew that wasn’t true. The thunderstorm made me sad. It made me miss the mother I barely remembered, and I just wanted to be held. Then he had to kiss me. That soft, reassuring kiss broke me, and then I couldn’t help my horny brain from craving his dick. It was a bad idea when I let him go bare inside me. I never did that. Ever.
“Gemma?” a voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I realized I was standing on the main dock staring at my boat.
I turned around and saw Harper, with a line of worry creasing her forehead. Next to her was a tall Black woman sporting bouncy, natural curls. They wore bikini tops and shorts, like they were ready for a day on the lake, much like myself. I planned to take the boat out to relax on the water. Far away from Felix Jameson and his kissable lips.
“Huh?” I asked.
The crease of worry in Harper’s brow deepened. “Are you okay?”
I frowned. “Not really.”
“Okay, take us out on your boat and tell us about it,” Harper said and clapped her hands.
The other woman rolled her eyes. “Harper, that’s rude.”
I laughed and got into the boat. “No, hop in. I’m Gemma, by the way.”
“Keisha,” the other woman introduced herself. “I’m Harper’s wife.”
I tried to not let my surprise come across my features. I thought for sure Harper was just bi-curious.
I started the boat's engine and drove us to the middle of the lake.
“So, what’s up, Gem?” Harper asked. She and her wife smeared sunblock on their bodies while I parked the boat.
I sighed. “I keep on making bad decisions.”
“With what?” Keisha asked.
“I slept with someone I shouldn’t have.”
“Summer fling! Who cares?” Harper said with a grin.
I sighed again. “Only, we work together, and he’s an asshole. And…my sister told him he could stay at the cabin this week.”
“Okay, explain everything,” Keisha said, and Harper sat up in interest.
So I did. I told them the whole story. About Felix standing me up, and pretending he never asked me out. How he seduced his way into my bed and then left in the morning. And how I got scared during the thunderstorm last night and needed comfort.
That was the part that made me feel the worst. It had been a moment of weakness, where I wanted to feel something. My heart was getting big, silly ideas, but I remembered what he said. He couldn’t give me the love I wanted. But I let him into my bed, and he wormed his way into my heart again.
Keisha tapped her finger against her lips. “Okay…but what if you had a summer fling with him?”
“What?” I asked and gave her a weird look.
“Yeah!” Harper agreed. “What happens in the Poconos stays in the Poconos.”
Keisha laughed. “Babe, that’s Vegas.”
“Same difference!”
I shook my head and laid out on the boat, letting the sun shine down on me. I pulled my sunglasses down onto my eyes.
“That’s a terrible idea,” I said. “He already broke my heart.”
“Then tell your heart it’s none of its business and get laid on vacation!” Harper said with a playful grin.
I laughed. “You two are enablers.”
“Is he hot?” Keisha asked.
“God, so hot. He has a vibrating tongue ring! And he has a nice trimmed beard and sleeve tattoos. I’m weak for tattoos.”
“Yours are pretty,” Keisha said.
I rubbed my hand down my tattooed arm. “Thanks. Getting a full sleeve’s a bitch, but I love them.”
“They suit you, Gem. And the pink hair, it looks so you,” Harper said with a smile.
“Thanks,” I said and fingered the quartz around my neck.
Keisha and Harper looked so cute together. Harper and I had a falling out when we were teenagers, and she said she wasn’t ‘supposed’ to like women.
“Gem, I need to apologize for when we were teens,” Harper said.
I waved my hand at her. “I get it. Coming out’s scary. I thought my dad would throw me off the boat.”
“No way! Your dad adores you. Every time he comes to town, he can’t stop talking about how proud he is of both you and your sister. Oh! Last time he was in town, he was beaming about becoming a grandfather. Show us the baby pictures!”
I laughed and grabbed my phone and found the pictures of baby Norah to show them. They fawned over the photos, and Aunt pride swelled in my chest. I was still annoyed with my sister for meddling between me and Felix, but I still loved her. And she kept sending me the cutest pictures of Norah, so I couldn’t stay mad at her.
“Her husband’s a total lumberjack!” Harper said with a laugh.
We all laughed together. “Oh my god, I know! He’s such a grump except with her. It’s so cute.”
I took my phone back and saw a text message from Declan.
DEC: Stop posting on social media. Enjoy your vacation!
I ignored his message and put my phone away.
I sat up and pulled out the plastic container with all my crystals and jewelry-making supplies. I sat up on the floor of the boat while Harper and Keisha sunned themselves. I started wrapping wires around a piece of clear quartz as the girls told me the story of how they met.
“What’s that?” Keisha asked and pointed to what I was doing.
“Oh! I make jewelry with healing crystals. This is quartz. It’s the master healer.”
“Oh, cool. I noticed the one you wear around your neck,” Keisha said, looking genuinely interested. My sister usually rolled her eyes when I talked about this stuff.
“Oh, yeah, it’s rose quartz. It’s the love stone. It’s supposed to help restore trust and harmony in relationships.”
“Hmm.”
Harper nudged her wife. “Babe, don’t be all ‘hmm.’ That usually means she wants to tell you something you don’t want to hear.”
I cocked my head at her and put my necklace away. I started working on the moonstone earrings I wanted to give Avery. “Say what you gotta say. I don’t mind if you’re blunt.”
“Well, maybe that’s why you keep sleeping with this guy. The stone draws you to him.”
I shook my head. “I think it’s because he’s hot, and I’m horny with a capital H.”
They both laughed, and I shrugged because it was true.
I made a few more pieces while we sunbathed on the lake. I got bored sitting in calm water, and cruised them around the lake. With the wind in my hair, I felt energized and recharged. Like the sun had charged me up like it did my crystals.
After a couple of hours on the boat, I brought us back to shore, and we parted ways. I lugged my stuff to the car and then walked back down onto the sandy man-made lake. I picked seashells as I strolled down the shoreline. The lake here wasn’t a typical beach, but some shells washed ashore, and I liked to collect them. Maybe I should start making jewelry with the shells in addition to my crystals.
I pocketed the shells and forced myself to stop procrastinating about going back to the cabin. I had to face Felix, eventually. When I got back to the cabin, I spied him out on the dock. He stood with his shirt off in front of a canvas with a paint palette in one hand. I wasn’t expecting that.
I dropped my stuff inside and grabbed us two Mac Daddy beers. I loved my hoppy IPAs, but Nolan did an awesome job with the hefeweizen. I laughed every time I looked at the artwork. Felix really captured Nolan’s lumberjack essence with an illustration of him wearing a red plaid shirt while he held Norah in his arms. It fit the beer name perfectly.
I walked down to the dock, and Felix smiled at me when I handed him the beer. “Thanks.”
I cocked my head as I studied the landscape painting he was working on. He was painting the lake in front of him, and it was fantastic. He was an amazing designer, so I wasn’t surprised. I just didn’t know he was also a talented painter.
I sat on the dock and dipped my feet into the water. “I didn’t know you were a painter. It’s amazing.”
“Thanks. This beer’s so good.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I like it, and I’m an IPA girl.”
“Ugh! IPAs are like the pumpkin spice latte for beer drinkers. Ya basic!”
“Am not!”
He set his paints down and sat on the dock next to me. I splashed him with my feet.
“Brat,” he teased.
I felt heat rush up my cheeks at the memory of last night. He liked when I was a brat.
I held up the beer bottle and admired the label. “The artwork’s perfect.”
He studied his beer bottle and shrugged. “Not that hard to do. Nolan already exudes that whole hot lumbersexual thing.”
I stared at him for what felt like forever.
“What?” he asked.
“You think Nolan’s hot?”
He shrugged. “Still bi, Gemma!”
“I know that! Didn’t see Nolan as your type.”
He shrugged. “I call it like I see it.”
Hmm, that was interesting.
He sighed. “Can we talk about last night?”
I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, Gemma. For everything. For standing you up and for leaving before you woke up. I’m not sorry for what we did together, though. We both enjoyed that. But I know I’ve been a dick to you.”
I nodded. That was all true. I sipped my beer and kicked my feet in the water. I took my seashells out of my pocket and rubbed one between my fingers.
“Is there a reason?” I finally asked.
He took a big gulp of his beer. “What?”
“It’s not because something’s wrong with me, right?”
His face fell, and he set his beer down on the dock. He tipped my face up to look me in the eye. “No, absolutely not. Did you think that?”
“Fe, you cursed me.”
He frowned. “What?”
“I haven’t been able to hold down a date since you stood me up. If they don’t ghost me, they don’t show up. And then I let you seduce your way into my bed…twice.”
Anger rose inside me at all the ways he had done me wrong. I kept letting him take advantage of me, and letting him into my heart, even though he stomped all over it.
“My dad’s in jail,” he said bitterly.
I pulled back at his admittance.
He picked at the label of his beer. “My dad’s in jail for drug charges again, and I have custody of my little sister. Again. I’ve raised my sister since I was fourteen years old when my mom finally left us. That’s why I stood you up, Gemma. I can’t give you what you want from me, no matter how much I want it. So I’m an asshole to you because Skye’s the most—”
“Why didn’t you tell me that?” I shrieked at him without letting him finish his sentence.
“Because you wouldn’t understand!”
“Of course I’d understand. I’m not a monster. If you told me you had a family emergency, I would have understood.”
“Gemma, I can’t commit to a relationship. Skye’s my world. I’ll always choose her over you. I’ve already done that before.”
I looked out onto the lake and drank my beer in thought. I couldn’t be mad at him, but he sounded a lot like Nolan right there. Declan said Nolan sacrificed a lot when their parents died, but he made himself out to be a martyr. Felix was doing the same thing, putting all the weight of the world on his shoulders when he didn’t have to.
“Is that what happened with your ex?” I asked.
He nodded. “Roger was kinda needy, but he also wasn’t out. We had to hide our relationship, and I couldn’t deal.”
“Because you’re not ashamed of who you love.”
He pointed at me. “Yup. I don’t care who knows I’m bi. I hate the idea that straight’s the default, like I have to make a big production about my sexuality.”
“I get that,” I said.
I might be a loud and proud bisexual woman, but I understood what he meant. Why was straight always the default? Why did I have to amp myself up to tell my dad and sister I liked more than one gender?
He picked at his beer label. “It’s taking me every ounce of control to not kiss you again right now. I want to do that so badly. I want to kiss you again and hold you in my arms and promise you the world. But I can’t give you empty promises. It’s unfair to you.”
My heart thrummed. I wanted to kiss him again so badly, too, but he was right. I wanted a partner. I wanted someone to love me unconditionally. Someone to deal with eccentric Gemma Jensen, and love me despite my flaws. That person wasn’t Felix.
So, I changed the subject instead. “What did you do today?”
“Went for a hike at the preserve and drew in my sketchbook. I wanted to paint the horizon.”
“I didn’t know you painted. I knew you were talented. Your artwork’s amazing. I didn’t expect to find you with a painting and an easel like a regular old Bob Ross.”
He took another sip of his beer and glanced up at his work. “It’s my first love. I closed my availability on my website so I didn’t have any design work to do this week.”
I cocked my head at him. “You don’t just design for the brewery?”
He shook his head. “Nah. Declan actually encouraged me to start my business. I don’t make a lot, but I love it, so it helps me keep food on the table.”
“Fucking Declan,” I muttered. He was such a busybody.
Felix ignored my muttering. “What did you do today? Catch anything good for dinner?”
I laughed. “Nah. Met up with an old friend from my childhood. We sunbathed and drove the boat around.”
“I didn’t know you had a boat.”
I gave him a funny look. “How did you think I fished yesterday?”
He shrugged.
I held up a seashell. “After I docked, I walked down to the sand and picked shells. It’s a tradition.”
“There’s a beach here?”
“It’s a man-made lake. It’s more woodsy back here than on the main dock.”
“I like it here. What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“Want to do a brewery crawl with me?” I asked as an offering of peace. My heart might feel a little tender, but getting beers together could be the olive branch we both needed.
His lips curled up into a smile. “You want my company? Even after everything?”
I sighed. “Felix, I get why you did what you did. I’m still mad, but maybe buy me a good IPA and a beer hall pretzel, and I can forgive you.”
He laughed. “That’s all it takes?”
“I’m a simple gal.”
“Liar.”
I shrugged. “I gotta get a shower and wash all the sunblock off. I wish you had told me what was going on. I understand the burden on your shoulders. I mean, I don’t, but I can imagine. That’s a lot.”
He nodded. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Why didn’t you bring your sister? I could have taught her how to fish and build a fire. Make her a real mountain woman.”
“Her annual trip to Cape May with her best friend.”
I frowned. “Oh. And now you’re stuck with me.”
He smirked. “If you behave, it’s not so bad.”
“Asshole!”
“You know it,” he said, but he seemed sad about that. “Go get your shower, Gem. I’ll grill up burgers for dinner and have a beer waiting for you.”
“Aw, you feel awful about taking advantage of me.”
He glared at me. “Umm no, you begged me to fuck you raw last night. Don’t forget that, sweet thing.”
I gave him the finger as I stood up and walked away. If I didn’t, I’d kiss him again, and that wasn’t a good idea. I tried to ignore his comment about how he wanted to kiss me. I couldn’t let my hormones get the better of me a third time.
I was still mad at him, but I wasn’t sure if I still hated him. I couldn’t hate a man who dropped his whole life to take care of his little sister. Stepping up and being the parent when your parents couldn’t hack it was admirable. It made sense why he and Nolan got along so well. They were cut from the same stubborn cloth. It also made him sexy as hell. Hot single dad, yes, please! I told my pussy to calm down because we couldn’t do that again. My heart couldn’t take it.
Chapter Fourteen
FELIX
I flipped burgers on the grill out on the porch and sipped my beer. I had a bottle of 611 Ale ready for Gemma when she came downstairs.
“Is that for me?” Gemma asked. She pointed toward the beer on the table a few feet away.
“Geez, Gem, you’re sneaky. Yeah, it’s for you.”
“I thought you were kidding about having a beer waiting for me. You need help with dinner?”
“Nah. Sit that fine ass down. I got it.”
It surprised me when she didn’t argue, but sat down at the table while I finished dinner.
Telling her about my dad and Skye had been like a weight lifted off my shoulders, but it still didn’t excuse my behavior, and a part of me wished she hadn’t been so understanding. I’d rather she screamed in my face and told me it didn’t matter because I was still a dick. That would have made things way easier. But no, sweet, little Gemma had to be nice and forgive me.
I turned off the grill and put the burgers on a paper plate. I joined Gemma at the table where I had laid out all the fixings for dinner. I sat next to her, and she grabbed a bun to assemble her burger. I heaped potato salad on my plate and squirted ketchup and mustard on my bun.
We ate in companionable silence, sipping our beers and enjoying being able to eat outdoors. Maybe I should have told her about Skye sooner.
“I think I’ll make another fire tonight,” she said after finishing her burger.
“Yeah? You want help this time?”
She shook her head. “Nah. I like doing it. Thanks for dinner.”
I watched her take the dinner supplies back inside. She came outside a little while later and walked down to the fire pit to get the fire started. I joined her in front of the fire after getting us another round of beers. She gave me a smile as she took hers, but she was busy with something in her hands.
