The Cowboy's Return, page 11
“Mom, you never go out on dates. If you worry that it’s going to upset me, don’t. I’m worried about what you’re going to do when I go to college. I would feel a lot better about going away to school if you had someone to keep you company.”
Her daughter’s heart was in the right place, and even though it wasn’t Kayla’s job to worry about whether or not Maddie was lonely when she went off to college, it was so sweet.
But dating now, and especially Luke...this was the wrong time to be thinking about such things.
“I promise,” Maddie said. “As soon as you go off to school, I’ll join one of those dating apps.”
Kayla tugged at her hair a little too hard with the brush. “Ow!”
“Sorry,” Kayla said. “Why would you need to sign up for one of those apps when you have a perfectly good man staring you in the face? Not that I’m supposed to notice anything, but my dad is pretty cute for being a dad.”
Her daughter was impossible.
“That may be so, but I don’t want to pick a date based on how good they look. I need a chance to get to know a person and find out about their character first. Luke is a good enough guy, but just because he’s good as a father doesn’t necessarily make him a good romantic partner. After all, that’s why Brady and I never worked out.”
Kayla stepped back from her. “Yeah, but you and Brady Dad never had any kind of sparks. I’ve never seen him look at you the way Luke Dad looks at you.”
Busted. But this wasn’t an appropriate conversation to have with her daughter. Especially since Kayla had too many romantic notions in her head to understand the level of sacrifice a real relationship took.
“I think you’re trying to see things that aren’t there because you want so badly for us all to be a family. I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now, and I need you to accept that.”
As always with her daughter when they disagreed, the fight shone in Kayla’s eyes.
“Why should I?” Kayla said. “Look, you always sacrificed for me. I remember times when I was younger, and someone would ask you out to dinner or a movie or something, and you’d always say something like, ‘Oh, sorry, I have Kayla.’”
For a moment, Kayla looked genuinely upset. Then she said, “But maybe the real reason you told all those people that is because there was a part of you that always loved my father. Please give him a chance.”
How was Maddie supposed to tell her daughter that this romantic notion she’d built up over Maddie and Luke loving each other all these years was just a fantasy?
Kayla held up a mirror to Maddie’s face. “There you go. All finished.”
Maddie almost didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. Even though she’d known that Kayla wasn’t going to turn her into a painted lady, she hadn’t expected the subtle but artful way the makeup had been applied to her face.
Her eyes were highlighted in the stylish way for teenagers, but didn’t make her look like an adult who was trying too hard. The rest of her makeup was subtle, classy, and made Maddie think she was staring at a younger woman in the mirror. Kayla had also found some shoes that matched Maddie’s dress. If Maddie had chosen a look for herself, this is what she’d have chosen. Maybe her daughter knew her after all.
“I look amazing. Thank you.” Maddie smiled at her daughter, then held her arms out. “You think I can have a hug?”
Kayla grumbled. “I suppose, since I know you’ll just pout, like you do when I hug Granny and my dad.”
“Why should they get hugs and not me?”
“You’ve been hugging me my whole life, and they need to catch up.”
But then Kayla came and gave her a hug. A real hug, and even though Maddie had been mourning the loss of her little girl, seeing the woman she was becoming brought a new feeling of joy to her heart.
The alarm on Kayla’s phone beeped. “That’s my reminder,” Kayla said. “We need to get over to Wyatt’s so I can babysit, and you can ride with them to the ball.”
They had all agreed that it would be easier for everyone to meet at Wyatt’s and ride together. Parking at the Cattlemen’s Ball was always at a premium, so carpooling made sense.
“I can’t wait to see the look on Dad’s face when he sees you.”
As much as Maddie wanted to remind her daughter once again that this was not happening, they just had such a beautiful moment that she couldn’t spoil it.
When they got to Wyatt and Laura’s, Maddie began to feel self-conscious. Sure, Kayla had said she looked good, but that was the opinion of a teenage girl. Had she overdone it? She didn’t want to be one of those older women trying to look young.
But when she walked through the door, Laura’s face lit up. “Wow, you look incredible.”
“Yeah,” Wyatt said. “You look nice. If we hadn’t already lined up a date for you, I’d say you’re going to have all kinds of heads turning.”
“We only want Dad to notice her,” Kayla said emphatically.
“Stop, both of you,” Maddie said. “This is not a real date. Don’t put ideas into people’s heads that don’t belong there. Luke and I are just co-parents, and maybe friends.”
Kayla gave another annoyed groan. “I’m going to check on the little ones,” she said. “They’re being awfully quiet, and the last time that happened when I was over here, they had just painted the bathroom mirror with Laura’s new lipstick.”
As everyone laughed, Kayla started for the back of the house where the kids were, but then she paused. “You just keep working on her about my dad. Mom is getting on my nerves with how stubborn she is.”
“Kayla,” Maddie said. “You’re really crossing the line into being disrespectful today.”
Kayla grinned. “I’m only speaking the truth in love.”
Before Maddie could chastise her daughter again, Kayla had skipped off into the bedrooms.
“I need to check something in the kitchen for a minute,” Laura said. “Come with me.”
As Maddie followed Laura into the kitchen, she said, “I know Wyatt isn’t going to be any help, but I really needed to be supported here. I don’t want a romantic relationship with Luke.”
The doorbell rang, and Wyatt went to answer it. Laura looked at Maddie. “Why not? Wyatt keeps commenting that there’s obviously something between you two. Everyone else sees it. Maybe you should stop fighting it and just see where it goes?”
“Come on, Laura. You know why. I can’t risk hurting my daughter again. She’s happy and excited now, but what if we do get together? Then we break up, and it’s going to hurt her.”
“Can we stop with that?” Luke said, entering the room. “You’re using fear to not allow yourself a chance at happiness based on a lot of what-ifs, and you have no evidence of what will actually happen. I thought you were a woman of faith. But that isn’t how a woman of faith talks. I was willing to give this a try. The more I hear you argue against it, the more I’m not sure I would want to date someone who lives her life in so much fear.”
Then he looked her up and down. “I’m supposed to tell you how beautiful you look tonight because I understand Kayla went to a lot of trouble. And I’ll tell her that. I’ll tell you that. But I hope you know, you’ve always been beautiful to me, no matter what you wear.”
He turned his attention to Wyatt. “So, when does the shindig start anyway? I’m starving.”
Even though she had been telling herself all night that Luke’s opinion didn’t matter to her, his easy dismissal of her stung. This is what she wanted. For her Luke to be just friends.
The cold way he’d just spoken to her about her faith made her heart hurt, and it felt like there was a greater distance between them than there had ever been. But if this was the price she had to pay, then she’d pay it. Everyone might think she was acting out of fear, but she was no longer that reckless girl who thrived on taking risks. Her daughter was everything to her, and Maddie was never going to do something that would harm her daughter.
She’d already done that once, by revealing the truth about Kayla’s paternity in a moment of anger. Though they had worked through it as a family, and Maddie knew Kayla had forgiven her, Maddie would never forget the lesson she’d learned.
Even though Luke had questioned Maddie’s faith, Maddie closed her eyes and prayed that God would give her the strength to handle the situation. She’d cried out to God so many times over the years, and it seemed like now, with everyone pushing her in a direction that could cause more pain, she needed His strength even more.
* * *
Maybe he shouldn’t have said that about her faith. Luke was painfully aware of how stiffly she stood next to him at the Cattlemen’s Ball. He just didn’t understand why this woman who seemed to have everything going for her would be so afraid to take a chance on love.
But maybe it was better this way. He’d thought things would be easier once he got out of the army and women weren’t afraid of his dangerous job. Yet here he was, attracted to a woman who’d made it quite clear she wasn’t interested in him. Even though he’d called her out on her excuses, it didn’t matter what the excuses were. The bottom line was that she didn’t want to date him, and he needed to leave it alone.
He stole another glance at Maddie. He had not been lying when he told her that he thought she was beautiful. She looked like the belle of the ball. He kinda liked her better in her scrubs. She always found something fun to wear and used her outfits as another way of keeping people’s spirits up. He liked that about her. But he couldn’t express that to her. He wanted to say a lot of the things to her, but because he’d already messed things up, he felt like he couldn’t. Still, he should’ve been more complimentary about the dress.
“You look really nice tonight,” he said. “I should’ve made a bigger deal about it than I did because I know it’s special.”
She gave him a funny look, like she wasn’t sure why he was bothering now.
“And I’m sorry about what I said about your fear and your faith. That was out of line. Your reasons are your reasons, and I need to respect them, just like everyone else should.”
Maddie gave a small smile. “Thank you.”
Finally. Progress. At least her posture had softened, and she didn’t look like she wanted to run as far away as possible from an event she’d been looking forward to.
“It’s not you, you know,” she said slowly. “I’m sure you’d be a great person to date. It’s just not where I’m at in my life right now.”
The firmness in her voice made him realize just how hard it was on her to have everyone pushing her to date. All she really wanted was for people to respect her and her wishes. He’d messed that up tonight.
“I get it,” he said. “In all honesty, I should probably figure out my own life priorities first as well. In just a few short weeks, it seems like my whole life has changed.”
She gave him a tender smile. “And you’re doing great managing it.”
For a moment, it looked like she wanted to say something else, but a woman came up to them and greeted Maddie warmly.
“I’m so glad to see you here,” she said. “I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you at the senior center. It’s always fun catching up with you when you pop in to check on Mom.”
Though Maddie smiled, it didn’t light up her eyes the way her smiles usually did. Probably because the reason she hadn’t seen her friend was due to all the trouble Briana had caused. “It’s great to see you, too, Sadie.”
Then Maddie gestured at Luke. “Have you met Luke? He’s Ida Mae’s grandson, freshly out of the army. Luke, this is my friend Sadie.”
Sadie smiled and held out her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Ida Mae is one of Mom’s crafting buddies. I can’t tell you how happy it has made your grandmother to have you home.”
Then she looked slyly over at Maddie before turning her attention back to him. “And to think you’ve been Kayla’s father all along. What a great blessing for everyone. From what your grandmother tells my mom, I hear we may be dancing at a wedding soon. The Cattlemen’s Ball is a great place to practice.”
This was definitely not what Luke wanted to hear, especially after he and Maddie had seemingly made their peace over the matchmaking issue.
“Well, I’m sure we’ll all be happy to see who the bride and groom are,” Luke said, smiling. “But if Granny is trying to match me up with someone, she’s in for a rude awakening. I’m afraid getting married, or even dating, isn’t part of my plan right now. I have two priorities: my daughter and getting the house fixed up so Granny can come home.”
Though he’d been telling himself those were his priorities all along, saying that to a would-be matchmaker made Luke feel even better about his conversation with Maddie. This wasn’t the best time for him to be thinking about dating.
Sadie looked puzzled, then glanced over at Maddie. “I thought you two had gotten back together.”
Maddie shook her head. “I’m afraid that’s just wishful thinking on Ida Mae’s part. Like Luke, my priority is my daughter, and the next priority is my job. Between the two, I’m afraid I don’t have much time for romance.”
Sadie laughed. “Oh, trust me. I get it. My mom gives my name and number to every handsome man who comes into the senior center to visit a relative. I know our families just want us to be happy, but they need to let us make our own paths.”
“Hear, hear,” Luke said as enthusiastically as he could. He wanted Maddie to know he was on her side.
“I know you’re not on the market, but the band is getting ready to play a few songs. Do you think we could dance?” Sadie asked.
Even though Maddie had told him vehemently how much she didn’t want to date him, he couldn’t help noticing the way she flinched at the question.
“I’m afraid I’ve got two left feet,” Luke said. “That’s the other reason why there won’t be anyone dancing at my wedding anytime soon.”
As Sadie turned away, Maddie said quietly, “You don’t need to turn anyone down on my account. We’re just here as friends, so you can dance with whoever you like.”
Luke shrugged. “There’s only one woman here I want to dance with,” he said. “And not only has she made her feelings about me painfully clear, but given the talk that’s already happening, and how uncomfortable it makes her, I wouldn’t want to give any more reason for people’s tongues to wag.”
Her expression softened slightly. “Like I said, it’s not personal.” She gestured at the crowded room. “It’s just life in this town. All these people have looked down on me for one reason or another. First it was because my mom was such a mess and I didn’t have a dad. Then I got pregnant as a teenager, and became the typical statistic.”
His stomach churned at the pregnancy reference. She always seemed to blame herself, yet he was equally to blame.
But he didn’t want to interrupt her as she continued, “I was the horrible woman who ruined Brady’s life, and created drama when Josie came home. And then, just when I was finally feeling like I was getting past all the bad things people said about me, you arrive, and it’s back to square one.”
Wow. He hadn’t considered how everything they were going through now had brought up so much of Maddie’s past.
The band began playing a lively song, and even though it didn’t match Luke’s and Maddie’s moods, everyone else moved toward the stage, giving them a little more privacy in the crowded room. Still, he took her by the arm and led her to a more secluded corner to get away from the noise, and allow Maddie to get this off her chest.
Maddie’s eyes filled with tears as she said, “I finally have my chance at redemption and proving them all wrong. My daughter is ready to graduate high school and go to college and be successful despite everything everyone ever said about how I’d never raise a good child as a single mom. I’m hopeful about getting the promotion at my job that I’ve always dreamed of. I’m making a real difference in people’s lives. I can‘t afford to have anything mess that up.”
That was probably the most real thing she had said to him about why she couldn‘t date him. Sure, she’d given her reasons about Kayla, and he believed that was one of her concerns. But as he saw the pain on her face, he understood that it was about so much more.
Luke could relate. Hadn‘t he spent his whole life trying to prove himself worthy to his family? The weight of all the medals adorning his mess dress pressed against his chest. He’d thought that all the decorations and medals would be enough. Even his second purple heart hadn’t gotten his father to say, “I’m proud of you.”
His dad was long gone, but as soon as Luke came home, he was still the black sheep who had ruined everyone’s lives.
No, not everyone’s. Just Briana’s. No matter what he did, it seemed she would always hate him. Sure, they’d come to some level of detente, and he was doing his best work on their relationship. But he still felt the weight of her disapproving glare whenever they were in Granny’s room.
“I get it,” he said. “Maybe you should tell that to Granny and Kayla.”
Maddie shook her head. “I can’t. Sometimes kids at school pick on Kayla, so I’m constantly telling her not to worry about what others think.”
“Then why don’t you take your own advice?”
Luke stopped a passing waiter to grab a bottle of water for each of them. They could both use the distraction of a drink, and he was parched.
Maddie accepted the water with a smile, took a long drink, then sighed. “Because unlike Kayla, I have done a lot of things wrong. I don’t deserve all the things people have said about me over the years, but let’s be honest. Some of them I did deserve. I’ve been trying to be a better person, but I can never seem to escape my past.”
