Forever Comes in Threes, page 18
It was a secret she still bore alone. Nobody knew. Not even Julie. She had no physical scars for anyone to notice. She did see a therapist while at Columbia, but she still sometimes wondered that if she had died, how long it would have taken for anyone to miss her, if they ever did. Those old feelings of inadequacy and anger had pushed her to walk out on Ming.
She hadn’t gone directly home that day because she realized Ming might follow her there, demanding they talk. But Perry was too raw. Instead, she’d turned off her phone and drove aimlessly for an hour before stopping at a coffee shop, where she sat at an outdoor table for another hour, nursing consecutive cups of espresso until she was too jittery to sit any longer. She got back into her car, turned her phone on, and called Julie after at least ten phone and twenty text messages downloaded.
“What the hell happened, Perry? Why aren’t you answering my texts or my calls? The podcast world is blowing up over that vlog, which has already gone viral. I thought I was watching a Jerry Springer show and you guys were going to stand up and start throwing your chairs at each other.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I need you to go by my house and make sure Ming isn’t waiting for me. I don’t want to see or talk to her.”
“I’d save anything you have to say to her for your next podcast. We’ve got the weekend to nail down a script before Monday.”
“I’m putting Timed for Success on hiatus.”
“Wrong answer. We’ve got to strike while the iron is hot. I’m sure Ming will.”
“I don’t care what she does. I’m not going to be a pawn in her marketing scheme.”
“If it is a marketing scheme, she’s brilliant, and you should take advantage of that opportunity.”
“No. I mean that, too. No response to the vlog today and no further comments on Dr. Lee’s podcast. If my listeners bring it up, I’ll just ignore those questions.”
“Perry—”
“No, Julie. And that’s final.”
“I think you’re wrong about Ming. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I have a hard time believing she would deliberately do anything to hurt you.”
Was Julie right? Had her accusations been too hasty? She played that day over and over in her mind, searching for anything that would reassure her she’d been right to walk away. Or maybe something that explicitly showed she’d been wrong.
Time and distance had not lessened that ache in her chest and the hollow feeling in her stomach.
* * *
The dogs barked joyfully and crowded around Ming when Julie let her into Perry’s condo. She stooped to greet each one, but Tucker danced away when she reached for him, then ran up the stairs and into Perry’s home office.
Julie sighed. “He’s been a nervous wreck since Perry left. He won’t come out of the office except to go out to pee. He won’t even eat unless I take his food up there. It might be because I’ve been editing clips of her past podcasts to keep something posted. She hasn’t done a new one in weeks. He doesn’t understand why he can hear her voice but she isn’t there.”
Ming stood and shook her head. “He’s bonded with her, poor little guy. He was bonded to his original owner, who adopted him as a puppy, and she disappeared on him. Now, he’s bonded with Perry, and she’s ditching him. The older he gets, the harder it is for him to attach to a new person. I really thought she’d give in and keep at least him if we had to break up the pack.”
“I thought she’d keep all three after that fiasco of a vlog. She cuddled on the couch with them for two weeks, binge-watching everything she could find on Netflix.”
“I’ve tried everything I know to get her to talk to me after I cooled down from her rejection.” Ming looked away, unable to meet Julie’s eyes. “I thought I meant something to her, but she threw that away as soon as things got hard.” She looked up again when Julie didn’t respond to find Julie studying her.
“I’m not going to get in the middle of the drama between you two, but I will tell you a little about my friend that may help you understand her better.” Julie motioned for Ming to take a seat on the couch while she sat in the chair across from her.
Tucker stood hesitantly at the top of the stairs when Molly and JT sat next to Ming on the couch, then came down to join them. Ming wanted to scoop him up and hug him, but that probably would send him running again.
“I’ll listen to anything you’re willing to tell me. I’m still reeling from her over-the-top reaction to finding out I’m her podcast rival. I really thought she knew, just like I knew about her.” She avoided looking directly at Tucker but snuck a hand over to scratch his favorite spot on his chest. He finally relaxed and lay down on the other side of Molly, in the safety of his pack.
“I tried to tell her, but she insisted your last name was Davis. I suppose Lee is a nom de plume?”
“It actually was my last name, but I legally changed it to Davis, my father’s first name, so Lee wouldn’t be on the contract, deed, and tax records of my new home. I had to do what I could to make sure my fanatic fans didn’t follow me from Fresno. She never asked about my last name, but I’m guessing she heard my new neighbor address me as Dr. Davis.”
Julie nodded. “I did track you down in the Columbia University yearbook by guessing when you might have been a student there. I still couldn’t convince Perry that was you. I think she was in denial because she didn’t want it to be.”
Ming snorted. “I can see how she didn’t recognize me. I was fifty pounds heavier and still the same shy nerd I was in high school. Fortunately, I came to terms with my sexual orientation my sophomore year and discovered Columbia’s rowing club. Even I was surprised at the person I found after shedding the extra weight and making friends who built up my confidence.”
“You certainly don’t resemble that picture any longer.” Julie nervously twisted her fingers, then sat back in her chair and held Ming’s gaze. “She does care about you, Ming. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so enamored with another woman. But underneath that confident business professional and public speaker is a kid who had to raise herself. Her parents put their research first in every situation. They didn’t have the money for a nanny but hired college students to pick her up from school and take her to any after-school activities. Her drive to excel comes from always feeling she wasn’t meeting their expectations. Basically, everything that makes up the adult Perry is rooted in that childhood belief that she wasn’t good enough to earn their love.”
“She’s never talked much about her parents, but I did get the feeling they weren’t close.”
“They still see her a couple of times a year, but only when it’s convenient for them. And Perry always has to go to them or meet them somewhere. When Janice dumped these pups off, it was the first time she’d been to Perry’s home. And she didn’t even come inside. She said she had a plane to catch and put their stuff on the porch, then left.”
“That’s rough. What about her father?”
“He lives in England with a woman about Perry’s age. She meets up with him every couple of years when he messages that he’s in the States for a conference or research consult. Pretty often, he wants to see her because he’s trying to impress someone he needs to fund one of his research projects. He uses her status as a best-selling author and international consultant like it’s part of his own résumé.”
“I guess, given that background, I can sort of understand why she jumped to the conclusion that I was also using her. On the other hand, she’s no longer that child, and I’m not her parents. With everything I had going on in my life, taking on a relationship was the last thing I needed.” Ming paused as her throat tightened, and tears threatened. “I made time for her. I opened up to her. We shared more than physical intimacy.”
Julie rose, and the dogs made room for her on the couch. She took Ming’s hand and squeezed. “She’s miserable. Pretty much a zombie. I think you scare her because she feels so deeply about you. She’s sort of like Tucker. She’ll run if you chase her. It’s better if you let her work up the courage to come to you.”
Ming teetered among her own insecurities. Should she wait for Perry to come around? What if Julie was saying this to get rid of her so she’d have Perry’s full attention again? Then again, what did she have to lose? Her current pursuit of Perry wasn’t working.
“I hate that she’s giving up the dogs and that I’m going to have to split them up.”
“I hate that, too. I wish I could take the little darlings.” Julie frowned at her. “Why can’t you take them? Perry said you bought a huge farm property. Seems that would be ideal for dogs.”
“I’ve got so much going on there over the next few months—renovating the house and building greenhouses. Too many trucks and machinery are constantly coming and going while I’m traveling to find the best seeds and visiting other herb farms to study their processes.” Ming managed a weak smile. “Besides, the first thing you have to learn as a foster is that you can’t keep every needy animal. My job is to match them with the right forever family. I promise to find them good homes.” And, truthfully, they’d be a constant reminder of her monumental mistake that lost the one woman with whom she’d fallen deeply in love.
Chapter Fifteen
Perry opened the door and rolled her suitcase inside the eerily empty condo.
Julie had texted that she was going back to her own home after Ming picked up the dogs, but their absence didn’t really sink in until no happy barks greeted her. No Tucker was zooming around with a bone in his mouth that he would give her after she greeted the other two dogs. She searched for a question or command to give SHA, just to have another voice break the bleak silence.
“SHA, call Julie.”
“Welcome home, Perry. Calling Julie now.”
Julie’s voice came over SHA’s speakers. “Well, well. The prodigal boss finally returns.”
“Yeah. Want to come over? We can order takeout and catch up on everything.” She’d left to spend a week in Mexico but had been gone three because she flew from Mexico to Taiwan to check on another team’s progress, and then to see her publisher in New York to renegotiate the deadline on the new book she’d contracted.
“I would, but I have a date tonight with a hot chick.”
“Where’d you meet this one?”
“On our jogging trail. I’d seen her a couple of times, but she was running with a couple of other people. When I spotted her at the trailhead, getting ready to run alone last week, I introduced myself and suggested we hit the trail together for safety reasons. Afterward, she asked me out. This is our first date.”
“Don’t be late.”
“I won’t be if I hang up now. Sorry about tonight. I didn’t expect you until tomorrow afternoon.”
“No problem. I’ll order in and probably go to bed early. It’s been a long day of travel.”
“Good idea. Tell you what. I’ll pick up lunch tomorrow from Panera and come over so you can tell me about Mexico. I know you don’t want to, but we also need to talk about the podcast.”
Perry sighed. “Okay. I guess I can’t put that off any longer.”
She ended the call and walked through her condo to sit in the glider on her patio. Julie had hired a landscaper to replace the artificial turf since it had been smelling like dog urine. The crew had also filled the many holes the terrors had dug in her flowerbeds and put down fresh mulch. The cleaning service had been by yesterday, so every trace of the dogs had disappeared. Melancholy was settling around her, so she decided to take a walk to shake it off.
She waved at Mrs. Mayberry, who was adjusting the drip hoses in her flowerbeds. Then she broke into a jog so her neighbor wouldn’t try to engage her in conversation.
After two blocks, she slowed back to a walk. The afternoon was pleasant enough, but she wasn’t dressed for jogging. Besides, she felt more like strolling to put off returning to the depressing emptiness of her condo. When she passed the dog park, she wanted to flip a rude gesture at the place. She couldn’t believe Molly had been banned because she chased a cat. She was doing what was natural to a dog. Besides, it was supposed to be a dog park, not a cat park.
When she returned her attention to the sidewalk, she was surprised to see a slightly familiar woman walking a dog that looked just like…Tucker! He appeared to spot her at the same time and stopped.
The woman seemed puzzled by his refusal to continue forward. “What’s wrong, Tuck? It’s okay. I won’t let the other dogs bother you. We can just walk on past, if you want.” Her tone was coaxing and kind.
Perry called to her as she approached, in order not to startle the woman. “Hey, so you did get my boy.”
Tucker yipped and danced forward, the leash limiting his usual zooming back and forth to greet Perry. The woman looked up and smiled. “Yes. Looks like he hasn’t forgotten you.”
Perry extended her hand. “Perry Chandler. I remember you from the adoption event. Gigi, right?”
“Yes. Thank you for remembering me when he went up for adoption. I’m sorry, though, that you had to split up their little pack.”
Perry knelt in the grass next to the sidewalk, and Tucker wagged his way to her, licking her hands, then standing on his hind legs to bathe her face. He barked and barked happily until Perry quieted him with an ear scratch. “I’m glad you were still available to take him. I had to be out of town on business, but I asked them to call you before they considered any other adopters. He’s sort of a special case, and you seemed to understand him. How’s he doing?”
“Honestly, this is the happiest I’ve seen him. He wouldn’t eat at first. I tried everything.”
“What about peanut butter? He really likes it. And sweet potato, but only when it’s raw. He likes turkey and green beans, too.”
Gigi laughed. “Yes. I called Ming, and she forwarded a list of treats that your assistant sent her.”
Perry’s heart stuttered at the mention of Ming, but she shoved the feeling down and decided to head home. “Were you going to the dog park?”
“Yes, we were. Tucker just sits at my feet, but I’m hoping he’ll eventually make a friend there he can play with.”
“I was out for a stroll but probably should be getting back home, so I’ll walk with you back to the park.”
The park was less than a block away, so when they arrived, Perry petted Tucker once more and turned toward home. Tucker made his little sounds of worry, then erupted into a frenzy of yelps and barks when it became clear Perry was leaving. She remembered the child who watched her mother leave so many times no matter how much she begged, and something inside her tore open like a never-healing wound. She broke into a jog and then an all-out run the rest of the way to her door, tears mingling with the sweat.
* * *
It seemed like everybody in Cutterville had swarmed the farm as soon as the papers were signed. The renovations to the house were nearly done, and four medium-sized greenhouses were finished and nearly filled with seedlings in record time.
Ming rose in the predawn to perform her tai chi on the ridge overlooking the house and barn. Fresh air filled her lungs as the sun peeked over the horizon, and she concentrated on the movements. She would spend her day in the greenhouses, planting more seeds in porous trays filled with rich, black soil, then eat her dinner on the terrace as the sun dipped again below the mountains.
It was everything and more than she had dreamed. And she was miserable.
Her dinner sat untouched while she cuddled Molly against her. She’d placed Tucker with the woman Perry had recommended, and JT went to the couple, Tom and Bob, that Perry had discouraged at the adoption event. They were thrilled to get her call before they headed out to visit several national parks with a caravan of their RV friends. She also had a foster who took Molly, but the man already had five other senior dogs. So, when the flurry of construction wound down at the farm, Ming filled out the papers to permanently adopt her.
Truthfully, she needed Molly’s companionship. She’d tried to bury herself in the physical labor of the farm, and she’d even seen a few patients at a small clinic the only local doctor was happy to share. He was a Cutter, of course, and had worked for eight years in a San Diego emergency room before returning home to open a small general-medicine office. He triaged, vaccinated, prescribed antibiotics, set simple fractures, and sutured wounds from everyday accidents—basically handling anything that didn’t need to be sent to a hospital in Fresno.
None of this lifted her depression.
The rhythm of the farm she’d felt so easily before eluded her now. Her seedlings sprouted but were not flourishing as expected. Even Collin was scratching his head over their slow growth.
She would lie in bed at night, unable to sleep. She’d put up a notice on her website that she was on vacation and her podcast would return, but she wasn’t sure that was true. Her failure to find her own natural balance had drained her enthusiasm for helping others find theirs.
With each day that passed, her hope that Perry would come back to her lessened. Never again would she give her heart to anyone, because when they left without giving it back, only a hollow shell of herself remained.
v
Perry sipped her coffee and stared out the window in her home office while she half listened to one of her team leaders rattle off their findings at a new factory site. Diego was one of her best, but he liked to conference-call too often to give results she could read in his weekly report. She was rescued from hearing more when her doorbell rang and SHA informed her, “Someone is at your front door.”
“That all sounds good, Diego, but my doorbell is ringing. I’ll read the rest when you turn in your weekly report. As always, though, call immediately if you come across a problem that requires my help.”
